Every year, he called our house and reminded me of how long until he got out of jail.. Seven more years Princess.. Six more and I'll see you again.. Five.. Five years to live.. I'm scared but I try hard not to show it. I already have some sort of plan. I've been showing he police his calls and voicemails when he called and now I have the police watching me so that they could protect me. But the protection is no longer for me. I can care less about what happens to me, I'm worried about my baby. I have a husband now who allowed me to have his child and shows me that he loves me.

I'm not going to mess this up.. No. When he calls and Leona is around, I look at her and then I hang up the phone. When he calls back, I unplug the phone for the rest of the day until her bedtime comes and Michael comes back home. I let him listen to the voicemail messages from him and watch him flip out. I never get under to this although I act as if I am. I just wait and then I plug it back in. I go sit on the couch and just watch the horror.

Michael having a mental breakdown and I just sit there pretending to be strong. I caught myself crying one time and quickly wiped it away while Michael was flipping out. I'm afraid that one day Michael will start throwing things around the house and scream at me. Or even worst.. He might ignore me and the situation. I'd rather keep this reaction of him swearing to kill him than ignore danger or put me and our daughter in deeper danger.

This time, Michael looked at me and saw me wiping away my tears while maintaining a straight face and came over to me.. He stopped in the middle of his tantrum to come over to me.. How scared would you be if this happened to you?

Michael: Sue.. I'm sorry that I'm scaring you..

I shook my head and I didn't dare smile at him.

Suesie: You're not.

I said softly.

Michael: I don't believe this.. Don't lie to me. I know you Sue, you're afraid of me and I don't want that. I want us to be able to fave each other like we're friends but love each other like we're what we are.

Suesie: We already are.

Michael shook his head.

Michael: No.. Nothing is the same. We don't communicate anymore. I come home, I spend time with Leona and then I come to you. I touch you and then what happens, happens. I don't want that anymore. I want my wife back.

Suesie: You have her already.

Michael: Don't give me that.. That's not true and you know it. You're afraid of me and I hate it. I don't want you to be afraid.

Suesie: I told you, I am NOT afraid of you!

Michael: Then prove it!

Suesie: How?

Michael: Make the first move.. And I don't mean sexually either.

Suesie: What do you mean?

Michael looked down and then the unexpected was said.

Michael: Hit me.. Just take your hand and slap me like I'm the bastard who raped you. Slap me like you wanted to slap Christopher. Like you wanted to slap Jomo. Let the anger build up inside of you and just slap me as hard as you can.

Suesie: No! Stop it!

Michael: Hit me!

Suesie: No!

Michael: Why? I know why. It's because you're afraid of me!

Suesie: I'm afraid of no man!

Michael: Then prove it!

Michael lowered his voice and looked at me.

Michael: Prove it.

Michael closed his eyes and tightened his jaw waiting for the stinging of my hand on his face. I only touched his face gently and shook my head.

Suesie: No.. I don't want to.

Michael: I don't want you to be afraid of me. I want us to be okay.. Safe and full of trust.

Suesie: We already have that and if I didn't prove it enough, then you're out of your damn mind to think I'd go out of my way just to make you feel good by having me slap you! I won't do it! Now if you'll excuse me, I'm tired and I hope your daughter is not awake because the nonsense you're putting us through!

I walked past him and started to go up the stairs.

Suesie: And if you think for one minute that we're sleeping together, guess again! I won't have you hound me to harm you! I won't have it!

Michael sighed and slept on the couch.. But let me rewind back to the beginning of the day..

Suesie: Leona.. Time to get up sweetheart.

Do you know what her first word was? She said, God.

Suesie: Come on baby, I made breakfast for you.

Leona: Momma..

Suesie: Come on sweetie. Let's go.

I lead her downstairs and into the dinning room. We began eating and she just looked at me.

Suesie: What?

I smiled.

Leona: Daddy gone?

I nodded.

Suesie: Daddy's working.

She crossed her little arms and pouted.

Suesie: What's wrong NaNa?

Leona: Daddy never home! I hate work!

I frowned at her and then looked down. It was true. Michael was never home to spend quality time with her and it was sad to see her so upset like that.. and a little cute too. But that's just the way things are.

