This started off my second week.. LaToya brought me back after we slept everything off. I was seriously tired and I didn't feel like putting up with Michael and his crap.. When we got there, Janet was so upset that she didn't even say 'Hello' to me. She didn't acknowledge me at all. What did I do? I didn't want to make her even more upset so I started making something for her. I made her favorite drink and set in front of her. I then made my way upstairs and opened the guest room door.. It was spotless. Just as I had left it. Her stuff wasn't even in there. I went into the bedroom and it was nicer than what I had left it. I checked the rest of the house but I never found what I was looking for.. Let me rephrase that. I never found who I was looking for. I laid down on the bed and just looked up at the ceiling. Questions formed inside of my head..

Where is he?

Is he cheating again?

Did he run away?

Did he go for a walk?

Did I do something wrong?

Is it my fault?

Why is Janet so mad at me?

What's wrong with her?

What's wrong with him?

What's wrong with me?

Questions, questions, questions.. I waited for a while and, to me, only a few minutes passed by before I heard the door open. I didn't look at the direction of which it came from, nor did I turn. I just stayed the same and stared at the ceiling. My imagination took over me after a while and I just imagined what happened last night.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~Daydream~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

Michael was happy when Janet came over and they started to play some games together. Janet noticed that Michael wasn't focused on the game or her and snapped her fingers at him.

Michael: Yes Dunk?

Janet: Mike.. You alright?

Michael: Yes.. Why would you ask that?

Janet: You just don't seem that focused on the game.

Michael: I am focused.

Janet shook her head.

Janet: I just beat you for the fourth time in a row! You're usually competitive about this game but this time.. What's wrong?

Michael was silent for a while and then sighed.

Michael: J.. Can I tell you something?

Janet: Anything.

Michael: Suzanne is very upset with me because of something I did and now she won't look at me or let me touch her in any way at all.

Janet was a little hesitant about what she was going to say and looked down.

Janet: What did you do?

Michael: J I-.. I-.. Cheated on her with my boss..

Michael said lowly. Janet's eyes popped wide open.

Janet: I wouldn't let you touch me either! Michael how could you?

Michael: I'm sorry! I keel telling her how sorry I am and she won't allow me to show her either.

Janet started to snicker a little and Michael shook his head.

Michael: Shut up.

Janet: I ain't say nothing. But I don't blame her.

Michael: If you were her, what would you do?

Janet: Forgive you.

Michael breathed out slowly.

Janet: And then cut off your parts..

Michael looked up at her terrified and then sighed again.

Michael: That's probably what she wants to do..

Janet: Or I just might divorce you.

Michael: Okay okay, I get it! Stop it J! I can't take it..

Janet looked down at the board and smiled.

Janet: I'm just being realistic here.. What caused you to cheat?

Michael stood up outraged and let out a groan of agony.

Michael: God! What part of 'STOP IT' don't you get? I can't take this. I knew I should've never told you.. Me and my desperate ways..

Michael walked out and slammed the door behind him. Janet sat there and curled up in a ball.

Janet: If he cheated on her and then wanted to fix it, why would he walk out on her? Or me?

Janet spent a lot of time thinking about the whole situation and then came to a conclusion.

Janet: He should have never married her! I knew this would happen! I don't have my brother, I don't have fun anymore and I don't like her! I can't take this anymore! Him, always being sad, me, always going nowhere and her, always getting what she wants! I hate it all!

Janet sat there and just let her words play over and over again.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~Daydream Over~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

I didn't realize that I was crying until I felt something wipe away my tears. I stopped crying and cleared my eyes of the blurriness. I saw Janet standing over me and I sat up.

Suesie: J.. Wh-what are you doing here?

Janet: What are you talking about?

Suesie: I thought you hated me.

Janet gave me a confused look and I felt stupid.

Janet: Why would I hate you?

Suesie: No reason.. I just had a bad dream.

Janet nodded.

Janet: Michael went out for a walk and I was deep I thought when you came in. He's been gone for two hours..

I turned towards her.

Suesie: Well if the steam ain't off now, he needs that walk.

The door closed downstairs and I turned away from Janet.

Suesie: Whatever happens, I can't speak. Okay?

