I take my pills everyday, but nothing happens.. I'm really starting to believe that something is truly wrong with me. Why am I not getting morning sickness? Why am I not feeling different? What is wrong with me? What is going on? Well, I have a week left to take these pills and I'm done. To be honest though, I'm getting sick of taking these pills.. I hate medicine period.. Speaking of which, it came today.. Now I know I'm not pregnant. I'm just glad it's Friday.. Michael doesn't work on the weekends.. But Friday is a weekday in his boss's book. I'm sad that he has to leave me alone again.

Michael: I Love You Suzanne.

Suesie: I Love You too Michael.

I said then I kissed Michael goodbye. I watched him leave and I waved. I have been really down lately.. I'm actually depressed.. Why isn't anything working? My phone rang and now I always let it go to voicemail.

'This is the Jackson residence, please leave your information here and we will get back to you. Much love and God bless you.'

Beeeep!

Katherine: Hello sweetheart, this is your mother.

I picked up the phone.

Suesie: Mrs. Jackson, it's so nice to hear from you! How are you doing?

Katherine: I am fine. I called for you, I want to spend the day with you.

I stared at the phone in disbelief.

Katherine: Hello? Are you there?

Suesie: Ma'am?

Katherine: I said I want to spend time with my daughter.

Oh my.. She actually used the word 'Daughter' to describe me! I'm so happy right now.

Suesie: Yes ma'am. Where would you like to meet?

Katherine: Call me Mom from now on okay?

Suesie: Yes ma'a-.. Mom..

Katherine smiled on the other line.

Katherine: Come over my house and we will have fun there.

Suesie: Alright Mom, I'll see you in ten minutes.

I said then we hung up. I couldn't stop smiling. I drove to Mom's house and knocked on the door. She answered almost right away and embraced me with a hug.

Katherine: Sweetheart! I'm so glad to see you.. How are you?

Suesie: I'm doing.. Alright I guess.. And I'm glad to see you too.

Mom's smile turned into a slight frown.

Katherine: What's wrong sweetheart?

She said as we sat down onto the couch. I looked down for a while and had my hands on my knees.

Suesie: Michael & I have been trying to have a baby for almost a month now and I'm just not producing for some reason.

Katherine: Oh my sweet girl..

She said embracing me in a hug and I started to cry.

Katherine: I'm sorry to hear that you can't have a child but the time may not be right. Maybe that's God saying that it's not the right time.

I looked at her with tear stains.

Suesie: I don't think so momma.. Sometimes I wonder why Michael even loves me.. Why did he even marry me? Why did he-.

Katherine: Hush now.. That's no way to talk. Now Michael loves you and he proved it by marrying you. That's not all either. He wants a family with you and has a steady job that allows him to support his family.. Now tell me that ain't true..

Mom said cutting me off. I looked down at one point and thought about mom's words.. Although she was right, I still never understood why he did..

Suesie: But momma.. Momma look at this..

I said taking my shirt off. Katherine just stared at all of my scars, bruises, stitches, and scratches.. I quickly covered myself when she did so after a while. She looked up at me and lightly touched my stomach.

Katherine: Baby, momma loves you no matter what and Michael loves you too. It shouldn't matter how many scars you have or even your iniquities. Michael & I love you just the same as before. Do you understand me?

I nodded.

Katherine: What does Michael usually do when you get like this?

I didn't think about it at all.. I just said the first thing that came out of my mouth.

Suesie: He holds me, croons to me, and sometimes shows me.

Katherine: Michael can only tell you things.. It's up to you to believe it.

Suesie: I'd like to believe it but-.

Katherine: Don't be ashamed of yourself. You're beautiful.. Now put on that shirt before someone walks in on you.

I smiled and did as I was told. I stayed there with Katharine until five and then I glanced at the clock.

Suesie: Oh my Lord.. I am sorry that I can't stay Katherine but I should've been home two hours ago.

I said getting up. Katherine frowned at me.

Katherine: Call me Mom sweetheart, we are family.. And remember that no one can make you feel good about yourself until you do.

I nodded.

Suesie: Yes ma'am momma.

Without another word, I walked out of the door and to my vehicle. I got inside and started the car. I looked up as I was pulling out of the driveway and saw mom waving at me. I smiled and waved back. I drove home and thought about what she had said to me. I will take her words to my heart and carry them with me for the rest of my days. I got out of the car and walked up to the door. I turned my keys and opened the door.

Suesie: Michael, baby I'm so sorry for-..

I looked up and covered my mouth. Oh my gosh..

Suesie: Oh my.. Oh my-, Oh my gosh..

Michael: Hey baby.

I am stunned to see Michael on the floor.. Stripped of his clothes and only a pillow to cover him. Clearly, he wasn't hungry.. At least not for food..

Suesie: Michael, I can't.. Oh my. You-. Wow..

Michael smiled as he looked down.

Michael: I guess I am. Tell me about your day.

Michael said patting the space next to him. I let out a small giggle as I sat down. Michael sat up and smiled at me.

Michael: How was your day?

Suesie: It was good. I spent some time with mom.

