Levi's POV

The whole time I thought that I would never ever open up to someone, simply because of self-protection.

Then what the fuck was I doing here, sitting next to Eren to whom I had just fucking told everything about me?!

Even worse was the fact that Eren claimed just now something that couldn't be true and yet I wasn't disapproving him right away.

It felt as if Eren's pure emerald eyes were piercing right through my emotionless grey ones, but at the same time those glimmering orbs were the reason why I couldn't avert my eyes.

Silence had been filling the room, ever since what Eren had said to me just now.

I had finally regained my knowledge about how to use my voice, parting my lips to let the next words out.

"Love... you say?" As far as I remember, I had never ever been as insecure in my life as I was right now.

Love?

"Yes, love." Eren answered with more confidence in his voice than I had in my own one, nodding ever so lightly. He seemed to feel uncertain, too; his face showing nothing more than deep insecurity. Though, I think that he wasn't unsure of his own words but of my reaction...

'Levi', I glanced at his lips that mouthed my name, maybe he was whispering it, but his voice was too quiet to hear.

And then I felt a hand on my face, cupping my left cheek with a feathery touch, his fingers wandering to over my ears. He came closer, very, very slowly did Eren's face approach me and when there was no space left, I felt a pair of lips on my lips.

It was a chaste kiss, his lips not moving; barely lingering on mine.

I still had my eyes opened, my brows constantly switching between narrowing and loosening as I let the guy who was the biggest threat to me right now kiss me.

Eren's lips were moving now, the kiss slowly but certainly changing from chaste to passionate, though it didn't border on a French kiss or whatsoever. Eren wouldn't do something like that in a situation like this.

I then gained my senses again, feeling like I had been caught in a trance up until now.

"No." I said as soon as our lips separated due to my arm shoving away Eren's body.

Even though it was only one word, two letters, Eren seemed to understand right away.

"L-Levi... Don't..." His expression changed to a horrified one, anxious, and all that because of me. He didn't want me to say it. He didn't want to hear it.

"This isn't love." And yet I said it. I stood up abruptly in order to not get hold in place by him. I knew very well that he wouldn't give up that easily.

I was right.

"No!" Eren was on his feet now, too, grabbing my arm firmly as if everything depended on it. Well, technically, it did. "Please don't say that, Levi! Don't think that! You're wrong! This is love! You just don't know it yet!" I heard his voice break and croak, his words desperately trying to reach me.

I had faced my back to him, refusing to look him in the eyes, but then I remembered that there was one thing left. So I shifted my body to him slowly, meeting with eyes that had already tears accumulated.

Oh god, he was going to cry again. I didn't need this right now.

"Here, have your key back." Was the only thing I said as I took one of his hands and placed the key in his palm.

"Levi... Please... Don't..." The tears were already falling and in a matter of seconds his cheeks were covered with flows of salty water, spilling from bis eyes. "Please... Levi... Don't say that..."

I didn't understand. I had seen Eren crying so many times already, but this time it evoked some strange feeling inside me, now that I was seeing him like that.

Nevertheless, I had to do this. As I closed his hand that held the key, I said, "I know now that I can trust you..."

"Levi, please..." he literally begged, his whole body shaking and his slightly parted lips quivering.

"... but that's all."

"Levi, no..." It was as if I had given him a sign that resulted in bringing him into a crying fit. "Don't, Levi... Please... Please, I beg of you... Please, don't, Levi..."

His hands enclosed my wrist, his nails digging into my flesh.

Eren knew that he was going to lose and that was why he was desperately trying to convince me the opposite.

He knew that I was serious.

"I will forgive you! I will forgive you everything that you've done to me! Just, please, don't..." The whole room echoed the sounds of his cries and sobs, and I was certain now that this needed to be ended.

I freed my wrist from his fingers, even if it was difficult to release my hand from his tight grasp, in the end Eren hadn't any chance to win over this. Not once did he take his eyes off me, trying to trigger something off in me with his crying face; he hoped it would change my mind.

"This is useless." I uttered nonchalantly, heading for the door, but (of course) Eren wouldn't let me.

This time he was hugging me from behind, his face buried in my back and not much later I was already feeling a warm, wet stain spreading on my shirt. "I love you, Levi! I love you! Don't do this to me! Please..."

I sighed slowly, though not in annoyance, breaking the chain above my stomach of his crossed arms. "Let go of me, Eren." My voice was literally nothing else than a monotonous tone. Not that I was fed up with everything, but... I needed to go away for a while.

Finally, I was free and this time I made sure that Eren wouldn't do something like this again.

But he did something else instead; or rather, he exclaimed something.

"I want to help you overcome your past! I want to help you because I love you! You hear that? I love you!"

My fists were clenched and I took long breaths to supress the urge to turn around.

Why was Eren fighting for something that didn't exist in the first place?

"I think you don't understand, Eren..."
His cries diminished for a few seconds. "What? What do you mean?"

"I can't do this because you know everything about me now."

"But now that I can finally understand you I want to help you the best way possible. I want to make you feel again, Levi." Again, his sobs filled the room.

"You simply don't understand." I opened the door.

"You want to throw everything away?" I halted. Eren was still not done talking, but at least this time he held a distance between us. "You want to throw everything away that was between us? Everything, no matter how less it is, that we were able to establish after all these months? You won't give us a chance?"

The last sentence repeated itself in my mind. Us? Chance?

My hand on the door knob eventually moved and my feet brought me outside of the brunet's room. "I won't." Was the last thing I told Eren before I shut the door close and not much later I heard him exclaim one loud cry.

Trying to ignore this - but failing - I left the apartment nevertheless.

