Dream

Azelline Vaia's POV

A melodic slow tone music play in the radio inside of our car. A romantic yet sad song roam all the corner of the car. While leaning my head into the window of the car.

Watching the green field of rice passing by. Mountains with clouds. Clear blue sky. Sunlight passing through the window.

Peaceful place. Silent road. Fresh air. How I love the vibes of province life. Its simple yet so ideal.

Many city person loves to live in the province while province person want to live in the city. Vice versa.

Its a long ride since where travelling through our Province. Where Dad and Mom meet before they move into Manila because of their work.

But thats not the real reason. Were going there because of one important person in my life.

I bite my lower lips and close my eyes. Sudden tears slide on my cheeks. Why? why its hurt so much.

I cover my mouth. Trying not to create a sound. I don't want my parent hear me crying again.

I almost spent one straight week crying at night. Inside of my bathroom. After I heard about it.

"Hey" Mom soft voice call me. I look at her with tears in my eyes. Her reaction become soft.

Her smile makes me comfort.

"Its alright dear. We understand. But you should pick up yourself. Its hurt seeing you like this." Ramdam ko ang sakit sa boses niya ng sabihin iyon. Yah! that's right. Maybe I should get myself up.

Hindi lang ako ang naapektuhan. Pati ang parents ko and my younger sister. Her small hand hold my wrist.

"Ate, stop crying na. Mauubusan ka ng tubig sa katawan mo." May pagbabanta nitong saad sa akin. Kahit may luha. Hindi ko napigilang mapangiti dahil sa kanya.

How lovely. She always like this. Charming and calm. She always setting my mood back.

"Your sister is right. You should stop crying for now. You'll crying for over one week. Maybe its time to give yourself a rest" I can sence tired in his tone. I look at him on the rear mirror above.

His eyes slaping me about it.

Maybe they are right. Its my time to give myself a break.

"Here, Ate. Higa ka dito" She tap her laps. Ginulo ko ang buhok niya bago umayos ng upo.

Saka dahan dahan humiga sa may hita niya. Ginawa kong unan iyon. Nakatalikod ako sa kanya.

She start to comb my hair using her hand. Singing a lullaby. That Mom sing for us when were going to bed.

Mom look us. She smile. I smile back to her. Before sleep drain me.

I don't know how long I've sleep. I feel our car moving slowly. Napabangon ako mula sa pagkakahiga.

Yung kapatid ko naman na ang tulog. Umayos ako ng upo saka siya hiniga sa hita ko.

"You catch better sleep?" Bungad na tanong kaagad ni Papa. Mom is also sleeping. Tangin kami lang ni Papa ang gising.

Batid kong malapit na kami. Dahil halos wala na akong makitang mga palayan. Medyo mga bahay at establishment na ang nakikita. Bagamat layu-layo. Sapat na para malamang malapit na kami.

"How long I've sleep?" I ask him busy watching outside. I see house, trees, people and animals. Kalabaw at baka is common here together with aso, kambing at ibon. Oh isama mo na pati ang pusa.

Bigla ko naman siyang naalala.

"What is it?" He ask me worried when he notice my facial reaction.

Umiling ako bago sumagot.

"Its about Pitchi, Dad" I answer him honestly. I hear him let out deep sign.

"What's the matter, Dad?" I ask him.

"Nothing. I thought there's something again with you. I got worried" Sakto naman huminto ang sasakyan because of traffic. Its a road blocking.

Muli ko na naman naalala kong bakit siya nag aalala.

"I'm sorry," I said and look away. I cause to much problem with them.

"You don't have. Its me, the one to be sorry." I feel like knife strike in my heart. Hearing it from my father. Who has been trying to be perfect for us.

"No, Dad. No one should be sorry about it. You and Mom didn't want it. Its a challenge for both of you. Given by the creator of all of us. Its just an a thing we cannot control. Its beyond our hand. Please, Dad. Forgive yourself" I almost pleading while saying it. Trying not to cause loud noise for my sister and Mom not be bother.

He didn't answer but I know deep inside. He still hurt. As well as Mom too. Alam ko ang tindi ng pinagdaan nila para mabuhay ako ng mapayapa.

The truth is I am also the one of reason why they move into the City. Its start when I was born.

They decided to stay in our grandparents land. Buts everything is turn up.

They planned to build business. A restaurant to be specific and a firm. May Father is an License Architect. While my Mother in Business field. They started to construct a building for a firm. And also for the restaurant. But eventually sold it out.

For my medical health.

When I was born. Doctor observe that I had catching my breathe. Weak and pale. They check me up immediately.

I was took away from them. I stay in NICU where new born baby stay in. I was in incubator for a week.

My heart beat is fast. They continue to check up on me. And they found out that I had a congenital heart disease.
After all the check up. After I come out at the hospital. They already talk about planning to move out.

Those establishment sold so that may pang maintenance sila sa mga gastusin ko. That was a hard time of their life. Actually mas lumala nong lumalaki ako. At mas nadagdagan ng mabuntis si Mama kay Ayaan Vihaan.

We remain silent until we reach the last municipality before the town they living back then.

"Malapit na tayo." Anunsyo niya. The moment he say that. Naalimpungatan na si Mama.

"Uhmm, malapit na tayo," Inaantok nitong pahayag ng matanaw kung nasaan na kami. Sa isang kanto lumiko ang sasakyan namin.

