A/N: There will be three parts of 'Levi's Weird Behaviour' and three other parts after that, and all of them are going to be very important to the plot. AND THERE WILL BE A LOT OF ANGST IN SOME CHAPTERS OMG! ESPECIALLY ONE CHAPTER IS GOING TO BE REALLY ANGSTY AND CRUEL AND OMFG SOMETIMES I THINK I SHOULDN'T DO THIS, BUT I HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE!

*clears throat* Enjoy :)

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Eren's POV

"By the way, I wanted to tell you that I will search for a living place for myself soon."

"What? Already? You can stay longer. You can stay as long as you want to."

"I really appreciate that, but it's time for me to find an apartment. I don't want to bother you unnecessarily."

"You aren't bothering us at all."

"But still..."

"Did Jean say something?"

"N-No... Not really. It was my decision and it is only true that I have to do it. Say, why are you objecting to it in the first place?! Don't you want to have back you privacy with Jean?! You know what I mean, like... I'm disturbing your togetherness. Once I'm gone, you two can be all lovey-dovey again."

"Oh, don't worry about that. Jean and I are sexually satisfi-"

"Stop. Too much information."

"Anyway, you don't have to rush with your house hunting. Keep relaxed."

"Don't tell me what to do."

~~~

"I hate work on mondays." I complained, tilting my head back as guttural groans left my opened mouth.

"You just think that it is bad, but in reality it isn't. Working on monday is the same as on all the other days." Armin said, patting my shoulder.

"But on monday, I always have to work much more in those 8 hours than normally."

"You have to bear with that." He shrugged his shoulders.

We had just finished with work and were outside of the company building now, about to separate for the time being. Armin would go straight home, but I wanted to go somewhere else before.

"Are you going to the bookstore?" Armin asked with a smile.

"Yeah." I smiled back at him, nodding.

"See you later then." He made his way home as he waved to me.

"See ya."

And then I was making my way to the city. It was some routine that I would follow. Going to the bookstore once in a month to buy some books. I was the type of people who liked reading books, but wasn't obsessed with it. Armin was more of that kind of person. But it wasn't like I judged him for that, not at all. Reading was a good thing to kill time when I was too lazy to do something that required moving from the spot on my bed. I had also the possibility to draw random things on my graphic tablet, but I wasn't creative all the time and neither did I want to let my brain work sometimes when I had to think of a scenario.
That was why reading became manifested in my routines.

By now, I had arrived at the store, entering it and forwarding to either the 'Thriller' or the 'Slice of Life' section. My two favourite genres. Some days I wanted to read about psychopathic killers torturing their victims as the police searched desperately for any hints on how to find the culprit and on other days I enjoyed reading about the life of a fictional person who had to deal with fate of life, tragedy, calamity, family, friendship or love. Though, at the moment, I had been avoiding the last topic as much as possible.

My life was already a love chaos. A catastrophy at its best.

What had happened a few days ago was a slip. I shouldn't have had sex with Levi. I should have resisted him; no matter how much it had whirled the feelings inside me after seeing him again.

It was a mistake and I wasn't allowed to do it again.

I have decided that from now on I had to stay strong whenever I would meet him. It was inevitable not to see him, after all we were living in the same city. Armin had once asked whether I wanted to take a pause from everything and spend time somewhere far away from Shiganshina and thus from Levi.

But I had declined his offer. The same was for my future living place. There was no way that I would move away from my hometown. It may be that, like that, I would see him often, but I think that was endurable. As if I would let him be the reason for moving out of Shiganshina. I had my family and all my friends here. I couldn't leave them behind and start a new life somewhere else. Especially my precious family and my closest friends were too important to me. The next city was hundreds of miles away.

I wasn't the type of person who would run away from problems. I had to face them and I had to deal with them. Taking action was the key to success.

My hand was grabbing a book right now, ready to pull it out of the shelf.

I had to forget about Levi and move on.

"Eren."

I stopped moving, staying stiffly in place.

Why?

Why now? Why here? Why him of all people?

