Lights flashed and I was walking in the past. I saw Michael & I having our first kiss, our first time, our first marriage and our first baby. The one that stayed on repeat was our first kiss.. It was cute and funny at first but then it was old and annoying.. Then our first time got me heated.. I was so mad because after a while, I was thinking that another girl was in that bed with him.. I got so mad but I couldn't do anything. It was all a dream. An embodiment of my imagination. I opened my eyes every now and then. When I did, I saw a lot of blurry colors. Red ones, white, even blue. I saw brown faces and heard muffled voices. I went back to sleep after a while. I was so peaceful. I really needed this. To be at peace with the world.. I wish it would last forever. I woke up a few seconds later and looked around myself. I was in pain but I couldn't speak. I couldn't let anyone know what was wrong with me. I saw Michael sitting in the chair next to my bed. He had his head down and his hand latched onto mine. I pressed the nurse button and she came in shortly afterwards.

Doctor: I see that you're awake now.

She smiled. I nodded.

Doctor: Would you like your medication now?

I looked at her confused.

Doctor: Your pain medicine dear.

I still remained confused. I made a 'What happened?' gesture.

Doctor: You just came out of surgery a few hours ago and it was very serious. You are very lucky to be alive. You had a virus that was killing you internally.

I gave a shocked look and pointed to my stomach. I rubbed it and gave to same gesture as before.

Doctor: I can't understand what you're trying to say. I will be back with a talking board.

She disappeared and came back with a marker and whiteboard. I wrote down my question.

Suesie: What about my baby?

Doctor: I'm sorry.. You were never pregnant. The virus that was inside of you caused you to bulge out and fill your stomach with bad junk. Your stressing also played a part. You threw up when you were upset or stressed and the last time you did.. You threw up blood.

Suesie: I know that.. Not to be rude.

Doctor: It's fine.

Suesie: What type of virus is it?

Doctor: We're not entirely sure.. This is very rare that we get something like this but when we find out, we'll tell you.

Suesie: Can I still have children?

Doctor: I don't think so.. You can try, but I don't think your health is good enough to produce a baby.

I drew a face that was frowning and a tear falling out of its eye.

Doctor: I'm really sorry Mrs. Jackson.

My head shot up and I smiled at her.

Suesie: Thank you.. For everything.

Doctor: No problem. Oh and Mrs. Jackson?

Suesie: Yes ma'am?

Doctor: I recommend that you stop stressing, get a lot of rest, drink a lot of fluids and no sexual activity for a few weeks.

Suesie: This is going to hard.. Just not the last three. It's hard not to stress..

Doctor: I know.. I go through it everyday. Would you like a popsicle?

I smiled.

Suesie: Yes please. If you don't have blue, may I have orange?

Doctor: Yes ma'am.

Suesie: One more thing.

Doctor: Yes?

Suesie: How many weeks do I have to go without sex?

Doctor: two to three weeks.

I smiled and laid back.

Suesie: Thank you! Tell that to my husband.

I said pointing to Michael's sleeping face.

Doctor: I sure will.

She disappeared and I turned on the television. I saw the baby commercial and it made me sad.. I was never pregnant nor will I ever.. I let a tear fall and then the doctor came back in with my popsicle. It was orange. I smiled and nodded as a 'Thank you.'

Doctor: You're welcome. Anything else?

Suesie: No, thank you.

Doctor: Alright. Get some rest so that you may heal faster.

She left and I closed my eyes. I imagined the whole episode of 'Good Times' in my head. This is when Penny hides a cigarette under the sofa and almost burns the house down.. Well.. Maybe I am hyperbolizing a little bit. But it's a good episode. I saw Michael & I's future daughter in my dream and she was beautiful. She had my long black hair, my ears, my complection and my nose. She had Michael's eyes, lips, cheekbones and style. She was so beautiful. She ran right into my arms and I picked her up. Michael came and kissed her cheek. She giggled and I smiled. We were at the park and everything was alright. Michael & I found ourselves alone under a tree and we were enjoying our time alone together. We talked, I laughed, we kissed and talked some more. I actually felt a kiss being planted onto my lips when we kissed for the second and third time. My eyes twitched and I slowly opened my eyes. Michael was there stroking my face lightly as he smiled.

Michael: Hello sweetheart. I'm glad you're awake now.

Suesie: Step away from me please.

Michael: Do I still make you sick?

Suesie: In a way.. But I know what's wrong with me now.

Michael: As do I.. I'm sorry baby. We can try again later, right?

I shook my head. I know she said two to three weeks, but I want to have some fun with this. No sex for three weeks? How bad could it be?

Michael: What do you mean?

Suesie: Michael.. Just give it a rest. Let's face it, I'm barren and the doctor said no sex for two to three weeks.

Michael recited the last part with me.

Michael: No sex for two to three weeks. I know, I know. Baby.. This is going to rip me apart, limb from limb. Do you realize how sexy and irresistible you are to me?

Suesie: Yep. Maybe I should just stay here until the 'no sex' weeks are over.

Michael: No, no.. When they release you, I'm taking you home. When we get home, I'm going to take care of you. And when you get better, baby I'm gonna love you like I've been longing to for the past month.... With your okay of course.

I crossed my arms.

Suesie: And you think that just because we made up, I'm not pregnant, I'm not allowed to go to court, you'll be taking care of me and as a Thank you, I'm going to have sex with you? No honey. I'm not letting you explore me as you once did. You gave me this virus and I refuse to get it again.

Michael: I'm clean! Baby, I got checked a while back after I cheated and I'm clean. I had something but I got cured.

I eyed him and wrote dead slow.

Suesie: What did you have?

Michael: I think it was an STD..

My eyes widened.

Suesie: And so you took it upon yourself to put it in me too? You're sick..

Michael: No no! It's nothing like that. I was going to tell you that night but then we started fighting and then I wanted to calm you down..

Suesie: I swear Michael.. You have hell to pay.

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Michael: Watch it Sue. Remember our deal.

I balled up my fist and remembered. I sank back down and breathed.

Suesie: Fuck you.

I smiled at him and he knew something was wrong. Who gets happy when they're mad, but yet is still in their right mind? Not me. I'm not in my right mind. I'm going crazy and if I could, I do something to hurt him.

Michael: Calm down.. Sue, please.

Suesie: No, no. I'm calm, I'm calm. As a matter of fact, I'm relaxed.

Michael: Suzanne, please.

Suesie: You were so right, let me kiss you darling.

Michael: Sue.. Don't do this.

Suesie: I Love You so much.

Michael: Baby, no.

Suesie: Come closer dear. I can't kiss you if you're that far away.

Michael leaned in and stopped at my lips.

Michael: Sue, I'm warning you. Don't do this.

I grinned and pulled him closer to me. I bit his lip just enough to hurt him after a while. Michael jerked back and held his lip.

Michael: Are you crazy? I just said not to! Why did you bite me? That mess hurts!

Suesie: Why'd you hurt me?

Michael: Why do I love you? Ask yourself that.

Suesie: Okay Michael, why do you love me?

Michael: I Love You because you are the only one that I've ever loved. You caught my heart, you keep me going, you give me challenges everyday, you help me, you love me, you take what I have to say into consideration and you give me more reasons to love you every single day.

I looked down and stayed quiet. I turned on my side so that I couldn't see his face. I stayed that way and thought about his words.. Maybe I should give him one more chance. Shoot, I need to loosen up anyway. Everyday when Michael came in, I'd be turned so that I couldn't see him so that I could think. I thought about everything that he was saying to me.. I may be barren but that doesn't mean the I have to be a bitch.