A/N: I dare say that I'm THE ONLY FANFIC AUTHOR who can come back after one and a half month and publish a ridiculously long chapter. Up until now 'Levi's Weird Behaviour (3)' used to be the longest chapter with 13k words. I never believed in being able to write more than that as single chapter.

Never ever have I been this wrong in my life.

This here is twice as long. Yes...

Enjoy a 26k long chapter lol! (But don't ask me how I managed to write this much. I honestly don't know.)

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Eren

"5 years is not enough!" I exclaimed very loudly, my voice echoing through the living room as I held out the newspaper to Levi who was pouring himself a cup of tea; being all calm and collected, unlike me because I was raging furiously.

He didn't retort until he had set the kettle down on the table, taking a probing sip, face completely expressionless. "Eren, don-"

"No! Don't say anything. I don't want to hear anything like that right now! Don't try telling me to calm down. I have every reason to be mad! 5 years! Why only 5 years?!"

I was talking about Sayo's prison sentence. There was an article about his trial in the newspaper and it even revealed the outcome of the day of court. They gave him 5 years. That was all. 5 years. That fucker didn't deserve anything less than lifetime.

Levi approached me, cup in one hand, and wound an arm around my lower back, drawing me close to his body. He had his eyes half-closed, bangs falling from his forehead. "How about you drink some tea first?" He offered me his cup.

Sighing in exhaustion, I internally wished not to start being mad at him, too. Luckily that little of self-control that I had left stopped me from slapping his cup out of his grasp. I waved the newspaper article in front of his face. "I don't want to calm down right now, Levi. Sayo shall rot in jail forever!"

"I know," he said as he put his tea away and lowered my hands before his own ones rose and cupped my face, his thumbs caressing my cheeks that burned red in rage. "I don't wish anything else than that, too. But it can't be helped. This is the decision the court of law made, and we can't change that."

"I can't accept it, though."

"It'll be hard for you, I know." he whispered, voice sooth and caring.

"He wanted to rape me. He doesn't deserve to be free again after some years. I want him to suffer for the rest of his life." My voice cracked as an achingful shiver sped up my spine.

"As much as we both want the worst to happen to him, we don't have a say in this. He'll get his punishment in prison. Many people there are worse than him and they won't have mercy on Sayo; a life in jail is a lot worse than a quick death."

As unbelievable as this conversation here sounded right now, I needed to listen to Levi's words. He was right. I myself had already heard how cruel life behind bars was for many prisoners. Sayo would get his damn punishment. He didn't deserve any better.

"Wait... He has tons of money and is some popular snob. I'm sure he'll do everything and will pay every amount of money to get a comfortable life in jail." I pointed out as soon as that thought had crossed my mind. "He'll have a nice life even in prison. And after 5 years are over, he'll be freed again, without any signs of regret or guilt! That man is nothing more than a perverted and ruthless monster."

"I doubt he'll have a good life in prison." Levi grabbed the newspaper. "I think this question is useless to ask, but you didn't read the article to the end, did you?"

Shaking my head I remembered again how it had been originally Levi reading the newspaper as I had been sneaking from behind and looking over his shoulder when my eyes had suddenly caught eyes of the heading with Sayo's name in it. And that was how the discussion had started.

Levi went on. "During their investigation, the police had found out that Barry & Ricks Corporation, the company Sayo was the vice president of, is involved in shady, deceptive business practices, dealing with money laundering and in the past they had also made their hands dirty by blackmailing, corrupting and tax evasions. Another day of court will be set up for this and you can count on a few more years to be added on Sayo's prison sentence. Doesn't that sound good?"

A hum of somewhat approval seeped through my barely parted lips, eyes narrowed as pain took over my face.

My mood dropped incredibly and all those disgusting memories of Sayo and that night in which he had tried to force himself on me bubbled up inside my stomach, sickening me. With a warped expression, I held my stomach as if I were to throw up any second, and my mind spun as I attempted to get those unwelcomed images away from my head.

"Hey," Levi whispered carefully, taking my face in his hands, fingers caressing my cheeks very lightly.

"That fucking bastard. It's because of him that I feel like vomiting right now." I pushed out those words through gritted teeth, brows knitted together to a deep frown.

"Don't let him make you feel bad or depressed. You know why?"

My mouth remained closed as I waited for Levi to carry on, though I hadn't really any hope that he could give me a satisfying answer.

"Because he didn't rape you."

I stiffened for one millisecond, startling, as my eyes widened and my expression loosened. He was right. Levi was right. There still were no words that wanted to pass my lips, as though my throat had formed a knot to prevent any syllabes from escaping through it.

"It must be an awful feeling to have experienced with your own eyes that this thought of raping you had run through his mind when he attacked you, but he wasn't able to do it. Eren, he wasn't able to destroy you, and he never will. Get rid of thoughts and feelings that tell you otherwise because you know better than them that you were able to get away from something horrible, and only that matters. Some people are cruel and do cruel things to others. And the most difficult thing for survivors is to not lose themselves and their wills to go on in life. Some had to go through worse than others and have less hope in living a life without painful memories bothering them. The most important but also the most difficult thing to achieve is to be strong again afterwards. No one is weak. Eren, you told me that I can be your therapy. Whenever you feel down, whether it's because you're reminded of Sayo again or something totally different, I will help you go through it." Both of his hands slid back to my neck as his eyes met with mine. By now I couldn't deny that his words - his voice, his presence - were always evoking a strange feeling inside me, something that felt weird but wasn't making me uncomfortable - it was the exact opposite. I didn't believe that there was any other person who could move me with words as much as Levi did. My expression was soft again and there was a little smile lingering on my lips. "That's the least I can do for you." he ended.

As soon as he said those words, I thought of how much all of this had a connection to his own past. I hadn't expected that it would be easy for me to forget about an attempted rape that I had been a victim in, but when I got confronted with this matter today, I realized how much it actually took to get over harmful things. Not that I hadn't experienced harmful things before - because I had and the last experience had been me trying to get over Levi - but this here right now was something totally different. Even if it was a wound that was by far smaller than those Levi used to carry and endure, now I was a step closer to knowing and understanding how much he had had to go through and the fact that he had suppressed years of abuse and carried on with life and did everything to appear strong when in reality there had been invisible scars that coined him and made him to the person he used to be up until not so long ago, only showed that the things Levi was saying had a lot more meaning to them than one might think at first. Those weren't shallow words; weren't advice that would come from psychologists who, on top of that, were getting paid for dealing with other people's problems. Levi knew very well what he was talking about and... In the end this was what we had in common. Both of us knew more than well what pain was and how it felt like.

"Yeah," I breathed, voice hoarse, my forehead falling forward to meet with Levi's chest, "You're right. Sayo wasn't able to rape me. Because you rescued me. I'm so glad that you saved me."

"I'm glad, too. I don't know if I were ever able to forgive myself for not having been able to save you. Probably not." His hands trailed down my shoulders and arms until our fingers touched and threaded into each other. "You're helping me cope with the suffering I had to endure. And now I want to do the same to you."

The pain that I had actually suffered from before Sayo happened and which I used to burden my shoulders with was way worse than what Sayo had burnt into my mind. Though, I didn't want to tell Levi for obvious reasons, but at the same time I wondered whether he could figure out my struggle. After all it had been me who had told him not to worry about it anymore.

"I wish I knew an effective way to make up for every day I inflicted you pain, Eren." He figured it out, as though he had just read my mind. "Emotional pain, that is."

Slight (very slight) infuriation visited me and I lifted my head to say to Levi - voice having a touch of scolding, "We talked about this."

"But-"

"Stay by my side. That's all I want."

"This can't be enough. If I hadn't hurt you, I would have stayed by your side, too and anyway. That's the least I can do." he clarified, matter-of-fact.

Not knowing how to comment on this right away, I pouted, softly glaring at Levi for almost always having to point out the weak points of my arguments. "You have to accept it." I thought I should just retort with something he had told me minutes before. "Because this is my answer to the matter."

He didn't reply, and I could tell from his restless expression that he wasn't satisfied and would rather discuss the issue further. To not even tempt him, I put a finger over his lips, sushing almost inaudibly as I raised both of my brows playfully, and Levi's brow twitched because it looked like I was some adult who was telling a child to be silent.

Chuckling, my face moved closer to him to plant a kiss on his lips, but Levi turned his head to the side, crossing his arms over his chest as he let out a quick huff. "You wish, huh?" he growled, meaning that I shouldn't even dream of kissing him after treating him like a kid.

I didn't step back, remained in my position as I tried hard not to utter anything and wait instead; wait until Levi would give in - batting my eyelashes and jutting my lips forward in a desperate attempt to get his attention. For one second his eyes averted to where I was and after a defeated sigh and a roll of his eyes, he pecked my lips quickly. "You won't give up, will you?"

"No~" I cooed, sounding more than happy, clinging to him by claiming his neck with my arms.

Levi grabbed my thighs and hoisted up my body up and in a matter of seconds my legs were wrapped around his waist. He put me down on the dining table. I didn't release from him and Levi didn't intend to let go of me either, which was not that hard to figure out since he was peppering my neck with kisses and little bites, making me giggle to it because the touch of his lips was very light and thus tickled.

"I can't believe that I can't stay mad at you for long." he rasped, his voice very low - almost erotic. "Stop doing what you're doing to me. It's bad that I can't resist you." His mouth found mine, lips locking with each other as though they were two puzzle pieces that fit to each other, complementary and at the same time completing. The tip of his tongue glid across my bottom lip, probing and tasting me.

Opening my mouth, I bit his bottom lip, tugging at it. I had surprised Levi by that, since he had expected to taste me from the inside of my mouth, but instead it was me whose tongue was practically claiming his. He found his composure very fast and took the lead again by leaning into me, my back pressed against the table surface now. A moan, so low and throaty, rose and left my lips, our hips pressing together and our buldges poking.

Before we could go any further with our kiss, already deepened and being at that point where we were sucking at each other's tongues, both of us let one of our arms move wildly over the table and whisking once brought the things to the floor. The thuds caught our attentions and we parted.

"Let's not give a shit about it." Levi said fast, trying to claim my lips again, but I moved my head away, getting off the table.

"Making out on the table isn't a good idea." was all I said as I picked up the things that had been dropped.

From behind I could hear Levi groaning in annoyance. "The fuck? What kind of excuse is that? We went past kissing on your desk in your office room once. Don't you remember?"

"I do," I answered, unfolding and viewing the front page of the newspaper article. Reading a few sentences of it again brought back upsetting feelings. And suddenly I didn't want to be intimate with Levi anymore - as of right now. Even less was I eager to have his dick inside me.

"What's up?" Levi asked, worried, as he stood close to me with one hand resting on my shoulder.

I took my eyes off the newspaper and looked up to him. For some reason my heart had picked up its pace to the point that I could listen to it bouncing hard inside my chest. Feeling like anxiety had taken over me, my hands trembled and it was as though I was left helpless.

"I'm sorry." A whisper scurred through my lips.

"What for?" Levi took one hand of mine in his and gave it a squeeze. The way he looked at me was one of empathy but also confusion because he couldn't quite grasp why and what I was apologizing for.

"I'm not ready yet." I admitted, the words having left my lips before I could give it a second thought and find out whether it was really the answer to how I was feeling.

As though he understood completely now, Levi brushed his fingers over my face and hair, holding me in place with his other arm. "It's okay. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-"

"Stop apologizing it's not your fault." I said, a little bit too hast and a little bit too loud. Before I continued, I tried to settle myself. "There was no way you could have known that. I didn't tell you. This isn't because of you. The reason lay in myself and myself only."

There were many things roaming and busying my mind right now and I couldn't quite tell myself why I was against the thought of having sex with him.

Was it simply because I wasn't in the mood for it? Actually it would ease the situation a lot if this would be the answer, but I felt like it wasn't. For that my struggle was too strong.

Perhaps it was because we had talked about Sayo a few moments ago who - as both of us knew - had attempted to have sex with me forcefully.

Or maybe it was the fact that this would become our first time making love where both of us would do it while having affectionate feelings toward the other - no matter whether they were uttered verbally or expressed non-verbally.

Whichever the answer was... "I am scared." I finished my thought, realizing too late that I had said the last thing out loud. I was terrified of disappointing Levi and myself.

Startling at my own words, I flipped my gaze to him and searched for any reaction featured on his face, fearing that I had made him be too concerned about this. Claiming that I was scared was an exaggeration - the best would be to take it back.

Levi was very concerned, his face plastering a dead serious expression. "I see." Two little words, but behind them hid a tone that sounded so... hurt?

"N-No, wait. This is not how I had meant it-" Before I could even say any more, Levi gripped my wrist and pulled me onto his lap, himself sitting on the table, cross-legged. He had tackled me to a tight hug, his hands placed over my lower back as my chin rested on his shoulder.

Confused, I hugged him back, gradually falling for the gesture because to my surprise it was very calming. I needed it. "Next time you will tell me, okay? Don't hide any secrets when it has something to do with both of us and more importantly with our relationship."

Levi's breath was grazing the crook of my neck. I raised one hand and stroked his raven, silky hair. "I didn't know myself that I am feeling like this until seconds ago." I said truthfully, leaning my head on his.

"I see." The same two words, but this time his voice had altered, being softer.

We stayed like that for at least half an hour, letting time pass by as we listened to our breaths; even and in sync.

"Levi?" It was weird listening to the sound of my voice after having been in some kind of trance, caused by the relaxing silence.

"Yes." Levi mumbled against my neck, his warm breath hitting my skin.

"Let's just wait for the right time."

"Okay." He removed his head from the spot on my neck he had occupied for the past thirteen minutes and looked into my eyes; the intense hue of grey sucking me in wholly. "Fuck." he growled, taking in my whole face with his solid stare.

"What is it?" I brushed a lock away from his forehead, not minding his choice of word that was a little out of place in my opinion.

"You are everything I don't deserve."

I tilted my head to this, giving him a small smile and a scolding look. "That's not true and you know that. We deserve each other. There is no other person I want to be with more than with you."

"Even after everything that happened, you are so gentle with me and also so patient. Sometimes I wonder why I deserve you." His hands found mine.

