WILDER

Tristen covered his eyes, hoping that I wouldn't notice him crying.

It saddened me to see him like this. My heart broke to pieces whenever he inhaled a shaky breath. I needed to comfort him. I needed him to be calm or else risk going through another seizure.

I needed him to relax if we were ever going to finish this!

I was still on my knees when I got up and hovered on top of him. My hands sunk into the bed at his sides, alerting Tris to my new location. He never moved his hands away from his face, but I saw the muscles around his collarbone spasm.

The sudden realization hit me like a brick; Tris is afraid of me.

I took the sheet beside me and threw it over his lower half. I wanted to soothe him with all my heart. I felt a lump growing in my throat. It physically hurt to watch him flinch at my presence.

This isn't healthy. This ain't right.

I gently grabbed his hands and pulled them to his sides.

"Hey, Tris. Hey." I tried to smile. "It's gonna be OK."

Most of his tears were gathered on his thick eyelashes. They barely ran past his face, leaving his lashes heavy and wet. He felt a bit content when he heard my reassuring words, I could tell from the way his breathing steadied. That sheet covering him might have given him one less thing to worry about, like being naked under me.

"I'm just tried." His voice was low and raspy, but then he shook his fists and spat, "I'm so fucking tired!"

His anger wasn't directed at me but at the whole messed-up situation. He had every right to act this way. I wouldn't blame him if he punched me in the face. I almost told him to do it. After all, it was all my fault.

"I know. I know." 

I was on all four and he was trapped under me, surprisingly calm. Maybe because I kept stroking his hands in a friendly way.

"Tris?" I exhaled nervously, trying to find the right words. "You... You know we have to do this, right?"

"But it doesn't hurt anymore." He opened his eyes with panic. "I swear, the pain is gone."

"Oh, for God's sake. Not this again." I rolled my eyes. "It's gonna come back!" I snapped and made him jump. "And I know that's it's my fault." My voice cracked. "I'm sorry, Tris. Lemme fix this."

"I don't think it's that bad," he chuckled but with a hint of fear. "Seriously, dude. You helped enough."

"Goddammit, Tris." I frowned at him, letting go of one of his hands to pound the bed. "You don't get it, do you?" I had to tell him the truth. "If we don't do this, you're gonna die!"

"What?!"

"A painful humiliating death!"

I didn't want to go into the gory details, but I hoped with this much info he would actually listen to me now.

A gasp left his lips. His chocolatey eyes darted frantically. The shocked look on his face made it clear that he had no idea how severe the situation was. With his free hand, he wiped the tears that gathered around his eye sockets.

"For real?"

"Yes! Let go of your damn pride for a moment. I need you to be open-minded about all this. And don't worry about me. You know I'll do anything for you."

"But, but it's so fucking weird!"

"Not to me." I shook my head and chuckled. "I'm serious. You don't have to worry about this. It's not like I haven't done this before. I'm used to it. Hell, I'm a pro," I bragged, earning the tiniest little smile from him before it faded.

"It's weird to me," he lowered his head along with his voice.

"I know, but you gotta try. It's taken too long already and I'm scared for you... You feel fine now, but another seizure is coming. It will come. The instructions said that to get rid of the side effects you have to get laid."

He didn't even look at me. His cheeks turned into an adorable shade of pink. I had to bite my lip to stop myself from taking him at this very moment.

He wrapped his arm over his shoulder as if to cover himself. I couldn't blame him for feeling uncomfortable. We were best friends since elementary school and roommates for almost three years. We never saw each other naked and definitely never in this intimate proximity.

This must be so hard for him.

I kept rubbing his hand for comfort. He didn't let go, which was a good sign, at least. It meant that he really was trying to relax and let me do the work.

"Tris, look at me." He tried to look but his eyes wandered away to the side. "You understand what I'm saying, huh?"

He nodded with a "Yeah." His voice came lower than a whisper, obviously blocked by the lump in his throat as he realized what we were about to do.

It's now or never.

I leaned closer as I let go of his other hand, but he used it to put it on my chest and push me. His strength was coming back to him. What a relief. Paralysis was not an issue anymore, but his body was extremely tense.

