Heart Beat

Hindi ko na sila naabutan sa may OSA siguro tapos na. Ngunit hindi iyon naging alintana sa akin. Bagkus ang isipan ko ay limilipad sa pangyayari kanina. Mag isa ako ngayon nilalakad itong enrollment. At sa unang pagkakataon, kahit mag isa hindi iyon naging problema sa akin.

Hindi ko alam pero mukhang bumalik ang maliwalas na pakiramdam sa akin. Ipapasa ko na lang naman itong papel sa mga kailangan pagpasahan at tapos na rin ako. Sa may cashier lang talaga ang matagal.

"Oh nasaan na iyong mga kasama mo?" Binabawi ko na iyon.

Padabog akong huminto at hinarap siya. "Alam mo. Kung wala din naman magandang lalabas dyan sa bibig mo pwede itikom mo?"

Imbis na seryosohin ako. Ngumiti siya hanggang sa lumabas ang isang dimple niya sa kaliwa. Ang rinig ko isang lang dimple niya. Pero hindi niya ako makukuha sa pa-dimple dimple.

"Ito masyadong mainit ang ulo. Ang aga pa para dyan chill. Gusto mo milktea?"

Hindi ko alam kung totoo ba itong alok niya. Sa itsura niyang pa lang mukhang delikado ito. His devilish one-dimple smirk never left his face. His captivating, foxy eyes turn into crescents as if playing with me. His Caesar-cut hair made him look like a menacing follower of Lucifer.

"What?" He bit his lower lips to cover his grin. Ano na naman trip nito sa akin. Last year pa siya to ah.

"It looks like a set-up offer. What's your motive now?" I glared at him.

He raised both hands, surrendering like a criminal caught in the act. "Nothing?" He dropped his hand and put it on both sides of his waist. "Okay... look. I just want to lift the mood, you know? And what I don't understand is," his brow furrowed with his face expressed confusion. And stated, "Every time I walk around with you, your face is always smug."

I'm not sure if he is mad or wondering.

"Are you even listening?" he asked.

I remain in my position and slightly bend my upper body back to look at him with the right amount of space in between us. I lick my lips and think a bit.

"I don't know you." I said it matter-of-factly. That surprised him.

"Me?" he said, pointing himself in disbelief. I nodded silently. "Ow!" His eyes turned wide, and his jaw dropped. He immediately closed it, massaged his nose bridge, and signed. "Yeah! I forgot to introduce myself. What a shame." He shakes his head and offers his hand.

"Kahlil Hisashi George."

And handshake done.

"So?" He won't turn down his offer, huh? Fine. Wala naman sigurong mawawala.

"Fine," I answered, and added, "I just finished my enrollment."

His smile grew, and his face brightened. He's really happy, huh? "Okay, I can wait. Where should I wait for you, or should I accompany you?" He asked. Kahit pilitin niyang magseryoso hindi niya mapigilang mapangiti. Ganoon ba talaga ang lakas ng pag oo ko sa imbetasyon niya?

Binaliwala ko iyon at naghanap ng lugar kung saan niya ako pwede hintayin. "Doon," turo ko sa imarette sa gilid ng college building namin.

"Okay... see yah," he bid and wave before running into that imarette.

Not a totally bad day.

Medyo natagalan din ako dahil sa dami ng estudyante. Naging mabagal din sa pagpasa lalo na sa may registrar ang haba ng pila. Ang init na at siksikan pa. Saktong sakto iyong alok niya.

"Water?"

Paglingon ko sa likod ko si Didrik. May hawak ng mineral bottled water. Magkasunod kami sa pila ibig sabihin same department kami.

Ngumiti ako sa kanya at nagpasalamat bago kunin iyon. Uhaw pa man din ako. Inabutan pa rin ako ng alas dose. At hindi ko na rin sila nakita o nakasalubong man lang.

"May lakad ka ba mamaya?"

Napatigil ako sa pag inom at napatitig sa kanya. "Hu?" I responded. A small smile flashed across his lips. He looked away when our gaze held. I also noticed how he licked his lips. Ano bang nasa isip ko jusmiyo.

"Tapos ka na?" Nabitin sa ere ang sagot ko para kay Didrik nang biglang lumitaw si Kahlil sa gilid ko.