Janet: Why?

I gave her a look and then returned to my position. Michael came and they began to talk.

Michael: When did she come back?

Janet: A few minutes ago.

Michael: Is she speaking to you?

Janet looked down because she was about to lie for me.. I owe her big time. She shook her head and Michael sighed.

Janet: I think she just wants you to leave her be..

Michael shook his head and licked his lips.

Michael: No.. I can't do that. I promised to never leave her alone again and I'm sticking to that promise. If she doesn't like it, then I'll keep my promise from a certain amount of distance between us.

I was smiling in my mind but on the outside, I was 'sleeping'. Michael sat down next to me and lightly brushed his fingers along my side. My eyes flew open and I jumped up. I walked out of the bedroom and into the guest room. Michael came after me and knocked as if I was going to answer him..

Michael: Baby, please don't do this anymore. I Love You too much and it can be a curse. All I ask is that I at least get a look at your beautiful face.

For some reason.. I felt like crying or like a horrible person. I soon found out why. I let out a breath and I opened my mouth ready to speak but I remembered.. Michael tried to open the door but it was locked.

Michael: Baby please..

He sounded alright.. Why did I feel bad? I shouldn't feel anything. I looked down and thought about it. I got up and walked towards the door. When I opened it, I found out why I felt bad. Michael was crying. He smiled when he saw me. I raised my eyebrow as if I were saying, 'Is that all you wanted?' But Michael thought I said, 'You promise that's it?' Basically the same thing though.. Michael nodded and looked down.. As if he wanted something more but I couldn't take it. Before Michael could lift a finger, I closed the door and slid down it as I began to cry. Old feelings were surfacing again and they were good. I hated it.. Most of all, I hated him.. At least I wanted to. I locked the door back and ran to the bed. I laid face down and tried to stifle my cries. Michael stayed at the door listening to me cry and he knew that there was still a chance to save us.

Michael: Suzanne.. I-.. Todo mi amor eres tu.. Never. I'll never stop loving you.

I lost it then and started crying harder. He knew I spoke about four other languages and Spanish was one of them. I knew exactly what he said and I hated it. I couldn't not speak to him anymore. I was mad. Beyond heated and I needed to get my frustrations out of me.

Suesie: The fuck is wrong with you? You think this is a game? Do you dare say that to me! Never! I know the truth! If you loved me, I wouldn't be in here screaming! I wouldn't have gone to the hospital or had as many miscarriages as I did! Did you love me when she was all over you? Did you love me when you gave me a deadly virus? Did you love me when you saw me crying because of some shit that you did? Why the fuck do you care? Why in the fuck do you love me? Ask yourself that!

I was silent for a while and began to cry as I threw things around. It was only about ten seconds of doing that before I began screaming at the top of my lungs again.

Suesie: What if I died? Would that make you happy? I know I'd be happy because then I wouldn't have to deal with this fucked up earth and all its fucked up people! I hate it! I hate it all.. Why me?

Michael: Suzanne, stop it. If you died, I'd die of grief. I wouldn't be happy, I'd do something crazy. I Love You too much for that..

Suesie: Fuck it all Michael. Fuck It All.

Michael: Stop it! I Love You more than air, myself and all the riches in the world. Stop that talk of nonsense about dying.

I accidentally cut myself when I was throwing things around earlier and its pretty bad. I looked at it and the blood that was all over the room in different places. I had to hide this.. Especially from Michael.. Then it clicked into my head.. 'What if I died from bleeding out? No.. That's not good. STOP IT SUZANNE!' I couldn't believe what I was thinking.. This wasn't me at all nor was it like me. I got up and ran to the personal bathroom. I washed off the blood and wrapped my arm in a towel. Now.. I need to clean the blood from off the walls, door and floor.. The floor is always the hardest part. Michael unlocked the door after a while and saw everything while I was still in the bathroom. He stood behind me as I was dampening a towel and startled me.

Michael: Why didn't you tell me? Why are you bleeding?

I was about to say something weak but then I made my face look cold.

Suesie: Why do you care? I don't have to tell you nothin' if I don't want to. You ain't my daddy.

