A/N: The next chapter! I'm sorry that it took me two weeks to update. BUT I HAD MY REASONS! Yeah, I was busy the whole last week. After all, it was my high school graduation last Saturday (*~^o^)~

One can say that this chapter here is a climax. Also, it is the longest chapter I have written so far.

Oh, yeah, the warning.

WARNING: ATTEMPTED RAPE/NON-CON

If you feel uncomfortable with that, then PLEASE DON'T READ IT!!!

I have realized that skipping the whole chapter would only result that some of you will have a big plot hole. That's why I came up with something:

Everyone who doesn't want to read the (attempted) rape part, can skip the part once they see '******' and can continue reading after the second '******'.

PLEASE DON'T FORCE YOURSELF TO READ EVERYTHING IF YOU DON'T FEEL LIKE IT! YOUR WELL-BEING IS ALWAYS FIRST PRIORITY!

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Eren's POV

It was a surprise for myself that this happened here right now. But Levi was even more surprised when he found out, after opening the door, that it was me who visited him.

Darkness had already consumed the sky over Shiganshina, and the light from inside the apartment was the only source of brightness.

"Oh? It's you, Eren. Quite a surprise." Levi said, placing a hand on his hip as he looked at me with a sly smirk.

Even though my eyes were mostly covered by my bangs, I was able to see him through them, giving him an intense but also expressionless look.

And then everything changed.

My face faltered and suddenly I felt like the most fragile and vulnerable human ever. Someone who couldn't stand on their own. Someone who was unable to live without the person they needed the most.

"L-Levi..." The words were stuck in my throat, coming out as a weak, hoarse whisper.

Levi's expression had altered, too, now that he watched me in... almost pity, I would say.

"Levi..." My breath went uneven, my heart bumping at a fast pace. "Levi, one more-"

"Come in." Was all he said as he placed a palm on my cheek and with his other hand he pulled at my coat and lead me inside. "Seriously. What is your problem?"

"Levi, one more time..." Syllables that I shouldn't allow to leave my lips. "One more time... please..."

We reached the middle of the living room now, halting. The raven turned around and, without a warning, his fingers busied themselves with unbuttoning my coat. "How comes that you want me now all of a sudden?" he asked in a neutral tone, though the greyness in his eyes glooming in excitement, and the little upcurve at the corner of his lips were evidence enough that Levi was actually liking how things were going to turn out soon.

To clarify it... I had no intention to stop midway.

One last time...

"One last time, Levi... Please... Just one last time. I won't bother you after that anymore. Just... one last..." My head sunk and by now the raven had opened my coat completely. I let it slide down my arms and drop to my feet.

It was as if my body had moved by itself when seconds later I found myself clinged to Levi, my hands fisting his shirt while my forehead rested on his chest. "I haven't broken up with you properly yet. I can't do that yet. Just one more time... I want to draw a final end to this. That's why... Please..."

Levi shoved me away from him lightly, his hands remaining on my waist when he ordered with a low and dominant voice, "Say it. Tell me what you want me to do, Eren."

His faint smirk let me know that he knew very well what I meant. Levi wanted me to say it out loud. He wanted to hear how I submitted to him willingly one last time.

I would grant him this pleasure for once. "Sleep with me one last time, Levi."

The sparkling in his eyes told me how much it had pleased him listening to those few words that came out of my mouth. He directed me to his room, pushing my body onto the bed and hovering over me then. His hands were placed on each side of my head and his knees on each side of my hips. "I'll make sure that you won't regret your last time with me, Eren." he breathed out in a seductive whisper as his right finger hooked on the hem of my shirt, pulling it up until my chest was revealed completely. A smirk played around his lips, his eyes hidden behind the locks that fell from his head. His right hand roamed my chest and abdomen, circling the skin with soft but determined fingers that practically claimed my body. "One last time, right...?"

The fact that he wanted the reassurance from me was only alluding to the possibility that I wouldn't leave it at one last time. The fact that I came back to him to demand this from him was proof enough that I didn't only want it to be the last time.

Not one last time but...

I nodded. "One last time, Levi. Please..."

His lips lowered to mine, kissing them very lightly. A feathery kiss and nothing more. He was teasing me.

He caressed my left cheeks while his lustful eyes lingered on my dull emerald ones. "I will grant you that wish, my little pet."

Pet?

Something was wrong here. He never called me that before.

What was happening...

Even if it wasn't with a cold sweat on my forehead and a loud gasp whenever I woke up from such like dreams anymore, it didn't change the fact that I hated dreaming of him and me.

Having my arm placed over my forehead, I then opened my eyes slowly, staring up at the ceiling, with half-lidden eyes though, as I let out a quiet sigh.

When would everything that revolved around Levi go to an end, I wondered.

I couldn't make any process in my life if this went on like that.

