I'm gonna do us all a favor and move on to the new years because.. No wait.. Christmas. Last time I checked, it was early December.. I want to open some presents.. Well.. Then again, you'd miss a lot.. Man.. Decisions, decisions.. I hate making them.. Let me sum it all up for you.. Michael and I and been on very good terms lately and we rarely fight now. I think this environment is suitable for a family.. Michael has been looking for a job and today is a very special day..

Michael: Suesie woozie!

Michael said as he came inside of the room. I groaned and put the pillow over my head. Michael got on the bed and started jumping on it.

Michael: Suesie! Baby! Please wake up!

Suesie: Five.. Give me five more hours.

Michael: Nooo! You have to come right now!

Suesie: Is it THAT important?

Michael nodded as he grinned and stopped jumping.

Michael: Please baby. I promise that you'll love it!

My eyes flew open. I swear, if he got me anything..

Suesie: You didn't get me anything, did you?

Michael: Did I?

Michael smiled wider. I turned over and covered my face with my hands.

Suesie: Michael, why?

Michael came over to my side of the bed and crouched down beside me.

Michael: Baby, please come down.

Suesie: But.. Fine..

Michael jumped up and started yelling happily as he went down the stairs. I shook my head as I laughed and looked around the room.. My goodness.. I don't want to get up.. I don't even feel that well today but I got up anyway and slipped on my robe. I joined Michael downstairs and his face lit up once he saw me.

Michael: Suzanne! Suzanne, baby, guess what!

Suesie: What?

Michael: I know that you aren't feeling well and that you need some rest but I just had to tell you what the good news was!

Suesie: And that is?

Michael was silent for a while and then started cheesing.

Michael: I got a job!

I smiled weakly at him and gave him a hug.

Suesie: I'm so happy for you Michael. I'm so glad you got the job.

Michael hugged me tightly and kissed me passionately.

Michael: I'm sorry you don't feel good baby.. Do you want to go back to bed now?

Suesie: Yes.. Wait a minute! I know you did not just drag me all the way down here just to tell me that you got a job. Which in fact could and should have been done upstairs.

I was a little upset because I was really tired and a little under the weather lately..

Michael: Well.. I didn't want to be tempted upstairs and be late for work.

Suesie: You're very nasty, Michael. And you mean to tell me that you start today?

Michael: Yes. If you want to, you can go upstairs now.

Suesie: Michael Joseph Jackson.. I am not going back up them stairs until you let me know the truth about what's going on because if you just dragged me all the way down here just to say that little bit of information, which is a blessing -don't get me wrong-, I am going to hurt you..

Michael didn't seem to care. He just stood there with a grin plastered on his face and I wasn't amused.

Michael: Well.. You could stay down here and let me explain everything before my ride gets here.

Suesie: Okay, start talking.

Michael: Well. First off, I want to tell you about my job. I'm going to be working a lot but it's a very good paying job.

Suesie: What exactly are you?

Michael: Hold on, wait a minute. I'm getting there.

Suesie: Sorry..

Michael: Its alright.. Now, my job will require me to work some late nights and it has very much to do with music. Which I know we both love..

I nodded.

Michael: And so, I come to this.. I have to work until eight tonight.. I wish that I could shorten the time so that I'd have more time to spend with you.

Suesie: Understandable. That should be no problem in my book.. But if it gets too.. What's the word?

Michael: Much?

Suesie: Not quite.. But close.

Michael: Haywire?

Suesie: Yes! Crazy, stupid.. Haywire. You know that I'm going to have a fit.. For example, from six in the morning until one in the morning. Or even six to ten. You're already getting outrageous with.. What time is it?

Michael: Eight seventeen.

Suesie: From nine to eight.

Michael: Baby.. I go to work at eleven o'clock.. We still have plenty of time.

Suesie: I guess your right..

Michael pulled me close into a hug and then looked down at me.

Michael: Baby, please don't worry about me. I'm the man of the house and I'm doing exactly what I'm supposed to do.