Michael grabbed the wrong arm and turned me around. I moaned in pain and there was no way to keep in the sound or pain. I didn't expect it, so I couldn't hold it in. Michael let me go instantly and covered his mouth with his hand.. Which just so happened to have blood on it. Blood started oozing out of my arm again and I glared at Michael. I cleaned off my cut again and wrapped the towel around my arm again. I tried to walk past Michael but he blocked my way. Same thing again.

Suesie: What? What is it?

Michael: Why didn't you tell me?

Suesie: Because I knew you'd do this to me. Wanting to take care of it and that involves touching. Touching, for you, would mean hell for me.

Michael: Why would that be?

Michael said placing his hands on my shoulders.

Suesie: Because I don't want you touching me.

I said as I pushed Michael's hands off of me. I pushed past him and sat down on the bed. I kept looking at my arm and I realized that that was how I felt.. This deep cut is just as deep as my heart's cuts. The things that weigh my heart so low.

Michael: Suzanne, I'd never intentionally hurt you..

Suesie: Lie again and your nuts will have a date with my foot.

Michael: Stop being so violent! Can you be nice for one day? Is that possible? You're making me think it's not.

Suesie: I think all you want because that's what you'll be doing for the next two weeks.

Michael: And then?

Michael said crossing his arms.

Suesie: What?

Michael: When the two weeks are done, then what? What will I be doing?

Suesie: Jumping off a bridge.. I don't know, anything not having to do with me.

Michael: So you're going to do your thing and expect me to do the same?

Suesie: Yes.

Michael: No Sue.. I can't believe what you just said.. I'd go with you anywhere.. As long as we're together, I'm fine.

Suesie: Then for the next ten seconds, I don't want to hear shit from that mouth of yours. Since we're together right now, you must be happy.

Michael: Smart..

Suesie: Oh so you're not happy? I wonder why..

Michael chuckled and rolled his eyes.. I had forgotten how adorable his laugh was.

Michael: I knew that I married an academically smart woman but I never guessed that she was strategically smart in a quick situation.

Suesie: So you thought I was dumb?

Michael: No.. I just didn't expect it. I only know music..

Then Michael grew an evil smile.. It wasn't a grin or a smirk.. The best way to describe it as an evil smile. Michael knelt down in front of me and started singing.

Michael: Don't walk away
See I just can't find the right thing to say
I tried but all my pain gets in the way
Tell me what I have to do so you'll stay
Should I get down on my knees and pray
And how can I stop losing you
How can I begin to say
When there's nothing left to do but walk away
I close my eyes
Just to try and see you smile one more time
But it's been so long now all I do is cry
Can't we find some love to take this away
'Cause the pain gets stronger every day
How can I begin again
How am I to understand
When there's nothing left to do but walk away
See now why
All my dreams been broken
I don't know where we're going
Everything we said and all we done now
Don't let go, I don't wanna walk away
Now why
All my dreams been broken
Don't know where we're going
Everything begins to set us free
Can't you see, I don't wanna walk away
If you go, I won't forget you girl
Can't you see that you will always be
Even though I had to let you go
There' nothing left to do
Don't walk away

I couldn't look away from him.. He wouldn't let me. His eyes were his target for me to see so that he could get through to my heart. Michael rubbed my hand with his thumb and I jerked back. Michael was sincere and I knew it.. I didn't want to give in and I wanted to be a tough case to crack. But my tears had failed me.. One slid down as he was singing and I didn't dare wipe it away. It would show my resistance and how weak I really was at this moment and he'd see his chance. Then he'd pounce on me like a cat pouncing on a mouse and kiss me until I forgave him. I turned my back on him and he sat down behind me.

Michael: Baby, we've been through a lot in the little time that we've been married. But if we let go now, it will seem like this was all for nothing and I want to keep going until we reach that day when the skies are always blue, the sun is always shining and I get to spend every moment with you.

Suesie: You sure do talk a lot.

Michael chuckled lightly and bit his bottom lip.

Michael: I Love your humor.. When we get out of this darkness, our love will be stronger and we'll look back at this thinking, 'I'm so glad we made it.' Don't you want that?