Suesie: How about this, if I talk to daddy, maybe you and him can spend a day together.

Leona: Yay!

She screamed and smiled which caused me to smile too. I was going to wait until he got home to speak with him about it. I know he hates it when his work is interrupted. Like I hate it when people hover over me while I paint or draw. But Leona.. Leona's different.. She just sits or stands there quietly at a distance and watches me until I'm done. Then she asks, May I see? My little girl is so adorable, but let me get back to what I was saying. She hugged me and then we went to watch Sesame Street. Elmo is her favorite.

Suesie: NaNa, you want to go over your auntie's house?

Leona: Auntie Toya! Auntie Toya!

She screamed as she smiled. I laughed and called LaToya.

Suesie: Toya, you feel like seeing your niece?

Leona: Auntie Toyaaaa!

I had to laugh.

Suesie: You hear her? Okay, we'll see you in a little while.

I hung up and looked at Leona as I squatted down to her level.

Leona: Mommy?

Suesie: Lets go get you dressed.

She smiled and raced up the stairs.

Leona: Auntie Toya! Auntie Toya!

I smiled and picked out her clothes out. I helped her get ready and dressed. By ready, I mean her morning routine. Brushing her teeth, flossing, gurgling, washing her face and brushing her hair.

Leona: Mommy ready?

Suesie: Not yet NaNa. Mommy needs to get dressed too.

Leona: Mommy fast! Mommy quick!

I laughed as she began to try and push me into the bedroom so that I could get dressed. I wore sweat pants, an army shirt and boots.

Leona: Mommy go! Go Mommy!

She dragged me to the van and I drove her over LaToya's house. LaToya gave her a big hug and many kisses.

Leona: Auntie Toya!

LaToya: There's my little niece!

I smiled. I have to admit, Leona makes me smile.

Suesie: Hey Toya.

LaToya: I will forever thank you.

Suesie: Why?

LaToya: For making the best niece in world. I got you something.

Suesie: Oh Toya, you didn't have to.

LaToya: I wanted to. May as well spoil the mother too.

She winked and I laughed.

Leona: Auntie!

Suesie: Leona! Calm down please. Auntie Toya and I are talking.

LaToya: Your cousins are in the living room. Go ahead and play with them.

Suesie: Tj, Taj & Taryll?

LaToya: You know it.

Suesie: They look just like Jermaine.

LaToya: And Leona is the perfect mixture of you and Michael.

Suesie: Yeah..

LaToya: When is the wedding? It's been three years and I still don't have an invitation!

I laughed and it quickly died.

Suesie: Whenever Michael can get off work. He's been working non-stop these past three years. He won't allow me to get a job either.. I personally hate it. Leona misses him deeply and the only thing he does is wake her up, play with her for a half an hour, put her back to sleep, comes to bed and tries to sweeten me up.

LaToya: Does it work?

Suesie: Does what work?

She raised her eyebrows and I got the message. I blushed.

Suesie: Yeah..

LaToya: He never fails.

Suesie: He will tonight. He won't even want to.

LaToya: What possessed you to think that?

Suesie: Its that time of the year..

LaToya: Oh.. Look, if there's anything I can do for you..

Suesie: If something ever happens to me, take care of Leona and keep her on lock down. Protect her from any and everything.

LaToya: Nothing will happen to you. But I will, just in case.

Suesie: Thanks.

Leona: Gimmie!

I looked at LaToya.

Suesie: I got Tj.. What the problem here?

Leona: He take toy! He mean!

Suesie: Tj..

Tj: I had it first!

Suesie: Oh God.. Not this. Leona, don't lie to me. Who had the toy first?

Leona looked down and pointed to Tj.

Suesie: Listen NaNa, Tj had the toy first and you took it from him. That was wrong. You can't do that sweetie.

Leona: Sorry Mommy..

Suesie: Don't apologize to me.

Leona: I sorry Tj..

Tj: It okay NaNa.

He hugged her and they continued to play.

Suesie: My main concern about her is that she won't even redder to Michael as her father if he doesn't spend time with her.

