Michael suspected something was wrong with me when we were cuddling because he said I was being distant.. Yeah right.. I just sat up like I normally did and Michael had his arm wrapped around me as we watched cartoons. Just because I didn't kiss you back doesn't always mean that something's wrong.. Although something is.. But that's besides the point!

Michael: Baby what's wrong?

Suesie: What are you talking about?

Michael: That's what I'm trying to find out.

Suesie: There is nothing wrong with me. I swear!

Michael looked at me for a while and then looked away from me.

Michael: Okay..

Suesie: Thank you.

I turned my attention back to the television and ignored everything else. I felt Michael move and then a kiss being planted on my cheek. I looked down and then I looked back up at the television. Michael sat up and turned off the television.

Suesie: What's the problem?

Michael: That's what i want to know! Tell me what the-..

Michael cut himself off and looked down. Then he took hold of my arms and looked at me closely.. I knew then what he wanted to know.

Michael: Suzanne.. Please, just tell me.

Suesie: He's back..

I answered after a long pause. I had my head down.

Michael: Who?

I looked up with tears in my eyes and Michael's face dropped.

Michael: Oh God, baby..

Michael pulled me into his arms and I began to spill the beans through my tears.

Michael: Tell me everything. Did he come here? Did he harm you? Is the baby okay?

Suesie: The baby is fine.. It's just that he.. He called here..

Michael: He's in jail, I don't understand..

Suesie: I don't understand it either! He just called and told me he wanted to apologize but I don't think that's what he called for! He has lots of ways of knowing where I am!

I paused.

Michael: Baby.. It's fine, we'll move. We can file a court order, we'll-.

Suesie: No! No.. We can't keep running away from our problems.. We'll just have to wait and see if he's an actual threat..

Michael looked at me and I swore that I saw fear in his eyes.. It was there but he always denies it.. Actually, he never says anything about it.

Michael: But if we wait too long, it'll be too late!

Suesie: If worst comes to worst, I will be the one who endures pain.. I know what he wants. He only wants me.

Michael: If you die, I die. If you're hurt, I'm hurt. If you're lost.. I'm lost forever until I find you.. Dead, I will be forever lost. Alive, I will be broken.

Suesie: Broken? Why?

Michael: Because I couldn't save you from the harm that was to come..

Suesie: This is not your fault. It will never be.

Michael: What about the baby? If you die before hand, then I have nothing to live for.

Suesie: And if they live?

Michael: If only you died, I'd be a broken father.. I'm no good without you.

Suesie: Stop lying to yourself! You transferred the good to me! I was the bad! You were-and still are-the good! You'll be an excellent father! Better than any father that I've ever had..

Michael wiped away my tears and looked down with pain.

Michael: I don't want you to leave me.. I'm not ready.. Not yet.

Suesie: We will never be ready. Love is stronger than anything. Everything you say about me, about dying if I die and being lost.. I'd do the same.

Michael: I.. I just can't stand it.. Me without you is like a plant without water or sunshine.

Suesie: Drooping and wilting away.. That's what every human does. We are planted.

I rubbed my stomach.

Suesie: We're born, we live, we begin to droop and wilt away.. And then.. Lastly, we die.

Michael sat still and then stood up.

Michael: No. No! I won't have it that way! You will stay with me and you will live!

Suesie: If that's what ends up happening..

Michael: No, you see.. There is no if. You're going to live!

Suesie: How do you know my future?

Michael: Because he can't kill you if he's dead.

Suesie: W-what?

Michael: No dead person has ever killed the living. So, he must be disposed of.. Permanently..

Suesie: Michael no. Stop it, stop it, STOP IT! I'm sick of death! If you murder someone, you're done! The baby will have to spend the rest of their life looking through a glass window and not being able to touch their daddy! Listen to me closely. You are not killing anybody..

I said slowly.

Michael: So what do you suggest we do?

Suesie: He's calling back tomorrow, I suggest you let me handle the call and just listen.

Michael: Yet again, we're back to waiting..

Suesie: Michael..

Michael: I Love You too..

Michael said as he crossed his arms.

Suesie: I Love You more.. So much more than you could ever imagine.