I spread my fingers to lace them with his and then I scooted forward, our foreheads almost touching. "If you didn't deserve me, I wouldn't be here. With you." I whispered against his lips, my eyes narrowing to them.

"I'm so glad that we met." he confessed, drawing my attention to his eyes again. I saw bliss glinting in his eyes.

"Me, too."

This moment seemed too beautiful and too surreal because since when was life perfect? But I had grown to like it and wanted more of it, not knowing that I would be confronted with harsh reality sooner than I thought.

There was one thing - one person - who hindered me to be as content and happy as this and as long as I didn't make up for what I had fucked up, they had every right to drag me down and make me feel bad.

Right now I didn't know that they would roam my mind very soon.

Levi and I parted, I stood on my feet again and Levi did the same. One last glance at the newspaper as I wondered, "What do you think? How many more years will he get?"

Levi grabbed the papers and threw them away, throwing it into the trash can in a harsh move. His voice seemed calmer than his attitude though. "I don't know. But if you are very intrigued in knowing that as fast as possible, I can ask Erwin."

The twitch of my one eye and the little flinch that happened unconsciously was evidence enough to tell that I wasn't as cool about Erwin being mentioned as I thought. "Erwin?" I growled madly, teeth clenched, same with my fists.

"Yeah." he answered casually, not minding - maybe not even noticing - that I was close to go through another mood swing.

"Why him?" I asked him in an attempted collected tone, though the fakeness in the nice tone I used could be seen through from hundreds of miles away.

"Because he is a lawyer. A successful, if not even the most successful, lawyer there is in-"

"Oh, I'm sorry," I flailed my arms in the air dramatically, rolling my eyes, speaking in a highly sarcastic manner, "Sorry for not being a renowned lawyer by profession and earning a bunch of money per month. How unfortune that I'm just a mediocre employee, specializing in design and working in a company that is smaller than most of the other ones outside of Wall Maria District."

"Eren, are you jealous?"

"I am not!"

Levi crossed his arms, raising one brow. "That was a very quick answer - too quick, if you were to ask me."

I wanted to counterattack, but I couldn't come up with anything to shoot back, so all I could do was to shiver in anger, lips practically glued together.

Levi closed the distance between us and held me by my arms, thumbs circling the fabric of my shirt. "We talked about this." Now it was him imitating my words.

Not meeting his eyes yet, I continued to pout, head turned to the left. "F-Fine." It took me a lot more effort than usual to utter a word as simple as this. "If he can give a rough estimate, you can ask him."

"I'm sure he can."

"Don't be so full of yourself."

"Now you're being ridiculous, you know that?"

He was right. It was a surprise to myself how much my mood could change just because of misunderstandings between Levi and a person I had talked to exactly one time.

"Sorry." I mumbled under my breath, being in my not-so-mature behaviour which would occur now and then. The word barely made it past my lips, but I'm sure Levi understood. He signalized that by kissing my forehead.

"Taking that aside, I'm pretty sure he'll get quite a few years. After all one of the things we're talking about is tax evasion. Especially Wall Sina District doesn't like to get fooled."

"Yeah," I commented, not being able to prevent another roll of my eyes. "Wall Sina District - Where all the riches and bitches live."

Levi looked at me, astonished and quiet for a long time. Lost for words. "Tha..." He then put on a small smirk. "That's a good one."

I couldn't hold that little smug smile back that had made its way to my lips, flattening my mad expression. "I'm just telling the truth." I said, no sarcasm hidden behind my voice.

He crossed his arms again, and there was a second raise of one of his brows, amusement playing on his face. "What if I reveal now that Erwin lives in Wall Sina District, too?"

Not having been prepared at all to hear something like this, I clutched my shirt, fist placed firmly over my chest as my mouth opened partly. In a very innocent voice, I said, "That makes him a bitch."

"Stop it, Eren."

"Okay, okay. But I should've fucking know it. Of course excellent lawyers would live there. There's no doubt about that."

Levi sighed, unfolding his arms. "Anyway. Let's talk about something completely different. We've gotten into a quite depressing topic. That's not good for us. I'd rather not think about that damn molester for the rest of the day. Do you have anything in mind you'd like to do?"

"Hm," My brows creased as I was enwrapped deep in thoughts for a while, "I don't wanna do anything today. Staying home doesn't sound like a bad idea."

Levi didn't object. "Okay."

I raised my right pointer finger. "Let's just go to my room and make it ourselves comfortable on my bed."

"We can't lay in bed the whole day."

"Yes, we can." I insisted and took Levi by one hand, not accepting any objections.

The familiar feeling I was embraced with when I entered my own room after what had been ages sent me into a state of coziness. That mere thought of having a place to go home to gave me goosebumps and I didn't want it to be any different.

"I think I'll spend the rest of the day in my room, wrapped in a blanket. That sounds nice. Levi, you'll join me."

"Gotcha." He had followed me silently into my room. Actually it was me dragging him to my bed. It appeared that somewhere on our way to my room, Levi had made up his mind and started embracing the idea of laying in bed together with me.

The last time I had been in here was when I woke up from a nightmare and after that I had been crying and begging Levi to not give up on us. Recalling that memory wasn't really the best idea, but it wouldn't effect me as much by now as it would a few days ago.

Shoving that thought aside, I forwarded to my bed, sitting down on it, Levi next to me. I was about to bury him and myself in my blanket and lean back on my bed, cuddled together, when something with eyecatching colours caught my sight. It was a box wrapped in wrapping paper that lay on a the nightstand next to my bed.

Seconds passed as I had been trying to remember again why something like this was laying on my nightstand. And then realization hit me hard. And with that came also unpleasant memories. Eyes widened, I reached for the box with heavily trembling hands, holding it in a tight grasp as my eyes were locked to it as if the thing I was holding was a deadly threat. "Oh my god..." I whispered quietly.

"I noticed this thing after you left. What is this gift?" Levi questioned from behind me, lightly tugging at my blanket.

"This is Armin's birthday present." I replied. A feeling of my heart being twisted in my chest engulfed me.

"You mean that blondie?" Levi hadn't grasped my weird behaviour yet, but he did as soon as I dropped the present all of a sudden, standing up abruptly.

"Oh my god!" I rose from my bed, head buried in my hands, walking up and down my room restlessly. "Shit... Fuck, fuck, fuck!" I cursed, repeating myself and pushing my hair back aggressively.

"What's up Eren?" Levi didn't seem to understand why I was so enraged, literally fuming.

And all of a sudden I felt bad again. It wasn't the same feeling as before. This time it was self-hatred. It felt as though an invisible hand was wrapping itself around my heart and squeezed crudely. Blood rushed through my body fast and I was close to faint from how much I was disgusted with myself right now. "Levi... I'm the worst." I huffed exhaustingly, eyelids flattering as a bitter smile angled up.

"Can you enlighten me already and fucking stop being a riddle in person?" he snapped, pissed off.

I knew very well why Armin's present had been on my nightstand the whole time. I had originally wanted to give it to him on his birthday, but wasn't informed about his absence on that day. In fact, I couldn't have known because it was a surprise of Jean for Armin. That was why I had decided to visit Armin days later when he would be back home again, but in the meantime something else had happened; the incident at Levi's family's house. And since then... I had been caught up with other thoughts, having gone as far as to... break up with Levi. So when I moved to Armin, I left his present - that I had abandoned quite a while before - at my previous place. And due to... certain occasions that had followed after that and the emotional struggle that had mixed up my life, it didn't cross my mind at all that there was a present for Armin waiting to be gifted to him.

But now that I remembered it again, my mind associated other, cruel, memories with it.

The fight. My fight with Armin.

Oh my god, how could I forget about this?!

How did I dare have pleasant times with Levi over the past few days when there was my best friend (I hope Armin still saw me as one) who I owed a tremendous apology!

Armin...

That day of our fight...

God, I had been such a dick to him. All those things I said to him... I really did say them, didn't I?

'You're pathetic.'

'Someone like you who is thinking like that is the worst best friend one can ever have!'

"Oi, Eren." Levi had me in his arms, keeping me in place with his grip as I met eyes with him. The grey in his orbs was drowned in confusion, slight anger and deep concern. "Tell me what's up. You are acting weirdly after having seen this gift. It's just a present. What's the matter?"

I stole peered at that said thing before my face cringed, the words refusing to come out of my mouth and neither did I want to hear them. "That gift there... is Armin's present." I whispered.

"We've already come that far. But that doesn't explain why you're behaving like this." Levi stated nonchalantly with a lack of understanding trailing in his voice.

"He's my best friend. Or was... I don't know. No, he still is. And the last thing between us was a heavy fight. I accused him of cruel and untrue things, but didn't apologize to him for that. And now he's probably hating me. Shit, I totally forgot about this. How could that happen to me?! How could I forget about my best friend?! The one I hurt with my insults!"

Levi's grip around me softened. "You had other shits to deal with." he tried. "Shits like me. It should he understandable why you couldn't or didn't care about other things."

"You don't understand," The words were slow and took a lot of efforts, "It was because of Armin that I... that I could... with you... that I could reach the point we are at right now. Even if that had been motivating me only subconsciously."

There was a little pause, Levi releasing from me completely. "I don't understand." he said straightforwardly.

Without explaining things any further, I turned on my heels and went away, towards the front door, with quick and determined steps. "I have to go to him." Levi stood next to me in the hallway seconds later. "I have to apologize to him." And then I was already putting my jacket on, fighting with my self-hatred.

"Are you alright like this? You look as if you're hardly capable of controlling your feelings right now."

"I will be able to contain my feelings." I snapped. "It's just that I judge myself so hard right now. I'm the worst. I'm seriously the worst."

"I'm sure you're exaggerati-"

"I know that when a fight happens, there are always two people involved in it," I interrupted him, not being able to listen much to his words anyway, "but - speaking of majority - I was the one who was the cruel one. I said those mean things to him when I shouldn't have done so. I accused him of things that were unlikely of Armin, but I spit them out anyway. Because I couldn't keep my damn mouth shut! I was the one who had been unjust to my best friend!" I hadn't noticed how my voice had gained volume, sounding like I was lecturing Levi. "I'm sorry." It left my lips without any thinking; an apology spoken out for the nonce.

"No, it's okay." He didn't talk as confidently as he always would. "Go and apologize to your best friend. It's not like I wanted to stop you from doing that."

Smiling shyly at him, I hoped he would forgive my harshness just now. "I didn't think of you doing that in the first place."

"Good." I gave him a quick peck on his cheek before I left the apartment.

Armin's house was my destination and as much as I didn't want to admit it, but a gloomy feeling roamed my body, intensifying with every step that brought me closer to my best friend's home.

My heart was beating inside my ears when I finally stood in front of Armin's house, the door not even an arm's length away. I had come here without any thoughts on how to approach Armin and even less did I know what I should say. It wasn't a rarity anymore that I spit out the wrong words in the most unsuitable situations ever. Basically, this flaw was the reason why I was standing here right now. Because I couldn't shut my mouth and threw false accusations and reproaches at my best friend. The worst would be another burst out of mine boiling up if it happened for Armin to reject my apology.

Stay calm, Eren.

You can do it.

With shaky fingers, I pressed down the door bell, gulping hard once. And my mind already began forming every imaginable scenario in my head. There were so many possible things that could go wrong and my brain wasn't able (or didn't want) to come up with a possibility that wasn't as bad as all the others.

When the door cracked open, I was sent back to reality instantly. Focusing on my front, I was met with a smiling blond. He looked so carefree, it flattered my heart and for one moment everything that had happened between us was forgotten. I wanted to smile back, but my facial muscles froze the next second. It was when Armin realized who was visiting him that his smile dropped rapidly and was replaced by a glare.

Of course he would react like that.

The ache wrenching at my gut now, I remained quiet and motionless, staring at Armin, resigned. I didn't want to look at his glare that was directed at me, but neither could I take my eyes off him because the pain that was reflected on his face, subliminal, made me feel the same as him. It hurt seeing my best friend hurt. And even more did it hurt when I knew that I was the one who had inflicted that pain to him.

Silence wouldn't bring me anywhere, though. "Armi-"

"Are you here to pick up your clothes?" His voice was monotonous and emotionless, the tone of venom biting my ears.

It was more than clear now; he didn't want to deal with me. "N-No." It was the truth. It hadn't crossed my mind at all that more than half of my clothes were still at Armin's, so him picking up that topic threw me off guard, but before I could even navigate the issue on my actual reason of being here, Armin had already stepped inside again, leaving the door open. "I'm here because I want to tal-"

And then he came back and dropped two big sportsbags in front of my feet. "Here." He sounded so empty of emotions. "I've already packed them for you."

Shifting my gaze down to the bags laying on the floor, I then curled one brow in disbelief. He didn't mean it seriously, did he? That was it? "Armin?" It couldn't be that he wouldn't even give me a second.

Armin's expression didn't alter. As one hand gripped the door and the other hand was placed on his hips, he continued, "It's not like you don't have anywhere to go to."

My words were bouncing off him, treating them like air. He was about to go inside and leave me outside by the porch, but luckily my instincts reacted fast enough to fight against this, exclaiming, "Is that all?! You want to leave me here and don't bother to listen to me? After days of silence between us you want to add more days in which we don't talk through it, don't sort things out, and instead we ignore each other?!"

Armin halted, staying like that for quite a while before he turned to me very slowly. He looked at me with the same dead eyes as before. "Fights between friends isn't unusual. I gave you bad advice, and you got mad at me because of that. I know you very well to know that you would yell at me, that isn't the problem here. For once I couldn't help you out and I'm sorry for that. It isn't hard to guess that you want to apologize to me as well. I would forgive you because I was most likely in the wrong when I tried to figure out what would be the best for you. You see... Everything would have been forgotten so easily and so fast..."

No... I didn't want to hear it. I had a vague thought of what Armin was going to say next and I didn't want to hear it. I was aware of where this would lead to and I did not want to face it.

"But not after everything you told me after that." Armin ended, pushing out the words in a hoarse whisper.

I knew it. I fucking knew it. It was because of my harsh accusations I had thrown at him that he didn't want to settle things between us. And to be honest, I was in no position to judge him. I wouldn't even do that. No syllabes would brush up the inner of my throat and pass my lips, my mind choaking my own self in hatred.

