Forget

May 24, 2010

Dear dairy,

It's been two years since we leaved. My parents decided to up hold my study. I was behind my batch mates. It's kind of pain but my brother say "It's not a race who will finished studied or achieved the goal. Always remind yourself we have our own phase. Just enjoy the life you live. It never done twice."

Its hit me like a ten-wheeler truck. I wake up from my own destructible illusion of self-destruction because of what I've been through. It is not easy for me but it not cost me a lot If try right?

What do you think dairy? Is this fight worth trying off? I just want her for me. Is just too much too asked for? The idea of us in the same school excite me. I hope our fate will collide this time. As I looked at my reflection. I've grown enough but not that much. I looked more mature than before. And the only hope I have in myself is she won't forget was I look like.

Pleased, remember me

Didrik

The last part of his entry made my jaw hang. Cause if I clearly remembered.

I forgot him. Totally.

"Azelline! Hey breakfast first!" my mother shouted at me running throughout the door. She was in the kitchen. I woke up late and my phone full of my friend messages of where I have been?

I almost forgot it's the enrollment day for the all second year student. And I need to be there as early as I can, so I won't be stuck on the long line of student. Well, enrollment sucks!

"I can't... I have to go," I answered back and not waited for her replied.

Bakit nga ba ako natanghalian? Grabe mag te-ten na. Lagot ako sa mga kasama ko nito. Pero bahala na sila. Kung hindi kami mag kaka-blocked okay lang sa akin. Same course pa rin namin.

"Para po!"

Muntikan pa akong lumagpas. Shit! Napaihip ako sa bangs ko ng makita ang dagat ng tao sa labas pa lang ng gate. Jezz! Daming student ngayon. Dami pa man ding process bago makapag enrolled. Kailangan ko silang makita. Malakas ang kutob kong nakapagsimula na sila sa assessment.

"Ava!"

I looked around when I heard Hermione voice called my name. There's a lot of student here and a kind of crowded. It's hard for me to turn around without bumping to other student.

I keep looking from my side to my back but a signed of them was zero. Damned!

"Azelline! Here!"

Now that's Parker. I was like a lost child here. Some of student are tall that blocked my sight. I was stranded from my position when bunch of varsity basketball player passed in front of me. After them finally I spotted them. They wave their hand and I wave too.

Wala pang tatlong hakbang ng bigla akong madundol sa isang lalaking biglang lumitaw sa harap ko. Nag slow motion ang paligid sa lakas ng impact namin dalawa. Patakbo kaming pareho ngunit magkaibang direksyon. Na nagbigay pwersa sa bawat isa.

Napapikit ako at handa ng bumagsak sa semento. Ngunit sa halip na matigas na semento. Isang malapad na kamay ang sumalo sa akin.

"Miss!" his worried voice called me. But All I was doing is closed my eyes even tighter. "Miss! Hawak kita."

Natigilan ako ng marinig ng maayos ang boses niya. May kaparehas siya ng boses. Ang mata nitong puno ng pag aalala ang sumalubong sa akin. Naputol lang ang titigan namin ng nakalapit ang mga kaibigan ko sa akin.

"Omg! Azelline! Are you fine?" Parker asked me in her usual tone. And glare the man who is looking sorry for the scene we caused. "Next time be careful," mariin at mataray na bangit ni Parker. Sabay irap dito. Hindi ako kaagad nakapagsalita.

That man. He looked familiar. When we leave him I see in his eyes an emotion of pain? Why? That made me curious. At kung hindi busy sa enrollment baka matanong ko pa pero dahil marami ng tao kailangan ng kumilos kung hindi matatabunan kami at pabalik balik dito ng ilang araw.

"Hoy!" tulak sa akin ni Parker. Naguguluhan ako sa kanya. Tinuro niya ang unahan ko saka ko lang namalayang ako na pala ang kasunod. Hindi napansin napatulala na ko.

"Ayos ka lang ba talaga?" Hermione worried question me.

"Oo. Ano lang kulang sa tulog."

I heard Parker drastically signed from my left side. Where heading to dental and medical assessment. This long process keep my head hurt. This sea of people giving me headache. The line is too long when we reach our destination. The cover pathway from the building of clinic along the way through the old building of engineering continue the line.

And it's near time for lunch break. I closed my eyes tight when I forgot to bring some snack for today. I haven't eat breakfast too. That make my stomach growl. I'm starving and the line move very slow.

"I'm hungry!" I murmured. My friends are busy from their phone to notice me whined. I fold my arms in front of my chest. Repeatedly sign heavily each minute passed.