Michael: I know this..

Suesie: But do you know it enough?

Michael sighed and looked down.

Michael: I can't lose you.. I just.. Can't..

Suesie: I'm sorry but we had to have this conversation sooner or later.

Michael: You know what, let's just enjoy each other right now and not talk about this because I hate the sound of death! We both do! I love you and you love me so let's just do this like we always do.

Suesie: And what way is that?

I said as I crossed my arms.

Michael: We either finish the movie, have a good time and fall asleep, make love and fall asleep or stay mad and fall asleep just to forgive each other the next day.

Suesie: Oh really? So you'd rather put off a good matter to discuss and do something that I already said I didn't want to do? Is that it? Do I not matter?

Michael: You do matter! You mean everything to me!

Suesie: Well then, everything can't go your way.

Michael: What's that supposed to mean?

Suesie: It means I'm not obeying you! You're not my father!

Michael: Suzanne stop it!

I became quiet and Michael had a tear rolling down his face.

Suesie: How does it feel?

Michael: Please.. I don't want to talk about something bad before bed. I don't want to be awake all night looking at you and making sure you're breathing. I want to be sure that you're safe and sleep soundly with you in my arms. I want to dream about something sweet.. Something beautiful.. Like.. If we're having a son or a daughter. Or about you..

Suesie: Sex..

Michael: Making love. Darling, I Love You more than life.

Then die..I thought and then I thought about it and realized the horror of what I just thought. I began to cry again but it was harder than any cry I've ever cried.. How could I have wished death on the one person in the world who loves me and I love them back? Michael pulled me close, alarmed that I was hurt when really.. I was afraid..

Michael: Baby what's wrong?

Suesie: I'm sorry.. I'm so sorry..

Michael: What? What did you do?

I dried my eyes and sighed.

Suesie: No.. Please.. Just lay down.

Michael hesitated but laid down. I just laid on him and turned the television back on.

Michael: Baby?

I shushed him sweetly and he began to rub my back. I pretended to be asleep but I stayed awake all night long.. Thinking.. Just thinking. I know I did wrong but this.. I thought it was all over.. I guess not.. He's back and I can't hide this any longer. I knew Michael wasn't sleep either because I didn't hear him snoring.. I turned over to face him and I saw his eyes.. They were wide open..

Michael: I couldn't sleep either..

Suesie: You knew?

Michael smiled..

Michael: You weren't relaxed and you were trying too hard to seem like you were asleep.

Suesie: You weren't snoring so that's how I knew.

Michael: What time is it?

Suesie: Mm.. I'd say about.. Midnight..

Michael: Two hours.

Suesie: Yeah and we still haven't finished the movie.

Michael: Right right..

I looked down and hesitated to speak, but I did.

Suesie: You know when I started crying?

Michael: Yes.. You cried a lot.

Suesie: I mean the last time..

Michael: When you kept saying you were sorry?

Suesie: Yes.. My thoughts were hurting me..

Michael: What we're you thinking?

Suesie: When you said your last comment, my mind said then die.. So I cried. I couldn't believe that I thought that about you.. The only person in the world who loves me.

Michael: Don't say that..

Suesie: What?

Michael: The whole family loves you. The baby loves you and everyone else you meet loves you.

Suesie: You're not worried?

Michael: Why would I worry?

Suesie: My thoughts about you..

Michael: People think stuff like that and I trust you enough to know that you wouldn't kill me.. Unless you had a good reason to.

Michael laughed.. I wasn't amused.

Suesie: Wow.. Okay.

Michael: What? I'm only trying to make this situation better.

Suesie: But I'm serious. I'm afraid..

Michael: Afraid of what baby?

Suesie: I might lose you or I'll go crazy or something.. I'm afraid of myself..

Michael: Listen.. You're not crazy, you won't go crazy and you'll never kill anybody. You have the biggest heart in the world.. Just like my mother..

I slightly smiled.

Suesie: Thank you..

Michael kissed me and waited. I closed my eyes and let myself drift away.. But that didn't last long.

Michael: What are you doing?

Suesie: What's it look like I'm doing?