Sumulyap muna ako kay Didrik bago binalingan si Kahlil. "Hindi pa." Kanina pa siya nag aantay sa akin baka mabooboryo na 'to. "Uhm... kung gusto mo ano– "

"Na! If you're telling me to leave because you're still not finished, that won't sue me. I wait here."

At naupo nga siya doon sa waiting area. Hindi ko napansin ang pagkatulala kung hindi pa ako sinabihan ni Didrik na umabante.

"Manliligaw mo?" Didrik gentle asked.

I blink if I hear it right. "Suitor? Who? Kahlil?" I asked in confusion.

"Yeah."

I looked at Kahlil, who was patiently waiting for me. I doubt this man has feelings for me. For years, I ignored and snubbed him. I refused.

"Nope."

"Next," a man beside the window announced. It's my turn.

I passed all the necessary documents for me to get enrolled. Like the others I was told to wait for my name to be call. The same with him. Magkatabi kami sa umupo habang inaantay na matawag ang pangalan namin. I feel so bothered by his presence I don't know why.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Yes. What is it?" He answered back attentively.

"You mentioned before that we knew each other. Hmm... can you give me any hints or facts about it? I can feel familiarity with you, but I don't know it."

He looked at me pained. His eyes turn into bloodshot. Even he smiled I can feel how it's hurt. That some part of me affected by it.

"We used to play some board games back then at our house." He shallows hard. Pinch his nose and look away when our eyes meet. "One of your favorites is Snake n' Ladder." A faint chuckle passed through my ears. He faces me. "Like I say. Don't pressure yourself, huh. Eventually, you will recognize me. Not now, but soon." And he patted my head. Then my name was exactly called.

He nodded at my reluctance to leave him. "I get my papers." I simply said that and walked toward the window.

"Go. Kanina pa siya nag hihintay." Kaagad niyang pigil ng balak kung bumalik sa tabi niya. Hindi ko alam pero bakit biglang akong nasaktan. Hindi ako kaagad naka-react sa sinabi ng bigla na siyang tawagin. Napalingon ako sa gawi ni Kahlil. May tama naman siya pero bakit ganito?

Nagdesisyon akong lapitan si Kahlil dahil ipapasa ko pa ito kopya sa ibang office. Paglingon ko wala na siya doon. Kaya binaling ko na lang ang atensyon kay Kahlil.

"Saglit. Ipapasa ko na lang ito?" Sabay pakita ng mga papel na kailangan pang ipasa para tuluyan ng matapos ito.

"Sure. Take your time."

Tumango na lang ako saka nagmadali hindi para matapos kung hindi para maabutan si Didrik. Kagaya nila Hermione hindi ko na siya naabutan pa. This day is tough for me. I need some fresh air to breathe.

"I'm done." I shared it with him. His bright smile came back.

"Great!" he snapped. He stood beside me and said, "Shall we?"

Sabay kaming nagtungo sa parking lot kung nasaan naka-park ang sasakyan niya. He doesn't let me open the door instead he does it. Well, that's common but I can do it.

I don't know much about milk teas. I'm not a fan of it. Well, my friends are both addicted to it; they can't even take a day without it. Luckily, they don't bother me to like it or push me to buy it if I don't want it. It's not my first time, but it's the first time someone will treat me. And I kind of feel that do I deserve it?

"Ang lalim naman ng iniisip mo. Hindi pa man din ako marunong lumangon. Baka malunod din ako kapag sinubukan kong sisidin yan."

My sense back to my own. His side joke isn't a joke to me. It feels like he's saying something by spitting that line. Hindi ko maiwasan pagkunutan siya ng noo. Naramdaman niya ata ang titig ko sa kanya.

"Oh, come on!" He chuckled while driving with one hand. The other hand was resting on the window because of the traffic ahead of us. He shakes his head and beams a bright smile. "I was kidding, but the last line is true."

Mas lalo akong napatitig sa kanya. Hindi siya marunong lumangoy?

"What?"

"Nothing." I shook my head and looked on the other side.

"Where are we heading?" I asked when I noticed the change in surroundings. From tall buildings to trees and some houses with a parted distance. "Kahlil?" I called him by his first name.