"You are actually smarter than that." Armin said.

"I'm sorry, Armin." There was nothing else I could say right now. I hadn't prepared myself for this and now I'd have to face the consequences. I was indeed not as dumb as one might think at first when meeting me for the first time, but when it came to issues that affected me directly and irritated me, most of the time I couldn't argue and phrase logical and understanding words at the same time.

But right now it seemed as though my ability to reason had left my mind and my ability to feel something had left my body; both ghosting around in the world freely. It felt so odd and I wanted everything to pause in order to think of how to fix something I had fucked up big time. But nothing came.

"Why are you still here?" Armin went on casually, the tone he used stung because there was no way I could avoid how derogative he was treating me right now. "Aren't you done yet? From what you told me last time all I can guess is that you wouldn't like to be around me more than necessary, right? Since I am a fake bitch who doesn't care about anything else than money and my own selfish well-being, it's better if you don't talk to me."

The tables had turned. Now it was me who got dragged down. Now it was me who was being blamed. On the one hand, it was only justified that I got everything back that I hurt Armin with. Karma would never skip a person. This was what I deserved. On the other hand, I realized how much this was unlike Armin's nature. That he was backbiting was proof of how desperate he and the whole situation between us was. I'm pretty sure all he wanted was to end this fight - just like me -, but he couldn't. He couldn't do it as easily as that, and I understood.

But still... My selfish self wanted to shove everything bothering aside and make up with my best friend. Although both of us knew that we had much to overcome and climb over before we could get any close to a peaceful reconciliation.

It was a matter of pride.

"I'm sorry for everything I told you." I said quickly, feeling as though time was running away. Practically it was. It was only a matter of seconds until-

"Leave." Armin said sternly, growling.

Even though I had expected that to come out of his mouth any time soon, I didn't want to leave everything as it was for the time being.

Mind still foggy, I had to witness with my own eyes how Armin stepped back and closed the door. My legs started to do its purpose last second and I sprawled my arms forward, attempting to stop him from separating us by that door. "Armin, you were right!" I yelled in despair, the only comprehensible thing my mind had formed and let me say out loud. But it was no use because I screamed those words against a closed door, my whole body hitting the surface, fists first.

The door didn't open again. Sighing in defeat, I straightened my body and grabbed my things then. As I walked a few steps away, I made out sounds of something opening. Twisting my head back, I met with a really mad looking Jean who was stomping his way to me fast and with clenched fists. I dropped my bags in an instant and took steps backwards, trying to get away from him as much as possible. That idea died out the second my back met with the wall and it didn't take long for Jean to catch up, our faces mere inches apart now.

The whole time I had expected him to strike or punch, I was even mentally prepared for it. And I didn't believe in being spared, not when those vicious, mad eyes were fixated on me. Jean was breathing loudly through his nose (in this very moment I couldn't even compare him to a horse), eye twitching and fists shivering in wrath. My heart was throbbing against my ribcage and there was no way I could defend myself now, if Jean were to fist my face - which he still hadn't done yet.

Not only now, but thinking back, I was surprised that Jean hadn't chased after me to beat the shit out of me. It was out of question for Jean not knowing about Armin's and mine fight; obviously he knew because else he wouldn't have come after me right now when the opportunity had been given; piercing me with his death glares.

The back of my body was still pressed against the wall, blood rushing through my veins as some of Jean's popped out under the skin of his neck.

"I know what you're thinking right now." he snarled, voice as poisonous as snake venom. My mouth remained shut, not daring to say anything wrong now. "Oh, trust me, Eren. I would love to beat the shit out of you. I'd have done that days ago."

Swallowing thickly, sweat rolled down my forehead as I furrowed my brows tentatively, wondering what Jean was trying to tell me.

I tried it with words - the emphasis lay on 'trying'. "Wha-"

"But I promised Armin not to!" he yelled, and in one quick movement his back was facing me now and in one blink of the eye he was inside again, having slammed the door awfully loudly.

The pressure that had lingered around me in the air and weighted me down vanished, just as Jean had. Breathing didn't feel problematic anymore, either.

Resting in place at first, I then let out a big huff, raking fingers through my hair. Examining my hands then, I noticed how much they were shaking.

Fuck. Jean, that bastard.

I didn't waste a second anymore and left as quickly as possible because I was so done for today. Though on my way, I couldn't do else than to think about Jean's words. He promised Armin, huh? I couldn't believe that horseface was a good person sometimes. At least good for Armin. That was it. If he succeeded in not punching me when he wanted to do it the most, it meant that Jean was a husband worth for Armin. To me, he still was a dick, but he wasn't a complete dick. And if he wasn't a complete dick... his personality couldn't be as bad as I had thought, either.

When I had arrived at home again, the first thing I did was to kick the bags I had with me away, aggressive, the bags sliding along the hallway floor.

"This seems like it didn't go well." I heard Levi say from the living room. He had probably seen my wonderful performance of letting my anger out by treating things roughly.

After sighing heavily once, I pinched the bridge of my nose to calm myself down. I then made my way to the living room. There, I spotted Levi on the dining table, a laptop in front of him, one arm propped up, his face leaning against his palm. He eyed me with one raised brow, but other than that there wasn't anything that would reveal his view on my problem.

"It was utter shit. I didn't know what to say and he treated me just as I had treated him back then, but to be quite frank that was only fair." I nagged, taking a seat next to him as I rested my forehead on the table.

"What did you say to him during your fight? This sounds as though you insulted him in the worst way ever."

Tilting my head to the side to establish eye contact with him, I answered, "I called him pathetic. I accused him of enjoying how I was failing in life and love. I told him that to me he was the worst best friend ever."

There was a long and unbearable silence between us and Levi's surprised expression didn't make it any better. In contrary, it made me feel even worse than I was feeling already. As my expression saddened, I turned away in order to not face Levi's judging look.

"Wow, Eren. You're really good at insulting others in the worst way possible."

"I know." I whined. My head jumped up. "Don't remind me of it. I'm the worst when I'm mad or when I can't think properly for whatever reasons."

"Wanna talk about the thing that happened between you and blondie just now?" He spoke in a very understanding tone, even closing his laptop.

"Don't call him like that. His name is Armin." Levi didn't comment on it, and I went on, sighing again. "We hadn't a real talk in the first place. I wasn't able to make any progress. When I looked at him and he back at me, it was as though we were back in time when our fight had taken place. I could sense that the wounds of our fight still were as fresh as on that said day and the vulnerability that hung above us made me insecure. I didn't want to say anything wrong again. But at the same time I couldn't think of anything to make things better." A quick glance at Levi before another desperate huff of air was squeezed out of my lungs. "I'm sorry for my whining. You probably don't want to hear any of it."

"No, it's okay." Levi clarified neutrally, and he rose one hand, hesitating at first, but then those fingers nestled into my hair, ruffling. "I don't mind because I asked."

His stroking hand sent comfortable waves through my body and it was hard to resist the soothing touch, so I fell for it without any restraints coming from me. After some time, his fingers stilled. Seconds later, they travelled the side of my head until they cupped my cheeks. With closed eyes, I let those fingers do anything to me, smiling contently to myself. "Your touches are so addictive. I can't get enough of them." I tilted my head into his palm.

"What do you wanna do now? You won't give up that easily, will you?"

"Of course not."

"Everything else would have been not like you, to be honest." Levi smirked lightly, retreating his hand which I found saddening because I had nothing against consuming more of his touches.

"My first attempt today may have been shit, but I will keep at it. Also, Armin and I will see each other many times, so him avoiding me is practically impossible. After all," A big grin was planted on my face, "we have the same work place."

~~~

Never ever had I been this wrong in my entire life. When I entered Pixis Corporation after what felt like years, I couldn't know yet that my task was way more difficult than I had imagined and later I would find out that the impossible was indeed so damn possible.

As I walked past the entrance door, I already started looking around, searching for a certain blond guy who might or might not have arrived here before me.

"Hey! Eren!" Sasha exclaimed from her place, waving madly at me. Next to her stood Connie. I looked at them, but was not interested in talking to them right now, so I attempted to look as indifferent as I could. I knew what they would ask me first. "Long time no see! Where were you the past few days? You didn't apply for day offs, so either you decided not to show up at work spontaneously or something happened. What was it?" she asked, the curiosity in her voice hard to ignore.

I dedicated myself back to search for Armin, saying by the way and as casually as possible, "I was hindered." That was basically it. I had been hindered.

"What do you mean? That could be everything!" Sasha questioned, grinning at me as she shoved a sandwich into her mouth.

"Oh, oh!" This time it was Connie speaking, smirking just as widely as her, snickering as he told her, "Maybe it's because he has found a girlf-"

"Do you two mind?" I interrupted them harshly.

"Fine." Connie drew out the word that rolled of his lips lazily, rolling his eyes to it.

And it was at this very moment that the door behind me was opened and it was no other than Armin who entered the place. Out of reflex, I turned my head to the sound of a door being opened and coming to face with Armin baffled me that much at first that I couldn't do else than to stay motionless and stare at him like an idiot.

Armin did the same, mouth slighly opened but no words were coming out, he was silent and still like a rock. At some point, it became awkward so that even Connie couldn't follow this act anymore.

"What's up with you two?" he asked in a scoff.

Armin's eyes moved from me to Connie and Sasha, and he crinkled his brows. I released the breath I didn't know I was holding in and reached out to him, my arm moving very slowly.

From one second to the other his expression changed to a frown and he walked straight to his office, avoiding me. "Armin!" I shouted, and wanted to follow him, but he was out of reach faster than I could react.

"Wow. Armin is mad at Eren. Now that's something new. What did you do, Eren?" Sasha cooed in an innocent tone, blinking fast repeatedly as she smirked and waited for the answer that wouldn't do any good but rather make me feel guiltier than I was already.

Instead of giving in and sinking in self-hatred and self-hatred, I glared at Sasha, my fists clenching. "Don't you have a job to do?" I said in a bitter tone.

She shrugged. "Yes, but watching this here is more fun."

"Go to hell."

"Nah."

Before I could even start a fight with those two, Pixis approached up and cleared his throat to gain our attentions. The fact that he was here established a weird feeling in my stomach. He was here because of me. It was most likely that.

"Oh, Eren. You're finally showing up at work again. Good morning. Do you have some time for a talk?" I knew it. "Come to my office, please." He didn't awaited an answer but headed to his office, and I had to follow his order silently. Sasha and Connie were silent, too, because we all knew that Pixis could be really scary and no one of us wanted to risk getting intimidated by him.

In his office, I was offered a seat in front of his desk and I accepted. He propped his arms on his elbows, fingers threaded and mouth hidden behind them. I didn't meet his eyes, having my head lowered instead.

"Why were you absent the past few days without informing Sasha or me?" he began, speaking in his usual raspy voice.

Taking a shuddery breath, I replied with, "I'm sorry for having taken some days off without any knowledge. It won't happen again." Inwardly I hoped he would be satisfied with this answer.

A little pause before he clarified, "This doesn't answer my question." Of course he wouldn't leave it at that.

I kept my mouth shut, the least I'd like to do was to explain to him the reasons behind my absence.

But Pixis seemed to understand that it was a very sensitive topic, so he thought of how to proceed now. "Let me rephrase it: Was it personal or business reasons?"

I took another deep breath, playing with my fingers. "The latter."

"Eren, you know that, as my subordinate, I have to guarantee you a safe and fair working atmosphere. The well-being of my employees at work is top priority. Whatever bothered you, you can entrust it to me. Else I can't help you out."

"It's over. There's nothing that can be changed anymore." I said, determined.

"The problem was...?" Pixis insisted, though he didn't appear intimidating or annoyingly insistent.

I decided to let the cat out of the bag. There was no point in going on like that. I had that much faith in my superior as to tell him the truth because I was sure that he would (and had to) keep it a secret from his other employees or any other persons. "Sayo."

Pixis groaned lowly, his face scrunching painfully. I heard him murmur "I had hoped it wouldn't be him." before he rummaged around in one of his drawers. "There are questions I wanted to ask you and Armin regarding your trades of clients, which I hadn't had time to do so yet, but first," he paused and dropped a newspaper to his desk, presented right in front of my sight so that my eyes wouldn't miss it. It was the newspaper from yesterday. "Does this have something to do with you?"

If one was able to put the pieces together, not even anonymity would help.

The distressed expression on my face that was evoked by the article that had been oh so familiar to me was all Pixis needed to understand.

"I see."

~~~

Forty-five minutes later, I was finally freed from Pixis' grasp. The talk we had was very intense, but luckily I hadn't felt too uncomfortable to give him every every necessary information without having to go into much details. The fact that Pixis knew how to deal with stuff like that eased me. I was certain not every employer would have had approached that topic as careful and with fine senses as he did. I was just glad that it was over.

Taking that aside, it wasn't much later that I was reminded again that there still had been a problem I needed to solve. As I closed the door to Pixis' office and took my time to settle myself by breathing out relaxing breaths, I caught side of Armin who was conversing with Sasha. Seeing no better opportunity to take than right now, I stepped up straight to him with big steps. I grabbed one of his arms softly. "Hey, Armin. Can we-"

He tugged his arms away from my hold abruptly as though fire had touched him, and the next moment he looked at me with madness in his face. "Don't touch me." he growled, the tone in his voice so strange and foreign to me. His eyes averted to the side and then he went straight to his office, carrying papers along with him. Irritation boiled up inside of me, and I ground my teeth.

With one smooth swivel of my heels, I walked the same direction as Armin until I outpaced him and blocked the way to his office. Spreading my arms to the sides, I trapped him in the hallway, not feeling like giving up at all. Armin was certainly mad at me, but I was mad at him as well. Two could play this game. Armin gripped his sheets tighter - which were pressed against his chest - as he threw a scowl at me. "Why are you doing this? It's pointless." he barked in annoyance.