How ironic that I wanted to forget and move on, but something (that I couldn't define) wouldn't allow me to do so. Whatever this crazy shit was it pissed me off.

~~~

Even during work I had to think about that dream, causing to make me less productive today.

One last time...

Why did I say that to Levi in my dream? It wasn't like I had that unbearable urge to have sex with him for one last time in real life. As long as he wouldn't try things on me, I could bear his absence. Or should I rather say I was trying to? No, it wasn't only attempting. It was also succeeding. Yes... I wanted to succeed.

I didn't need Levi in my life. I could live a life without him as well, considering that it was better like that.

He wasn't necessary in my life...

God, thinking of him was making me sick.

It was now that I realized how thinking about how I was wasting time about unnecessary nonsense at work made everything even worse because I wasted more time. I became even less productive and was less concentrated on work because I was thinking of other trivial things.

No to forget that I couldn't get work done while standing in front of the window and spacing off.

Pinching the bridge of my nose, I took calming breaths, turning to my desk then. There, I spotted the newspaper, one specific page having red circles. It was the page for house-hunting. I really needed to move out from Armin's place. Not that Armin was pressuring me - not at all - it was rather my own self that told me that I was living with him too long already. I couldn't count myself as a grown-up if I wasn't able to find a new home for myself.

I was about to sit down and continue my work when all of a sudden someone knocked at the door unexpectedly. With furrowed brows I was making my way to the door, but it was already opened by the intruder himself. It may be wondering that I wasn't anxious about the possibility that it might be Levi again who randomly decided to visit me again, but that was only because Armin and I told Sasha to be more attentive from now on to not let a raven guy in anymore. Of course we had no assurance that she would fulfill her task, but nevertheless I was pretty confident about that. Next time she was making that mistake again, I would make sure to let her starve for one whole day. Sometimes people would only learn through punishment.

"Do you have some time?" A head with blond hair popped up into my office, the rest of the body still hiding behind the door. It was Armin, though he wasn't in his usually happy mood.

Something was up.

"Of course." I answered, even if it actually was a lie. Honestly, I couldn't allow myself to delay my work a bit more, but that thing with Armin right now was more important. There was something that bugged him and made him feel truly down, and there was no way that I was going to ignore that. "Come in." By smiling at him, I tried to loosen the current tensed atmosphere, but it seemed that my efforts were to no avail.

Seriously, what was up with Armin? How could there be something that affected him this much and in this way?! The way he walked in-cautiously and silently. The way he looked at me-namely, not at all. His head was lowered and his hair around his face made it difficult for me to figure out his expression.

"Armin, what's up?" It had already made me suspicious that I didn't see him at home during breakfast time. Jean didn't tell me anything (though, that much was to expect of him), but his unsatisfying answer hadn't erased my doubts and suspicion. Thinking twice of it, I was pretty sure that Jean didn't know either what was up with Armin. After all, my best friend had left the house really early.

Armin halted in the middle of the room, there were at least five feet that parted us. His eyes were still fixated on the floor, his fingers entwined. "I'm sorry, Eren."

I hadn't expected him at all to say these exact words, which confused me even more now since I had no clue why he was apologizing in the first place-and more importantly what for.

The knit of my brows deepened. "What do you mean, Armin? You are sorry for what?"

"I'm sorry, Eren." His fingers played around, fidgeting here and then. "I'm sorry."

He was seriously irritating me. It didn't make any sense to me. "What are you talking about? Why aren't you looking at me?! What did I do wrong? What have you done that you have to apologize now?! I don't understand!"

Armin didn't bother to raise his head to me, neither did he make a step forward. "I know I've always told you the opposite up until now... But that was before it happened a few days ago."

It didn't help me at all to understand when my friend was talking in riddles. "Hey, Armin. What do you mean? What happened a few days ago? Answer me! And look into my eyes!" I was so close to grab him by the collar, and force him to look at me and spit out what he had to say.

This time, Armin really made eye contact with me, looking at me with deep worry filled in his eyes. "Eren..."

"What...?!" I snapped through gritted teeth, barely being able to control myself. I was losing my patience and that Armin built up a tension before telling me what he wanted to say to me made me mad.

"Please don't give up on Levi."

What?

It seemed that I had told a lie just now. This was something I would have never ever thought of coming out of Armin's mouth. Armin who had never really approved of my and Levi's fuck buddy relationship. Armin who knew very well how much Levi was making me sick. Armin who wouldn't say something like not to give up on Levi; not under these circumstances.

What had gotten into him to think like that?!

"H-Hey... What are you saying there?" I sent him an insecure smile, inwardly still hoping that Armin was just telling a bad joke right now. There was no way he meant it seriously, right?! "You're joking, right?" Oh god, please let it be a joke.

"I wouldn't tell jokes when it comes to serious matters." Armin answered monotonously, the same trait reflected in his expression.

Hearing this made me totally insecure. "Why are you saying that? What made you think like that? I have already given up on him!"

"No, you haven't." I startled. Was it true? Was I still not over him?

Wrong. He was wrong. I was making efforts on leaving Levi behind - I knew that better than him! And... there wouldn't be any doubts if Armin didn't bring up that matter again.

"Leave." I said sternly, my fists clenched. "Or else I don't know what I'm going to do next." You were making me totally anxious.

Even if we remained in a little silence before Armin responded, it didn't seem that he used that silence to decide for an answer. The reply that came from him sounded understanding and determined. "Okay." He turned around and made his leave.

"No, stop!" Why were you doing that to me, Armin? "Don't leave yet!" Why was he saying those things to me? I wanted an explanation. "Why do you think is it better not to give up on him?"

"I never said that it would be better." His eyes were locked with mine again, a cool and collected expression featuring his face. After giving him a tilt of my head and a confused look in addition, he continued explaining. "I talked to Levi a few days before."

Another startle. Fuck. Why was he making me feel insecure with every sentence that came out of his mouth next?! I didn't want to know what else he had done. Right now, I was even prepared for him to say that bringing Levi to this place was his idea.

"When did you do that?"

"Right after I made him leave your office. After that, I ran up to him and shoved him into the storage room. There I had my talk with him."

That was the reason for his leave from my office on that day?! And I had thought that he was fed up with comforting me. "Why?" I had made it clear to him before that it was no use to confront Levi. Why did Armin do that?! "I told you that something like that is pointless! Why did you do that?!" My voice rose unexpectedly. Getting to know that Armin had spoken to Levi about me made me... Made me what?

"The point is that it wasn't useless at all. In contrary, I was able to find out why Levi was the way he was behaving. It became clear to me that Levi's attitude was a facade. There is a reason for the way he is or rather pretends to be."

It was me now who stared at the ground, closing my eyes as my hands balled into fists once again. "Do you think I don't know that? So what if he doesn't show his true self?! I can't change that!"

"Eren... You can change it. If... If you try hard enough-"

"But I don't want to try anymore! I'm sick of it! I'm sick of dealing with something that makes me unhappy!" I looked up to him again, watching him with rising anger. We should stop talking right here and right now. Or else... Or else there might happen a big mistake. A mistake that will probably be made by me.

"Levi is the only one who can make you happy." When those words left his mouth I felt like I was trapped in an illusion, the world around me twisting in a surreal way. Levi was the only one... who could make me happy?

"Ridiculous." I commented derogatively. "You're telling nonsense."

"He is the one who hurts your feelings the most at the moment, but at the same time there is no one else who can repair them and make you feel better."

"The fuck are you telling there! The Armin I know would never ever say something like that! The Armin I know wouldn't want me to get hurt by Levi again!"

It was still a mystery to me how my friend was able to stay calm in a situation like this. Like, how was he able to come up with explanations for everything I said. What kind of game was he playing with me?!

"The Armin the two of us knew didn't know it any better back then." With narrowed eyes I awaited for him to go on. "Eren, you have to find out why Levi is the way he is. Not only that, but also change him. You are the only one who can do that. You've spent enough time with him to know what he is like-at least what he pretends to be like. Try to make him love. At this rate, I bet no one else can do that. And I know you very well enough to know that your stubborness would bring you somewhere that is worth to fight for. After all... Isn't the thing that you crave the most Levi's love? One has to break his hard shell. No one else can do that than you. Because for that you love him so much."

"I can't believe it..." Too many emotions rushed through my body when I came closer to my best friend, my eyes widened in disbelief and my whole body tensed and shivering. What Armin was saying was fucking nonsense! I didn't want to hear any of it! He didn't have any clue about how I felt! "Did you draw that conclusion after that one time that you've talked to him?" Now it was only a few inches between us. I looked down to meet his eyes, starting to glare at him.

Armin had to tilt his head back extremely in order to make eye contact with me-our height difference was not just slightly different. I didn't know whether it was just my imagination, but it may be that Armin was slightly intimidated by the way I looked at him, not forgetting how close I was to him. Though, that was no reason for him not to answer. "Well, yes. The few words Levi said were enough for me to form an opinion on hi-"

It didn't only surprised him but also me when my flat hand slapped across his face, leaving a red stain on his cheek. The slap was not hard enough for him to fall onto the floor, but regret overwhelmed me the second I saw Armin's face tilted to the side - due to the impact - the reddened spot clearly visible on his face. With a shaky breath I raised my hand, which was trembling like hell, still feeling that stingy sensation that one would feel after a slap. It made my palm fidget even more when the horrifying thought repeated itself over and over again in my head.

I slapped him. I really slapped him. I slapped my best friend!

Armin placed a shaky hand on his bruised cheek, facing me again; his expression full of disappointment and shock. "Why did you hit me?"

At first I responded with an apologetic expression, regret featuring my whole facial expression. I had to apologize to him. But then my face straightened and changed to a frown.

"What you were telling sounded like you wanted to order me around. As if you wanted control over me."

No! That wasn't what I must say to him. 'I'm sorry.' I had to say those three words. 'I'm sorry.'...

My friend shook his head. "Then you've got it wrong. I'm sorry that it sounded like that." No. You weren't the one who had to apologize right now, Armin. "Let me put it in other words. I hadn't the intention to force you to not give up on Levi. It was just a suggestion! It was the only solution for me to help you. But of course you don't have to take it seriously if you think that it won't change anything!"

The frown hadn't left my face, intensifying with every sentence that Armin uttered. My mind was spinning around, not being able to form proper and logical thoughts for the while. The emotions rage, despair and irritation took over me, and everything I thought and said was due to those emotions. Nothing good would come out of my lips, as long as my feelings were controlling me. I had to... get a hold of myself... Before it would be too late.

"You know what I think," No. Don't say something wrong now, Eren. My jaw tightened and my eyes narrowed. "Now I'm pretty sure that you don't want to help me, Armin."

His eyes widened as he shook his head fast. "No. No! You're wrong!"

"As a best friend you wouldn't give me an advice that was bad for me." I said with an emotionless voice, giving him a glare.

"You are wrong! Do you really think that I would want to harm you on purpose? Do you really think that?!"

"Seeing what you suggested me and how things are turning out... yes, I really think that." What was I saying there?! Armin was the purest human on earth. He wouldn't bring harm on his friends or innocent people!

I was the one who was hurting right now. I had to stop talking. I had to... No, I wouldn't leave it like that. My best friend had dared to tell me to not forget about Levi. Armin wanted me to suffer more!

Armin cringed and his eyes became teary. "Eren, you've changed just now. Why are you like that?"

Without giving it a second thought, I spilled out the words that came to my mind first. "You made me like that. I'm just protecting myself from you."

He grabbed his head with both of his hands, grabbing a fistful of his blond locks as he sunk his head and shifted his head from left to right and vice versa lightly. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry! Don't take my words seriously! I've come up with a bad advice and I'm sorry for that! I didn't want to make you mad with that! Don't listen to me! Don't think about Levi anymore! If you think that you're better without him than I will accept that! It was wrong of me to think that Levi's love can make you happy. I was wrong, okay?! I'm not perfect. Isn't that what makes a human a human? Having flaws!"

"You're pathetic."

"I'm s-sorry." His voice was already cracking and breaking.

My best friend was close to cry and I didn't do anything against that. After all I was the reason why he was close to cry.

That sight of him was pathetic. Right now he was even more pathetic than I was in the past few days. Yeah... I wasn't the loser anymore. I didn't want to be the loser.

Was the concept of being and feeling stronger than someone else on a physically and mentally basis human nature? Was that the reason why my subconsciousness behaved like that? Or was I just too egoistic and cruel to realize that what I was doing was wrong on all levels?

Whatever it was it didn't stop me from continuing. "I thought you were smart, Armin." The tone in my voice had a scolding touch, even insulting. "And yet you are trying to help me in this way. Are you dumb? 'Don't give up on Levi', this is the dumbest thing that can ever come from your mouth. At the same time, it just proves how less you care about me." I extended my arm, pushing my pointer finger against his head.

"No..." he retorted weakly, his shoulders quivering.

"You're just coming up with things that sound plausible. As long as I'm listening to your shit and believing them, you're fine, right? I would have never guessed that you are that sly."

Armin winced to the last word, trembling even more now. His wet eyes locked with mine again and all I saw in them was pain and sorrow. "You're wrong. You know that. Why won't you admit it? I've been your best friend for the longest time now and you really think that I want to see you suffer? All my efforts are for your sak-"

"Bullshit!" I yelled at him with a noticibly risen voice, anger and madness accompanied. "That's bullshit! Just compare yourself with me. My life is a mess with no clear future. I don't know what I'm going to do with it because my current situation is taking me down. You are younger than me, but you have already accomplished more than I will ever have in the next ten years! You are happy, you have kind friends, you have a lover who adores you, everyone loves you!"

Armin stepped back, watching me in fear and confusion. "W-What are you trying to say with that?"

I made two steps towards him. "What if your life is just a show?" The fear in his face had overwhelmed his confusion. "What if everything in your life is just a pretence? Yeah, what if you married Jean just because of his money? You don't care about him, you just want to live in wealth! I mean, you have married the guy with the worst personality ever!" I threw my arms to the side.

"Don't say that. You're mean. I love Jean; dearly and wholeheartedly."

"I don't believe you anymore! You're helping your friends, but in reality you enjoy how you live the best life of them all. You don't want anyone to be as happy as you!"

"No! That's a lie!" He couldn't hold back the tears anymore and now they were flowing down his cheeks. "What y-you're saying is ludicrous. I'm not fake."

"You have everything, and I have nothing! The best for you would be to leave it like that. And you know what?" I should stop now. I've made everything worse enough already. "Someone like you who is thinking like that is the worst best friend one can ever have!"

Now it was over. I had destroyed everything between us that was able to be destroyed.

Armin stood totally still and both of us watched the other with widened eyes.
Oh my god. What have I said?! This didn't really leave my lips just now, did it?! I didn't say those mean things to Armin, did I?!

The blond sniffed once as the tears continued streaming down his face. "My attempts to support you as much as I can... They were always without any bad intentions. You don't deserve to be unhappy and have nothing."

After all those things that I said to him and called him he didn't do the same back. I had hurt Armin the worst way ever, and he didn't hurt me the same way back.

"Armin..."

He wiped off some of the tears on his face. "I-I just wanted to make you smile genuinely again. I really wanted to see you happy again."

Armin turned around and left my office quickly.

Instead of stopping him in his tracks, I let him go. There was no way that Armin would want to talk to me anymore. I'd ruined everything. I had ruined everything just because of one thing.

I'm sorry, Armin.