"You're willing to relax and let me do this?"

He hesitated for a moment. His hand slowly backed away and slid onto his chest, His eyes downcasted.

"I'll try," he trembled.

He wiped the sweat from the side of his face, sliding his damped brown hair away. His breaths were getting warmer than before. His whole body was flushed.

"You're already experiencing the real effects of Purple Juice." I suppressed a smirk. "That's good."

"W-what do you mean?" he said as he kept wiping sweat from his neck, chest, and face.

The only source of light in the room was from the slightly open bathroom door, but, dear God, he looked good enough to eat. Ah, his hands felt so soft. His red inviting lips, his cute baby face, and the matching brown colors of his eyes and fluffy hair were so stunning against his creamy complexion. Tris was beautiful in all kinds of lighting. Still, I wished I could see him in a better light. I wished I could cherish the clear view of his nudity.

"Wilder?"

Tris stared at me when I didn't reply. As soon as my blue eyes met his melting gaze, a surge of electricity ran through me.

Not good, Wilder, I told myself as I felt my face blushing. Now, little Wilder got excited. Stop it, you horny bastard!

"Is it hot in here?" Tris huffed. "I keep getting like hot flashes. Did you turn up the heat?"

Ah, fuck it! If we're going to have sex, might as well do it without a shirt. I want our hot writhing bodies naked on this bed.

"You know what? It is a bit hot," I said as I sat up, fanning my shirt. "Do you mind if I—"

I grabbed the hem of my shirt, intending to pull it over my head when Tris grabbed it.

"Oh, hell no! Suck it up, you moron." He viciously pulled my shirt down, almost making me tumble on him. "One of us naked is enough. Don't make it worse."

Call me a masochist, but I loved it when Tris gets angry at me and calls me names like that. The bad temper looked too cute on him, scary sometimes, but super darn cute.

"I'm just messing with ya." I chortled as I planted my hands back on the bed to face Tris, who wasn't amused. "The reason you're feeling hot at the moment is that you're horny."

"Excuse me!" His eyes almost popped out. "What?" He glared at me. "Stop messing around."

"I'm not. It's true." Now I smirked. "You're horny."

"I'm so not!"

He closed his eyes and frowned away. His hands reached to his hunched shoulders, making an X on his chest like a shield.

"Hey. There's nothing to be ashamed of. It's just a reflex."

"Umm. Yeah. I-I guess you're right." He was a blabbering embarrassed mess. "So that's what the juice was supposed to do?"

"Yeah, like 4 fucking hours ago." I chuckled. "It's good though. Don't worry about it. I'm glad you're at that phase. Beats going back to phase 5."

"You never explicitly told me about the phases."

"Oh, umm, well." I scratched the back of my neck as I started telling him about the phases, "Phase 1: heat. Phase 2: boner. Phase 3: pain. Phase 4: paralysis. Phase 5: seizures. Then comes phase 6."

"Death?" he scratched his neck in distress. "I almost died?

"Yeah." I nodded and sighed. "But I think you're OK. For now."

He continued scratching his neck until I stopped him with a gentle hold of his hand. I laid it on his side.

"Tris, we need to do this now," I said as I extended my arm to the lube on the bed. "You ok with that?"

He saw the lube in my hand and jumped. His eyes grew big and stormy. He looked at me and had difficulty swallowing. I thought he was going to back off—not that I'd let him—but instead, he nodded.

Then he avoided my face, looking around the room at anything but me. I saw the veins pulsing in his neck. His chest popped up in a sudden jerk at the sight of the lube, but he managed to keep his breathing under control. He was really trying.

"And remember." I lowered my voice to a soft intimate tone as I leaned closer. "There's nothing to be embarrassed about. OK?" My lips almost touched him but I stopped as he started to tremble. "Keep that in mind as I ease you through it."

I landed a delicate kiss near his ear. He shrank away and raised his shoulder to cover his neck.

"Tris, please. Try to relax."

I came closer again when suddenly his hands flew. I thought he was going to throw me off the bed, but I gasped when his arms wrapped around my neck.

A hug?