Suesie: And what's that?

I said smiling.

Michael: Taking care of you, working and loving you.

Suesie: I just want to be able to still spend time together like we always did..

Michael: I'm only working nine hours babe..

Suesie: I know.. But it seems so long..

Michael chuckled and then it hit me.. So I hit his arm.

Michael: Ouch!

Michael said as he was still laughing.

Suesie: I just Love my husband, that's all. And I know that I'll miss him.

Michael: Suzanne, trust me. I know what I'm doing and the hours will fly by like seconds..

Suesie: For you..

I mumbled.

Michael: Which why I got you something so that it will always remind you of me.

Suesie: Oh my..

I said uneasily. Michael smiled.

Michael: Close your eyes.

Suesie: Okay..

I saw Michael through my hands and he was getting a small box. Then he saw my hands move.

Michael: No peeking!

Suesie: Okay okay!

Michael chuckled lightly and something cold was put around my neck. I knew what it was, but I didn't say anything.

Suesie: Are you ready yet? Can I look now?

Michael: Hold on..

Michael said leading me to a place.

Michael: Okay..

I looked at the necklace in admiration in the mirror. It was a golden heart with a few small, what looked like diamonds in it.

Suesie: Oh Michael.. It's beautiful.

Michael: Open it.

Suesie: It's a picture of us.. In high school having our first kiss..

Michael: And the other side will be occupied soon.

Suesie: By what?

Michael grinned.

Michael: You'll find out soon.

Suesie: You're killing me with this guessing and waiting game.

Michael: Funny.. Last time I checked, you were alive and still breathing.

Suesie: Shut up.

I said lightly hitting his arm. I slowly began to frown and Michael noticed.

Michael: What's wrong sweetheart?

Suesie: Do you have to work on the weekends too?

Michael: Funny you asked that..

Suesie: Why?

Michael: I was-.. Never mind.

Suesie: Michael, tell me.

Michael shook his head and looked at his watch.

Michael: I have to get going baby.

Suesie: Already?

Michael: Well I have to eat, Don't I?

Suesie: Oh I'm sorry. I'll get it and I'll fix your lunch.

Michael shook his head.

Michael: No, get some rest.

Suesie: But ba-.

Michael: No Suzanne. I'll have LaToya come over and help you out while you get some rest.

Suesie: Okay..

Michael nodded and turned to walk away but stopped.

Michael: I Love You.

Suesie: I Love You too, Michael.

Michael: Now.. Go get some rest.

Suesie: Alright..

I sighed. I think I turned around too quickly because I didn't see what was coming next.. Michael slapped me on the butt and when I turned around, he was biting his bottom lip. I was semi-mad at him for that because he knows that I don't particularly care for when he does that.

Suesie: You gon' get it when you get back.

Michael: Ooh.. And I can't wait.

Michael said rubbing his hands together as he looked me over.

Suesie: Shut up!

I said trying to hide a smile.

Michael: Don't you dare hide that pretty smile from me. I know you don't want me to make you smile.

Suesie: Michael, go to work.

Michael: Oh, how the tables have turned!

Suesie: Get you breakfast, get your lunch and get going.

Michael winked at me before he went downstairs.

Michael: Come with me.

Suesie: Alright..

Michael made his food and then started throwing on his coat. He pulled me close to him and his hands wandered lower. I gave him a look and he kiss me.

Michael: I just had say one last goodbye before I left.

Suesie: My butt doesn't have a mouth. My lips do.

Michael: Neither do my hands but they speak louder than my mouth does.

Suesie: Like the fact that I know what you want when you get home tonight just by your touch.

Michael: Exactly.

Suesie: You're not getting it. Now go to work!

