A/N: Remember the cliffhanger I left you all with?

Well...

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Eren's POV

I think I was reaching that point where my world was slowly starting to fall apart.

'You're a good fuck. Though I dunno how long I want to keep you anymore.'

A whole week had passed since that. And Levi didn't leave a word about what he had said after that day when it happened. There wasn't even any hint of him that he wanted to leave me and end our little "relationship" which we had, but the fact that he had said these things can only mean that he was getting fed up with me.

How much time was left between us until it would happen?

I... I should've known it!

No. Actually, I was aware of that, but I used to always suppress this thought and pretend that everything was okay between us. I liked the idea of having a seemingly healthy relationship with him, although nothing was close to a normal romantic relationship. But I hadn't cared about that. I just wanted him by my side, and I wanted to make sure I was with Levi. Even if I knew that it was wrong and fake, I didn't want to give up that little thing we had established.

And now was the time when I was faced with the cruel reality.

That thought I never wanted to think of.

Levi and I won't stay fuck buddies forever.

Levi will decide to leave me and move on, finding a new sex partner he can have his fun with.

Because he was getting bored of me.

Or perhaps because I had been annoying the shit out of him with whatever behaviour he saw in me.

But did he really want to do that? Was he going to push me away of his life? Treat me as if I was nothing more than a toy to him that deserved nothing more than getting toyed with? Was Levi going to break ties with me some day...?

Yeah.

After all...

I meant nothing to him. Nothing.

'You're a good fuck...'

No.

'Though I dunno how long I want to keep you anymore.'

Fuck, no!

It was now that I realized how I had picked up the little vase from the coffee table and violently smashed it against a wall. I stared blankly at the wet spot on the wall where the vase had broken a few seconds ago, my eyes widened and my breath loud and heavy. I lowered myself onto the couch again, trembling while doing so, and sunk my head. My arms were resting on my thighs as I looked down to the floor, thinking of all the things I didn't want to imagine. At some point I bit my bottom lip hard, drawing blood, but I couldn't care less about that.

I was close to crying, but I didn't cry.

I wanted to scream, but nothing came out of my throat.

I wanted to be loved, but...

Some indefinable guttural sound could escape my mouth as I put my head in my hands, squeezing my eyes shut with my palms. Shuddering breaths left my quivering lips, but no tears were shed.

No...

I didn't want this...

I didn't want to experience the moment when Levi will say that it is over between us. I didn't want to hear those words from him. But...

'Though I dunno how long I want to keep you anymore.'

It was unavoidable...

The fears I had suppressed for so long would become reality soon. Even if I didn't want to think of that and didn't want it to happen...

It was going to happen.

It was going to happen, even though Levi hadn't alluded to it in this one week. He acted as if nothing was wrong. As if nothing had changed or was going to change soon.

Shit, of course he had nothing to worry about! Levi was able to leave me without a second thought and he will. After all, he wasn't the one who was in love. He wasn't feeling anything close to affection towards me, so why should he care about me? To him I did a great job, but I was certainly boring him. That's why he decided to find a new fuck buddy sooner or later. Most likely it will happen sooner than later.

That's how it was.

Even if it were to happen that everything remained the same, nothing would change.

Regradless which way I chose, both weren't the thing I wanted.

Why would I wait for the thing to happen, if I could end it myself any time?

I didn't have to wait.

I could make a choice. And I had to. I had to make a choice I knew I didn't want to.

Levi...

I can imagine how Levi most certainly had already a new fuck buddy in mind and sight. Woman or man, it didn't matter. They would be more suitable for him and it would be someone Levi would prefer over me.

He had told me once that he wouldn't fuck two people at once, but it didn't mean that he wasn't allowed to search for... better sex partners. I was certain that they would pretty much submit themselves to the raven and do their best to please him because who the fuck didn't want to please such a sex god?!

Thinking about that made me scratch my hair and pull at it. Right now, I would have really liked to tear at my hair. I needed to numb the pain that was lingering inside my chest. It was glowing there and slowly but certainly that unpleasant feeling spread inside my body like a wildfire.

I bit my lips hard and gave my best at not letting the tears to spill over because this wasn't the time for that. I mustn't cry, I had to make a decision.