It was so sweet and unexpected, that I almost cried. I lay my hand on his back to return the hug.

"Just do it," he whispered as he buried his face in my shoulder.

I placed soft kisses on his neck and shoulders. Then I slowly broke the hug and started kissing my way down to his stomach. I could feel his crotch slightly brushing against mine.

"Wilder?" A soft gasp left his lips. "You're..."

I knew he felt my erection. At this closeness, he was bound to find out.

"It's just a reflex," I mumbled as I hungrily kissed his whole upper body, eager for more

His breathing sped up when my hands slowly slid under the covers.

He gripped my arm tightly to stop me, but I wasn't backing away this time. I've had it with waiting. This was happening tonight whether Tris liked it or not.

I grabbed his small wrists with one hand and restrained them above his head. He tried to wiggle them free but my grip was too strong.

Without saying a word, I knew what he was about to say.

"No." I came face to face with him and scowled. "We're not stopping this time."

"I'm trying, Wilder," he said in a panicky tone. "I really am. But I can't. It's not right. We're two men."

"Would you stop thinking about morals right now? Jesus, Tris. You were this close—" I put my index finger and thumb almost together "—This close to leaving this world. Do you want to go back to that phase? Huh? Do you?"

"No." He pouted. He's so cute when he does that. "But I like girls. Maybe it's easy for you, but it's not for me."

That stung real bad, but it was true. I never had trouble with the sex of whom I sleep with because I was attracted to everyone. Tris, on the other hand, only dated girls.

"I'm sorry."

I let go of him and watched as he rubbed his wrists. I could see how scared he was of my strength compared to his weak condition. He knew that if I wanted to fuck him I would have done it already.

I relaxed a bit once I remembered that he really can't help it. It was how he was raised. His religious parents brainwashed him since he was a kid. It would be damn difficult for him to ditch all his beliefs in a blink of an eye. People died believing what they believe, and he might as well die with what he believed in too.

I had to give him something moral to think about.

"If it makes you feel any better." I let out a heavy sigh. "Think about Stacie."

His brows raised. I knew I finally got to him.

"Imagine that this is her doing."

"Sure." He shrugged bashfully. "I can do that."

He closed his eyes and huffed. He looked tired but so peaceful. I raised my hand, thinking about touching his pretty face when I remembered not to show any feelings.

I started preparing him one last time, sliding my hand along his waist and stopping on his hip. My face was inches from his, I could feel his warm breaths. I leaned in and kissed his chin before I nuzzled against his neck, burying myself in his scent.

Tristen's immediate response was to tense, but he didn't fight me. His arms twitched, so I pinned them to his sides before he even thought about using them against me.

I whispered in his ear, "Relax."

He blew out a shaky breath.

My lips ran along his ear before I nibbled at it, making him twitch. I smirked, remembering that he was sensitive in that part. I saw Stacie teasing him like that a few times. Then I moved down his neck, kissing him softly at first, then a little harder each time, sloppier.

I hummed at his pleasant salty taste and fought the urge to suck him and leave hickeys all over his delicate skin.

I heard his labored breathing and felt him squirming under me, but he didn't say anything. His arms twisted to try and loosen my grip on them. His head turned to the side, between wanting to flee and asking for more. He was so hot and sweaty, courtesy of Purple Juice.

"That's it. You're doing great," I tried to soothe him.

"Shut up," he blurted. "Stop talking. I don't wanna hear your voice."

Because he wanted to hear Stacie's voice in his head.

That hurt me, I wasn't gonna lie. Him thinking about Stacie while I was doing him? It felt like cheating, like a fucking stab to the back. But why the hell would I feel that? It wasn't like we were a couple or something.

Then it hit me; I was so in love with Tris, it's pathetic.

Oh, dear God, I'm so screwed.

This chapter took me a lot of work and effort to write. It was so difficult to convey Tris and Wilder's emotions before having sex, but I really hope I did a decent job at showing it.

Did you like it?

Did I rush things at the end of the chapter or was it just right?

Do you understand Wilder's suffering?

What about Tristen's?

Phew! Time to rest 😩

NEXT CHAPTER: Properly Fucked >

Coming out Friday