He made a step to the side and I did the same. "I want to talk to you." Armin didn't stop finding a way to go past me and I didn't stop to hinder him to do so. There was a moment in which we stepped to the one and then to the other side like total idiots before I made a step forward. But I found out quickly that I shouldn't have done this. "Armin, let's ta-"

"Leave me alone!" he yelled, and dropped his sheets in the process. His hands in the air at first, they moved to his head, fingers shaking as they took fistfuls of blond locks. I was shocked by his reaction and hatred shot straight into my chest because I figured out it that was my fault that he was like that right now. Armin's bottom lip quivered, despair written all over his face and then he bent down to pick up the papers, cursing, "Shit." under his breath.

Everything turned out worse because Armin cursing was as unnatural as a child not loving sweets. I was caught in my own thoughts when Armin was collecting his things, unable to order my body to move. Emptiness delved into my mind, questioning whether trying was even a good option at this point. I almost fell into this trap, but fortunately I was able to get rid of those thoughts. Though, the second I gained my senses again, Armin had already made his way past me and to his office, locking the door.

I stated at the door for an eternity, anger taking over me one more time, and I yelled to no one in particular but the door, "That attitude of yours won't bring us anywhere! How long do you want to go on like that?! Forever is not an option! That's ridiculous!"

And then I was the second person who locked themselves in their own office.

The juxtaposition was that I had somehow managed to cool myself down in some way, but at the same time my patience had gone abroad and now I wanted to do everything possible to bring Armin to reconcile.

So two hours later, I forwarded to his office again. I bet my whole money on him not having left his desk at all. "Armin!" I screamed, violating the door with my aggressive knocks, my fist slamming onto the wood. "Open the door! Let's talk! I won't go away until we've had had a proper talk! Don't be ridiculous! Open the damn door or else I'll kick it open! You know that I'll try that for real if you don't do what I'm telling you." I was so damn ready to try that out. No way was I going to give in. Even if it meant to use violence. "I'll give you five seconds. One, two-"

Glad that my threat had some effect on him, the door was ripped open and the first thing that jumped into my sight was the anger that decorated Armin's face. "I am not interested in having a broken door, but even less am I interested in dealing with you in any way today. Leave me at peace, you're giving me headaches."

"That's good because I won't stop annoying the fuck out of you. Don't be stubborn and- Hey! Where are you going?! Don't ignore me!" This time I stepped inside, following Armin closely behind him. I was about to grab his shoulders and turn him around when two handfuls of sheets were thrown at me all of a sudden. The pages hitting my face hard, I was unable to see for a few seconds, but I attempted to get away from the paper rain as fast as possible because the suspicion of Armin having done that to run away from me and possibly hide was very high, so I backed up and searched for him outside of his office. First thing he had to pass was the hallway, which was good because at the other side of it I spotted him, distancing himself from me very quickly.

Not wasting any time, I sprinted, the lunatic determination that rushed through my blood fueling me. I caught up to Armin in the entrance hallway, where receptionists were working, and going past it would bring someone either straight outside or to the other floors of this building, or the cantine.

Thanking Heaven for being faster than Armin at running, I grabbed his wrist and turned him around forcefully. His expression hadn't changed, but I honestly didn't give a fuck about that right now. It wasn't like I had made his day brighter with my existence, anyway.

Giving him the same vicious expression back, I spat, "I swear, if you won't to talk to me voluntarily I will-"

"You are going to do what? Huh?!" Armin retorted with a highly risen tone, snappish, "Are you going to hi-" And then his breath halted and the words were trapped in his throat. This caught even me off guard and I watched Armin in disbelief; in denial of what had almost happened - said out loud - just now. My face saddened and the expression I wore signalled disappointment, and disappointment only.

Big blue eyes were parted widely and shock sealed in Armin's face. All eyes were fixated on us, heavy silence filling the room.

Even though he didn't finish it, the missing words completed themselves in my mind.

'Are you going to hit me again?!'

"N-No," Armin stuttered, a very insecure upcurve of his lips twitching. That smile had appeared for a mere second, though. He went back to being serious very fast. "I won't go that low. I'm sorry, Eren."

If it wasn't for the people around us, still bothering to witness, I would have let out a loud grotesque laughter. I would have been carried away by madness because this right now was so- "Funny. How funny." Subconsciously, my grasp tightened. "It's ludicrous, insane, how you can say that to me when I'm trying to do the exact same to you the whole time already."

Armin's breath came out uneven and I was so close to push my best friend away from me, but this time it would mean an end forever.

I had... to get ahold of myself.

If not...

"It hurts." Armin whispered, which confused me at first, but soon I found out that it was his wrist - which I was holding firmly - that he meant. Immediately, I let go. My hand retreated to the back of my head because I wanted it to be as far away from him as possible. I didn't want to hurt my best friend anymore. I'd already fucked up big time, no reason to add on it unnecessarily.

Armin rubbed his reddened wrist first and then a hand covered his forehead, his eyelashes fluttering. "I feel so dizzy."

"Armin, are you okay?" Sasha called out from her seat. "Eren, go back to your office and do your work. "

By now the other emolyees had dedicated themselves to their own work again and it was only Armin, Sasha and me left in that mess of banter. Sighting how my best friend was almost fainting and knowing that I was at fault, caused my stomach to twist and coil, an awful feeling whirling inside me.

Own head dropped, I watched how Sasha threw one of Armin's arms around her shoulder. In a soothing voice, she told him, "You need to sit down. I'll give you some water." Her voice sounded dull in my ears, so far away.

Unaware of the reason behind the words that were uttered next by me, I didn't give them a second thought and said out of the blue, "Levi and I are a couple now." It was directed at Armin, and it was close to impossible for him to not have heard this. I had said it loud enough to him and hadn't been murmuring either.

It was only my head that I tilted back, waiting for a reaction coming from him. Armin had stopped in his tracks along with Sasha and turned his head, too, though only a bit, so that he was looking to the side, but his hair wouldn't give me sight of his face. Right now, I was really intrigued in knowing what face he was making. It was important to me.

"Good for you two." he retorted after a while, his tone revealing surprisingly nothing that would hint at his true feelings which might or might not flow through his mind and body right at this very moment. "I'm glad to hear that. Really."

The feeling of wanting to get out of this place gnawed at my mind constantly, and I couldn't think of anything better than to give in to that urge. One last glance at Armin, who had sat down and propped up his elbows, cupping the upper half of his face in exhaustion, and then I made a quick leave.

Somewhere in the background I made out the voice of Sasha yelling at me, telling me that I wasn't allowed to leave work right now since I had already missed days.

This was the least I could care about right now and let me tell you that I didn't give two shits about work right now.

. . .

Armin

I drank up the water that Sasha had given me, which I was very grateful for. Unlike a few minutes ago, I felt a lot better now. At least physically. To be quite frank, it was only physically.

"Are you feeling better now?" Sasha asked me in a cheerful voice.

"Better is a relative term." I smiled barely visibly, creating a firm grip around my glass, trembling lightly.

The last words Eren had said to me before he went away were so vivid in my mind and it was as though my brain was playing 'repeat' the whole time.

'Levi and I are a couple now. Levi and I are a couple now. Levi and I are a couple now.'

At least there was one good news; not for me, but for Eren.

I was sure that it was the truth, he wouldn't go cheap ways to approach me.

"You're putting up an act, you know?" Sasha interrupted my train of thoughts, and I snapped back to the present. I gave her a questioning look, more to show her that I heard only half of the things she said than to ask her what she meant. She was sitting on the edge of her own desk, right in front of me, leaning a bit forward as she smiled at me. "Why won't you let your mask fall off from you? Being so stubbornly repellent towards Eren is unlike you."

I didn't want to think of whether she was right or not, since other thoughts were occupying my mind. Eren's words wouldn't leave my head, and I had no clue what to do, my feelings were one big mingle-mangle.

Even if literally nothing was alright between us, I was relieved that Eren had sorted out things with Levi. Technically it would be enough if he had Levi only. After all... a lover was more important than a best friend.

"Armin, you're crying."

"Huh?"

It was not until now that I noticed the tears flooding my cheeks as one stream on each side of my face. I blinked several times, one hand of mine wandering up to reassure myself that I was really crying. The wetness beneath my fingers were a clear answer. Overwhelmed by this, all that I could think of doing was to wipe some tears off my face frantically.

I stared down. "Oh, I'm sorry." Shaky fingers wiped over drenched sheets. "I-I'm staining some of your assignments."

Sasha lay a hand over my wiping hand, bringing it to a halt. "That doesn't matter right now." She brushed away some of my strands, the back of her hand drying off more of my tears. "You aren't the only one who is dissatisfied with how things are like at the moment. I bet Eren is suffering, too."

She didn't know what the circumstances between Eren and I were, but her words might have a spark of truth to it.

I had my eyes directed to my fingers first and then I looked up to Sasha, another load of tears accumulating in my eyes, blurring my sight. "I don't want this anymore." I choked out, gulping, my voice shaking. "But I don't know what to do." Shoulders trembling, a release of a wet flow covered half of my face again.

In less than three seconds Sasha had swung her arms around me to a hug. I cried into her shoulders, sobbing and sniffing, letting everything out. It was the second time I lost my composure because of Eren and I's fight and the disadvantage right now was that I was in public. Not that I cared about the place I was crying at, but the thing was that I was causing inconveniences.

"I want my best friend back." I cried out, a feeling of a black hole inside my chest remembering me of how there was something missing.

"You'll get your best friend back." Sasha reassured me, stroking my hair.

After some time, my cries subsided, but they weren't gone completely. With swollen eyes and puffed cheeks, I told her, "I think I'm fine as for now. You can let go of me."

"Are you sure?"

I nodded.

She was about to loosen the embrance when the entrance door was opened unexpectedly. Jean came in, carrying a plastic bag.

"Hey, Sasha. Where is Armin? Still in his office or already gone to the cantine? Guess who's here to treat him some exquisite lunch." He pointed at himself. "His babe."

"Oh, crap." Sasha whispered, laughing insecurely.

Eventually, Jean's eyes landed on Sasha in particular. And with that, he spotted me automatically, too. "Don't ignore me, potato girl. Tell me where Armin i-" And then he locked eyes with me; with my swollen eyes, reddened from crying. Jean's expression became serious in a split of a second and then he was slowly walking towards us, grabbing a pen in the process. "Oi, Sasha. What did you do my Armin? Why is he crying?" One eye was twitching madly and the pen in his grasp was almost cracking, the tip pointed at her.

Sasha held onto me tighter. "Ehehehe. I-It isn't what it looks like. I swear."

As a result, she received a pen hitting her forehead, bringing her down to the floor. "Ow! That hurt!" She complained as she rubbed the affected spot.

I was on my way to help her up, asking her if it hurt too much while doing so, but before I could do anything, Jean had already shoved me back to my seat. Gripping both sides of my shoulders, giving a soft squeeze, Jean and I stared into each other's eyes.

"Eren?" he asked, as though he could mind-read.

I nodded weakly, biting my bottom lip. Then I embraced his neck, yearning for physical affection. I wanted to hug him, that would calm me down.

In the end, Jean carried me home bridal style.

. . .

Eren

Sprinting to my house and having arrived there now, I shut the door exaggeratedly loudly, slamming my fist against it as I exclaimed a loud "Fuck!"

My forehead met the door after that, but I was soon interrupted in my cursing and self-hating.

"Hearing that means today it didn't go well either?" I heard Levi's voice from a bit far away and when I turned around, I saw him standing on the threshold to the living room, one hand leaning against the frame.

"Why are you already home?" I asked him instead of answering his question.

"I didn't go anywhere in the first place. Today, I was able to do some of my work at home via laptop." He cocked his head. "So?"

I made some steps forward, hitting the door one last time. "It was awful. I made things between us worse. Armin probably hates me even more now." My hands clawed around the edge of the commode that was standing in the hallway; a key bowl, an address book, and several porcelain pieces were decorating the surface. "Everything I do solely has destructive effects." Wrath boiled up inside me and the sudden wish to break everything intact ontop of the commode didn't sound so wrong anymore. I grabbed one porcelain vase and placed it over my head, ready to smash it - and with that, everything else, too. "There's nothing I'm good at besides ruining everything and everyone around me!"

"Oi, Eren." Levi snapped harshly, preventing the vase from breaking by gripping both the porcelain and my wrist.

Although there was no point to it, I tried to hit the commode with the vase nevertheless. "Let go!" I screamed, voice high-pitched in pure anger.

"There are other and better ways to let your anger out." he claimed, trying to release my fingers from the fragile porcelain. My fingers had hooked around it very firmly and maybe it was my imagination, but I swear I could hear it cracking underneath my palm. "Let go of the vase! It's breaking. You'll cut your own fingers!"

"I don't care!" Now all I had wanted to do was to let it crumble under my grasp, at least then I'd have destroyed it in some way. But Levi was faster and has pushed away the thing in my hand before my skin would tear open from any sharp shards. The vase fell to the floor and broke, but this didn't mean I would give up. Instead, I spread my arms and was about to knock over everything that lay on the surface. Again, nothing happened because Levi tugged me away from anything that was in reach for me by my wrists. Though he wasn't fast enough, so that my foot kicked the side of the furniture violently hard before it was far enough from me. I let out an angered cry.

"Bring your anger under control, for fucking's sake." Levi cursed in a growl, voice stern.

"No! I want to destroy something!" I fought against his grasp, wiggling my arms in every direction to get free.

"I'm here. I want to help you."

His words triggered something off inside me, and with other thoughts swimming around in my mind now, I stopped my struggling, staying completely motionless for a few seconds. My loud breathing was the only thing that could be heard.

"Eren." Levi's voice chimed in my ears; so calm and tender. I shifted the front of my body to him, pinning him against the wall. Clutching fistfuls of his shirt, I then buried my head into his chest. And then dry chokes rose from my throat as teardrops forced themselves out of my pressed eyelids. Hiccupping and sobbing uglily, I let myself lose any restraints - displaying my weak and pitiful side. Levi wrapped his arms around me. "Let everything out that needs to be released."

And I did. My anger switched over to desperate exhaustion and all I needed was a clensing by crying out the negative emotions. During my outbreak, Levi didn't say a word and waited patiently for me to release everything until there was nothing left.

Minutes later, I went silent. The only thing I heard was my shallow breathing, but when I concentrated hard enough, I was able to make out Levi's heart thumping in a steady rhythm under his chest. I listened to it still, taking in the easing effect his heart beat emitted.