My hand, which was on the book, started to tense up, the grip tightening. I didn't turn around and instead I took deep silent breaths in order to keep myself composed and calm. The other books in my other hand were gripped tightly as I looked down to the floor.

I had to stay strong.

I wasn't allowed to let my feelings get mixed up by him again. Not anymore. He had influenced me enough already. I needed to act normally when he was around, without having the fear that I might break down because of my emotions and insecurity. I really needed to calm down. We were in a bookstore. Levi wouldn't do anything inappropriate to me in a place like this. There was no need to worry.

No more time in which I was facing him with anxiety.

"What do you want from me, Levi?"

I didn't turn around yet, remaining still in my position, awaiting for Levi to answer. Deep in my mind, I prayed that this conversation wouldn't last long. No one could know what would happen if we face each other longer than expected and necessary, and I didn't want to find that out.

"How's your cheek?" he then asked in a monotonous tone, but there was something - a different tone - hidden behind his words. I couldn't tell what it was; not by solely listening to him.

But was this all he cared about? My injured cheek?

It was now that I eventually moved (but not to face him), taking the book from the shelf as I answered as nonchalantly as I could, "It's all fine. Why do you ask?"

I was telling the truth. The cut on my cheek wasn't deep nor something serious. I had luck that the splitter had grazed my skin only lightly. It seemed that not even a scar will be left after the wound would have healed.

"I'm sorry about that. I didn't want to hurt you." I couldn't really tell how he was sounding like. It was something I had never heard of him before and that was why it surprised me the most.

Right now, I didn't know what Levi's aim with his apology was.

"How did you know that I am here today?"

"It wasn't that difficult not to know. It's always the third monday of a month that you go to a bookstore." This time he sounded disinterested.

"Heh, so you kept that little information in mind?" I didn't know how to feel about the fact that Levi had remembered one of my routines. He had no reason to do that, so why?

"I didn't force myself to know about all of your daily patterns. But after living together for months, there was no way for me not to keep in mind that you go and buy books on a regular basis. It's on a monday and exactly on that day that splits the month into two halves. Your fault for using such an easy routine."

This conversation was so weird and it seemed that it was leading to nowhere - like literally.

"Whatever," he continued, "Why did you even change the topic? Anyway, what I wanted to say is that I'm really sorry about you cheek. I really didn't want to hurt you."

I scoffed sourly. "You're lying."

He hesitated for a second, probably in surprise of my reply. "I am not."

"Yes, you are. In all these months, you never cared about my feelings for you. Do you know how much that hurts?" Shit, this wasn't good. My voice was faltering.

"What I meant was that I would never hurt you or anyone else physically if it wasn't for self-defense."

With anger boiling up inside me, I turned around fast - the books still carried - glaring at him. "Do you really think I care about the cut on my cheek?! It doesn't matter to me at all!" I stopped talking the instant I saw Levi's face. What I was faced with was something I had never expected. There was remorse or maybe even sorrow written all over his face, he looked really hurt. Was that all just because of that little wound on my cheek? It couldn't be, could it?

"But it does matter to me!" he retorted. "Listen, I never wanted to make your cheek bleed. Hell, when that fist hit the wall it wasn't because I had missed your face. I never intended to punch you."

My face saddened as I watched how Levi lowered his head, his front locks covering his eyes now.

"Levi..."

"I could never ever hit someone when they don't deserve it." The raven wanted to say more, but hesitated. His lips were closing and opening, and eventually he spit the following words out; but with much efforts, so it seemed. His voice was almost inaudible as if he didn't want anyone to hear it, but I did. "I'm not like them."

This piqued my interest. "Who is 'them'?"

He flinched at this question and to be honest, it was hard to notice this little movement. I had asked about a sensitive topic, I guess. But at the same time I didn't want him to bear this heavy burden alone. I couldn't quite tell where it came from, but I had that vague thought that what Levi was hiding from me was something he hid from everyone else, too. There were shadows of his past that Levi had to carry with him all along, and no one was allowed to know. Orr maybe he refused to tell anyone.