~~~

Even hours later the happenings from today didn't leave my mind, Armin's words and cries repeated in my head over and over again. I couldn't understand why I said those things to him. He didn't deserve to be treated like that and yet I hurt him in the worst way possible. The biggest mistake I had probably made was to call him the worst best friend. That was a lie. Armin was the best friend I could ever have. Really!

Fuck.

Over those passing hours I hadn't done else than to stand in front of the window and bite my nails anxiously or sit at my desk and hide my face behind my face as regret remembered me time and again that what I had done was unfair and pathetic.

I didn't understand.

Why wasn't I able to keep my silly and unreasoned accusations to myself? It was not the first time that I said something I didn't actually want to utter out loud, but for some reason in situatuon like these my mind wouldn't listen to me and let my feelings control me and my train of thoughts. I had to work on that problem of mine.

But... realizing that I had done a mistake didn't bring my best friend back.

I had hurt him, and he wouldn't forgive me for that. At least not that fast.

A knock on the door ripped me apart from my depressing thoughts, snapping me back into reality. I still hadn't left my office yet and a quick glance at the clock told me that it was past 5. Actually, it was already 8 o'clock. My shift had ended a long time ago. I had wasted more than three hours in mourning and self-hatred without noticing.

Eventually I freed myself from my freezed position, sitting straight as I collected some papers on my desk. Not only did I stay in my office longer than expected, I also didn't do any work today. Literally. Everything I had achieved today was counterproductive and self-destructive.

"Eren? You're still in your office?" It was Pixis who entered the room and asked me this with one brow raised suspiciously and pursed lips. "Staying here late is not like you. I realized that I haven't got any reports from you today. Something wrong?"

Sighing loudly, I rubbed one eye before responding with a weak shrug of my shoulders. "I'm sorry. Due to... personal reasons I couldn't work properly today. I can fully understand if you want me to take a night shift as a compensation for my lack of productivity today. I will follow that order if you say so."

"Nah, no night shifts. I don't torture my employees with that. Go home already and take a rest. I can see that you look exhausted."

Exhausted? Go home?

If I had the strength to do that, I would have laughed at that.

How pathetic.

He tapped his chin as he rested his elbow on his forearm that was placed across his chest. "Sasha told me that Armin went home earlier today. He didn't seem very well. Do you know what the matter was?" He sounded really concerned, like always when something was up with one of his employees.