"Are you alright?" he questioned after a while.

I wiped the wetness that stuck to my face off on his shirt and stepped a step back, not looking at him yet.

I sniffled. "I'm sorry. Normally, I'm not that impulsive anymore."

"How are your fingers?"

"They're okay." Knowing he wouldn't be satisfied with only an answer, I showed him my palms in additon. I averted my eyes as I asked him sheepishly, "Can I have one of your teas?"

"Right away."

Levi stepped up into the kitchen and I had followed him, having my hands draped around his upper arm. As he was preparing tea, I hid my head in the crook of his neck. One hand of mine reached down to his one and I let our fingers interwine. Levi's thumb traced my skin, soft and featherly.

"Go to the living room and make it yourself comfortable there." he suggested. "I'll be there in a few minutes. The tea doesn't take long anymore until it's brewed."

Nodding, I exited the kitchen and made my way to the room next to it. On my way, I took off my black cravat and grey jacket and dropped both of them to the floor, not bothering to place them somewhere where they wouldn't be in the way.

When I had arrived the couch, the first thing my eyes caught were two long clothings wrapped in plastic film. "What are these?" I asked, voice raised to reach Levi who still was in the kitchen.

"Our Halloween costumes." he shouted back, volume as high as mine had been. "They arrived today."

Irritated by that, I took them by their hangers and threw them behind my back, hearing how they plumped to the floor; plastic crunching and metal clanking. "I don't want to go to Hanji's Halloween Party," I stated, grumpy, "I don't want to attend anything, I don't want to go anywhere, I don't want to do anything as long as I haven't sorted things out with Armin."

I took off my grey pants before I seated myself on the couch, wearing only boxers and a shirt now. Not much later, Levi joined me with two cups in his hands, and on his way, he stopped in his tracks, puzzled, a slight irritation evident on his face. He seemed like he didn't know where to look at first. Everywhere it looked like a mess, which it was. Sighing, he said, "I shall ignore the mess you made." He set down the cups on the coffee table, grabbing a blanket to throw it over my half-naked body. "Don't sit in only boxers and a shirt. You'll catch a cold." He turned off his laptop before he sat down next to me. When he did so, I picked up some of the blanket and placed it over his stomach and lower half. "How kind of you, Eren Yeager."

I sulked to his statement, a little heat warming up under my cheeks. "I don't want you to freeze your ass off, either." was all I commented with, sitting cross-legged, while Levi had his legs stretched, but also crossed.

Eventually, I received the tea I had requested, taking a probing sip. "Watch out, the tea is-"

"Ouch!" A burning sensation that felt like fire stung on my tongue.

"-still hot." Levi ended, though his warning had no use anymore.

Even though I had a hand clapped over my mouth, I mumbled to him, "The tea tastes extraordinarily good nevertheless."

"Always pleasant to hear." Levi sighed again and placed his cup on the table, next to the ashtray that already had a few cigarette butts squashed. He scooted me closer to him, snaking an arm around my back. His lips brushed my ear and it was in a raspy whisper he spoke with. "Should I talk to him? Maybe if he hears how much you regret the things you did to him from another person, he'll be willing to accept your apology."

I shook my head. "No. I have to manage it by myself. What kind of friend am I if I can't even straighten the problems between us without any help coming from a third party? I need to do this alone." I cocked my head to him. "Just be my mental support, okay?" I begged, my tone bordering on sugar-sweet.

"Supporting someone mentally and emotionally obviously isn't one of the best things I'm good at, but of course I will try my best."

"Are you kidding me? You could handle my anger better than I had ever expected it from you. There are only a few who could deal with it in the past. If I remember it right, the only person who knew best how to get me away from my rage was Armi-" I groaned, closing my eyes as I scolded myself for my dumbness. "God, I hurt him so much with my words." I rested my head on Levi's shoulder, looking to the front. From the black TV screen (which was turned off right now) I could see how Levi was furrowing his brows at me, but then his expression softened. Hesitantly, he tilted his head, too, and placed it over my head.

I chuckled almost inaudibly. He was acting so cute right now.

"Is it okay to-"

"Yes, totally." I replied before I let him finish his question, because I knew what he had wanted to ask. "I told you that I'd really like to have you as my mental support."

"Is that the only purpose I live for for you from now on?" he said, teasing.

Smiling genuinely, I confessed, "Be my everything."

There was a little pause, our calm breathings audible. "Alright."

I hummed and closed my eyes, embracing the silence that coined the moment.

"I think I know very well how you feel." Levi asserted, minutes having passed. "Hurting someone with words - I did even worse to you - but once one has realized what they'd done, they'll feel bad as hell and want to take everything back."

Opening my eyes again, I searched for his free hand under the blanket. Levi noticed and helped me out. Our fingers met in the middle. Slowly, they entwined. "Even if you think that we're alike in this issue, the truth is we aren't."

"What do you mean?"

"You have it better than me. Because I've forgiven you. I don't know how long it'll take for me to have reached that point with Armin. But one thing is for sure," I stared at our intermingled fingers from over the cover. Like that, they looked like one big ball. "I want my best friend back."

Saying that evoked a weird feeling because it meant that I had no best friend at the moment. Which was the harsh truth.

"One day, there'll be something that will bring you two together. I don't know much about your friend, but there's a reason why a best friend is called a best friend, I guess. I bet he'll have troubles getting you out of his mind."

Something seemed... "That last thing you said... Well, I just want to make sure, but... You're talking from experience, right?"

"Hell yes."

I couldn't hold back a chuckle because Levi admitted this so carefreely and, to be honest, it made me flush. Hearing how Levi couldn't get me out of his mind in the past... it was flattering to know.

"But I can't say more than that," he went on, "you know... I don't have the experience and so on."

I sat up straight, gulping down the rest of the tea before I set the cup down on the coffee table, running my sleeve over my mouth once. "You see," I began, taking a second to find the right words, "Whether in a friend- or relationship, not everything is or should be forgivable." I shrugged my shoulders one time, signalling with that that I wanted him to give his opinion on it.

Levi was confused at first, but then said, "I second that."

I continued. "Now... I don't think that what I did is completely unforgivable. I mean, there are worse things that could have happened. For example... I'd have totally understood, if Armin had wanted to break our friendship after finding out that I had slept with Jean, his husband. No, wait... No, no, no, wait a sec." I shuddered in disgust, shaking that image off my mind as quickly as possible. "Forget that. This is the most unrealistic thing that could ever happen."

"Not to forget that then you wouldn't have only betrayed your friend, but also me." Levi commented in a voice that had a dangerous undertone to it, softly glaring at me. I should definitely have come up with a better example.

"Ri~ght." I extended the word noticibly, cautious from now on. "Although, that time when Armin and I had our fight, you and me weren't a couple ye-" The fact that his glare had deepened was enough for me to understand that the best right now was to shut up. And I did so.

"I hope you don't go very easy on the topic cheating." he grunted.

"Not at all."

"Good. Me neither."

I pressed my lips together, my mind having wandered off to my previous problem. "Fuck, why am I even trying. I did injustice to my best friend and that can't be justified in any way."

Levi's eyes hadn't their piercing glare anymore (fortunately) and he looked at me with an sympathetic expression. "Could it be... that I was the reason behind your fight with your friend?"

Speechless at how he found out for I had never mentioned it in front of him (or so I thought), I stumbled over fitting words. "How... Uhh, why do you think that?"

Levi answered in a matter-of-fact, "That day where you had been... um... drunk on the streets, you babbled something about how I had been the reason why you fought with your best friend. I don't think those were random drunk words."

Now I was even more taken aback. "S-Stop remembering everything I say." I defended myself. To what purpose though?

Levi was right.

"It's not like I can remember everything that someone has told me, but I surely do remember things that have to do with me and which people had said to me." He shrugged. I didn't respond to this. "I'm right, aren't I? The fight was because of me."

Unsure of how to answer him as harmless as possible, I opted for the following. "Armin and I... it was a difference of opinions."

"That's it?" Levi questioned, one brow raised. "Is that enough to insult your friend? Because of a 'difference of opinions'?"

"Oh, trust me. It's possible. I am the best example. I advise you not to imitate me."

He watched me in slight suspision. "I will keep that in mind."

"Hey, I'm telling the truth."

"I believe you." I frowned at him because what he was saying wasn't in keeping with how he was looking. "Just give me time to sink that in." he clarified.

I spent some moment to let the happenings from that day repeat in my head. "Before everything had escalated," I started, "Armin had told me not to give up on you." Levi blinked, curious. "And that my stubborness would bring me somewhere worth to fight for. He had claimed that your love is what I needed the most."

"Your friend is really smart."

I nodded in approval. "Yes, but at that time everything sounded so ridiculous to me. I didn't want to hear any of it and I think at some point I lost my sane reasoning and spat at him every hurtful comment that my mind could come up with. It was wrongly, as I know now. One could argue that I was simply rejecting his advice, but believe me when I say that what I did to him was worse than a rejection. "

"In other words, sometimes words do hurt more than punches?"

"Yeah." I hid my body under the cover completely now, closing my eyes halfway. "Can I ask you something?"

"Go ahead."

"That day you visited me in my office and were sent away from Armin... What did he say to you when he shoved you into that storage room?"

Levi sighed deeply. "He told me that you love me so much. He didn't use any insults in particular, but practically he thought of me as a dick for not appreciating your feelings for me. Generally, it upset him that I hurt you with my indifferent behaviour and he wanted an explanation from me."

Those few sentences were enough for me to feel utterly sorry for everything I accused Armin of. All the things I had said to him became void and worthless. Armin was not a fake friend, he was not seeking the best life possible, he had not wanted to bring unhappiness to me. "Damn." I cursed under my breath.

"What's up?"

"Nothing. I was just reminded again of how much of a piece of shit I am."

"Oh well, then I shouldn't have..."

"No need to apologize. It's okay. I asked you, after all."

"There is one thing that turned out true, though. You know which one?"

I shook my head, looking into Levi's eyes with curiosity. "No. Tell me."

"Your stubborness was indeed effective. Regarding your perspective only, it was basically the main reason you were able to bring me to open up to you. In the end, other factors added up and brought us together, but if it weren't for you who tried till the end, we would have never come as far as right now." He ran a hand through my hair, cheering me up with that. A smile played around his lips and I was infected by it.

"I'm stubborn." I repeated. My smile grew. "You're right. And Armin was right as well. I will use my stubborness to reach my goal."

Positiv feelings and thoughts running through my mind now, I have finally gained a concrete trigger that would drill me to keep fighting. Giggling, I threw myself on Levi's body, tackling him to the cushioned seats underneath us. Levi had exclaimed some conplaining words, but I ignored. My mouth planted many kisses on his forehead, cheek, neck, chest. I nibbled and bit parts of his skin in a playful way, teasing him. After some restraints, he accepted my attack and did the same to me after that, causing me to let out a loud laughter. Somewhere in between, we fell into a long kiss; it was passionate and sweet.

We spent the night on the couch, snuggled into each other, and it was at that time that anxiety took over me again. I had no clue what had been the reason behind it, but from one moment to the other I felt incredibly anxious. One second I had felt so safe in Levi's arms, but the next second I felt like choking on air. As if the hug I was wrapped in was fault, I freed myself from it in an instant, though at the same time I tried not to wake Levi.

Levi stirred and groaned lowly, but other than that there was nothing that came from him. I sat up first, taking a few deep breaths. I had my head cupped in my hands and sensed my arms shaking. Biding in my sitting position, I listened to the silent darkness. Until it was too much for me. Because when that point was reached, I took my blanket again and rolled it over my body, facing the back of the couch; Levi behind me.

My eyes weren't willing to close and my body didn't feel like wanting to fall asleep. There was no fatigue forcing me to take a slumber, no signs of tiredness at all. I bit my fingernails as possibilities of what could go wrong tomorrow plagued me in form of persistent thoughts. It had even gone that far that I had almost decided for a night walk outside, but luckily my mental debate was interfered by an arm being draped over my waist.

"Can't sleep?" Levi asked, his lips being so close to my ear. He had probably slid close to me again.

"What did wake you up?" Another time in which I avoided his question.

"You climbing out of my grasp."

"Oh." So he I did wake him up back at that time.

"What is bothering you, Eren?"

No words brushed past my lips right away, it took me some time to get over my struggle. "Armin and I know each other for 20 years now. He was the first friend I had ever had." I breathed in, closed my eyes, and breathed out. "What if I fuck up again tomorrow? No one can tell me what will happen."

"You have more than one attempt."

"So what? What if I can't make things better between us, not after two or three or four or ten attempts?"

Levi's other hand caressed my head. "That's unlikely to happen."

"Friends may come and go. But I can't and don't want to imagine a life without him. I love him," Since Levi stayed silent to this, I feared that he had taken it the wrong way. So I added as clarification, "I love him as my best friend."

"I thought so." He kissed my neck. "There is no point in being pessimistic. You said yourself today that you'll fight for your friendship with him. So don't give up and bathe in doubts."

"Okay... You're right." Easier said than done.

Even after hours I hadn't fallen asleep, while Levi had gone back to sleep hours ago.

My worries were too strong to give me peace and, as a result, I woke up the next morning with little to no time spent in sleep at night. Levi had noticed that, too, and the expression he carried showed off how much he wanted to support me, but couldn't provide any more help than he had already given me.

~~~

I went to work - less energy keeping my body fit than usual - but I was eager enough to show up here because I had a mission to fulfill.

Sasha was the first checkpoint. I slammed a flat hand on the counter, gaining her attention.

"Sasha, you have to do me a favor."

"Aw, little Eren needs my help." she retorted, a wide, cocky grin spread across her face.

"Shut up. You were supposed to answer with 'Yes, of course, Eren. Everything you want.' Anyway, stop doing what you are doing and listen to what I have to tell you."

She took her eyes off the computer screen and while she tugged a lock behind her ear, smiling decently, she gave me a polite yet severe look. As if I were some kind of client. "Don't fuck it up this time."

"I never intend to in the first place. It just goes the wrong way."

Rolling her eyes, she writes something down on a sticky note. "Ah, yes. Sure." The sarcasm in her tone was hard not to notice. "No matter how complicated the friendship between you and Armin is right now, there is one thing both of you have in common."

I furrowed my brows, confused and curious, because I didn't know what exactly Sasha was talking about. "What do you mean?"

"You two look awful when sleep-deprived." she stated bluntly, and pressed that sticky note onto my forehead. "I'll be in a meeting with Pixis in a few minutes. There. The time I'll be free again and the place."

So Armin couldn't really sleep either, huh?

I wondered whether that was a good or bad thing...