Whatever it was, I wanted to know because then I might be able to support him in any way. Every thought that was about how I actually wanted to leave him behind vanished for that one moment and all I was eager for was to know the real Levi.

But nothing of this happened.

Instead, I was now met with a darkened expression of his and a cold glare piercing through my eyes. He went back to his usual pissed-off attitude and nothing of his different, vulnerable attitude that I was able to catch a glimpse of just now was left.

Those few seconds of vulnerability were rare and unwanted of him.

"It doesn't matter anymore." he snapped harshly, tightening his jaw. His glare intensified as he clenched his fists.

I wasn't insecure by that though. No, I was really intrigued in knowing more. Even if it meant to go beyond borders. Wherever my courage came from, it shouldn't necessarily come up right now because I was pretty sure that I was going to do something that could either turn out to be a mistake or lead to something I couldn't forecast. Whatever it was it didn't hinder me to go further. It may be that those were only a few words, but they could mean everything.

"From what I can tell so far," I began, not breaking eye contact with the raven, "it seems that you had to endure something terrible because of certain people."

"What the fuck are you trying to do?" he spat in an annoyed tone. "Wanna play a fucking therapist?! Screw that! I don't need that shit."

"Levi, were you abused in the past?" I dared to claim. Maybe like that I would catch him off guard and he would then tell the honest truth.

"Just because I mentioned persons and reproached them of a certain thing it doesn't mean that I was a victim of it."

"So you witnessed someone hurting another one?"

"This is nothing you have to know! As I said, it doesn't matter anymore."

He looked straight into my eyes, his own ones narrowed and his brows knitted. Right now, none of us cared that we were in a bookstore where many people were walking around us.

"It still does matter." I said, looking at him with an expressionless face.

"No, it doesn't matter anymore." Levi retorted, making steps towards me. His facial expression was literally the same as mine.

This was bad.

"Nothing of what has already happened matters anymore... at all." he went on in a low voice, still approaching me.

Why was he saying that?

Don't come near me!

My back had reached the shelf behind me now, I had nowhere to escape anymore. The exit was behind Levi who was coming closer to me with every step he made. My heart started to race and I became anxious.

What was he going to do to me?

By now Levi was only a few inches apart from me, staying there where he was. I hadn't the courage anymore to look at him and instead I looked down to the books in my arms. From the corner of my eye I saw how he raised his right hand. I had no clue what he was going to do, but I was prepared for almost everything.

I gulped hard as I bit my bottom lip. Right now, I felt like a bunny trapped by a wolf. There was no escape and the wild animal was watching its prey in carnal lust, snarling. The bunny was in a state of shock and angst, not moving an inch.

Suddenly, I felt a tip of finger tracing my cut on my cheek lightly before the finger disappeared again. I then saw a hand on the book that was on the top of the pile I was holding in my arms. The book was retreated to the shelf behind me.

"Don't read this book." Levi said out of the blue. At least, it felt like that to me. "It's shitty. Read this one instead..."

I didn't know what was happening here right now, but I didn't like it. Levi was so close to me, his body literally a few inches away so that I was able to smell his scent. His closeness made me weak and insecure. My head was spinning around and I felt like I could pass out any second.

But none of this mustn't happen. I had to resist the raven's behaviour and escape from here.

And that was why I let the other books in my arms drop to the floor; without a warning nor doubting that what I was doing was the right thing. "S-Stop..." I spoke in a shaky voice, breathing unevenly. Levi turned his head to me, a confused look on his face. "Why are you doing this to me? Why are you damn irritating me! Stop it! Stop irritating me!" My voice was raised by now, a few people looking to our direction, but I didn't care about that at all. And then I was already making my leave, walking out of the store fast. I didn't want to hear his answer. It was obvious that he would claim how he wasn't doing anything wrong or whatever and I didn't want to hear that.