Hearing that caused a sting in my chest and even more unbearable was how I was practically forced to lie to that question. "No, I don't know anything."

Now it was him shrugging his shoulders. "Then I have to ask him that personally. Don't stay long here anymore, Eren. The building will be locked up in one hour." After that, he made his leave.

Remaining in my sitting position, I stared at the door for what felt like hundreds of years, not moving at all, before a desperate scoff left my mouth.

God, everything was upsetting me.

No matter what I did the happenings from today would constantly bug my mind. I didn't want to remember them.

I needed to forget.

~~~

A half empty vodka bottle in my hand and my other hand leant against the wall for support, I walked down the street without any destination. It was cold outside and the breezy air was hitting my face and made the tip of my nose reddish.

The alcohol was already working in my body, numbing my senses. But I honestly didn't care. In orders words, I preferred not being sober at the moment, like that I couldn't think too much of the things that I had failed at. Not being reminded by my mind that I sucked at staying calm when something didn't turn out like I wanted it to be was something positive for which I was alcohol grateful for.

Everyone and everything can kiss my fucking ass, I didn't care.

Taking another swig of the vodka, I moved forward, gradually becoming wobbly in my walk. The wall next to me was absolutely necessary for me by now or else I would fall face first. Maybe the two Jägermeister that I swallowed down before were a bad idea.

Coming to an halt, I then looked around me, though I couldn't trust my eyes, and my senses, for much longer anymore. It was dark outside, but the streets were dived in the bright whites that the lights emitted. Only the streets were illuminated luminously, everything else that surrounded the main street hid in the dark. A few shops still had opened (it was 9 something o'clock) and the owner of the apartments above the shops seemed to be sleeping already. Nearly everyone had their lights off. Not many people were walking outside either, I was able to spot barely a handful of humans walking on the streets, chatting or rushing to their homes silently and/or tiredly.

I was practically alone here.

Alone... and lonely.

Perhaps that was what I deserved. Someone like me who couldn't get their shit together, who fell for the wrong person, who insulted their best friend - even though he was innocent - didn't deserve any better.

My fault.

Oh, fuck!

I needed more of the vodka. This was not enough yet. I needed to avoid my bad conscious that was implicitly trying to blame me for everything that I had done wrong. I didn't want to remember that. Not by myself, and not by anyone else!

I knew myself the best that I've made dumb mistakes!

I had brought myself into this shitty situation. But I would have never guessed that there was the possibility to bring it that far that I lost my best friend in the end. This wasn't expected. Losing my support was equal to shooting myself in the foot. Or giving up.

In the end, I thought about everything more than I wanted to, although the alcohol had already affected my body quite a lot. Escaping from my problems and responsibilities was impossible.

Fate detested me extremely.

I had reached that point where I didn't know what to do next, even less what to do to fix things. Hell, I even lost a home where I used to be welcomed (more or less, excluding Jean). My side was resting with all my body weight against the wall and the bottle in my hand was pressed against my chest as I slid down the wall slowly, my face distorting in emotional ache and unbearable sadness. A low, guttural sound rose from my throat as my lips quivered, my eyes holding the tears in and my mind desperately attempting not to burst out from all the emotions that were kept inside and oppressed when actually all they wanted was to be released in one loud cry orgy.

"I have... lost... everything." It was a strangled, desperate whisper; inaudible for anyone who passed by but loud enough for me to repeat the last two words. "Lost... everything..."

My life was one whole damn wreck in the last few weeks, nothing of the things that had happened was in my favour, not giving me motivation to look positively into the future. My life was running in a vicious circle, and I was unable to break out from it. I had no clue what the key to happiness was, but I was in desperate need of that, that much was for sure. I was sick of trying to find my happiness in love and affection in a person because I knew that it might hurt me emotionally again. Living a life in peace with the people who appreciated the affection I expressed to them was something I desired more at the moment.

But was that even possible anymore?

I had fucked up. My life had hit me hard in the face more than one time. At this rate, it wouldn't even be any surprise for me anymore if I got hit by a car.

"Oi, brat."

I said getting hit by a car and not encountering the person I wanted to see the least at the moment.

Growling in hatred, I gripped the wall behind me hard with one hand as I held the bottle close to my chest with my other hand, slowly and shakily getting on my feet. "What are you doing here?" I hissed between ground teeth, glaring at him in pure wrath. "How did you even find me in the first place?! I did change my phone number!" Eventually, I managed to stand in a more or less steady position.

Levi's eyes had followed mine during the time I was trying to get up, using more effort than a sober person would take and need. His brows were furrowed and he scowled at me. "Tch. Fucking chill. This time it's really coincidence that we meet."

I let out a scoff, going back to sending him death glares in less than a second. "I don't care. Go away! I don't wanna see ya!" I spat at him and wanted to make it clear to him by approaching him threatingly, but after taking one step, my body fell backwards and against the wall immediately. This was too fast. I shouldn't have moved abruptly or else I won't be able to coordinate my body at all.

"Oi, why are you drunk?" he commented with a pissed-off voice, examining me from top to bottom, his eyes halting on the thing that was in my hand. As soon as he saw the vodka bottle, the furrow in his brows deepened. "What...?"

"I'm not drunk." I retorted, taking another sip from the bottle.

"Seriously why are you drinking that much? Know your limits."

Another derogative scoff before I gulped down another generous amount of the alcoholic content. "You aren't my mom."

"Well, thanks heaven."

"You can't lecture me. I'm an adult. I know what I'm doing."

Levi clicked his tongue. "What you're doing right now is proof for the exact opposite of what you're claiming, you dumb brat."

What he thought of me didn't matter to me at all, even less did I want to hear his complain and opinion on my behaviour. Nothing of all this would have happened if... Yeah. It was as if realization had hit me hard with what my brain came up with now. Something that was plausible and didn't sound illogical at all. A wonder that I was able to produce reasonable thoughts in my current (unstable) state. Nothing of all this would have happened at all, if I had never met Levi. He was the one who had changed my life drastically and the moment he appeared in front of my eyes and practically entered my life, it had already become clear that he would mix up my feelings. Back then, I didn't know how much of an influence Levi would ever have on me. Why didn't he give me up and search for another one with whom he could have his fun?!

Everything was-

"Your fault." I uttered almost inaudibly, but as this thought processed and repeated itself several times in my head, it actually made sense. It all made sense to me now. "Everything is your fault! You are the wrong person to fall in love with! It's because of you that I had to go through many shits! It's your fault that I fought with my best friend! If I just hadn't met with you back then... Someone like you... Your attitude..."

The irritation in his face was hard not to notice. He narrowed his eyes at me. "What are you babbling there ab-"

"I hate you for being the way you are!"

I screamed at him, pushing every bit of air out of my lungs. There was a long silence in which only my heavy breathing was heard; Levi frowning at me with slightly widened eyes. I didn't know whether there were people around us (probably not), but if there were some, then there was no doubt that everyone of them would turn their heads to us. Another gentle breeze of cold air let our hair dance. It took me literally half a minute to realize what I had yelled at Levi just now. 'Hate' him? This was a strong word that I had never considered before to say to him. Was is it yet another mistake that I had made? Was I going to regret that one, too, later?

"Levi..."

"Is that so?" He hesiated with his next words, opening his mouth but deciding to close them for now as his expression faltered, bordering on a hurt expression, or maybe it was a contemplating and struggled face. His lips parted again and this time words were coming out, though his voice had a utterly different octave now and sounded forced. But regardless of that, he came closer to me and exclaimed in a risen tone, "I hate you for having fallen in love with me!"

Forget everything I said just now, this guy was the worst. "Fine. I don't need a person in my life who can't make me feel wanted. Fuck off." I stressed the last two words by rolling them over my tongue as slowly and clearly as I could, despite of my drunkness.

"I hadn't had the intention to stay here with an annoying drunkard any longer in the first place. Just don't fucking overdo it."

"I can take care of myself."

He rolled his eyes and shrugged. "If you say so. But do that..." He snatched the bottle out of my hand all of a sudden and when I wasn't expecting it at all. "... without more alcohol."

I looked down at my palm first, seeing how it was indeed empty and when I raised my head again, Levi was already distancing himself from me. Turning my head to the right, I saw him carrying the vodka with him and lazily walking away, as though he knew that I wouldn't follow and catch up with him. And I had to admit... It was true. All I could do now was to shout at him. "Hey! Give it back to me! Hey, I'm talking to you!" He showed me the finger as a response, but without turning around to me. "Asshole! Fuck you! I hate you!"

It was not much later that I had given it up, and let my back fall against the wall and slide down. I sat like that on the cold ground for a while, my head hanging low and my eyes staring at the asphalt. There was only one time that a what seemed like a couple attempted communicating with me.