Michael: You better not go to sleep without my goodnight kiss..

Suesie: Oh that's right.. But you see, my lips are tired.

Michael: Bring your face here then.

Suesie: My head is tired too.

Michael: Then I'll just come closer.

Michael said as he began to move closer to me.

Suesie: Never mind! I'll do it! I'll kiss you.. Just stay right there.. Well, maybe you can back up a little.

Michael: I'm sleepy baby. I can only move forward.

I kissed him.

Suesie: There. Now can you move back?

Michael grinned.

Michael: I don't know.. I didn't really feel the love in that kiss.

Suesie: You think you're slick, don't you?

Michael: What are you talking about?

Suesie: If I come to you, you'll grab me and force me into it..

Michael: It?

Suesie: Yes it.

Michael: What is it?

Suesie: You know..

Michael: No I don't know..

Michael grinned and he moved closer. I held up my hand to stop him from getting any closer. His legs wrapped around my legs.

Suesie: Mike stop!

I whined.

Michael: Stop what?

Michael said moving my hand down off of his chest but lower.

Suesie: Get away from me Michael.

Michael: Did you just..?

Suesie: Did I what?

Michael: Never mind.. You'll deny it anyway.

Suesie: Tell me!

Michael: No.

Suesie: Michael!

Michael: Nope.

Suesie: Please?

Michael: No way, José.

Suesie: My name ain't José, It's Suzanne. Suzanne Aaliyah Braxton.

Michael: Jackson.

Suesie: Braxton.

Michael: Jackson.

Suesie: Braxton.

Michael: Are you divorcing me?

Suesie: No, but I'm using my maiden name.. Sorta..

Michael: Sorta?

Suesie: Don't ask.

Michael: I won't..

Suesie: Good.

Michael: Not until tomorrow.

Suesie: You idiot..

Michael: What was that?

Suesie: You're an idiot.

Michael: Oh really?

Suesie: Yes really.

Michael pinned my arms down and hovered over me.

Suesie: Mike! I'm sleepy! Let me go to sleep!

Michael: No. Since I'm an idiot, I'm gonna teach you what idiots do.

Suesie: Michael!

I whined. Michael leaned down and kissed my lips.

Michael: You moaned earlier.

Suesie: No I didn't!

Michael: I knew it! I knew you'd deny it.

Suesie: Because I didn't moan!

Michael eyed me in a sensual way and saw lust..

Michael: If you say so..

Suesie: What are you planning? What are you about to do?

Michael: What are you talking about?

Suesie: I know that look Michael. What are you planning? What are your plans to get my clothes off?

Michael: Clothes? Wait what?

Suesie: Every time you look at me that way, you always figure out a way to get my clothes off.

Michael: Wait huh?

Suesie: Michael!

Michael: What?

Suesie: Are you even listening to me?

Michael: Yes I am.

Suesie: Then why do I feel your eyes looking lower than mine.

Michael: Your what?

Suesie: Men..

I scoffed. You know, I really need a new pair of pajamas.. Or a new body.

Michael: What about us men?

Suesie: Oh so you caught that?

Michael: Yes, I did.

Suesie: Men. Always thinking about sex and always overpowering us women.. I swear..

Michael: Hold on a minute. I didn't touch you yet! I didn't even say anything about taking your clothes off! And it's never sex, it's making love!

Suesie: Sex, making love, fu-.

Michael: Don't you even dare.. Don't you dare say that..

Suesie: Or what? If I say it, are you gonna hit me? Rape me? Huh? What is it? I've been through it all and more! So come on! I can take it, hit me! Take your best shot.

I even turned my head and expected to feel the stinging of a slap.. But instead.. Instead.. I felt a kiss.. On my cheek and on my neck. I looked at him slowly.

Michael: Why on earth would I hit a woman?

Suesie: I don't know, why would you?

Michael: The answer is, I never will.

Suesie: I can see that now..

Michael: I'll never hurt you. I promise.

Suesie: Okay.. Now I want to go to bed. I want to sleep.

Michael: Okay love.

Suesie: Night.

Michael: Night baby and goodnight to you too little one.

I giggled and went to sleep.