Somewhere in the middle of my track - outside of the store - I was stopped by no one else than Levi. "I am irritaing you?!" he spat, turning me around so that we were facing each other again. I scowled at him, releasing my arm from his grip with a harsh tug. "It's not my fault that you are a shitty brat who doesn't know what to do. You are irritating others because of your lack of proper decisiveness. The best example is your 'break-up'."

I raised one brow, watching him in slight confusion. "This sounds like the decision to break up with you, which I made back then, is wrong."

"It is." he responded right away which startled me. "The only thing we are allowed to do is to make a choice we won't regret. You made a wrong decision. And now you have to regret it."

"But I'm not regretting it."

"You are. Just as you pretend to be alright like that."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing from him. Levi really thought that he knew better about my needs than I did?! This was ridiculous.

This time I was the one approaching him slowly, my hands balled into fists. Many different emotions were floating through my mind as I came closer to the raven, a desperate little upcurve of my lips evident on my face.

Our noses about to touch and my breath hitting his face, I stared straight into Levi's steel-grey eyes. "Levi, I love you." It was a husky whisper, but at the same time it was loud enough to count as a raspy statement. I said it with so much earnestness and I meant it wholeheartedly, he had to understand how much I loved him.

The raven frowned as response, letting out a derogative 'tch'. "How..." he began, gritting his teeth as his scowl intensified. His voice raised and bordered on a loud exclaim. "How can you say that over and over again without getting sick of it?!"

I seriously couldn't understand this guy at all and by now he was pissing me off big time. After all those months, he still didn't grasp how much I felt for him. "I can say that over and over again because it's the truth!" I exclaimed, placing one palm on my chest, close to where my heart was. My face fell and now I clutched my shirt. In a calmer voice I continued, "I love you. Those are my true feelings for you."

There was a silence before one word (that was unexpected for me to hear now of all times but yet again it was typical of him) left Levi's mouth. "Bullshit..."

Hearing this ached and I didn't want to admit that I was affected by it heavily. It hurt so much getting rejected by the one and only person I loved the most. He was no good for me.

"Call it whatever you want to call it, but don't forget that those are my honest feelings. A person who doesn't appreciate that, doesn't actually deserve to be loved."

"You are right. I don't deserve to be loved." When I looked at him and saw how his eyes weren't meeting mine but looked behind me, I realized that Levi was thinking of something else that referred to this topic. What I said made him remember of something. It was probably something painful that he had to experience.

What was the meaning of all this?

"Levi...?"

Now, his eyes were at me again, glaring. "You pissed me off! Get out of my sight!" He shoved me to the side to go away. It didn't take seconds and then he was already out of sight.

He was gone.

And in the end, I didn't get to know more about Levi.

Two days passed before Levi had appeared again. It was on my way to work in the morning, but this time I didn't let him talk to me much. At that time, all I wanted was to ignore him and live my life in peace. Our last encounter in the book store had already been too much for me.

The third encounter was in a convenience store and let me tell you that I was not prepared at all for him to appear there.

"Oi."

A shiver of shock ran up my spine and I winced the second I heard Levi's voice next to me, in a place (namely the convenience store) I never expected to meet him. I sighed loudly, my heart trying to beat at a steady pace again after the surprise.

I turned my head to the right, seeing how the raven's side was leaning against the milk products shelf, his arms crossed as he looked at me with an emotionless face.

"How did you even find me here?" Levi couldn't know when I would go grocery shopping because I didn't have a daily or weekly routine for that and it was unlikely to meet here coincidentally.

"I have my methods." he replied simply, not faltering.

I frowned at him. "Stop following me around." After a little pause, I added, "Stalker."

"I don't prefer that word, but whatever."

There was a little moment in which we didn't do else than to stare at each other before I decided to leave this place without saying one more word. But of course Levi wouldn't let me. Right when I had already turned away from him a bit, he spoke up.

"How long do you want to keep that shit up?" he asked as if it was the most casual thing ever.