"Up Town Café," I muttered when we stopped in front of the shop.

"I love it here. Do you like it too?" He positively asked.

His question was blown by the wind and passed to me. Blowing my hair from it to misplace. The fabulous view this place serves me is majestic. The city lights down here are so fascinating to watch. Is not yet dark, but how it glows to my eyes like a star shining above the sky.

The blending of purple and pink sky from the horizon gives it more color from the darkness coming through.

"Are you okay?"

Naputol ang pagtanaw ko sa buong lugar sa biglang tanong niya iyon. Hindi ko alam pero ang lungkot na dumaloy sa mata niya ang nagpukaw sa akin na baka sumagi sa isip niyang hindi ko gusto dito.

"I like it here. I love the view," I honestly said and glanced again to the front.

I heard him sign. "Hoo! You scared me," he released. Inabot niya sa akin ang panyo niya. "Here... you've been crying since we stepped out in my car."

Nanlaki ang mata ko sa sinabi niya. Mabilis kong hinawakan ang pisngi ko. Kaagad kong naramdaman ang mainit na likido dito. Gaya ng dapat. Pinunasan ko ito. Nakakahiya na sa kanya. Naghintay siya buong maghapon tapos iiyak ako ngayon. My gosh! Bakit nga ba ako umiyak?

Hindi siya umimik. Inantay niya akong kumalma bago anyayahan pumasok sa loob. Madilim na ng pumasok kami. Unti unting lumiwanag ang paligid dahil sa Christmas light na nakapalibot sa buong lugar. Napakaganda talaga dito lalo na pag gabi.

"How did you discover this place?"

Tinapos niya munang sabihin ang order namin sa waiter bago siya sumagot.

Matagal siya tumitig sa akin. Biglang nabura lahat ng masasayang emosyon niya sa mukha. Pinasadahan niya muna ng hagod ang buhok bago dahan dahan sumandal sa upuan.

"I used to escape from our house. When my family started to become monsters of their own." Ang layo nang tingin niya ng sabihin iyon. "The so-called home I used to love turned into a prison that I can't even imagine. The pressure, responsibility, and expectation drive me here." Yumukom and kamao niya sa ibabaw ng lamesa. Ibang iba siya sa kadalasang nakakahalubilo ko. His bubbly and sunny vibe has a dark and cloudy side.

"Did you know that..." napayuko siya at natawa ng kunti. "I drove up here to jump off the cliff." He sounds like he's losing his own mind. He laughs like a psycho. He immediately stopped when I didn't break his gaze. He probably saw how scared I was of him.

Napaayos siya ng upo. "I'm sorry... I didn't mean to scare you. I... I..."

I put my hand above his. Squeezed it to calm him down. I don't know how to speak wisdom. I'm not the kind of person who usually encourages others when they are in deep sadness. Maybe my actions speak the word that I can't put it on.

Inalis ko lang iyon ng dumating na ang order namin. Tahimik kaming dalawa habang umiinom ng in-order naming inumin. The stereo played some slow jazz music in the background. With some customers here with us. The calm atmosphere of this café cleanses my cloudy thoughts. I somehow forgot the problem I'm dealing with in the meantime while I'm here.

For sure, when we leave this place, reality will hit us again. I wish this calmness would never end. The star won't stop shining amidst the darkness around it.

Madilim at malamig na ng lumabas kami. Pumuwesto kami sa may gilid. Napatingin ako sa baba. Madilim at hindi matanaw kung anong mayroon doon sa oras na mahulog ka. Naalala ko ang sinabi niya.

"Wala na akong balak gawin iyon," he assured me. "I found the reason to stay alive." Hindi siya nakatingin sa akin ng sabihin iyon pero ramdam kung para sa akin iyon.

Hindi ko alam ang sasabihin kaya nanahimik na lang ako sa tabi niya. Tahimik na ninanamnam ang sandali.

"Tara na. Baka hinahanap kana sa inyo."

Bago ako makasakay sa sasakyan niya. I saw a familiar face. Looking at us from the side of the café. He's with some guy, but his attention is on us. Suddenly, my heart pounded. When I placed my hand on top of my chest. I felt my heart beat fast.