"Everyone's fighting for their own kind of freedom. It seems small; but in their hearts, nothing is more important. With such hopes, I won't have enough time for revenge or fear, right?" Nagi From Dead man Wonderland.

***

It was hard to believe the words the man before me just spoke... The worst part about it all... Is the fact I knew he wasn't lying. They rung in my ear. 'Your Mother wants to die.'  Those words left me feeling broken. I refused to show it. I refused to allow this to happen again. I looked at the blue eyed doctor.

"Let me talk to her." I said, my voice even to myself sounding emotionless.

"I don't think-" He started shaking him head.

"Let me see her now." I snapped at him growing angry.

"...Follow me." He said sighing turning his back to me.

"Meraina...?" Mr.Janus asked from behind me.

"...Head back. I'll be back to work in a bit." I told him, not wanting to show him how torn up I really was.

"All right... Meraina be careful around that man." He grumbled and I heard him walk away.

I nodded once, moving to follow the man that was already further ahead. I watched him turn a corner and I did the same as I caught up to him. I watched as the women patient and nurse swooned over him. Where as the men were jealous over his looks. I didn't understand why they didn't see that he couldn't of been trusted. 

He opened the door to a room on the right. We were down in emergency care which made me confused. I didn't bother to ask. I saw my mother. Her color in her face was gone. She looked older than this morning and she had blood coating her lips. Tears sprung to my eyes but I didn't want her seeing me cry. 

I walked by the doctor totally ignoring him.

"Mom? Are you okay?" I asked walking over to the edge of her bed.

She looked up at me and her eyes were so lifeless I knew right away that she was already more or less dead.

"I can't fight any longer Meraina. It hurts to much." She breathed out, her old gnarled  fingers sitting on top of her sheet clad lap.

"But Mom I-I can't lose you. I still need you to teach me about the world. I'm only seventeen. P-Please mom don't leave me." I begged her, taking her hand in mine.

"You have school and I know for a fact you can take care of yourself. You've done it for two people so one should be easy." She mumbled staring at the wall.

"Mom... I've been out of school ever since dad died. I've been working every single day. I can pay for treatment. I-I can pay for all the bills. J-Just let-" I plead, a single tear running down my face.

"Enough your mother has-" I heard feeling a hand clamp onto my shoulder.

"It's fine Mr.Ballar, she's a brat. She's won't understand." My mother mumbled.

"If I'm such a brat don't leave me all alone! Mom!" I cried, gripping her hand tighter.

"Meraina stop being selfish! This is what I wish for. Allow me to die the way I want too!" My mother snapped and I froze.

This was it. I saw how much pain she real was in and it hurt me. The realization hitting me in such a way that it made me freeze and hesitate.  I knew that she wanted to die her own way and she was right I was being selfish. I was holding her back. Sure I needed my mom but everyone does.

"I love you mom but I can't be here for it. I-I am  so sorry." I whispered, turning and walking away.

"I love you Meraina." I heard her whisper and I was about to lose it. 

"Bye Mom. Tell Dad I said hi." I muttered softly and walked out of the room.

I walked out of the hospital my arms wrapped around myself. Tears were threatening to slide down my face but I refused to allow it. My thoughts racing from thought to thought. I couldn't focus on any one thing. My heart was slamming against my chest and my vision seemed to black out minus for the ground below my feet. I was finding it hard to breath with each step I took. I felt someone ram into my shoulder but I didn't look up, just kept walking.

I vaguely heard someone saying something but I couldn't focus on the sound of their voice. All I wanted was the world to stop. For the pain to disappear from my beating heart. I realized I was gasping to bring in air into my lungs. I walked for a little while longer before I crouched down on the sidewalk wrapping my arms around my legs. I was trying to calm down the best I could but couldn't. 

My mind flashed to the last time  I had had a panic attack. My  Father and Mother had been fighting for the past several days and I had tried my best to stay out of it.  One night it got to the point of where I couldn't take it any more. I had told them that if they couldn't get along that it would be better if they had split up. I didn't want to have to stay up late any more and hear the anger, frustration, and hurt in their voices... I didn't want them to stay together because of me... I couldn't allow it.

The next thing I knew I was on the ground unable to focus and breath...this one was so much worse. I felt someone place their hands on my shoulders. They had me turn and pull me into those chest. I knew I was safe for now as long as I was close to this person. 

***

Shortly afterward I had pulled away. I looked up into the eyes of a light eyed person. He had soft brown hair and a muscled body. I knew him right away from school and looked away. His eyes reminded me of the stars that shown over our head hidden by the dark clouds floating by.

Authors note:

I'm sorry for not updating sooner. My computer is having error codes and junk popping up all over it so I was stuck with a terrible replacement computer. Any way I got it finished finally. I'll try to get up another chapter tonight if not tonight then tomorrow . Sorry if their is grammar mistakes I'll try and fix  those too. 

Thanks for the read and I hope you like it!

Appriciate the read,

Haruko345