I said, poking his chest on the words 'go to work!' Michael smiled, waved and left. LaToya came in shortly afterwards but before she did, it was very quite in the house.. Then I started walking around and I started hearing sounds in the house. It was unpleasant and it haunted me.. I was immediately scared out of my wits and I wanted nothing more than to be with Michael.. All cuddled up in his arms.. I didn't know what to do and I too afraid to scream. I quickly jumped into bed and waited for the worst. Then suddenly, the noises stopped all at once.. The front door opened and closed. The room door was opened and I saw her. I was in tears and I was glad that she was there.

LaToya: Hello?

She said softly.

Suesie: T-Toya?

LaToya: What's wrong Suesie?

Suesie: I heard noises and Michael left for work.

LaToya: That's why he called! That's great!

Suesie: Yeah.. I didn't know what to do, I was so scared.. I thought it was-.

LaToya: Don't even think about that. You have me now and you'll be fine.

She said holding me close and wiping my tears. I felt like a child being held by my mother.

Suesie: Please don't leave until Michael gets back home.

LaToya: I won't. I promise.

Suesie: O-okay.

I said as I tried to stop crying. Once I did, I began to smile.

LaToya: There.. Don't you feel better?

Suesie: Yes, thank you.

LaToya: What are you smiling about?

She asked a few minutes later.

Suesie: After everything that just happened, it dawned on me that you'd be a great mother one day.

LaToya started laughing at my comment but I knew that she didn't mean to.

Suesie: What?

LaToya: I'm sorry. You just caught me off guard.

Suesie: Why? Don't you want to be a mother someday?

LaToya: Not really.. But I'll think about it when the time comes.

Suesie: Do you think I'm growing up too fast?

LaToya looked down at me with a serious expression upon her face.

LaToya: What do you mean by that?

Suesie: You know. Me getting married, having children.. Well not yet.. That stuff.. Is it too soon?

LaToya started to think about the question and then she had an answer.

LaToya: Well, honestly.. I say you sort of are.. Not to be rude or anything but you're only nineteen years old and already, you're talking about having children and you're having sex and all that jazz.

I nodded.. I remember when Michael & I had this conversation.

Suesie: Michael & I had this discussion but he didn't really like what I had to say. I was saying the same things that you're saying now. I agree with you about everything and he disagrees with everything of the sort. Michael wants children, a wife, sex and to take care of them all but I said that I want to take the time to be a teenager and have fun while I still can before it's too late. Then in the future, I want to go to college, finish High School and become something great.. I want to be an artist.

LaToya: A painter or a singer?

Suesie: Both..

LaToya: I've seen you draw and you, my dear, are the greatest painter I've ever known.. Besides the ones that they teach in history books.

Suesie: Well, you actually got to meet this painter.

I said laughing a little. LaToya smiled.

LaToya: And better yet, she's my sister.

Suesie: Oh, Toya!

I said as I embraced her in a hug. I felt LaToya jump a little after a while and I looked up at her.

LaToya: I just remembered, you're sick. Let me go and make you something to fix you up.

Suesie: Thank you.

LaToya: Anything for my little sister!

LaToya went downstairs and came back up after she had made me some soup.

Suesie: Thank you.

LaToya: You're welcome.

I finished eating as we were watching cartoons.

Suesie: Do you think that there is a way to get Michael to see things my way?

LaToya: What do you mean?

Suesie: He wants sex, I don't.. Most of the time. He wants kids now, I want them later. He wants to do everything that grown up married couples do, I want to do what kids my age are doing.

LaToya: Well.. Michael is the type of person where you have to be a very strong person and learn to say no to. Michael is the type of guy where once his mind is set on something, most of the time, there's no going back on that plan. You have to call him name more than once if he gets upset and wants to do something crazy. You have to say everything sincere to him more than once and you have to put your foot down. Michael has a child's heart and a child's mind.

Suesie: Barely! You don't know how many times he's touched me today before he went to work. He slapped my ass, he squeezed my ass and he wants some ass when he gets home! And you know how he gets when he wants who he wants.. I always say no but he touches me in the places that make me weak. He has control and I try to reverse it all the time.

LaToya: Don't let him touch you.

Suesie: And if he does?

I said crossing my arms.