Nothing was simple or a matter of course here. "I won't go back to you, Levi. I don't want to be your fuck buddy anymore. When are you going to understand that?"

His eyes narrowed in slight anger. "There is nothing that I have to understand because you're telling nonsense."

"How's that nonsense?!"

"After all those months, I know you good enough to tell what you are like. You can't feel alright without me because you're hopelessly 'in love'. I'd treated you well all the time, why would you not like to continue that anymore? It doesn't make any sense."

It was pointless to talk to him because he wouldn't understand the problem, so why was I even trying? Yeah... I wanted to understand him.

"It may be right that you didn't harm me physically or forced me to something that I didn't want, but over the months, you've hurt me too much emotionally." This time Levi had to fucking get it.

He groaned lowly as he rolled his eyes in annoyance which made me angry to some extent. "Don't act like a fragile doll. People have it worse."

"People like you, for example?" I provoked him. Last time he didn't answer my questions properly.

"I never said that." he retorted.

And this time was the same.

"Levi, I don't need you in my life."

This wasn't a lie nor the absolute truth.

"Oh, trust me. You need me. Just stop being silly and do what I tell you."

There was so much confidence in him that it made me want to crumble it. It didn't take long until I came up with an idea for that.

"There is no need for me to be your fuck buddy again. I already have another one. Not a fuck buddy, of course. Someone who might be interested in a relationship." Of course this was a lie. I just wanted to make it clear to him that I hadn't any interest anymore in being his sex partner.

Levi reacted to it - too fast if you ask me. His hands were at his sides now, clenched into fists and his face altered to a frown with widened mad eyes and a stiff and tightened jaw. "You are lying." Levi hissed between ground teeth, sending me a glare.

He still was convinced that I was telling a lie. I had to change that. "I'm not lying. He's a very nice and caring person." I went on, a light smug smile featuring my face.

"'He'? Since when are you gay? You're lying!" What I was telling Levi really had an effect on him because now he had started to take long breaths in order to not lose himself. To be quite frank, I had never seen him like that. I didn't know whether he was kind of jealous (which I couldn't imagine) or he simply didn't want to lose his fuck buddy. It was probably the latter. After all, I had served him right and offered my body to him any time. Wow, this sounded like I was his personal whore. One reason more to why not go back to him.

"Levi, you have to accept it." Should I go a step further? "We've already kissed." I did go a step further. Why shouldn't I? There was nothing to lose.

The raven had his eyes widened, his lips parted as he looked at me as if he was witnessing a murder.

"No..." he whispered almost inaudibly. "No!" And before I had realized it his body was already pressed against mine and his lips had found my neck.

"Levi-! W-What... What are you doing there?! Let go of me!" I felt how his teeth digged into my skin, sucking. He sucked on that spot for a long time as I tried to get him away from me. This was really not a place for that and also, I didn't want this.

This wasn't good.

Levi was nibbling on my neck and plastered a huge kiss mark there and I couldn't move nor do anything about that. It didn't even cross my mind to scream. My mind was completely shut off. There were again all those feelings that turned my mind and sanity upside down, causing to make me unable to think properly.

Levi was doing this to me right now and I let him do.

His body was squeezing mine and I was helpless to do anything against that.

Deep in my mind (even though I didn't want to admit that) I couldn't be mad at him completely. Oh, how much I had wished to wrap my hands around his neck and nuzzle them into his hair, but I mustn't yearn for that. Doing that - even thinking that - was wrong.

Finally, Levi released from my neck, making a few steps back as he wiped out his mouth. For some reason I was breathing hard, even though I hadn't done anything. Literally.

There was disappointment in myself and Levi, and I hated myself for not having resisted him. "W-Why did you do that?" An undefinable feeling washed over me, making me defenseless. It was a mixture of anxiety, irritation and forbidden craving.

Levi was unmoved by that. "Did he do that to you, too? Huh?! What else did you do with him? Have you two already fucked?!" He was really furious because of that and the worst was that I couldn't explain to myself why exactly he reacted like that.