It was the park that I headed for, searching some calm place to collect my thoughts. I sat down on a bench, rested my elbows on my thighs and kept my eyes on the ground, my head lowered. Taking some time, I then let all the prior happenings pass my mind as I lit up a cigarette and blew once.

No matter how I looked at it, in the end I regretted what I had done. I made the wrong choice.

Telling Eren everything about me was a mistake.

Why did I let him convince me to open up?

I couldn't believe that his words reached me enough to make me talk.

I had told him everything. Everything. He was the first person who got to know my past by me telling him. Cassie, Richard, Farlan and Isabel were informed by Kenny about everything that had happened to me before I lived with them. He was the one who told them everything and after that I refused to talk to them about it. I wanted to bury all the bad things in my head, never ever letting them out, but now...

Eren knew.

He has seen my most vulnerable side.

Was this a sign of weakness of mine?

Was I weak in front of him and did he realize that?

I had been weak and vulnerable.

And that was why... That was why I couldn't stay with him anymore.

This wasn't love.

Eren knew everything about me now. That I opened up to him also meant that I would never ever be able to show him my cold and indifferent attitude anymore. I couldn't act like this in front of him anymore.

It was my fault that I let this happen. I was reckless and now I had to face with the consequences. Now that Eren knew and I wasn't the same to person to him anymore, he was able to hurt me.

My protection was gone.

All my efforts to keep enough distance to that brat, shielding myself from his emotions with an invisible wall that I had established, and showing emotions as less as possible were all wasted now.

Like that, Eren was able to hurt me. To be honest, he had every reason to.

But I told myself years ago that I would never ever get hurt again; neither physically nor mentally. This mustn't happen, at no circumstances. I had already endured enough.

The only solution was...

... to leave Eren.

I wasn't allowed to deal with him anymore. He was a threat to me. And I was his prey. He knew about my weak spots and was able to make use of them to my disadvantage. Practically, from now on he could hurt me without me being able to do something against that.

He didn't want to help me with my past. As if! No one could really tell what he wanted. What if he wanted to see me suffer? What if he wanted to see me suffer because I never returned his love? Maybe this was revenge? Maybe it was even a mistake to trust him?

I leant back on the bench, tilting my head back as I sighed heavily, looking up to the sky through half-lidded eyes.

Dealing with this was so bothering and annoying and... tiring.

Unbelievable how my original intentions with Eren changed drastically because of one mistake I had made. On the other hand, it was a grave mistake, so nothing else was to expect.

I had to end this.

I stood up. Having lit up the cigarette was actually a waste. I hadn't taken more than that one drag at the beginning. The rest had burnt down by itself, leaving the ash as leftover.

Entering my apartment, I noticed that Eren was still here. His shoes were still where he took them off yesterday.
Why would he leave in the first place? He wouldn't.

Going through the entrance hall and the floor, I made my way to Eren.

I had to do this.

Everything was so quiet here.

When I opened the door to his room, I didn't hear any sobs or other sounds either. Instead, I was met with a sleeping Eren. He wasn't sleeping peacefully though. I could see that. Standing next to his bed now, I noticed how distraught his expression was. It was as if he had forced himself to sleep, the pain in his face visible even when he was asleep. There were still wet tears tainting his cheeks and there were spots on his face which were reddened: his eyes for sure, his cheeks and his nose.

Seeing him like that...

Was Eren really a guy who was capable of hurting me when he wanted to do it?

Would he ever do something like that?

A guy like him-who told me over and over again that he loved me.

I told Eren that I could trust him...

But was it really true?

Was that all?

I sat down cautiously on the edge of the bed to not wake him up. Eren didn't move an inch, continued to stay in that uncomfortable kind of sleep. I really had the urge to wake him up, but it was better like this. I couldn't do anything for him.

Almost subconsciously, my fingers wandered to the brunet's face, moving away some strands of his brown locks. My thumb stroked over his temple in circling movements before I lowered my head to it.

I could trust him.

Right before my lips met with the temple I stopped.

What was I doing here?

There was no use to do this. There was no use at all. There wasn't a solution that satisfied both of us. One had to suffer from the outcome.

I couldn't give Eren what he wanted, and he couldn't help me.

Eren wasn't indifferent to me, that was right.

Also, I could trust him.

But...

I didn't want to take any risks.

It was as if my emotional state had completely changed. I didn't see him with the same uncaring feelings anymore as I did with almost anyone else. And this change hadn't happened inside me totally before today.

That I opened up to him... had triggered off certain feelings to well up inside me, though it was only lightly yet. Those feelings I never ever wanted to feel again.

This was the reason why I couldn't do this.

This was why I had to stay away from Eren.

Raging emotions rushed through my body as I left the room and went to my own one, shutting my door loudly. While pinching the bridge of my nose, I took deep breaths to calm myself down.

Suppress those feelings, don't let them out.

Do not show any emotions at all!

Fuck!

I plumped down onto my chair, propping my elbows on my desk and covered my face with my palms as I sighed through my nose.

Everything was so fucked up.

I was fucked up.

But it wasn't my fault.

It wasn't my fault that I was the way I was.

I became like this because my past made me like that!

I couldn't change anymore. Not with Eren's love nor with anything else!

Feelings wouldn't help me if I couldn't feel them, too.

What I felt for Eren was nothing more than...

Than what?

I shook my head lightly, my eyes closed as I crossed my arms on the desk and lay my forehead on them.

This wasn't love... right?

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A/N: Unfortunately I have to tell you that I will be on a hiatus for the next three weeks. So no updates during that time.

After all it's summer break and that's why my family and I want to enjoy our holidays abroad for a few weeks! >~<

I wish you all nice holidays!

Until next time!