Michael: Mom?

Suesie: Katherine.

Michael: Really?

Suesie: I know, that's what I said. Now she's calling me her daughter. How was your day?

Michael: It was good. Could be better.

Michael said softening his voice at the last part as he looked me over. I couldn't stop blushing. Michael looked at me and smiled as he light kissed my cheek. By now, my whole face was red. Michael looked me into my eyes and slowly leaned in again.

Michael: Aren't you cold?

Suesie: Not really, it wasn't that cold outside.

Michael wasn't satisfied.

Michael: You must be hot then.

I  saw where he was getting at but I am not in the mood right now.

Suesie: No, I'm just fine.

Michael nodded and disappeared for a moment. Then he came back with a bowl full of melted vanilla. Michael must have some trick up his sleeve.

Michael: Here, try this.

Michael said as he inched the bowl closer to me.. He spilled the bowl.. All Over Me.

Suesie: Michael!

I screamed. Michael grinned.

Michael: Oops. I guess you have take that off now.

I eyed Michael as I did so. I took off everything except my undergarments and my shirt.

Suesie: You can be a real applehead.

Michael: I love you.

I didn't reply, I just crossed my arms and pouted.

Michael: I said I Love You.. Don't you love me too?

I sensed the sadness in his voice.

Suesie: You already know the answer.

Michael: Tell me again. I promise that I'll be good.

I eyed him suspiciously and then sighed.

Suesie: I Love You.

Michael: I Love You more.

Suesie: You're not going to get it..

Michael: What? Girl I don't know what you're talking about.

Suesie: I'm not in the mood.

Michael: Mood for what?

Suesie: I'm not in the mood for you.. Not tonight.

Michael nodded.

Suesie: Look Michael, we've been trying for a while now and we still don't have a child. I can't take it anymore. At first it was for us, then for you, and now I just give up. I am done trying.... I go to the doctor tomorrow to find out what's wrong with me.

I said getting up.

Michael: Just one more time baby, please. This isn't even about a baby now.. I just want you now. Come and lay with me.

I turned away from him.

Suesie: Michael, just stop. We've done nothing but have sex all this month. I'm on my monthly right now, which comes to prove that I am not having your child anytime soon. I am tired of having sex with you. I just want us to connect and talk like we used to. I just want you to hold me and tell me that everything will be alright. I don't want to have sex with you. Now it seems like that's all you ever think about. Ever since our first time and we've been married its always been nothing but sex with you. Why can't you make love to me for once? Or why can't we take a walk somewhere without a baby on your mind? Why can't you see that I need you to do that for us. You have become a sex addict and we don't even communicate anymore! All it is when you come home is 'I want you so bad baby.' or 'Lets go upstairs'-.

Michael: Wait a minute, when have I ever said 'Lets go upstairs'?

Michael said cutting me off.

Suesie: I'm just proving my point here! I'm not saying that you actually said that, I'm saying what your actions say.

Michael stood up, forgetting about the fact that he was stripped of his clothes.

Michael: And what do they say now?

Suesie: They say that you're just as pissed as I am.

Michael rolled his eyes.

Michael: Oh really, why am I mad?

Suesie: Because I'm mad at you!

I said, attempting to walk away but Michael got a hold of my arm and blatantly refused to let me go.

Michael: Why are you walking away from me?

Suesie: Let me go!

I said looking dead at him.

Michael: Don't walk away from me, let's just talk about this.

Oh now he wants to talk.

Suesie: Michael, let me go..

I said through gritted teeth.

Michael: Let's talk about this.

Suesie: I said Let Me Go!

I said as I jerked my arm away from him. Michael looked at me with a broken expression. It was hard to identify everything that he was feeling but I knew that one of them was pain. I blinked and looked down. Why am I like this? Why can't I be more careful about people's feelings?

Suesie: I-.. I'll sleep on the couch.

I said, running up the stairs and grabbing a few things to bring downstairs. I turned towards the doorway and sighed before proceeding downstairs. I started making a pallet on the floor when Michael said something to me.

Michael: Why don't you sleep on the couch?

I sighed and started to whisper things to myself about all the things that annoyed me. Michael was one of them.

Michael: I Love You Suzanne, I don't want you to be alone tonight but I don't want you be upset either. I'll see you tomorrow.

Michael walked up the stairs and closed the door. I heard his soft sobs and it made me sad to hear him cry. I wanted to go to him and assure him that everything was alright but my stubborn ways wouldn't let me.

Suesie: Why do I have so cruel? So illiterate? So inconsiderate? I made my husband cry. What kind of wife am I? What wife makes her husband cry? What type of wife does what I am doing right now? I must be the wrong kind of wife. I must be a horrible wife to Michael. I don't want to be a horrible wife that treats a great husband this way. Michael loves me.

I said closing my eyes. I didn't realize that I was crying until my eyes started to burn. I wiped them away but they didn't stop. Why? Because Michael and I share one soul. I feel that we were once soul mates but I ruined what was once a beautiful love to hearts shredded into darkness. I fell asleep later on with the tears staining my face. I felt it all at once....