LaToya: If he does, play it off and look at him with no interest. Like he's crazy.

Suesie: Pay him no mind?

LaToya: Exactly. Read a book and just lay there. If he makes a move, look at his hand and then look at him like he's crazy. Return to your book and act like you're really into it.

Suesie: I love to read, so that shouldn't be hard.

LaToya: So you think.. Michael is very tempting.

Suesie: I know that. When he got out of the hospital, he had me hollering his name the next night.. Even after I said no!

LaToya: You didn't show it though. Michael can read you like an open book. If you do this all correctly, you'll finally win.

Suesie: Hmm.. I guess you're right. Michael doesn't stand a chance and its all because of y-.. Wait. If I do this, what if he does the thing.. Like he did that one time.. Remember? The bathroom?

LaToya: I don't even know..

Suesie: Let me be honest.. I like it when Michael gets mad and he has me pushed against the wall, door or whatever. When he's in my face talking in that low and threatening tone. Oh my goodness.. And those eyes? Enough to make you scream out, 'Take me now!'

LaToya started looking at me funny and I knew why.

LaToya: Girl! That's my brother!

Suesie: I know and I'm sorry but it's true! I don't wanna lie to you.

LaToya: And I thank you for not lying to me. But try to remember that he's my brother.. I don't want to know certain things about him.

Suesie: I know. But who can I trust? Rebbie is the type that I'd go for advice on a really hard decision but you are the one I'd tell a secret or something. Both of you are my comfort and I Love You both the same.

LaToya: Oh.. And I need to tell you something. I am a single woman again. He wasn't serious about us and so I just had enough.

Suesie: Dang.. You had a boy..

LaToya: That I'd mistaken for a man.

Suesie: I'd mistaken a man for a boy. Now I'm married to him.

LaToya: He's both, there was no mistake.

I nodded.

Suesie: When I get better, do you want to do something fun together?

LaToya: Like what?

Suesie: I don't know.. What kids my age do now a days?

LaToya: The stupid ones get high off of paint, the party animals party all night and the girly girls shop all day long.

Suesie: What parties do you go to?

LaToya: I usually go to a club.. Not very often though. I don't have time for that.

Suesie: What happens at a party like that?

LaToya: You need ID to get in and you can get drunk. People dance to loud music and rarely, a fight breaks out.

Suesie: Wow.. What about Soul Train? I've always wanted to go on there.

LaToya: That costs money girl..

Suesie: I know. But I'm willing to work for it. As a matter of fact, I've been saving most of my money from when I was little up until now just to get on that show.

LaToya: I'll pay for my ticket.

Suesie: And I'll pay for mine.

LaToya: What about Michael?

Suesie: I'll ask him if he's coming in a sly manner.

LaToya: Alright. It's a go.

Suesie: Michael loves music, he should want to go. But the costs will hit him hard.

LaToya: Why not just.. No wait, that won't work. Okay..

Suesie: Well, honestly I know what I have to do.

LaToya: Get a job.

Suesie: And Pray.

I rubbed my stomach and I was not at my best. I held up one finger and went to the bathroom. It felt weird. My forehead started to sweat and my skin became clammy. I didn't know what I had to do. Did I have to throw up or what? I knew by the time I got there and threw up. Michael is not going to like this. I must be really sick to throw up. What did I eat that has made me feel like this? I don't know if it was LaToya's soup or the fact that I never laid back down to rest or even the fact that I got scared again.. But I know that I had gotten sick.

LaToya: Oh God, Suzanne..

Suesie: I'm fine..

LaToya: It's alright Suzanne.. I'm going to fix up the bed and fix you up when you get finished.

It took only a few seconds for it to be over and I kept thinking about it..

Suesie: I just want to know what in the world caused me to get so sick like that..