"I... I want to go." Thanks God, not many people were in the store yet and witnessed this (since it was still early in the morning).

Luckily, Levi didn't hold me back in place, letting me walk past him.

"I will break you two apart!" Was the last thing that came out of his mouth. Those words had so much anger and sincerity in it, it made it become clear that Levi was death serious.

Once again my plan to get to know more about Levi by trying to make him open up to me ended in a way I didn't want it to happen by all means.

Everything I said and did was always the false step to approach Levi.

It wasn't my fault though. At least not entirely.

I decided to say one last thing to the raven before I would go away. There was no obligation to tell him, but I felt like I should tell him. I turned back for one last time, showing off a sad smile reluctantly. "Of course I was joking around. Do you really think after a short amount of time, you don't mean anything to me anymore?" With those few words, I left.

The first time in my life did I ever sprint that fast back home (luckily, it wasn't that far away from the convenience store) and even if it technically wasn't my home, I was relieved when I had arrived it. This right now just felt like the day when I had encountered Levi in Isabel and Farlan's party. Everything was repeating itself over and over again, and I had no clue how to stop that. All I wanted was to escape from that living hell and live my life peacefully! Why was it happening to me? What did I do wrong?! Was it karma? But what did I do to deserve this shit?!

I had fallen in love with the wrong guy, that's it.

Why wouldn't my feelings for him disappear?

Why did he appear in my life time and again, even after I had cut ties with him?!

I didn't want this.

I hated it. I hated everything.

After calming down for a bit, I headed for the bathroom. The silence in the house was making me sick. Armin and Jean were at work while I had my day-off, but after everything that had happened, I wished that I would have rather been gone to work.

In the bathroom, I splashed cold water over my face several times, looking at the mirror then. My reflection looked tired and exhausted, I hated to look at my own self when I was in such a state. My eyes then caught something else in the mirror; something that hasn't been on my body yesterday. My gaze wandered down to my neck in the mirror, spotting a clearly visible red mark on my skin.

A hickey.

The hickey that Levi plastered on my neck a few moments ago. Just when I had been getting rid of the other hickeys that I received from him a few days ago, another one was planted on me once again.

My hand reached up to that spot slowly, my eyes following the movement in the mirror. The tip of my fingers made circles on the bruised skin before my nails scratched that spot. With a hurt expression, a glaring frown and salty water in my eyes, I scraped the red mark over and over again without letting my fingernails dig deep enough to draw blood. A strangled cry left my lips.

I didn't want that hickey.

I didn't want that hickey.

I hated that hickey!

It took me so much of my self-control to stop the scratching before crimson liquid would leak out. The spot was redder now and a stingy sensation emerged from there. My hands gripped hard onto the washbasin as my head hung low, breathing shaky breaths in and out. One, I had to calm down. Two, I wanted to hinder any tears from spilling out.

After some time had passed, I looked into the mirror again, my eyes red and my neck looking more horrible now.

Why were all these things happening?

Why couldn't I live a life together with Levi in which our love was both-sided?

What was the reason behind Levi's cold-hearted and indifferent attitude?

Just fucking tell me already, Levi!

I had reason to know!

He couldn't take advantage of my body for months and give me nothing in return.

This wasn't too much to ask for, was it? What bad could have happened in his past that made him to the person he was now? I couldn't think of anything.

Levi...

Leave me the fuck alone.

It was probably my subconsciousness that let my right hand move down on my body. A pair of emerald eyes were staring at me from the opposite direction while I did that. Those eyes looked disappointed and made reproaches at me with their stare.

They scolded me.

Ridiculed me.

The only thing I did was to grin at them with anxiety in my eyes.

I was on the verge to do something dumb, but I couldn't stop myself.

My palm had reached my crotch by now, cupping it.

What was it that I was feeling right now? Power? Revenge? Despair? Maybe even insanity?

It didn't matter because my mind was too fogged by my raging emotions.

Levi...

Oh, fuck.