~~~

In our agreed time, I explained to Sasha what she had to do for me. I had a plan, but since Armin wouldn't play along (I knew that and it was obvious), I had to lure him and for that I needed someone like Sasha.

Actually every other person that wasn't her was out of question for this task.

Positioned right next to the door of my office, I listened to Sasha who was making her way down the hallway to Armin's office. My door was left ajar, enabling me to peek outside and figure out when Armin would pass my room.

It didn't take long until I heard Sasha reaching Armin's work office, exclaiming, "Armin! Follow me to my desk! Now! There is a mistake you made in one of your reports!"

I just rolled my eyes and groaned a sigh, remembering how I had warned her to not show off that she was putting on an act. On the other hand, being loud and striking with her behaviour was so like her, which probably meant that she wasn't appearing suspicious.

Peeking to the floor, I spotted Sasha passing by, hearing Armin from not so far away.

"I think you're mistaken, Sasha." Armin said, voice slow and he seemed to be tired.

"No, I'm not! You have to correct your mistake! I can't work like that." Sasha insisted, and I must say she did her job well enough to please me and that was why I was quite positive that my plan would work.

Now Armin walked past my office door. I retreated my head back a little. "That's impossible." he went on. "I don't make mistakes in my reports."

This was so Armin.

I waited a few more seconds before I dared to peek through my door and enter the hallway, having had to reassure myself that they were distanced enough to not notice me following them.

Tiptoeing, I observed the situation before me. Sasha was steering forward carefreely while Armin was slouching behind her.

"Have you checked it twice? Are you really really sure it's my report? Listen, I'm not in a good mood today. Don't play with me. I swear, if this is a trap..."

I flinched, totally overthrown by the fact that Armin had been able to guess that as casually as this, and I halted, a little sound of surprise had almost managed to leave my lips. A little sound that would have been enough to give myself away.

Sasha stopped in her tracks as well, but not in a manner that hinted at the fact that she was indeed caught by Armin. She turned around; standing near the end of the hallway. I wasn't that much distanced from Armin, but her eyes didn't switch from him; there was no second in which they flicked to me.

She smiled as she tilted her head to the side and I woke up from my freeze, proceeding in my actual act. Attempting not to give out any noises or breathing heavier than normal or stepping on something on my way, I approached Armin, extending my arms on both sides. My heart was beating like mad in my chest.

I was so close...

Armin and Sasha weren't moving, looking at each other in silence.

It was Sasha who spoke up first. "It's time for you to break the walls you built up around you." was all she said. I asked myself what she meant by that and Armin's 'Huh?' revealed that he had no clue either, but that didn't matter much anymore - at least not to me - because right after she had ended, I revolved Armin with my arms, caging him in my grasp.

Armin jolted, utterly surprised, as I dragged him back to a certain place. He looked back and faced my chest, and scowled. Wiggling his whole body, he wanted to get out of my grasp. "Let go of me! What are you doing there?! Eren!" He hadn't needed to look into my face directly to know it was me doing this to him. Actually, there was no other person who would do this in the first place. His struggles were no use. I was stronger than him; his nails digging into my shirt or his feet scuffing across the floor to slow me down weren't causing me any big problems. He shifted his head to the front one last time before he was pushed into a room. "Sasha, you damn-"

And then I had already shoved him into the storage room, letting him have only a little glimpse of Sasha's hand wave. When both of us were inside, I released from Armin and locked the door, positioning myself right in front of it. "Is this room familiar to you?" I asked him, although I already knew the answer to it. It was just a rhetorical question.

Not getting an answer (I had expected that), Armin ran straight to me, as if he wanted to push me away. Before it could even come that far, I grabbed him by his raised wrists, lifting them up high in the air. To not get him away, I built up pressure against his forward pushing. I hadn't had to take much efforts to stop him while he was straining himself to the fullest to work against my grip. "Let me go! You aren't allowed to do that! This is deprivation of liberty!" Armin exclaimed, his head pointed at the floor.

His behaviour irritated me slightly. "You don't even bear eye contact with me. Do you resent me that much?"

Armin stilled, his fists shaking. He pulled away and walked away from me; to the opposite of this darkened, dusty room. His back facing me, Armin had hugged his own body, standing stiff as he had his face lowered.

Feeling so horribly guilty and hurt, I made a few steps to him. "Armin..."

"Don't come any closer." he warned in a voice that was raw.

I stopped, obeying him because I didn't want to make any false steps now. "Okay. Fine. I got it. I'm not moving from my spot. I promise."

The room was dived in silence and I heard my own heart beat. Not taking my eyes off him, I waited patiently for anything coming from Armin. I had learnt that it wasn't right of me to always take action first. I think, when in a fight, sometimes I had to hold myself back from rushing into attempts of apologies or anything similar to that. I bet Armin wanted to tell me something. The only thing that had needed to be done was to bring him into a situation in which it was impossible for him to break out and inevitable to talk to me.

"I'm sorry for yesterday," he began. "For having almost said things I didn't want to say."

Ouch, that hurt.

"Perhaps it's true and I can't be a good friend to you." He shrugged one shoulder, the shrug so trembly.

What?

"No. That's wrong. Don't think that. You're the best best friend I can ever have."

Armin scoffed. "Heh. How funny that almost one week ago the same voice had said the exact opposite to me."

That aching twist in my stomach was back, giving me loathly feelings. I bit my bottom lip hard. "I'm sorry for the rude things I called you. Really. I'm showing remorse. I'm showing it the whole time already, starting from the very moment our fight got out of hand. Isn't that enough? What more do you want, Armin? Tell me."

Armin lifted his head, gyrating it to the side a slight bit. "Regretting is easier than forgiving." He stopped to take a deep shaky breath. "And forgiving is easier forgetting."

The pain inside me flamed up, as though it was Armin's pain that I had inflicted him with was scalding and howling inside my gut. "Don't you want to hear me out at least?" I asked, despair trailing in my voice and a little bit of hope keeping me away from giving up.

Armin didn't let me explain myself first. He started. "When I... figured out that Levi was different from what he pretended to be the whole time, the only thing I thought about was to tell you that and convince you that you had been together with someone who wasn't as he seemed to be from the outside. The moment I grasped that there was a chance... A chance for you to get what you want and be happy with it. That's what I wanted. To see you happy again. Or should I rather say to see bliss in your face and eyes and life that I haven't seen on you before. I think, back at that time, I was analyzing everything a bit too much, neglecting that your complicated feelings for him were an issue as well. I came up with things and possible ways of how to solve the problem without thinking that I might hurt your emotional side with it. I was thinking too analytically. Too pragmatically. Eren, I didn't want to push you to misfortune. At first thought it might have sounded like that. And I'm sorry I made you feel bad. But after thinking more about what I had said to you, I figured that if you had followed my advice, you would have go through hell one last time. But that last time of being in hell would have led you to happiness. I don't know... Maybe I'm totally wrong-"

"You aren't." I corrected quickly. I sighed, tired. "Before I remembered our fight again, I was feeling a lot better. I was feeling greater than in those times in which I had struggled to get rid of any thoughts of Levi."

"You..." Armin hesitated, "You forgot about our fight for a while?"

The smile that sneaked across my face was a shy one, so innocent yet guilty. "Yes. That's how happy I was in those very few days I could spend with Levi. And there will come much more times where I can be happy with him. That doesn't mean that it was as easy as that. There were harsh moments. I had tried, and I had given up. But then things turned out to the better for me. And somehow... somewhere in between, I realized you were right with the things you said to me; even though not everything went according to your advice. I don't know how to describe it. It was as though one after another coincidence pieced together and opened up a path for me. I... Finally I was gifted with the thing I had yearned for for so long. The thing that practically everyone needed. Coming from the person who was most significant to one. I, too, am allowed to be happy and loved. Right, Armin?"

"Of course. I've never said the opposite."

My lids were heavy and unwanted wetness had accumulated in my eyes, but I didn't allow myself to go that far, so I blinked fast and rubbed aggressively against my eyes. This was not the right time to cry. I had a best friend to retrieve.

"All this is what happened after, though," I went on as I sensed my voice altering. It was husky now. "The important thing is that one certain day of our fight, Armin. At that time, I had already been down from literally everything in my life. A few days before, Levi had sneaked into my office with the purpose of luring me back to our previous relationship. He had already succeeded once in making me weak and submissive in front of and, most importantly, for him. You know that, Armin. Also, I had the bad luck that he had been chasing me in my dreams, too, and that had occupied my mind most of the time because I couldn't find a way to forget him in the easiest and most effective way - just as I had wished and needed it. And when, on that day, you came into my office, overwhelming me with all the things you revealed to me... After all the things that had happened, I did eventually lose control over myself and even though I shouldn't have let it happen, I was helpless against it. That doesn't mean right now I'm justifying myself in the sense of being in the right to have yelled at and insulted you. I am deeply sorry for all the shits I had done to you. All my attempts... All I had wanted was to forget about Levi. For a while, I thought I was on a good way to let go, but it made everything worse for me the second hindrances were thrown on my way over and over again."

"You weren't trying to forget about Levi," Armin simply stated, voice monotonous, "Or should I rather say that no matter how hard you tried and convinced yourself that you were forgetting about him, you couldn't."

I was puzzled and my confusion also displayed on my face. "How can you tell that? You can't. I know myself better than you. I had really been trying to-"

"The key." And then my voice halted and caught in my throat, the words tied together, making them unlogical when uttered. "You didn't throw away Levi's key. The fact that you couldn't do that meant that you couldn't forget about him entirely. It's a paradox. You wanted to get rid of everything, yet kept something that reminded you of him. It's a conviction you had stuck to and you planted that conviction into your mind. Maybe unaware of it, but it was there. Your subconsciousness had succeeded in fooling your consciousness. I had somehow figured something likes this and that's why... That's why I was certain that if you couldn't go the one way, you had to go the other one. But not just like that. Even less would I have suggested anything to you if it meant that there wouldn't be any advantages waiting for you in the end. But that hadn't been the case. I was glad to know that there was more to the issue with Levi than one might have thought at first. And I was... I-I just wanted you to find out the truth and convince him to seek the better, more pleasant way to live. Because it would have meant that you helping him was also you helping yourself to some extent. Oh god, I should just shut up. I lost myself in so many thoughts and possibilities and in the end I just made you mad. I'm incapable of helping a friend. I know that now."

"Stop making yourself feel worthless as a friend, Armin. I should be the one calling myself incapable of being a good friend." Another sigh dissipated. "Also, you were the one who said that humans aren't perfect. I think you're right. That means no one can be the perfect friend, no one can come up with the best advice a friend needs."

"That doesn't make me feel better - to be honest."

"You aren't to blame for something that isn't your fault."

Armin tugged a lock behind his ear. I knew that this was his way of being invested in something when hearing it for the first time or he did it when he was nervous or confused. "I don't understand."

"You... had tried to help me in something you weren't very familiar with. How high is the chance of having a friend who was in a fuck buddy relationship? On top, it wasn't even as easy as that. In contrary, it was way more complicated. Of course one can't know what to do when someone has hopelessly fallen in love with someone who didn't care about affectionate feelings at all. You most likely figured that it wasn't doing me good, even before I had eventually grasped it myself. Yet you let me be because you were aware of the fact that it was my life and my decision of what to do or what not to do. Not long time ago, I wasn't very positive to ever meet my luck with a person who deems significant to me. But that's not really the point here. The point is that of course you couldn't know a way to solve my problem. That was almost an impossible task and even a smart guy like you isn't obliged to find a solution for me. It's a matter of experience. How would you have been able to know what to do in my case, if you never experienced anything similar to my situation before?! Listen, you and I are really different when it comes to relationships. You married a man who had also been your first boyfriend ever and you are happy with everything you have. I still don't understand how this is even possible. I must say - and I can't even tell a lie here - Jean really seems to be the perfect husband for you. You don't need anyone else and you are like one of the few people who had the luck to be content with their first lover. And then there is me; two ex-girlfriends and a guy who had turned everything in my life upside down. Don't get me wrong. I'm not throwing reproaches at you. After all, this is where you and I are the same. I mean, that sex relationship was my first one ever. Of course I couldn't know either what was truly the best for me. This should have been clear the second I broke the relationship to Levi. I should have known it back then that I was walking around on unknown territory. Unknown as in I had no clue about everything that revolved around one, and only that one, person. I was clueless about what to do." I paused, expecting (and inwardly hoping) to see a reaction.

But nothing came.

So I went on. "You're probably asking yourself why I hadn't been thinking about all these things before the situation escalated between us. I'm sure I was aware of most of the things back then - partly probably consciously, partly rather subconsciously. But I didn't seem to have paid any attention to that. Because I was angry. Angry with my life and... Armin, I'm brutally honest here. I was really angry with you because you dared tell me not to give up on Levi. And while on the one hand it sounded like a plea that you wanted to be fulfilled as if it was more important to have you satisifed, on the other hand I couldn't think else than having been given an order by you and act under it. It was your whole wording that made me mad. However, there is one thing that is for sure, and this is why we can only blame ourselves and each other rightfully because," I took a deep breath, swallowing the nuisance called lump down my throat, "both of us made mistakes."

Armin's body stiffened, his shoulders tightened as he hugged himself firmer. "Fine. Okay. I agree with you." he eventually expressed. "The first part is done now. That was the less harmful one."

Deep in my mind, I knew it wasn't over yet with this, but I didn't want to go any further because halfway done meant that there still was the possibility of me screwing up practically everything and dropping to zero again. "You won't accept my apology as simple as that, will you?"

"Not when it explains only half of the things. There are always two sides of a coin. So... I angered you with my words and then you thought it was a good things to backbite me twice and thrice as sharp?"

