Ayo

I was in my pyjamas, laying on my queen sized bed as I turned my head to my bedside table and sighed, staring at the maroon journal with its good embellishment.

I finally decided to sit up and read it. I couldn't keep on with our weird relationship. If this book is going to a break the ice between both of us, then I needed to read it now.

I picked up the book and smiled sheepishly as I used my fingers to glide on the hard cover. It was really pretty.

Why am I being so chessy? I just laughed to myself as I opened his book, the nervous feeling I was trying to hide just came up again.

I glanced through the book, flipping a lot of pages until I got to the final two pages he wrote last, which was addressed to me.

Ayo,
I knew I couldn't hide who I am to you anymore, so here goes nothing.

I have always grown up with my mom on my side, my dad was hardly in my equation and I was and I am still okay with it cause... It's not like he cares or I care anyways.

We spent a lot of time together, from reading stories together and cooking together. Yeah I like to cook don't tease me.

I chuckled there a bit but kept on reading.

It was like the beginning of a nightmare when she started drawing away from me.

I always taught I was the bad guy when I started seeing her cry. I was nine then, Seun six and Semilore a baby.

I knew she was awake and intentionally got up to meet her, only to find her on the terrace. I still remember how she looked into blank space and the tears flowing freely on her face. I wish I could wipe them away but I stopped at my tracks when I saw my Dad's figure approaching her.

I had always been a sick child and I didn't really know why myself but unfortunately I was bullied in school. I didn't bother telling mom about it after what I saw,I didn't want to cause more trouble. But when Mom found out, she took it up judiciously making me leave the school. With that, I knew that she still loved me and was still my superhero.

I was eleven when my Mom became very sick, I  even had a terrible thought that I transmitted one of my illnesses to her, not knowing she actually did give me an illness.

I was about laughing at his childishness but froze on the stop when I read the next word.

Lung cancer.

I kept on reading, Why? How?

I found out then our family doctor came over to see my Mom. He confronted my parents to tell me about the new discovery so they could start necessary medical administration.

I froze at the door of my parent's room and asked my mom.

"Mummy, do I really have cancer?"

The three adults kept on staring at me  as I waited for my response.

"Mummy." I kept on calling her  "How? Why?" I kept on asking until I broke down into tears.

I didn't know much about cancer but I knew it was this illness that meant I was going to shave off my hair and be bald and maybe even die.

I smiled dryly at his thought of cancer cause that's how I saw it too. So there is more.

Mummy sat me down and explained everything. I was the only one among my siblings that had cancer apparently and I still wonder till today why?

Lung cancer can be passed from parents to offsprings, so my mom had  had cancer and died, unfortunately.

I still don't know how she got cancer, I think my grandma said something about her smoking a few times but I didn't really put in consideration cause she didn't look like someone who would do such. Right?

I couldn't really answer his rhetorical question but I was really impressed in his writing. I know that's not the main point of the matter but its true.

I felt very depressed at a time, feeling like nothing good  ever happens to me so yeah, I take therapy which I still loathe anyways also Semilore cause she has mild nightmares about our mom but I got her out of it by signing some papers. I know it was wrong but she only comes back home feeling sad and I made a promise to myself to give my sisters all the love they needed and would want.

I was at the verge of tears at this part. Sola is actually a very soft guy who wants everyone to feel loved.

The drugs rumor is also a very long story. I and Tolani were close, well I made her close to me but she wanted to be more than friends. She always gets what she wants and because I didn't like her she passed out the rumor about me being involved in drugs. I know right very chessy but it still hurts that I could be betrayed like that.

That's why I hide who I am in this journal. I always had this locket chain that my Mom left for me with this journal. She said I should always write in it always like I was talking to her, that she was always there for me and God alway watching and protecting me.

I made a sympathetic sigh and mentally gagged at Tolani. I knew bad mouthing her in her party was wrong but now I don't feel that guilty.

I always was interesting in you especially the way you give that gorgeous smile of yours and the way you are so friendly and easygoing,also your naveity. But I knew beneath that beautiful is a soul that wants to be shared.

I smiled at his kind words.

Thanks for still being there even though I might have driven you mad about being secretive and I'm sorry about that.

With that I felt so guilty for not trusting him, but why cancer? It was so heartbreaking to know that he's fighting for his life and trying as much as possible to make others happy.

Now there is one more mission I needed to accomplish.

What connection does Folarin have with drugs and Tade?

With those two in mind, I knew the right person to ask that question.

Tolu.