~~~

"Ngh, mnh." Hesitant sounds rose from my throat, caused by two fingers massaging my hole from inside.

It was unbelievable that I had really undressed myself and was pleasuring myself in the bathroom now. Kneeling on all fours - just like a dog - I let two wetted fingers enter my ass, making thrusting movements. My eyes were pressed closed and I bit my bottom lip hard as I did so, my one arm shivering from too many feelings. I breathed hard through my nose, while I spread my fingers, resulting in my hole being stretched before I added a third digit.

Another moan was forced out when the third finger entered me, giving me painful chills before they bordered in forbidden pleasure. That pleasure wasn't entirely enjoyable. Actually, I wasn't allowed to feel it. The only thing that served me right at this moment was punishment.

A loud groan was elicited when my middle finger brushed my sweet spot, sending lustful shivers through my veins. "Ah, shit..." Pre-cum was already leaking from the slit as my dick hardened until it was stiff. My mind and body weren't working together right now, thus both of them did whatever they wanted. Like my hips, for example. They thrust back into my fingers, filling my hole completely as the rubs sent more of the desirable pleasure, my mouth giving off wanton moans.

It was now that I opened my eyes and the second darkness was replaced by light there was that one and only thing that caught my gaze.

The key; dangling in the air and held in place by a brown-black thread.

Why did I still carry it with me?

That key was the reason why all those memories, in form of images, flashed through my mind. Every moment I had spent with Levi was passing by as I kept pleasuring myself. Shaking my head, I released little cries from my mouth and shook my head vigorously.

I didn't want to remember those memories. The best was to erase them from my mind and never ever think of them again. They were overwhelming me and they made me feel worse. They remembered me of the failure of my life. They remembered me of my love that had never been fulfilled.

No one in this world would like to have these kind of memories.

I should just throw that key away!

I retreated my fingers and breathed a few times before I let myself fall on my back, my knees bent. At first, I simply started at the white ceiling, but then I looked at my still wet fingers - which were inside me a few seconds ago.

This was pathetic. Didn't that mean that it made me pathetic, too?

Instead of thinking about that, I went even further, probably making the situation worse. There still had been that little hope of me going back to my senses, but in the end my conflicted self dominated over me. And it wasn't much later that I found my hand wrapped around my member, squeezing the stiff base probingly.

It started with slow movements up and down, the pre-cum being spread over the whole length, making slippery noises.

I bucked my hips and let out a breathy moan when the pace of my hand picked up speed, pumping my cock faster and harder now. This time, loud moans and low groans filled the room in a steady period of time as lust filled my body once again. My dick was throbbing against my fingers, practically yearning for release as pleasure accumulated in my lower area, getting me close. I couldn't control my hips that thrust back into the pumps repeatedly, the grip tightening around my cock as my thumb cirlced the head.

Sweat, slippery sounds and lewd moans featured me at this very moment and it all ended in a spurt of sticky cum that my cock released in one shot. Part of the white liquid landed on my stomach and chest, and the other part even reached up to my chin and cheek.

Eyelids half closed and mouth gaped open, I breathed heavily as my shivery body recovered from the afterglow. I could still feel the sensation that was running through my body in mass just now and that caused to bring me to the edge. It wasn't like I disliked that feeling. After all, it had felt good.

But the next moment I had something else in mind. I was torn between feeling better and worse right now, and there was nothing that could help me to decide for one. A neutral feeling about that was impossible.

The hand with the cummed fingers reached up to my face, the back of it covering my eyes as my lips started to quiver.

The fact that I did it was the proof.

I was indeed pathetic.

- - -

Levi's POV

It was a loud and hard bang with which I shut the door close after entering my apartment. It was hard to control my heavy breathing and the rage boiling up inside me. My hands were already balled into fists and it took me so much efforts to control myself and not destroy something. Nothing and no one had made me that angry up until now so why was I enraged like that right now of all times?

"Fuck!" And then my hand slipped and mini glass figurines of soldiers that used to stand on a cupboard met the floor, shattered into little pieces.

I stomped over them with my shoes, not giving two shits about any glass splitters under my sole as I walked over to the couch, plumping onto the cushioned seat then.

Putting my head in my hands, I attempted to calm the fuck down and steady my breath.

Why did this happen?

Why did I react like that?

What was wrong with me?