Suesie: I-.. I don't know. But what is life without children? I want children but yet, I cannot have them.

Michael: We can always adopt.

Suesie: No. I want this child to be fully mine. Full blood. No adoption, no nothing. Just a child that I can say is fully mine. With my traits, my nose, my hair and my style. With your eyes, lips, ears and a mixture of both of our skin tones. But I can't.. Why? I was raped, beat, hurt, almost murdered and everything else. I'm barren and that will never change!

Michael lifted his hand slowly and I saw him through the corner of my eye. He then rested his hand on my back and began to rub it. I walked out of the room and went to clean my arm again. Actually, I really wanted to get away from him.. I felt a presence behind me and I turned around.

Michael: Why'd you walk away?

Suesie: Where's Janet?

Michael: She left a while ago.

Suesie: Why?

Michael: She wanted to give us some alone time but I tried to explain the situation to her. She just shrugged and took off. It won't be for another two weeks before we can have our time together..

Suesie: More like two months.

I mumbled.

Michael: Whichever is fine with you, I'm here if you need me.

Suesie: Trust me, I won't. Unless it's an emergency that I can't handle, which is rare. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going downstairs to make myself something to eat.

Michael raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms.

Michael: And get blood all over the kitchen? I don't think so.

Suesie: Its me that made the mess, me that's bleeding, me that's cooking and me that's eating. So if I have blood all over my food, I'll tell you if my blood tastes good.

Michael: I'm not a vampire..

Michael grumbled.

Suesie: I never said you were.

Michael went downstairs and started to fix something for me to eat. It took a while and it smelled really good but I was a little too into one of my favorite shows. I was watching 'The Pink Panther' when Michael came back with the food. I didn't mind him for a while until a commercial came on. I looked down and saw chicken, rice, greens, cucumbers and strawberries.. I knew what it meant..

Suesie: A second thought, I'm not hungry..

Michael shrugged and began to eat the strawberries.. I was getting a little upset because he was eat one of my favorite fruits and he knew it. I snatched one off the plate and it was the last one. I love strawberries..

Michael: Oh come on! Why'd you take the last one?

Suesie: Because I wanted to.

Michael: Mrs. I'm Not Hungry.

Suesie: Mr. Shut Up.

Michael acted like he was offended.

Michael: Mrs. Panther.

Suesie: Mr. Pink.

Michael: Mrs. Love.

Suesie: Mr. Hate.

Michael: Mrs. Jackson.

Suesie: Mr. Braxton.

Michael: Mrs. Jackson, I give up.

Suesie: Okay.

I ate a few cucumbers and dogged the chicken. I didn't share at all. Michael housed the greens and I was left satisfied. Could this day get any.. Wait! Put it all on pause!

Michael: Was it good?

Suesie: What?

I said alarmed.

Michael: The food.. Was it good?

Suesie: Oh.. Yes, it was.. Good.

Michael: Okay..

It was silent between us for a while before I said something.

Suesie: After this night, I can't be involved with you.

Michael: Why?

Suesie: I just can't.. I can't deal with you at this moment. I need to be alone.

Michael: Do you want me to leave now?

I didn't know how to answer him.. So I buried my face into a pillow.

Suesie: I don't care, as long as you don't touch me.

Michael: I just want to hold you..

Suesie: You can hold me in two months.

Michael: Two weeks.

Suesie: Michael..

Michael: Please.. Just this once before these two weeks are over and the two months of torture begin.

I glared at him and he acted as if I was giving him a loving look.

Suesie: No.. Nothing will change my mind.

Michael raises his eyebrow and crossed his arms. Then he smiled.

Michael: I know why you won't let me touch you.

Suesie: I'm so thrilled!

I said sarcastically.

Michael: It's because I'm your weakness.

I laughed.. It was a mixture of a scoff and a laugh.

Suesie: Wow.. Okay Michael.

Michael: I'm serious. Last time I touched you, we almost ended up making love.

Suesie: Last time you touched me, you dragged me to the hospital! Get the facts right.

Michael: But the time before that, I was kissing you and you were out of breath!

I was surprised to hear Michael raise his voice but I acted like it didn't matter.