Ang bagal ng usad. Pagtingin ko sa oras limang minuto na lang lunch break na. Wala pa sa kalahati ng pila ang pwesto namin. Ang hirap pa man din iwan ang pwesto.

Matapos ang limang minuto tanaw ko nang nagsisialisan na ang ilan sa harapan. May napadaan sa pwesto naming galing harap at tinanong.

"Lunch break po."

Great. Panigurado bukas babalik kami.

"Tara lunch outside sa campus. Mcdo?" Parker asked.

Umiling ako. "Dito na lang tayo sa loob ng campus."

Nagsalubong ang kilay ni Hermione halatang aapila pa.

"I said no. Dito tayo sa campus kakain," I said with finality. "Sayang oras baka matabunan pa tayo sa pila mamaya."

"But—"

"No but!" I cut off Parker disagreement.

Napairap na lang siya sa inis ngunit walang nagawa dahil desidido na ako. There's cafeteria here covered the whole population of the student. Kaya bakit lalabas pa?

As usual the cafeteria is loud as is. And crowded too since enrollment period. But I stand on what I say.

"Walang vacant place here." Hermione complained like disgust with this place. I can clearly see her expression even she's behind of me. "Let's eat outside na lang."

Pagod ko siyang nilingon. Pilit kong pinakalma ang aking gutom na sarili at baka hindi ako makapagpili, magkasagutan kami. "I'm starving kaya please. Shut up your mouth. I'm not in the mood to fight you."

Napabuga na lang siya ng hangin at humalikipkip sa tabi ni Parker na kanina pa walang imik.

"Hindi ba siya iyong lalaking nakabangga sa akin kanina?" I pointed out the guy who is alone eating near the glass window facing the field. Sinundan nila ng tingin kung saan nakaturo ang darili ko.

"Yes."

"Okay let's go."

Tumigil ako sa harapan niya. Napaangat siya ng tingin sa akin. Nabitin sa ere ang kutsarang may lamang pagkain niya. Ngumiti ako sa kanya.

"I guess you remembered me?" I put down my things on the chair and sit across to him. "Can we share table with you? Is that okay?" I intertwined my hand above the table and rest my chin on it. And look closely at him.

"Hello!" I waved my hand in front of him.

"Yes!"

"Okay then." I looked at them. "Can you guys buy me my food?" They look each other and shrugged.

"Thank you."

Nahagip ko ang kakaibang ekspresyon ng mukha niya kanina. Mariin ko siyang pinagmasdan. His voice, presence and look somehow remind me of someone but who?

"Is collusion earlier is not our first interaction? You seem familiar to me."

Napanganga siya sa sinabi ko. Malinaw na malinaw ang pagkadismaya sa mga mata nito. Sa paraan ng pagtingin niya sa akin. Kakaiba tila hindi makapaniwala. Napasadahan ko ng tingin ang kamay niya. Humigpit ang hawak niya sa kutsara at mukhang nagtatalo ang sarili na sagutin ang tanong ko.

Ramdam ko ang kagustuhan niya sumagot pero nakabalik na sila. They brought me my usual meal. Good.

Nararamdaman ko ang pagsunod ng titig niya sa bawat galaw ko. Kada tingin ko sa kanya nahuhuli siyang mag iwas ng tingin. Mas nauna pa kaming natapos kaysa sa kanya. Abala siya sa pagtingin sa akin at tumitigil kapag nahuhuli ko.

"Let's go!" Hermione eagerly say. Leaving him alone with our some uncleaned plates and mineral bottles.

I silently 'Yes'. We're near in the main door. I'm getting high positive we're done enrolling this day. And if not maybe a half day tomorrow won't hurt my pride.

"Azelline Vaia! 7:30 tomorrow and pleased don't be late like this day!" Parker wry say. She can't help to roll her eyeballs and shake her head in dismay. "You're actually getting more unbelievable. I hope you realized what I am saying."

Hermione give me a tired sign and shrug off her shoulder before leaving me in the parking area of the school. The heck? Oh come on! What's wrong with this people? They the one first eager to be my friends and now? Oh! Did that bitches finally succeed to break them apart to me? What a shame!

Fine! If they don't want to be my friends anymore. It's not my problem anymore.

"Kunti na lang magiging straight-line na yan kilay mo."

Sa tono pa lang ng boses niya agad ng naiirita ang kilay ko. Kaya kahit hindi ko pa siya nahaharap kusa na itong tumataas.

"Ano naman ngayon sa iyo?"