A knock at the door brought me back from my numbness and indecisiveness. I -silently and without making any move- just sat in my position, looking into the direction of the door. It wasn't before the person knocked a second time that I stood up and made my way to open the door. On my way, I took some deep breaths to calm myself down, but it was less to not effective at all.

Whoever it was, I didn't want to see them.

Grabbing the door knob, my feelings started to overwhelm me again.

Levi... There was no way that it was him, but still...

I had to make a decision!

And then I opened the door.

"Hey, Eren. You forgot this at my house last ti-... Eren, are you alright?"

It was Armin.

He didn't need to see me cry to know that something was wrong with me. Armin was able to read every expression of mine. And let me tell you that I didn't want to see his. Not only because I didn't want to see anyone at the moment, but the worried expression on his face hurt me.

I didn't want to see any of it.

I stayed still, opposite of him, my eyes slightly widened and close to tears. I could have burst out now, but I must not do that. No one could help me now.

"Eren? Something is up with you. Do you want to ta-"

In this moment, I just snatched the thing off his hands, not paying attention to what it was and turned around. "T-Thank you for bringing that to my house." My voice cracked here and then, and it wasn't more than that of a whisper. "I want to be alone now."

Inwardly I hoped that Armin wouldn't insist on staying here and comfort me. Because no one could cheer me up now. I had reached the point I never ever wanted to be at. Turning back to face Armin again and stepping back a bit, I was about to close the door.

Armin hadn't answered yet. He didn't make any moves to stop me from seperating us with that soon to be closed door. It was when the door was inches from being completely shut that I heard my best friend calling out my name. "Eren." It ached rejecting him like that. "If you ever need to talk... You know where I live. You know that I'm always here for you."

I let him say that until the end before I shut the door completely, without anything to answer, without signalling him that I appreciated that.

There was nothing left inside me for doing something like that. It was like I was dead from the inside. Desperate and dead.

Sitting back on the couch, I let my head fall into the pillows. I literally buried my head into them, hoping to escape from reality and my life.

~~~

It took hours for Levi to come home, but to me it felt like years. During that time I had attempted to collect myself, but in the end that hadn't changed anything.

"If you're tired, then go sleep in your own bed." Levi said in his usual monotone voice.

I straightened up my body, standing up as I watched him with my now dead eyes. There was nothing left inside them anymore.

The raven scoffed. "You look shitty."

"Thanks." Thanks to you.

He was about to go to his room, but I didn't let him. "Levi." I said with a rather strong voice I didn't know I could manage to bring up at a moment like this.

"What is it, brat?" He sounded slightly annoyed.

Not irritated by the way he had called me, I clenched my fists as I attempted to say the next things without cracking my voice.

"How long do you want to go on like that?"

Levi furrowed his eyesbrows in confusion as if he didn't grasp at first what I was talking about.

"I don't know." he eventually replied, still looking at me with a questioning look.

"Did something change for you during the time we were together?" I went on, slowly losing the last bit of hope that had been fiercly stuck inside me until the very end.

"What are you saying there? Why the fuck are you asking?" Levi gradually became more and more irritated; the sudden change of his tone revealed that.

Gulping hard, I prepared myself to ask him the last question.

"Levi, do you love me?"

During the whole time in which we were fuck buddies, he had never told me directly that he didn't love me. He would either answer with something along the lines that he wasn't the relationship type of guy, or whenever I told him that I loved him, he would always hum as a response or say 'I know'.

"No." His answer came so suddenly, I wasn't prepared for it. I was sure that my heart had almost stopped beating, and sensing the harsh coldness behind this one word made my stomach twist painfully.

The end had come now.

"What is the meaning of all this?" Levi asked in a highly pissed-off voice. "What are you trying to aim for with your damn questions?"

I let my head hung loosely, doing the same to my arms hanging at my sides.

Levi, you're the worst.

But at the same time I love you so much.

Taking in a shaky breath, I prepared myself for the words that would come out of my mouth in a few seconds.

Even if I hadn't said them out loud yet, I knew that I didn't want to say them.

But there was no other choice.

This was reality and I had made my choice.

"I want to break up."

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Hmm, I wonder how Levi will react in the next chapter...

(I have to admit that it hurt me writing this chapter.)