"Excuse me, young man. Are you alright? Do you need a cab? Or maybe an ambulance?" A stranger with a female voice asked me, honest concern evident in her voice.

I didn't need anyone's pity. "Fuck off!" I spat, not bothering to look at the woman.

"Leave him alone." A man (most certainly the one next to her) said and then I was already hearing steps distancing from my place. I was still able to comprehend the last thing the man said. "You don't need to waste your time with a guy like him. He's probably just drunk or high, or both."

I bided in my spot a little longer before I decided to stand up and this time go somewhere in particular. I had no clue why it didn't come to my mind earlier, because actually there was a place that I could go to. There was one place where I was-

"Mr Yeager?"

I freezed. That voice. That ugly voice. There was only one person that this voice could belong to, but the question in my head on why that particular person was here, hindered me to believe that it was him.

Slowly, very slowly, I raised my head and disbelief overtook my mind when there was the visual evidence for my assumption. "Mr Sayo?"

It was really him. It was really Sayo standing there, looking at me with a what seemed to me a repellent grin. What was he doing here? In this place? At a time like this? Next to me?!

"What are you doing here?" I breathed out, suppressing the anger that wanted to accompany my voice. Though my bottom lip was already quivering in rising wrath. Not wanting to see Levi was one thing, but Sayo was the other person I didn't want to have to deal with. I resented him the most of all people.

"Oh, I followed you after work." he answered bluntly.

Creep. Such a creep.

He followed me? There was another person who stalked me?! What the fuck!

"Why are you doing that?" I questioned, not meeting his eyes and instead seeing past him to the other side of the street. Why wouldn't he leave me the fuck alone, for fucking sake?!

The old man glanced at his watch quickly, tilting his head as if he were in thoughts. "Though I have to say that you left your work place pretty late. Is that usual? I thought people like you would work up to 5, or 6 at the most."

It was true that I hadn't left Pixis Corporation before 8 and the thought of Sayo waiting somewhere outside near the building until I would come out made me sick.

"Stop following me."

"Say," he changed the subject, not much to my liking, "That guy from before... You know the raven man with whom you had a longer conversation with... Is he your boyfriend or so?" His question was spoken out in a careful way, as if he didn't want to trigger something off with that and rather tried to ask innocently.

The fuck, did he really think I didn't know what was going on! A half smile appeared on my face as my eyes showed off madness. "No. He isn't." I could have lied to him to get him away from me with his cheap "flirt" attempts, but I still had that little bit of dignity left inside me that convinced me to stay honest and solve my problems without any dirty ways. "He isn't my lover. I would never ever date someone like him." Was that already dishonesty?

"I see." Sayo fidgeted with his fingers, seeming to become impatient. "Well, if you don't have anything to do, I can bear you company." he offered, his behaviour overpowering with self-confidence.

That pervert was making me really sick.

"Disgusting." Was all I said to it and after that I made my leave, slowly walking away from him, though one of my hand leant against the wall to support me while I walked. We shall not forget that the vodka was still affecting my body.

Suddenly, I felt how someone threw my unoccupied arm over their shoulder. It was no one else than Mr Sayo. "You don't seem to be in good shape. I have a hotel room nearby. How about-"

"Leave me alone." I released from him and walked a bit faster now. But neither my words nor my actions shook the old man off.

He walked up to me and followed me with the same fast pace. "Mr Yeager, I'm really worried about you. You shouldn't wander around at night like this. There may be shady persons who don't have any good intentions with handsome and innocent looking people like you."

One of those creeps was next to me. "Go away." I said in a stern and steady voice, not bearing eye contact with him.

All the while, we weren't halting at all. And Sayo didn't give up. "I don't mind you resting in my hotel room. I still have some business to do here in Shiganshina. And if you want, Mr Yeager, I can listen to what is on your mind. I'm a really good listener and can empathize what other feel. We can have a good time together and I would even offer you to massage your back if you are so stresse-"

Now, things were going to far. I stopped in my tracks abruptly, turning to the side to face him with an intense glare plastered on my face. I had the unfortune that the dark alley next to us was the reason that there wasn't many lights on us, so that I was barely able to figure out his figure.

Breathing heavily through my nose and clenching my fists, I said, "No, I don't want to have sex with you."

His body tensed up a bit, startling. "Now, Mr Yeager. I didn't mention that at all."

"Are you fucking dumb?! Do you really think I'm as oblivious as to not know what you're trying with me? I haven't realized that only now, no, I-"

"But Mr Yeager-"

"Don't interrupt me when I'm talking! I knew from the very start, from the first time you were in my office that you had, and still have, more in mind than a fucking business relationship!" My voice rose gradually, and I took a deep breath before I went on while Sayo stayed all silent, which actually made me suspicious. With as much hatred as possible I told him, "You are grossing me out."

******

A hand clapped over my mouth as my body was dragged into the alley and since no other person had passed by, only one could come into consideration.

Sayo. Sayo did this!

It took me quite a while to process what was happening here right now, but alone the fact that I was pushed into a dark spot, where no one was around, against my will was enough to alert me. I struggled with the hand over my mouth, digging my nails into the flesh to make him take his palm away. I also wanted to pull away from his firm grasp, but before I even had the chance to it my body was already pushed against the wall, chest first, my head cocked back because of the hand on my face. Sayo pressed his other hand on my shoulder, putting pressure on it as one of his knees squeezed my thigh. Even though he was a bit smaller than me, his body weight helped him to keep me in place.

I then sensed his face next to my left ear, practically hearing him smirk due to his heavy breathing. "Don't be scared, Mr Yaeger. It's your fault." he cooed insanely. "You refused my offer. If you had accepted it right away, I wouldn't have to take drastic measures now. No one is allowed to reject me-"

In a moment in which he was still speaking and in which I prayed that he wouldn't pay too much attention on keeping me in place, captivated, I freed myself from him in one swift and jerky movement, stepping back from him.

Sayo let out an angered 'oh', slowly turning around to face me. I didn't take my eyes off him, watching him precisely to know when he was going to move. This was bad. I wasn't able to run away just like that (even though he wasn't holding me back with a tight grip right now). Firstly, the almost darkness caused me problems; I couldn't quite tell whether I would be able to escape without any complications or without hitting against something. Secondly, I shall not forget that I wasn't really sober at the moment. Even if adrenaline was rushing through my body right now, replacing my drunkness a bit, it wasn't enough to get away safely. Sayo could catch up with me any time and drag me to the ground next time. Once I was on the ground, everything was over.

I couldn't tell how I was able to analyze these things and weight how deep in trouble I was, but one thing was clear to me.

In order to escape I had to knock him out first.

Once the man fell to the ground, I had enough time to run away before he was on his feet again and following me.

I just had to... I raised my fist, giving everything to aim to the direction where Sayo probably was... I just had to knock him out!

My fist went flying as I neared him, giving as much force as currently possible to my punch. Right when I thought that there was no doubt that I was going to hit his face, I realized how my fist hit nothing but the air and while I was in that state of confusion, my face was met with a round, balled hand.

The impact was so strong my body was pushed backwards, my back and head hitting the wall behind me hard as it then slid down.

The worst of the worst cases had happened: I was on the floor, unable to react fast enough to get up and defend myself.

I felt how a warm liquid leaked from my nose, my eyelid becoming heavy. It was not before I felt a tug at my jacket that the adrenaline worked inside my body again, making me rip my eyes open and sense the danger, so that I now attempted to fight against the threat.

"D-Don't fucking touch me!" I hissed through gritted teeth, throwing my arms in the air and hitting around with my clenched fists, not knowing whether I was even striking Sayo with my punches.

He was able to catch my wrists fast and hold them firmly in his hands, much to my surprise, and as I was using my last desperate defence, namely twisting and curling and writhing my body to get away from his grip, Sayo decided quickly to sat on my body.

I had to correct myself. Not laying on the floor defenselessly was the worst of the worst but a fat body sitting on me, which made me completely unable to move an inch away.

Now I had not even the slightest chance to rescue myself anymore; being grounded to the floor, my hands pinned down above my head, a heavy weight on top of me-there wasn't any possibility to escape. No chance...

Wait...

There was one left!

I totally forgot that my mouth was free and my voice not gone. There was still that little bit of hope that someone would hear me. I took a deep breath and yelled, "HEL- Mph!"

How on earth did that fucking bastard manage to cover my mouth that fast?!