He chuckles at my rude answered. "Never failed me to meet your rudeness huh!" He hang the strap of his back up on his shoulder at glare at me. "Watch your mouth miss little witchy. Tables can be turn around," He warned will walking away from me.

And it's not making me afraid. In fact I'm used to it. And somehow master the aftermath of being left alone. Nothing new. So what's now? Tsk... As if I care. Lahat naman iniiwan at binabalewala ako.

"I'm home!" I lazy told them. Likewise no answer. But before I take a step on the stair. I heard them talking in joy. What's with it?

I shouldn't sneak. Tahimik akong umakyat sa kwarto ko matapos ko silang makita na pinapanood ang performance ni Ayvi. Na nagpapait pa lalo ng araw ko. Ito na naman. Hindi ko maiwasan mainis. Noong ako lagi nilang nakakalimutan habang kay Ayvi gagawa at gagawa sila ng paraan para makapanood.

Mabuti pang itulog ko na ito. Maaga pa ako bukas.

"Nice sinunod mo ang usapan," first thing I heard this morning is Hermione's sarcastic greeted. What a day to start.

Imbis na patulan hindi ko na lang siya pinansin pa. Mabilis ang usad sa pagbabayad. At baka half day lang kami ngayon. At dahil maaga akong umalis sa bahay nagugutom na ako.

"Bili muna tayo? Nagugutom na ako."

Nagkatinginan silang dalawa sabay iling. Pero hindi sila sumagot sa akin na ikinairita ko. "Fine kung ayaw niya ako na lang bibili." Saka ko sila iniwan sa may harap ng OSA. Nagugutom na talaga ako tapos ganon pa. Nakakainis.

Mabilis akong nakakita ng makakainan. Sa gilid ng admin building kaharap ang oval. Tahimik akong kumakain ng may umupo sa vacant seat sa tabi ko. "Uhm... makikiupo lang." Mahina niyang sabi. Puno ng pancit canton ang bibig ko kaya tumango na lang ako.

"Ito tubig." Abot niya sa akin ng masamid ako. Siya iyong lalaking nakabanggan ko kahapon. "Sorry nga pala kahapon." Paghingi niya ng despensa. Tumango na lang ako. Gutom talaga ako.

"May biscuit pa ako dito," Alok niya sa akin. Ubos ko na itong pancit canton kahit extra big. Hindi rin kasi ako kumain kagabi. "Ito oh." Sabay labas niya ng butter coconut iyong nasa mahabang lalagyan. Syempre pagkain na yan tatanggihan ko pa ba?

"Thank you." Binuksan ko iyon at inalokan din siya. Napatitig ako sa kanya. Iba talaga ang pakiramdam ko sa kanya. Iyong parang matagal na kaming magkakilala pero hindi ko siya maalala.

"Ano nga pala pangalan mo?" kita kong napatigil siya sa pagkain at naiwang nakabukas ang bibig. Mabagal itong lumingon sa akin na parang hindi makapaniwala sa narinig niya tanong ko. "Bakit?" nagtatakang tanong ko.

Makailang beses na nagbukas sara ang bibig niya animoy may gusto sabihin pero hindi mahanap ang salita sa dulo ng dila niya. Hindi nakatakas sa paningin ko ang lungkot na dumaloy sa mga mata nito bago umiwas ng tingin.

"Didrik Xavion Lawson." Pakilala niya sabay abot ng kamay. Malamig iyon ng mahawakan ko.

"Azelline Vaia Hayes. Nice to meet you."

Biglang may kung ano akong naramdaman sa dibdib ko. Kakaiba iyon hindi kaba pero bakit? Napaangat ako ng tingin at nasalubong ang mga mata nito tila nangungulila sa akin. Sino ka ba talaga Didrik? Bakit ganito ang reaksyon ng puso ko sa iyo?

"You already forget about me," masakit niya sabi. Habang may luhang dumadaloy sa mata nito. Napaiwas siya ng tingin saka pagak na tumawa. "Almost five years. In short period of time. Well, I didn't expect this but I have higher doubt it will happened. No matter I prepared for this. It still painful." Ginulo niya ang buhok ko. Kahit may bakas ng pag iyak nagawa pa niya ngumiti.

"You age that fast. How I wish I grow up with you." Kumikislap ang mga mata nito habang nagsasalita pero hindi sa tuwa kung hindi sa luhang namumuo sa mata nito. Naramdaman ko na lang ang darili nito sa pisngi ko. "Don't cry. I know you didn't do this on purpose. You will remembered me. In time."

And a genuine smile flash to his lips. That make my heart gone wide.