I couldn't explain to myself at all why I had been like that towards him. This was a reaction I had never experienced before. My fingers threaded into my locks now as I stared straight at the coffee table in front of me, which was made of glass. I could see my reflection in it and what I got to see was a glaring raven whose expression was distorted and full of wrath.

All of a sudden, I received a call and to my own surprise I answered it. It was probably a reflex. Not bothering to look at the screen to know who it was I picked it up. It didn't matter who it was, I didn't want to talk to anyone right now.

"What?" I snapped in the most pissed-off tone I was able to form.

'Heeeeey, Levi~'

She was the last person whose noisy voice I wanted to hear right now.

"No. Fuck off, shitty glasses." I ended the call before I gave her a chance to say something, tossing my phone onto the table.

This wasn't the end yet. I knew that I would get a message from here soon, saying something along the lines 'Rude.' or whatever.

And not much later I heard the beep from my phone that signalled an incoming message. Again - out of reflex of course - I grabbed my device and checked my inbox:

Shitty Glasses

Rude.

Told it.

Groaning in annoyance, I threw my phone across the room this time, leaning back in my couch after that as I tilted my head up and let my fingers run through my hair slowly.

I needed a cig.

Lighting up a cigarette, I then took a deep breath, inhaling the smoke and letting the nicotine fill my lungs. I seriously needed to calm down. I closed my eyes as I exhaled the smoke, feeling how I relaxed a bit. A second drag, a second inhale, a second exhale. It didn't stay by that. After that, there was a third and a fourth and a fifth drag. Soon half of the living room was filled with smoke.

There shouldn't have been a reason for me to heat up like that in the first place. That thing with Eren today shouldn't have riled me up.

Why did I react like that?

Why did I yell at him when he told me that he had another one? After all, I found out later that it was a lie and even if it were to happen to not be a lie, I shouldn't have reacted like that.

So why did I do it then?!

Jealousy? No. Impossible. I wasn't jealous. There had never ever been something or someone in my life that made me jealous. I wasn't in love with someone, so there was no way that I felt some shit-ass feeling like jealousy.

This still didn't answer my question. Why him? Why Eren? I didn't understand.

Whenever I had tried to hit one some woman or some man the past few days (or they had tried to hit on me) Eren's face would come up in my mind. Everytime I ended up rejecting those people and in the end I went back to making Eren my fuck buddy again. The worst was that I couldn't think of an explanation to it.

Maybe this was happening because I had spent a lot of time with that little brat? Yeah, that sounded plausible.

But this answer didn't satisfy me to the fullest. There were many other people that I saw often and who I still met on a regular basis, but none of them were kept in my mind as persistantly as Eren. The only difference between him and Cassie, Richard, Isabel, Farlan, Hanji, Erwin and Co. was that I had sex with Eren. But it was just sex that I had with that brat, what major difference did it make?!

This couldn't be. Why was this happening? I could have every other man and every other woman I wanted.

It wasn't like I needed him.

No, it wasn't like that.

Most of the time I didn't mind having Eren by my side, yes, I admit that. In fact, I liked it.

But even more did I like it when he was writhing and moaning underneath me.

I didn't need him.

I didn't need Eren.

I wanted him.

I wanted his body.

Nothing more and nothing less.

Eren was the perfect fuck buddy.

Obedient, loyal and submissive.

That little brat was mine.

Because I needed him.

-------

A/N: OH MY GOOOOOOD! Why am I always feeling so insecure whenever I'm writing about masturbating Eren?? This time no one stopped him and even though I know why I let him do that, I still had my doubts about it? IDK and IDC!

Okay, another thing: Is anyone interesting in me creating an Instagram account in which I will post quotes and edits of this story? Not only that, BUT ALSO SNEAK PEAKS! YES, THE NEXT CHAPTERS ARE GOING TO BE REALLY EVENTFUL AND ANGSTY AND MAYBE SOMEONE WANTS TO HAVE AN INSIGHT IN MY PROCESS OF WRITING THE CHAPS IDK! Just tell me if you want me to do that. As I said, it's an offer and perhaps someone is interested in that... Or perhaps you aren't and then we all will pretend that I never asked .-.