"Shush, Mr Yeager. It's no use. No one will hear you, so don't even try it." His warm breath was hitting my face as his face bent down to hover over mine. Even with only one hand, his fingers were wrapped tightly enough around my wrists, so that it was sheer impossible for me to get them free. His hard thing was pressing against my stomach, giving me nauseous chills. "No one will hear you, Mr Yeager. Accept it already. I promise you that I will be gentle. How about that? Though, if you keep struggling, it will give you pain. So be a good boy and keep still." The ugly snicker that left his mouth had something creepy, and he was probably grinning like that, too.

Everything was better than being touched by him. It was so disgusting. I had to get free. I had to oppose. I wouldn't give up that easily.

Fight, fight, fight!

My body coiled up again, moving from its place as much as it could as I tried to lift at least my head to give him a hard headnut. But everything was useless. Sayo had me tight in his grasp, not having to use much efforts to keep me down, just sitting there on me and using his hands as support.

My struggles slowed down until they were completely vanished, and my body motionless.

I didn't bother to fight against this anymore.

What should I fight for? It was useless.

I was telling myself lies.

As if I was strong enough to stand up against anything that brought me into problems.

I shouldn't give up? Pathetic...

I had already given up a long time ago. Everything was over.

I had given up my life when I gave up Levi. It was since our break-up that everything went down in my life. From then on, nothing had gone right in my life and pleased me with blissful feelings.

"Oh. So you do understand that you can't do else than to accept your fate. Right, Mr Yeager?" He released his hand from my mouth cautiously. I didn't shout. No one would hear me. Instead I lay there, biting my lips and doing my best to keep my tears in that were threatening to spill out. Sayo's hand wandered down my neck and chest, groping me everywhere before it halted on the buckle of my belt. "No one will hear you beside me. You will cry out beautiful sounds of pleasure only for me. I want to hear you while I'm doing you, Mr Yaeger."

It was useless. Everything was useless.

I didn't want this to happen to me.

Why couldn't this just be a sick nightmare?

Now that I think of it... The last thing before this was my conversation with Levi. Seeing how things had turned out, I wished I was back there, talking to him. I wished he wouldn't have left me alone there. On the other hand, I made him leave. I insulted him, and I pissed him off. But still... Nothing of this would happen if he just didn't go away. I wanted to go back to where I was with him!

Levi, Levi, Levi!

******

"Don't fucking touch him, you sick pervert."

Levi!

It was his voice. It was really him. He was here!

My eyes opened in an instant, trying to figure out where exactly Levi was.

"Huh?" Sayo spat, turning his head back, but not much later his obese face collided with something that looked like boots.

Levi kicked him in the face forcefully and with all the power he had, the impact pushing the old man off of me and against the wall. Perhaps it was only my imagination, but I could swear to God that I heard some facial bones cracking.

With wobbling arms and a shuddery breath, I sat up, witnessing everything without having any other choice. I couldn't really see Levi, but I knew that it was him. No one had such a low but also raw voice like him.

"You damn..." This time it was Sayo speaking, groaning in pain as he shifted his body. He was probably trying to get up. "I will break your bones!"

I could see him running towards Levi now, one arm raised. The raven dodged the attack and knuckled Sayo's side with his elbow. The man let out a load painful moan, coughing. Levi didn't retrieve his arm yet, it seemed that he squeezed even harder now. All the while he didn't say a word.

"You fucking..." Sayo said with much efforts, already suffering from the ache. "You will regret having done this to me! Die!"

He rose his fist again and I was deeply worried about Levi because his face wasn't that far away from Sayo. Now was the last possibility to dodge the attack.

But what Levi did was something between dodging and what I hoped he would do.

He catched the man's fist and twisted his arm around to fix it on his back with a firm grip. Sayo cried out again and reacted immediately. It was his foot now that aimed for Levi's leg, but before he could kick him hard, the raven had already did that to Sayo, forcing him to his knees.

It was now that I realized how all these moves weren't something that one would be able to perform without professional education. Don't tell me Levi...?

"This is not the end yet! I will beat the shit out of y- Argh!" Sayo was cut off by Levi's side of his hand that hit his neck quickly, making his body limp and falling down. Levi eventually let go of him.

"I-Is... Is he dead?" I asked in a shaky voice, still struggling with the aftereffects and at the same time fearing that my guess was right.

"No. Just unconscious." Levi answered. I heard rustling noises as if he was searching for something in his jacket. Soon, a light was turned on, switching the direction to where I was sitting. Levi paid attention to not dazzle me with the light, holding the beam on my chest level.

I looked up at him, speechless at first, as he came closer to me. "How comes that you know such moves?" Nothing else came to my mind right now.

He crouched down in front of me. I was able to see him now more or less, at least better than before. His eyes were expressionless, piercing through me. Was he mad at me? "Kenny taught me."

I was utterly puzzled. "Who's Kenny?"

"Does that matter now?!" His voice rose, scolding me and probably also scaring me a bit. I may have asked a question that was out of place, but it was not my fault. I was still confused about everything. Levi eventually noticed that and sighed heavily before taking out a handkerchief. "Your nose is bleeding."

From one second to the other I felt sick. Sick like in really nauseous. Slapping his hand away, I backed up a bit anxiously.

"Hey, I just want to wipe off that blood on your face." He reached for me again.

I shook my head. "It's not tha-" I had barely managed to crawl away from Levi, holding a hand over my mouth all the while before I emptied my stomach next to the wall.

It happened so sudden, but I was glad that it was dark and that I was doing it in was a place where no one would mind me vomiting. I was pretty certain that it wasn't just the alcohol, but also the thought that an old perverted man had attempted to assault me and almost succeeded if it wasn't for Levi who saved me. I had already given up, but luckily Levi was there.

"Eren..." I heard him come closer to me.

"Don't come near me! Don't look at me..." There wasn't anything in my stomach anymore to throw out and at some point the vomiting sounds changed over to dry sobs without tears. I didn't want Levi to look at me while I was like this. I didn't want him to see me having reached my lowest point in life, drowning in my calamity as a total wreck. "Don't look at me, please... It's already enough that I hate myself the most!"

Levi remained in silence, but I felt how he draped his jacket over my trembling shoulders. "Get up." he said softly, and whatever it was it really made me move from my spot and to the place that Levi directed me to. "Sit down on my scarf. Like that you won't freeze your ass off."

I did as told, sitting on the garment and leaning back against the wall as the raven sat down next to me. He wiped off the stains on my face, repositioning his jacket on my shoulder so that it wouldn't hang loosely there, falling off any moment. While he was doing all these things, I didn't say anything and let him do.

He stood up suddenly, taking a few steps, picking something up and went back to where I was, sitting down again. "Here. Drink this." He gave me a water bottle. It confused me where he had that bottle from all of a sudden, but instead of questioning I gladly accepted it, untwining the bottle cap. "It's better if you drink some water now. Your stomach is completely empty now. And you need to get at least a bit sober."

I raised the opening of the bottle to my lips and swallowed down the water greedily. My body felt indeed slightly better with the neutral liquid inside my stomach.

"I will call the ambulance and police." Levi announced, taking out his phone and dialing a number.

As he did so, I drank up the whole bottle. The now empty plastic bottle was shaking in my hand, the trembling getting worse.

Levi's hand rested over mine which made me startle for a short moment. "It's alright, Eren. He won't do anything to you anymore. No one will. You're safe."

I dropped the bottle, gripping Levi's hand with both of my hands hard as if my life depended on it. Again, sobs left my mouth. "H-How... How did you...?" No more words were coming out of my mouth, being stuck in my throat.

But Levi seemed to understand. "When I threw the vodka in a trash can, I looked back at you and saw you there sitting on the ground, almost as if life had already left your body. Remaining there, motionlessly and dead-like, I couldn't endure seeing you like that. And I knew nothing good would come out of a drunk you. Well, of course I don't mean something as gross as this here, but... you know what I mean. Anyway, that's why I decided to search up for the nearest convenience store and buy you a water bottle. If you were going to stay longer outside, you should at least be able to walk straightly. After all, water worked against alcohol to some extent. I don't know how it feels like to be drunk, but I'm pretty sure it's a shitty situation. So when I was out of the store and walked back to you, I noticed midway that you were gone. I ran up to the spot where you used to stay for a while, looking around for you. In a state like you were it was impossible that you had made it far in such a short amount of time. Unfortunately, most of the places around us were darkened and I couldn't see far away. Nevertheless, I wandered around and tried to find you until I finally saw you a bit farther away from me, talking to a man. I was able to spot you because the lights of a passing car shone on you two for a few seconds. Though it irritated me right away why you were talking to a man who was at least 30 years older than you. The suspicion rose in me and I approached you, although I couldn't see you anymore because it was dark around you again. I stopped once again in my tracks when I was at the spot where I saw you earlier with that man and there I heard how someone with an elderly voice called out your surname from the dark alley next to me. I followed the voice and what I came across with raised an alarm inside me. Your body being held down by this fat man and then... Well, you know the rest."

I had listened to him silently, looking at my hands on top of Levi's as I fought with my tears.