Now we've reached the part that hurt the most. Just thinking of it made me sick and I wished the feeling of guilt that hovered over me like a little could, raining, would disappear into nothingness. "I don't mean the things I told you."

"That's not really convincing. Actually the things you called me had a higher level of seriousness in your voice. Now I don't really know what to believe, or rather... it aches me to even consider that you might have told what you really think of me back then. That I am a bother to you because I already have everything you don't have yet but wish for so badly. I-I... I've always wanted to help you because you are my best friend and I care about you so much, so why did it appear to you as if I was putting on a fake act?!" Armin's voice croaked, and his hands cupped his face now, dulling the words that came next. "I don't understand. After so many years of being friends, you should have known me better than that. So why? Why, Eren?"

My face flinched and I had the painful urge to wanna hug Armin and express how sorry I was, but I knew that I shouldn't do that right now. At least not yet. It was too early. I thought that only one step forward was alright, but after that I remained still where I was. Part of me animated me to just go farther and do what every good friend would do now, but the other part of me forbade me to do so because it wouldn't make anything better. I listened to my latter self.

"I explained to you that I was mad," I probed, speaking in a wary tone, and I was grateful that this time my patience and my composure lasted longer than they ever did up until now. "And with that came accusations that couldn't be anything else than horribly wrong! Anger and sane reasoning don't work well together within me. That shouldn't be all too unfamiliar to you."

"You used to have serious anger issues, I know." Armin said, matter-of-fact.

"Back at that time, I lost myself because I was done with everything. I was done with my life that hadn't seemed to have worked in favor of me. Not only that my mind was shut off, but also envy drove me crazy. I wanted to crawl out of my pitiful hole and in order to do that, I used unfair methods. And I'm deeply sorry, Armin. You weren't a bad best friend to me, I was. That I had yelled at you the opposite is bullshit. I was the bad friend. Forgive me for my immature and dumb behaviour. That I hurt you hurt me just as much back. That's what I deserve."

All in all, at least ten to fifteen minutes had already passed, but not once had Armin turned around to look me in the face. I was sick of having his back facing me. I wanted to look him deeply in the eyes and find out how he felt. Wanted to read his mind and find answers to my questions by watching the bright ocean blue colour swim in his orbs and pour out his feelings. "Armin, look at me. Please." So close. I was so close to throw myself onto him and force him to the floor, embracing him to show him that I couldn't go on like that anymore. "Even if only a few days had passed in which we hadn't interacted or seen each other or communicated in any other way... It affects me so much to not receive nice gestures coming from you at random times. Usually, you would bloom in positivity whenever you're around me and infect me with that positivity, and other times we'd just talk and that's how we can spent hours and hours, not getting tired of each other. I don't want to imagine how it would be not being able to do that together with you anymore. You're an important part of my life and thinking of not having you by my side when I need and want my best friend... Merely the thought is unbearable. It aches agonizingly. Isn't that punishment enough for me?"

"A while ago you said you even forgot about me and our fight. I can't mean that much to you." Armin retorted, and it was now that my words - the words I had so exquisitely chosen in my mind before I had uttered them out loud, the words that I gave meaning and which were dipped in sincere apology - threatened to crumble and disrupt, falling into a black hole and remain meaningless and forgotten.

But this moment was only very short because I regained my senses again and remembered why I had not been thinking of him on those days. "I had my reasons." I stated as I felt how my patience was slowly saying goodbye. No patience meant no calm or collected coolness. My voice's volume changed, but I tried my best to hold myself back. "That's someting else. I had every reason not to think of anything that would harm me emotionally. You don't even know. I was busy with and afterwards distracted by other things, and seriously I needed that!" The sting in my palms caused by my nails being digged into my flesh signalled me that I had clenched my hands into fists unknowingly. I unclasped them again and placed two fingers on each side of my temple, taking a few deep breaths to relax myself. "I'm sorry. I-... This has nothing to do with you." I was telling the truth. Of course Armin couldn't know about all the things that had happened to me after that day, but nevertheless there had been a feeling that had pressured me to justify myself.

"So?" That was all I heard from him, and it terrified me. The indifference that had come with that word consisting of two letters. Two letters that could express the final end.

"Have I become that indifferent to you?" I questioned, scared. "Don't be serious. Listen. When I remembered our fight again, there was nothing else I was thinking about anymore! I don't care about anything else right now. I'm slacking off at work and Levi had to deal with my anger that had almost burst out and led me to destroy things. Look at that horrible excuse of my face! I look awful because I couldn't sleep last night! The whole night I was anxious about the possibilities of losing you forever. Since I was unfortunately good at making things worse than better, I was scared of not being able to restore the friendship with you again which for sure was of high importance to me. To be quite honest, I'm the most terrified right now." My heart bounced excruciangly hard inside my chest, pumping the blood at a fast pace through my veins. I felt hypersensitive and incredibly vulnerable, as though a single word could destroy and break me into pieces.

"You don't have to be afraid." It came out of Armin's mouth, voice so different from before. So vivid and vibrant. Soft and sweet. "I want and am willing to forget everything that had happened between us. I as well am tired of all this. Trust me, Eren, I don't look any better than you right now. You're right. It was a big mess we created. So many misunderstandings and false expectations." His hands stroked the side of his arms a few times before his arm dropped to his sides, limp. "But I believe in our friendship being stronger than that. It is stronger than any kind of obstacles that can kill friendships, right, Eren?"

It was almost undescribable how much my inner state changed at this very moment. My chest warmed up, it felt like a flower blossoming inside it. No words could describe what was happening inside me right now. Happy hormones sprouted and rushed through my blood, and glee itself sparkled on my face. I raised my arms to my sides. "You're totally right." I bit onto my lip to supress the sun-bright and moon-wide smile to crep onto my face. "Can I get a hug now? I miss my best friend really much."

Finally, oh finally, Armin made a half turn with his body, showing me his face. His big eyes were glistening and there was something that looked like a little smile, so small yet one could look at it and melt away. "Me too." It croaked out of him. It didn't take long until he let himself get hugged by me, wrapping his own arms around me like a death grip. There were little, cute sobs, muffled against my shirt. "You idiot!" A weak fist pounded my chest.

"I know." I breathed, one hand resting on his head while the other one held him by his waist. Armin released little cries on my shirt, his shoulders quivering as I held him, letting myself get carried away by my emotions.

Some time passed, and Armin was still with his head resting on my chest. "I-It... This is so relieving."

I pushed him off of me lightly, so that I could look him in the face, hands roaming over his cheeks and eyes and chin to wipe off any tears before I cupped his face. "Everything fine? Are you alright?"

Armin smiled sweetly, nodding. "Yeah."

"I am so so so glad."

Both of his hands travelled the length of my left arm to reach for my hand, fingers lingering on mine for a while as he leant into it before he took it into his own ones, one hand laying one the back of my palm, the other one on my palm. And just like that, we remained in silence, semi-darkness surrounding us. Not once did I take my eyes off his face, not needing anything else to watch at right now than Armin's happy face. I surprised him when my other hand had claimed the back of his neck and he was even more confused when my lips grazed his cheek and planted a soft kiss there. Admittedly, this felt weird and somehow also wrong to some extent. It wasn't the first time I kissed some part of my best friend's face that wasn't his lips, but now that I had Levi as boyfriend, something even as innocent as this felt odd. I think now I understood Jean's jealousy somehow whenever he saw Armin and me together. But I had wanted to kiss his cheek because I felt like I had to. Armin watched me with questioning eyes as my fingers caressed that spot, disappearing, and then a pair of his fingers covered that spot, which carried a faint blush now.

To answer the unspoken question, I said, "I'm sorry for having slapped you back then." I had kissed that spot that my hand had hit before, and to make up for it, I opted for something that would hopefully heal an invisible injury. A kiss.

The confusion on his face flew away. "Is it because of yesterday when we were in the entrance hall? Where I had almost...?" He didn't want to continue, just like yesterday.

"That hit of mine was cruel and this is my way of making up for it." I smiled shortly, my expression becoming serious again when one thought popped up in my mind. An unpleasant one. "Don't tell Jean, though. He will kill me."

Armin's brows creased. "Why do you think that? Did Jean do something to you?!" His face changed to a horrified one, as though he didn't want to hear a 'Yes'.

"No," I replied casually, "and that's what is so incredible. Jean didn't mess with me, which is really unusal of him. Considering that I, the second close person to you, fought with you and made you cry. I mean, he even had the opportunity to beat me up, but he didn't."

Armin sighed in relief, releasing the breath he had been holding in since asking that question. He murmured as he lay a hand on his chest, "Thanks God. Don't scare me like that again." After that, he locked eyes with me, explaining, "This is an issue between you and me only. I didn't want anyone, and especially not Jean, to interfere in this."

"I heard something about it being a promise?" I raised one brow, interested in knowing the background to it. Even if it might be a bit too personal, I was intrigued. Now that we are at this topic again, I remembered how Armin, too, had once promised Jean not to mess with Levi back at that time when I was still living with them, one day after shit had happened to me. Armin had kept his promise, which wasn't really surprising, but that even Jean...

"Yes, it was promise. And that's why I was so worried. Because I thought Jean might really have done something to you. It wasn't like I had asked him to promise me this, but inwardly I didn't want anything else than him letting you alone. He seemed to have understood my inner turmoil and gave me the promise himself. I'm proud of him because he really kept his promise, even though - as you had said just now - he had had the opportunity to punch you." Armin formed a fist and punched me playfully, giggling.

"Does he know that I hit you?"

"Hell no." When Armin cursed, it never meant something good. His expression faltered again. "Don't exaggerate, Eren. He doesn't have to know that. I know you didn't hit me as in physically abusing me, so there is no need to create an unnecessary uproar. Also, I'd rather not see my best friend comatose in hospital and have my husband in jail." This could have been such a bad joke, but I knew that he was dead serious.

"Y-Yeah. That doesn't sound all too nice."

Armin puffed his cheeks (whenever he did it, it looked so cute) and brushed away some strands. "I think the best would be to finally leave this room. It's so dark and dusty."

"Right. Let's go. I have a lot of work to catch up on. That's so annoying." I complained, sulking.

"Wait," Armin said as he took my hand and dragged me out of the storage room and towards his office.

"What...?"

He turned his head at me, simply stating, "I have to show you something."

When we reached his room, I halted in the middle as Armin walked straight to the printer. "I hadn't had time to read it yet because Sasha interrupted me, but I was able to print it out." he explained, but I couldn't follow at all. He quickly examined some parts of the papers he had printed out, approaching me by the way, before he showed me the front side of the article as he exclaimed, "Sayo is in jail!"

My heart stopped for a moment, skipped a beat, going uneven and irregular. Anxiety took over my mind and body, making me highly nervous.

This was bad. This was bad. This was really bad.

"I didn't know that up until now. But it doesn't mean anything good if he got imprisoned, right? I wonder why that is though. It makes me curious."

With slightly widened eyes, I had my gaze at the paper, but didn't read the text. And then I snapped them away from him furiously, stammering, "I h-heard about it, too. But it doesn't matter anymore. We don't have anything to do with him. Who cares why he is in jail?!"

I had attempted to keep the article away from him, but due to some trick which I couldn't foresee, Armin was able to seize the sheets. He gave me a weird look and a deeply confused frown as I averted my gaze. "What's up with you, Eren? I know that you hate him, I don't like him either. But I am really intrigued in knowing more about the backgrounds. It's never bad to know what kind of client we used to work for. Luckily he cut business with us beforehand." He walked a few steps away from me, his back facing me as he evened the papers. "Let's see what it says here..."

This was so so so so bad and I was defenseless against this. It may be true that I had told the police to not give out too much information about me that drew a connection to Sayo's attempted crime, but I had that really queasy feeling that things would go dirty in a matter of minutes. Armin wasn't dumb. If even Pixis was able to figure it out, then Armin will...

"'The vice president of the Wall Sina District company Berry & Ricks, Tony Sayo, got a prison sentence of 5 years for having attempted to sexually assault a young adult.' Oh my god. That's awful. I already knew that he was some strange guy, but this? This is just downright awful." Armin shook his head before he went on, "'During their investigation, the police also found out that the company had been involved in corruption and blackmailing on an almost regular basis.' So that means my researches were right! Oh man, how much more dirty can this get? Eren, you are listening, right? I'm reading out what it says here."

Oh god. Armin, please. Stop. I'm begging you.

I had to stop him. I just had to.

"'On the night of the 22nd of October'," Armin paused unexpectedly, "'vice head of the one of the most powerful companies Tony Sayo was caught by a witness in the midst of his attempt to force a young man to sexual acts in a side-alley. The victim whose name won't be mentioned on demand, had been walking around on the streets, intoxicated, when T. Sayo set their eyes on them. After some time of the older man trying to seduce him with deceiving, sugar-coated words but only resulting in getting rejected, he shoved the young man to a side-alley to violently force him to sexual intercourse. It was a passerby who intervened and prevented further non-consensual happenings. Fortunately, the victim got away with light injuries, and Tony Sayo was arrested right away, being kept under arrest until the day of court, since the police had confirmed that the man was most likely a threat to the victim if on the loose. This was also stressed by the fact that Sayo and the young man weren't complete strangers to each other but indeed used to know each other through ties in business. The police didn't give out more information about the backgrounds, but it is speculated that Tony Sayo's former business connection to the man might have something to do with the reasons of his attempted rape. While the investigation was still going on, new discoveries about the company Berry & Ricks were revealed coincidentally, such as corruption, tax evasion blackmailing and money laundering."

Armin stopped reading midway. "Coincidences... So many coincidences. This is so weird." he uttered in an insecure way. At first he was still and frozen, but then he faced me, fear and confusion spread across his face. He stared at me, as though he was searching for answers; for clarification. "So weird."

I was sure that deep down in his mind he wanted to hear how everything was just a misfortunate coincidence. That nothing written in the article had a meaning affecting us.

Attempting not to show any telltale signs, I bit the inside flesh of my cheeks, not breaking eye contact, in order to not appear any suspicious.