Suesie: Lies! I wasn't out of breath, I was trying to get you off me!

Michael: That happened too.. But you still let me kiss you. You got weak in a good way and if you would've let me finish, you would've been pregnant with my child.

Suesie: So as you said in the past.. But am I pregnant? No, I'm on my ass in this bed, sex-free for three weeks because of some dumbass who decided to cheat and give me a fuckin' STD that almost killed me!

Michael couldn't take it, so he decided to leave. I blocked the doorway.. I wanted to get this over with. I knew this day would come.

Michael: Get out of the way Sue.

Suesie: No, you have words to say and you've kept them in. Let them out.

Michael: Suzanne, move. I don't want to hurt you.

Suesie: You can't hurt me anymore than you already have because your words don't matter to me anymore. I'm more focused on this fight that's about to go down.

I let my New Yorker accent show up again and I kept it.

Michael: There will not be any fights started and I refuse to listen to you!

Suesie: You better let it all out right now or else!

Michael eyed me and crossed his arms.

Michael: Or else what?

I raised my eyebrow.

Michael: You wouldn't..

Suesie: Try me and see.

Michael: Okay.

Michael pulled me close and started kissing my neck. I started screaming and hitting him.

Suesie: L-let me go! I s-swear Michael! Let m-me go!

Michael: You swear what?

Suesie: I'll kill you!

Michael: Then you'll be in jail.

Suesie: At least I won't have a broken heart!

Michael: You? What about when you left me! I was devastated!

Suesie: You deserved it!

Michael: When you had the miscarriages, how do you think I felt?

Suesie: I was the one who was carrying the baby!

Michael: When you were always complaining about something! It got to me! It really did!

Suesie: So you think that gives you the right to go out and get an STD? Then on top of that, give it to me? You got me fucked up!

Michael: Constant reminders! Just going on and on about it! Just stop it! Stop It! STOP IT!

Michael screamed at the top of his lungs.

Suesie: Stop screaming at me and let it out! Tell me what I did wrong!

I said as I started to cry unknowingly. I can't believe myself.. Why did I just say that? It wasn't my fault.. Was it?

Michael: Nothing! Why do you think you did something?

Suesie: I never said that..

I said crossing my arms as I looked down and turned away from him.

Michael: Yes you did.. Why do you think it's your fault?

Suesie: Because clearly, you aren't taking any of the blame! So it must all be me! So tell me what I did wrong!

Michael paused, looked down and began to smile.

Michael: You were something that I didn't deserve, you got straight A's, you loved me and you are still married to me. You're secretly trying to fix our hole and you still want me to be the father of your child..

Suesie: Then let's cut the bullshit and get a divorce.. This way, the pain will go away faster..

I mumbled the last part.

Michael: Oh, so you do care..

Suesie: What are you talking about?

Michael: You said that you want it done and over with so that the pain can go away faster. I Love You too baby..

Suesie: No I don't! If you mean court, yes. Family, yes. But you?

I did the same mixture of a scoff and laugh again.

Michael: Well?

Suesie: Well what?

Michael: Do you care about me?

Suesie: Ask yourself..

Michael: Okay.. Michael? Does Suzanne care about me? No? Oh.. It's because she loves me? Okay.

Suesie: Dumbass..

Michael: He said no because you still love me.

Suesie: You have to care about that person in order to love them..

I growled.

Michael: Oh.. So you do love me..

Michael grinned.

Suesie: I never said that..

Michael: You also never said that you didn't either..

Suesie: Get out.

Michael: No Babycakes, It's your turn to suffer now.

Suesie: I said, Get Out!

I said pointing to the door.

Michael: Are you mad because I turned the tables on you?

Suesie: Get out Michael! I'm tired, now get out!

Michael: I Love You baby..

Suesie: Michael..

I growled as I balled up my fists.

Michael: I said, I Love You..

He crooned once more.

Suesie: If I say it back, will you leave?

Michael blushed slightly and softened his voice.

Michael: Maybe..

I opened the door and pushed Michael out.

Suesie: Love you too.

Michael: May I have a-..

I closed the door on him before he could finish and locked the door.

Suesie: No! Now go to bed!

I screamed after that..