The raven cocked his head to the body laying there motionlessly. "Do you know that bastard?"

My hands grabbed the edges of my second jacket and suddenly I felt colder than before. I nodded lightly. "He is a former client of mine. My most recent. I cut the business with him after only two meetings because I noticed how he was gawking at me and developed a liking in me that was more than a client would and should have. He even went that far to give me his private number and touched me whenever it was possible-"

"Wait, he touched you?! Where?"

"Hands, arms, shoulders and back. That's all, but it was enough for me to be disgusted with him. He went furious and yelled when he found out that I wasn't working for him anymore. He didn't want anyone 'to take me away from him'. We used a plausible excuse to explain to him why I wouldn't work for him anymore."

"Who is 'we'?"

"It doesn't matter." I hadn't had the nerve right now to think about Armin and what I did to him... "Anyway, Sayo, that's his name, accepted it and didn't show off at my work place anymore. Well, until today... He had waited for me to leave from work. Due to... reasons... I had stayed at Pixis Corporation until 8 and that man had waited for me at least for 3 more hours, until I was outside! He must have probably observed me from a certain distance before he talked to me. From what he told me, he even saw us speaking. It was a bit after that that he walked up to me. He offered me to comfort me because I didn't seem to feel very well and even if he didn't say it explicitly, I knew very well that he had sexual intentions with his offers. I made it clear to him that I didn't want him around me and even less did I want him to..." I stopped, taking slow, shuddery breaths. "And before I figured everything out he was already dragging me to this alley a-and... I-I was really trying to get away from him, b-but it was useless. He punched me in the face and sat on top of me, I couldn't get away at all. I had t-tried everything, but it was no use..." My hoarse voice was accompanied by tears flowing down my face, making me unable to continue speaking.

Levi ran a hand through my hair. "You don't have to say any more."

"Levi, you don't understand! I had given up. I had really given up! I didn't struggle anymore at some point and technically accepted that I was going to be raped by that man." I wiped off the tears with the back of my hand, squeezing my eyes with my palms. "You don't understand... If you hadn't found me..."

"But I have found you. Now stay silent and wait for the ambulance and police to arrive."

"I want to go home."

Did I say that? Did I really say that just now? But where was my home? I didn't have one anymore...

"Yeah, but-"

An achingful groan caught our attention and when we turned our head to the source of that noise, we found out that it came from Sayo who had regained consciousness and was attempting to get up.

"Levi!" I panicked as I gripped Levi's arm. "Oh my god, he is awake! He is awake. He will try it again."

Levi wrapped an arm around my body in a protective way, looking into my eyes as he said in a calming but also serious voice. "Don't worry. He won't do anything to you. The police is already here. I can hear them. Even if he dares to lay a hand on you again, I will beat the shit out of him."

He was right. Barely half a minute passed when the policemen arrived here, lightening up the whole alley with their torchs. The ambulance was already there, too.

The raven took my hand and helped me up. I was brought to a paramedic who examined my nose while Levi stood beside me and talked to a policeman. He told the police everything, pointing at Sayo who, too, was taken care of by another paramedic.

All of a sudden, I heard him yelling madly. "This is not how it will end, Mr Yeager!"

I freezed in my place, squeezing Levi's hand that was still in mine, shaking once again in fear. Levi protected me by positioning himself in front of me so that Sayo couldn't reach me.

"Next time I will take you without anyone disturbing us, I swear!"

"Well, if that isn't a plea of guilt." said the policeman next to us. "Cuff that man and put him inside the car." he ordered.

"Understood." The clicking sounds of handcuffs were heard.

"Hey! What are you doing there!" Sayo's angry tone didn't lower. "You can't do that to me! Do you even know who I am!"

From the corner of my eye I saw how he was brought to a police car.

The policeman who had cuffed him said, "It doesn't matter who you are or what popularity you have. You are arrested. You have the right to remain silent. Everything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. But seems that it's bad for you now. What you said just now was a verbal plea of guilt."

"I won't say anything anymore without my lawyer!"

"Yeah, yeah." And then Sayo was put in the car.

"You have luck, Mr Yaeger." My attention switched back to the paramedic in front of me. She smiled at me. "Your nose is neither broken nor swollen. And the bleeding has stopped, too. That's good. But I've heard you hit your head against the wall...?"

I rubbed the spot on my head. "It's just a little bump. Everything fine."

The paramedic furrowed her brows in concern. "Are you sure? Maybe it's more than that. A concussion or so. Don't you want to stay at the hospital for one day? Just to play it safe."

I shook my head. "It's fine. It doesn't feel that bad."

She crossed her arms, but sighed then. "Okay. But if it gets worse or you have a headache, then please visit a hospital."

"Yes, okay."

"Well then," the first policeman said to me, "I've eavesdropped the whole conversation just now. If you really don't want to go to a hospital, it is even better for us, the police. Mr Yeager was your name, right?"

"Yes."

"We need to ask you some questions about this attempted crime here in which you were the victim."

Was that really necessary now? "I want to go home." I admitted almost inaudibly, subconsciously giving Levi's hand a squeeze. The whole time I didn't let go of his hand, leaving our fingers entwined like that.

"I can understand that very well, Mr Yeager. But the interrogation is inevitable. We need to know from you what exactly had happened. And since the memories are vivid in your mind the most shortly after the happening, it's the best to ask you now. Of course we can do that on another day, but it would be better if you would cooperate with us and get it over with right away. After that, you don't have to think about it anymore. And just for your interest: That man will be arrested until the court of law has decided a prison sentence for him. After what we witnessed just now, there is no doubt that this man is a threat for you, Mr Yaeger."

Even with all his saying... "I-I just want to go home."

"Hey," Levi placed a hand on my shoulder, getting me to face him. Somehow his voice calmed me down. "It's better if you do that now. I will go with you if you want."

Hearing this made me feel a lot safer now. "You will go with me?" Another squeeze of my hand and this time he squeezed back.

The policeman cleared his throat. "Sorry to interrupt you, but of course you will have to go with us, Mr... um..." He glanced down at his notebook. "Mr Ackerman. After all you are the one and only witness of the attempted crime. It seems that you feel better if your boyfriend is by your side now and supports you, Mr Yeager. I can reassure you that you two will have to go with us."

We were in a little silence before I clarified in a neutral tone, "He is not my boyfriend."

The policeman's face didn't show any reaction for a while, looking at us as if he was fooled just now. After a while, he closed his little notebook. "Well... It's not like I understand the young adult generation nowadays. And this here," he pointed at our entwined hand with his pen. "This is yet another proof that I'm too old for these kind of things." He shrugged his shoulders. "Whatever you two are... now can you two please follow me to the car?"

The time at the police station was a horror. The two policemen asking me all sorts of things weren't intimidating me, but rather unbearable was how I had to tell them everything. While I had told them what happened, I couldn't prevent the images to revisualize in my mind. It was horrible and the worst was that during my interrogation Levi wasn't allowed to sit next to me. They said there was the possibility that Levi would then manipulate his testimony to my advantage or something like that.

After one and a half hour, which felt like a century to me, I was finally free and could leave the office. I was brought to the floor, my head hanging low, where Levi was sitting the whole time. He stood up and was about to take my hands when the policeman said, "It's your turn now, Mr Ackerman."

Levi lifted up my head by my chin, establishing eye contact with me. "Just wait a bit longer."

My eyes followed him with a sad expression until he was out of my sight, the door separating us. I sat on a chair, my knees pulled up to my chest, my arms wrapped around my legs as I rested my forehead on my knees. I had lost my sense of time and while I was waiting here for Levi to finish, many thoughts rushing through my mind. Each of the thoughts was blurry and only made me more confused and anxious. The light on the floor was too bright and even though my eyes were closed, I could sense the light, shining awfully brightly at me. This was too much. I wanted to leave.

I didn't know how long it took, but I was relieved when the door was opened again and Levi said his goodbye to the policeman.

"My bad, it couldn't get done any faster." was the first thing he said to me.

I remained in my position. "It's not your fault."

"Eren," He placed a hand on my shoulder and it was now that I looked up at him, having to get used to the bright light first, but then I was able to see his concerned eyes watching me. Concern... That was what he felt right now. He cared about me. "Let's go home, Eren."

This was what I needed to hear the most at the moment. At least Levi understood me. I got up and took his hand in mine. He didn't mind, and I threaded our fingers again. We then walked out of the police station, all the while did I not let go of him and even grabbed his sleeve with my other hand, clinging to him.

I wanted him to stay by my side for the while. Also, I hated it being alone. Especially now there was no way that I would endure it to be all alone. I had lost everything.

But I was still desperately trying to hold onto someone that I had already lost, too. I had lost him because I left him. I had left him because he wasn't someone who belonged to me in the first place.