LaToya: That would be torture to Michael for sure. That's all he ever wanted once he met you. A child to call him daddy and to spoil that child.

Suesie: What if I got a secret job?

LaToya: Sue.. I don't think you should go behind his back. You know how he gets.

Suesie: I'm not afraid of him, I just hate to argue..

LaToya: As does he.

Suesie: Well I can't tell..

I said as I rolled my eyes.

LaToya: Trouble in paradise?

Suesie: Not at much. At one point, there was going to be a divorce instead of a wedding.

LaToya: What happened?

Suesie: I'll tell you later.

LaToya: Fine by me, I just need you both to stay together. You both have a very strong bond and something more powerful is shared between you. I can't quite put my finger on it but it's there. You can't break apart.

Suesie: When Michael stops trying to argue and then try to butter me up, and spends time with his daughter, maybe I'll consider getting remarried.

LaToya: Sue.. I know what you're really feeling. You want to get married again, to feel like a Princess and to live happily ever after. But that's not the way love works. You will always have hard patches to go through and if you can't stay together through this, how will you stay together when worst happens.. Like the devil himself coming back to you.

Suesie: Back? Coming back? Oh.. Christopher.

I nodded and looked at Leona.

Suesie: You ready to go NaNa?

Leona: Nooooo!

I laughed and then bent down to her level.

Suesie: You're hungry, aren't you? Daddy will be home in a few, don't you want to see him?

Leona: Bye bye Auntie!

She said as she darted around the house getting her shoes on and then her coat. LaToya put her hand over her heart and looked at Leona.

LaToya: So you're just going to leave me? You're going to leave Auntie Toya without saying goodbye?

Leona was torn. She looked at me, then at LaToya. She did this twice and then I nodded to her. She ran to LaToya and hugged her. LaToya left kisses all over her and then let her go. Leona ran out and beat me to the van.

Leona: Mommy go bye bye!

Suesie: Okay! Bye LaToya.

LaToya: Bye Sue.

We hugged and then I left. We began to head back home when Leona saw something.

Leona: Mommy!

I stopped with a jolt because she scarred me.

Suesie: Baby you can't scare mommy like that.

Leona: Sorry mommy.

Suesie: Its alright baby.

Leona: Mommy!

Suesie: Yes baby?

Leona: I see Lady! I see Lady!

Suesie: Of course baby. Very nice woman, huh?

Leona: No! She smile. She smile!

Suesie: Doesn't that mean she's nice?

Leona: No!

She started to cry and fuss so I looked and I saw Lisa.. She had a sinister smile on her face and my joy left me. I took off and took us home. Leona clung to me tightly.

Suesie: Baby please tell me what's going on.

Leona: My dream! No more family!

Suesie: What dream baby?

Leona: She kill you.. Then him.. He kill daddy.

Suesie: Baby, who is this man that you're talking about?

Leona shook her head and buried her face in my chest.

Suesie: Can you draw him for me?

Leona shook her head. This guy really torments her. Lisa and whoever this guy is does. I sighed and held her tightly. Then the phone rang.

Suesie: Hold on baby.

Leona: Mommy!

She followed me and held on to my leg. I picked up the phone.

Suesie: Suzanne speaking. This is not a good ti-..

Chris: Princess! You sound even more beautiful every time we speak.

I stood stiff and then Leona's grip got tighter. I looked down and realized that I wouldn't show my fear in front of her. I had to be brave for my baby girl.

Suesie: You have the wrong number.. I'm sorry.

I hung up on him and unplugged the phone. I held Leona tight and I began to cry to, but she didn't notice until she looked at me wiping my eyes.

Leona: Mommy, why you crying?

Suesie: I'm not crying. See?

I smiled for her but she wasn't convinced.

Leona: Mommy?

Suesie: Lets get you ready for bed okay?

Leona: But I hungry.

Suesie: Okay. Let's eat.

We ate and then I got her ready for bed.

Leona: Mommy?

Suesie: Yes baby?

Leona: You sing?

I smiled.

Suesie: Of course baby.

I began to sing her to sleep and then I waited for Michael on the couch with a glass cup in my hand.