Armin whipped his head away from me. "N-No, this is meaningless. There's nothing weird about this article, right? Sayo is a greedy creep. I'm sure he was always choosing young adults as prey. Who knows how many he knew?? Jail is where he belongs."

"Armin," I could leave everything as it was. I could practically have him have those questions unanswered in his head. Going on and skipping this topic was a solution that sounded the best right now. Eyes kept to the floor, my body trembled from the inside as my mind protested against the unwelcoming memories that wanted to well up. "That victim of Sayo's attempted rape... was me."

It was shock and denial that mirrored in his eyes when he set them back at me, growing to horror. At this very moment, I figured that all he had wanted was to not hear this. He had wished so badly for his assumptions being ridiculously wrong. And yet here I was, confronting him with the brutal truth.

It would have been the best, if I had shut my mouth instead.

Because now I had made him feel bad. The sheets dropped to the floor as both of his hands raised to his face, clapping over his mouth. "Say that this isn't true." he demanded, voice shaky as hell. He looked so close to tear up.

"I can't. Because it is the truth." The reason I didn't lie to him, the reason I didn't let him in the dark with his guesses, was simply that I hadn't wanted to lie to him. Even if I had every reason to not talk about this with Armin - since it was technically nothing he had to know about - I couldn't keep silent about this. Not when we had been discussing it just now. Not when Armin had been so close to assume himself the obvious, although even then all he did was to stick to denial right away.

"Oh my god," Armin breathed as he shut his eyes, face distorting. I remained in my position, looking at him with the same painful expression. One heavily trembling hand of his pointed at the printed article dropped by his feet. "T-This happened on the s-same day as our fight."

I couldn't grasp the meaning of his words at first, but when I eventually did, my eyes parted wide, brows forming a deep frown. "Armin?"He wasn't really infering and guessing that, was he? "Armin... no..." I shook my head slightly as I came closer to him. Don't tell me he thought it was-

"My fault." Armin whispered almost inaudibly, taking his head into his hands, his whole body shivering.

"No, it isn't!"

Oh my god!

My fingers clasped around his arms, grabbing them a bit too forcefully, and I looked down to him in disbelief and anger. He didn't lift his head, fingers threaded violently into his hair. "It is my fault..."

"It isn't!" I literally screamed at him. "Why do you think that?!"

Big, blue eyes pierced through me. "Because we had our fight on that day! Considering the time, that thing with Sayo could have happened only after that, after we'd fought!"

I shook his body by his arms once, my fingers close to break his skin. Through gritted teeth, I pushed out, "I don't fucking get it! Why do you think our fight has something to do with it? That's wrong! What had happened between us is a totally different thi-"

"Why else were you drunk, then?!" he confronted me, a pair of eyes scowling at me in madness.

My head backed up a bit, mouth falling shut as I mentally tried to find an answer to this. Sometimes I wished Armin wouldn't he that smart; like that, it wouldn't always bring me to situations where I had no chance to talk myself out of it. Just like right now, I was succumbed to do nothing else but tell the truth, not to forget that it was hard to falsify.

"See?" Armin went on, "You were drunk because of the things that happened between us before on that day. None of this would have happened if... Oh my god, if I just had shut my mouth... If I just hadn't said anything to you, nothing of this would have happened! I was the one who started the fight! It's my fault that everything got ouf of hand and reached such extents! Eren, I'm sorry. It's true... I'm really the worst best friend ever."

"Fucking shut up, Armin. Hey! Look into my eyes! Look into my eyes and listen to what I'm going to tell you. Listen because I'll tell you why this isn't your fault at all!" It may be that he looked into my eyes, but it was no pleasant sight at all to see him close to tears. "Okay, yes, I was drunk because I wanted to forget about the things that happened to me, to you, just everything. But that thing with Sayo is different from what it seems! He had waited for me outside, waited hours and hours until I'd finally left work. You know, I left at least 3 hours later than usual, and he waited that long! And when I was finally outside, he approached me and had tried to act like someone who was worried about me because I wasn't fully sober and he was scared that people would try hit on me. He said all these sugar-coated things and wanted me to look up to him as some kind of 'friend-who-you-can-tell-everything-and-cry-on-his-shoulders' when in fact he and no one else was the pervert! Do you know what that means, Armin? Whether I would have been drunk or not, it wouldn't have changed the fact that on that night he had wanted to rape me. Nothing is your fault because Sayo's plan wasn't influenced by our fight. He had wanted to rape me, regardless of what had happened before!"

"But you most likely wouldn't have had to go through it if you hadn't been drunk! If... If you hadn't been drunk, you'd have been able to stop him before anything would have escalated."

"No one can say that!" My grasp was very tight around his arms and I cursed myself for hurting him physically again, but luckily I released from him the next moment. "No one can really tell I'd have been able to escape if it hadn't been for me being drunk. And I'm sure the result would have been the same. Do you know why I think that?"

Armin shook his head, breathing fast. "Even as a person who is fully conscious and sane and sober it would have been the same. I'm sure. It is very hard to escape from someone who's dragging you into a side-alley at night, punches you in the face to force you to the floor and then sits down on your body to keep you in place."

"This is horrible!" Blond locks swayed to the left and right as Armin shook his head, palms covering his ears. He took deep, loud breaths, one hand wandering to his chest. He whispered, "Such a pervert."

I closed the distance to him and lay a hand on his shoulder. "Sorry for being so descriptive. I just wanted to make it clear to you... That Sayo tried that on me solely because of his own gross thoughts. No matter in which state I would have been, he would have tried to hit on me nevertheless. And even then I would have rejected him, which led to the attempted rape. It was because of my justified rejection. That, and nothing else."

We were silent for a long time as I waited for any reaction, wanting to know whether I was able to convince him. Even if it didn't seem like that, it meant everything to me to be sure that Armin didn't blame himself for something that was none of his fault. I knew that sometimes he would burden himself because something bad happened to one of his friends. He would do that, telling himself that if he helped his friends more, they would have less problems.

Armin was very selfless. But literally every character trait that is practiced to extreme extents isn't good for oneself anymore.

Silently, he picked up the sheets, tore them to halves on his way to the window, opening one lid, and threw the pieces of paper away. "Disgusting." he whispered, staring out of the window. There was a light tremble around his shoulders.

"I know." I replied, "But it isn't helpful to think about it more than necessary. Let us leave it behind and move on."

I was embraced in a tight hug, Armin literally clinging to me. I brushed my fingers over his hair as he said, "Are you really okay, Eren? I'm so dumb because I thought you didn't go to work the past few days due to our fight. How ridiculous of me to think that."

"It isn't ridiculous. Thinking that is actually plausible."

"But I should have known that something is weird. Usually you're someone who would want to fix things right away, rather than leaving them as they are."

"As you can see, that can't be the case everytime. I had to recover from everything."

"I know I shouldn't insist on it anymore, but can I ask you one last question?" The tone he spoke with was very sincere; worried.

"You may." I answered him, voice calm.

"What happened so that it didn't come as far as to a rape?"

I stayed quiet at first, while Armin let go of me, establishing eye contact. He looked sad, but I wasn't feeling like that anymore because I knew that there was nothing to worry about anymore. Past happenings wouldn't be able to influence the present or future. Thus, Armin actually hadn't had to worry about asking this question because it wouldn't have a harming effect. He just didn't know that yet.

I was fine.

"Levi saved me." I said, and there was relief and surprise - but mostly relief - in his expression.

Then, Armin smiled very decently. "That's something good to hear. It is, isn't it?"

"Yes."

"How comes?"

"We met on the streets coincidentally and he saw me drunk. Well, first we had somehow... communicated a bit - if you can even call it that. And when he left, Sayo approached me, but luckily Levi searched after me and found me before Sayo had the chance to assault me; he was close to, though." There was a burning question Armin had in his mind. I could guess from his expression, so I answered before he even asked. "Levi was concerned about me. That's why he went back to look after me. Me who was drunk, alone, and it was cold and dark and late at night." I shrugged it off, rolling my eyes.

Armin's face lit up and beamed a big smile. "Levi cares... He cares about you."

The way his face shone, just like the sun rising, it was the same inside my chest; warmth blossomed and spread itself through my body. "Yeah. We had talked much after that. I finally got to know the true side of him, his vulnerable side. He was so honest with me. I understood why he had been harsh with my feelings for him and I did forgive him. We had some serious problems afterwards, though, and I had actually wanted to give up and stop trying, but... I'm so glad we made it. Being by Levi's side fulfills me."

We bided in silence for a while, hugging each other one last time before we released from each other. As Armin was going to say something - his mouth already parted and breath held in - a thought popped up in my mind, something that dealt with Armin in particular. I clapped my hands together, Armin startling to it. "Now that everything is fine again, let me finally give you something that I should have given you a long time ago."

Not letting him respond to this, I grabbed him by his wrist and dragged him to my office. There I let go of him again and walked up to my desk alone. Wasting little to no time to find what I was searching for, I then stood in front of my confused best friend again as I hid the thing behind my back. I smiled and revealed the secret. It was his present. "Happy very belated birthday."

That puzzling look on his face didn't vanish at first, but after some time it softened and even a light reddish colour painted his cheeks. "O-Oh. That's some unexpected surprise. My birthday was almost one month ago." He accepted my gift, looking as cute as a little, happy puppy.

"I'm sorry. I had wanted to give it to you on your birthday, which didn't work as you should know yourself the best and, well, the days and weeks after that day were... complicated. Y'know."

"Thank you, though. Really nice of you."

"Don't be mad at me, but I forgot about your birthday totally and remembered it again only the day before yesterday."

"It's okay. You had your reasons. You didn't even have to give me a present in the first place."

"But I wanted to."

"I can see. Thanks again."

"You know what?" I threw an arm around his shoulder. "This is not enough. We weren't able to celebrate your birthday together. How about we catch up on it today? Spending time and baking a birthday cake together? How about that?"

Armin groaned lowly, doubting. "I'm too tired to do some activities that include other things than working and eating and walking home to finally sleep."

"Okay, okay. Then we're going to my house and have a sleepover. And tomorrow we're going to bake a cake together. That sounds good, doesn't it? You're right. I myself need to sleep more than average, too, today."

Armin pouted, although it was evident that he was trying to hide a smile with it. "There is no point in me trying to talk myself out of your plans, right?"

"Nope." I raised both my brows, letting the sound of the 'p' pop between my lips.

"I'll agree to it only if we're going to order pizza tomorrow. Or make one ourselves. Either way is fine." he said, implicitly pleading.

Armin was that kind of person who didn't eat junk food. But every person had their weaknesses. And Armin's was pizza. "That's totally fine by me. As long as we're going to spend time together tomorrow. Everyone's birthday is once a year. But yours is going to be the only one that'll be celebrated twice." I extended one arm, waving a semi-circle in front of our eyes. "Tomorrow is your day. Armin Arlert's day."

"Kirstein." he corrected me, casual but pointed.

I rolled my eyes. "Oh, yeah, right."

He shoved himself off me in a way as if he was seriously angry with me, but in reality he was just acting, playful. "This is not the first time you said my surname wrong. You even called me 'Arlert' in front of my clients once. Do you know how awkward a situation like that can be? I know that you probably don't and won't accept it, but I'm a Kirstein now. Not only now but already for a few months. It is how it is, and you can't change that." he dictated, one scolding finger raised.

Rolling my eyes again, I said in a sigh, "Yeah, yeah. Whatever. It will take me... like forever to accept that you have adopted horseface's surname."

"Who? I don't know a person going by that name." he pointed out, sounding serious.

"Jean." I said reluctantly. I held him by his arms again, looking deep into his eyes. "But promise me one thing. Just one thing, will you?"

"What is it?" Armin seemed confused and sincerely concerned.

In a very innocent way and a very serious tone, I said, "Don't get pregnant by him, okay?"

"Eren!" He pushed my arms away, struggling with whether to be mad at me or laughing with me because I couldn't do else than to let out a loud laughter to this. "Don't act stupid." He pushed out a huff, his face fuming a light shade of red.

Luckily, the tension from half an hour ago was able to vanish after one second and a few words being said to light up the mood.

Later, we did have a sleepover at mine and while Armin had some insecurities for he was going to see Levi again after that day where he had pushed him into the storage room, but it seemed that everything went half as bad as he had imagined. The conversation between them might have been a bit stiff and forced at first, but it loosened as soon as all three of us watched a movie together, though we didn't watch much of it because Armin and I had been too tired to stay awake for more hours and so we fell asleep on the couch.

Also, Jean got updated on Armin and I's current situation and all he commented on it on the phone was, 'It was a beautiful time without him while it lasted.'

Horseface, you wish.

--------

Regarding Sayo's prison sentence... I did some researches! I looked up the prison sentences for attempted rape in the US, Germany and Japan. Yes, there is a reason why I chose those three countries. So as far as I remember, the sentences cover from 1 to 7 (??) years, depending on factors that influenced the attempted rape, such as unconsciousness, use of weapons etc. . I'm not very familiar with laws but I think Sayo would have gotten something around 3 years. But I added two more years because Sayo used violence and Eren wasn't fully sane when Sayo attacked him.

Wow, this was some long chapter, right?!

Leave me some comments please because there are so many things that happened here! *^* I just want to know what you all think of them!

Also I'm the most interested in knowing what you think about Eren and Armin's make up scene! Well, I knew the whole time what to write for Armin but wow Eren was such a dick to him a few chapters before, I really had to think twice how to word his explanation and apology. But in the end everything turned out better than I had expected. I'm glad. You might have figured out now that I don't treat anything in my story halfheartedly. There was no way that I could write something like 'I'm sorry, Armin. I wish I could go back in time and make everything undone. I made a mistake. I won't do it ever again. Forgive me.' and that would be it. Hell no! I'm seeing this too often and to be honest I hate reading something as cheap as this. As you have read, Eren and Armin went through depths to explain themselves and it turned out that both of them were at fault. Not only Eren, not only Armin. Both of them. But each of them were at fault on another thing.

Okay, I think this is enough.

Weeeeeell, university has started for me, which means that I'll be slow with my updates from now on.

But I hope I could make up with my inactivity by presenting you this hella long chapter ^~^

Guess I will be late with my Halloween chapter meh :/