~~~

I entered Levi's (and my old) apartment first, Levi following me after.

"I want to take a shower." I said plainly. I had to get rid of everything that Sayo left on me. Even if he didn't rape me, I needed to wash his scent off me.

"Do that. I will wait in the living room. There are still some clothes that you've left here. Take them."

I nodded and forwarded to the bathroom.

When I was back in the living room with the scent of shampoo all over my body and new clothes, I was met with a standing Levi, looking at me as he held a cup. "I've made you some tea. This one has a relaxing effect."

I took the cup of tea in my hands, holding it with really shaky hands, raising it to my lips. I tried to take a sip, but somehow my hands stopped moving midway, the cup shaking heavily in my grasp. Levi noticed that and held the cup right before it slipped from my hands and dropped to the floor. He placed the cup on the coffee table.

"Sit down." he said softly and lead me to the couch. My body felt heavy, as if it was carrying a heavy burden that wasn't mine, and that didn't change when I sat on the couch.

Levi was next to me, running a hand through my hair for a second time. Our eyes met, but at some point my vision became blurry and before I was noticing it to the fullest, tears were already streaming down my face as strangled sobs left my mouth.

Levi's hand stilled in my hair and instead it moved my head to him until my head was resting on his shoulder. I hugged him weakly as the tears and sobs came in a flow now; uncontrollably and without any restraints.

"Levi..." I cried out, more sobs followed.

I wasn't crying because of what had almost happened to me today. Not only. I was crying because of everything.

The past few weeks were so exhausting. I was tired. I was tired of everything.

I couldn't endure it anymore. I couldn't cope with it anymore, and I didn't want to. I was sick of everything. My life was exhausing me.

Levi was also one of the reasons.

Because...

I couldn't live with him nor without him.

It hurt me staying by his side permanently because he didn't love me back. And it hurt me not staying by his side because I loved him so much. Either way, he was hurting me.

I didn't know what to do anymore.

I was at my limit.

No more. I couldn't take any more...

I needed to rest. I wanted to sleep and never wake up again. I didn't want to live this kind of life anymore. I wanted to live in a dreamworld where I could be happy with Levi. I needed nothing else than that.

"I'm sorry, Eren." Levi whispered. "I'm sorry that I can't love."

-----------

Author: *sobs* What have I done? What have I done to Eren? What have I done to Eren and Armin's friendship omg?!

I'm honest here, I cried for real (!!) when I was writing that part at the end where Eren had his emotional breakdown.

It would mean a lot to me how you think about this chapter. Please write it in the comments! ^^