LaToya cleaned me up and walked with me to my room. She laid me down and sat beside me. She moved my hair out of my face and lightly stroked my hair. I fell asleep sooner than I expected and I just dreamed about the things I heard around me. I heard LaToya leave the room, the television show that she likes, her laughing and then it all faded into something different. I started dreaming about a child running around and playing..
She was happy and she was beautiful.. She looked just like me as a child. She saw her friends and played with them. She did everything that I was never really able to do. Then she got older and she started going out to parties. She had fun, went to school and found love. She got her heart broken one day and then the scene changed again. The same woman walked an the aisle in a white dress.. Her husband to be was waiting for her at the altar and she was in tears. They said their vows and kissed. They had children and then I saw my shadow in the back on a bench in the park as I watch the whole thing play over again with different children.. I saw the tears in my eyes and it was like I was watching what has never and what will never happen.

I felt a hand stroke my hair and wipe my face. I began to stir and I heard a voice.

Michael: Suzanne.. I didn't know that you were this sick. If I had known, I would've been right here with you. I would've taken care of you myself and made sure you were better.

Suesie: You are taking care of me. You have a good job, you provide everything we need and you're a wonderful husband.

Michael: No, I mean taking care of you by holding you, making you something to eat, calming you down, spending time with you and making you smile.

Suesie: Pish posh, Michael. Quit doing that to yourself. You keep blaming yourself for everything, just stop it. Michael, you make me happy. You always calm me down, you always make sure that I am okay and you love me more than I'll ever understand. Michael.. Don't worry bout me. I know it's hard not to but it's apart of life. I need you to calm down. I'm fine.

Michael: Are you sure?

Suesie: Yes, I'm sure.

Michael: I guess you're right.. Maybe I should stay home tomorrow..

Suesie: Michael..

I warned.

Michael: No, no. Just in case, to help me calm down and trust that you're alright.

Suesie: But you just started working today! You can't take a day off now.

Michael: I'll do anything for you.

Suesie: If you mean What you say, then you'll go to work tomorrow. I'm fine baby.. I have LaToya and if I need you, I'll call you.

Michael looked down..

Michael: You promise?

Suesie: Yes.

Michael: If you don't, you know I will.

Suesie: I know. Now baby, get some rest after you get something to eat and take a shower. You have a long day ahead of you tomorrow.

Michael nodded and disappeared for a few seconds.. Well, it seemed like seconds to me.. Michael came into the room suddenly with a towel wrapped around his waist and his body dipping wet with water. I knew then that he had taken a shower.. I was slightly angry at him for not drying himself off before conning into the room.. He's getting water all over the carpet!

Suesie: Michael.. Why didn't you dry off?

Michael looked at me and shrugged.

Michael: I don't know. I just didn't feel like drying off in there.

Suesie: Michael Jackson, you better start talking or start drying. Pick one or I'll pick for you.

Michael crossed his arms and grinned.

Michael: Choose then..

Suesie: You're sleeping on the couch and not the bed, that's what I pick.

Michael crawled slowly onto the bed and looked at me.

Michael: Oh come on now.. You have two choices, now pick one.

I knew what he was up to and I didn't really like it..

Suesie: Michael, stop it and go make your pallet on the couch. I'm sick and I need to rest.

Michael looked down and nodded. Then he looked up at me with his lips in his mouth.

Michael: Remember when we were in High School and you were sick in your dorm?

Suesie: Yeah, so?

Michael: Remember what happened next?

Suesie: Of course I do! That was first time that we ever had sex!

Michael looked at me funny and then I knew what was wrong with what I said. He made love to me and he never has sex.. At least that's what he thinks and says.

Michael: And now you're sick.. So guess what?

Suesie: I know what. You're going to go downstairs, make yourself a suitable pallet and go sleep on the couch! You are not going touch me, you are not going to force me like the other times and you are not going to get your way! No Michael, and I meant it. Now, goodnight.

I turned over and pulled the covers over me. I closed my eyes and Michael just looked at me. He sighed and gave up after ten minutes of him staring at me and touching me and me refusing to let him have his way.. I smiled to myself when he left. I just won my first battle against him! I'm so proud of myself. LaToya's advice worked!