Its a two way road. A lot of houses seen. It's like a barangay. I can hear the noise outside. Pero pagdating sa medyo kalagitnaan nawala ang maraming bahay.

It's change by the high wild plants and a river. Nasa gilid ng ilog ang daan. I see how its clear. Naaninag ang mga puno sa kabilang isla.

Its a silent beautiful paradise. Kabilang side naman mga puno. Kaunting bahay ang nakikita ko. Hanggang sa matanaw ko na ang tulay. Wooaahhh its still there.

Naalala ko ito. Yung one way bridge. Malapit na nga talaga kami. Doon biglang bumalik ang kaba at sakit na nararamdaman ko.

Mayroon din excitement. Finally after 10 years those feeling like a yesterday. The car slow down. Were in the entrance of the bridge but we stop cause a tricycle passing by.

Isa lang kasya sa tulay kaya need mong mag antay sa kabilang dulo. Its nearly lunch time na.

Sa pagsampa ng sasakyan namin. Nagsimulang tumulo ang luha ko na kanina ko pa pinipigilan. Sa lahat ata ng sulok ng lugar na ito. Naalala ko siya.

Looking at the right side of the bridge. Where we jump of the bridge its first time that I did. Luckily hindi ako inatake non.

Nagtuloy tuloy hanggang sa matapat kami sa may school. Nasa medyo tagong parte ito. Marciano Abela Elementary School o mas kilala sa tawag na MAES.

Nag aral din ako dito ng elementary ko. Simula ng grade 2 ako. Hindi na kasi kaya nila Papa ang bigat ng gastushin. Napilitan silang bumalik dito.

Dito rin ako nag graduate. Lumapit muli kami sa Manila noong highschool na ako. Habang nasa pre elem naman si Ayvi.

Ilang saglit lang ay nakarating na kami sa paparoonan namin. Nasa labas na sila nakaabang. When I see his Mother. Wearing all black outfit.

I feel chill down to my spine. I don't know how I will feel. Pero isa lang ang malinaw.

Masakit!

Inayos muna ni Papa ang parking ng sasakyan bago kami bumaba. Nahuli kami ni Ayvi dahil medyo inaantok pa siya galing sa pagkatulog.

I watch them approach his parents. Andoon na rin ang grandparents namin. Mabagal naman kaming naglakad ni Ayvi.

I suddenly stiffed when they attention strike on me. Kung hindi pa ako hinila ni Ayvi. Baka mabaon na ako doon.

"Lets go, Ate!" Anyaya sa akin ni Ayvi. Halos hindi ko makaya ang tingin ng Parents niya. Dahil doon nakita ko ang tarpulin kung nasaan ang masaya niyang mukha.

I bit my lips again. I gulp when we stop infront of them. Tita look at me intimate as well as Tito. Napaiwas naman ako ng tingin. Hindi ko masabayan.

"Azelline!" I felt coldness when she call my name. Napaangat ako ng tingin kay Tita. Her serious facial reaction suddenly become soft.

"Hija!" Her voice broke after that. She hug me and cry on my shoulder. His husband is on his back. Caressing her back.

We stay at that position for a minutes. Until she get herself up. Tita, wipe some of tears on her cheeks. Smile bitterly before inviting us inside.

Everytime I take a step. My knees becoming jelly. I see his picture above on his cuffin. I stop, my tear rush down. Tita hold my hand.

Telling she is on my side. They let us move until infront of it. I sneak to see his pale face. He just like sleeping.

Unti unti akong lumapit dito. My tears drop on his cuffin. Until I can't hold myself up. I breake down. I hug his cuffin. Crying loud mourning of his death.

Why? why this happen.

Nakayap pa rin ako sa kabaong nito ng lumapit na si Mama para alalayan ako. Bigla akong nanghina. Naiubos ko na ang lahat ng luha ko. Wala na. Sagad na.

Tulala akong umupo sa may harapan. My family seat beside me. Wala na ako sa sarili ko. Hindi ko pa rin matanggap.

Bakit? Bakit kung sa orang na handa na ako. Sigurado na ako. Kinuha na siya sa akin. Ang sakit! sakit!

Kahit sa huling sandali man lang. Hindi ko nasabi sa kanya iyon. Those words that I keep in myself. Will never be heard by him again.

Marami ang tao ngayon. Dahil last lamay niya na. Bago siya ilibing bukas. Ngayon lang ako nagkaroonng lakas na pumunta dito.

Hindi ko na namalayan ang oras. Basta ang alam ko ay paalis na kami doon. Hanggang sa sasakyan namin. Tulala pa rin ako.

"Hey, where here" Dad trying to catch my attention. I move like a robot. Napababa ako ng tingin.

"Lets go!" Anyaya ni Mama. Tahimik silang bumaba. Nahuli ako. Mabagal ang kilos ko. Bago pa ako pumasok sa loob.

Napatingala ako sa bahay.

The terrace in the second floor and the roof. Those silent night when were star gazing. After we finish our assignment. He also went here.

Go with me watching the billions of star above the starry night.

"Hija!" I hear Lola's call me. Muli kong inayos ang sarili ko. Bago lumapit sa kanya. Nakaabang siya sa may pintuan ng bahay nila.

Its already dinner time. Kaya diretso kami sa may dining table. Nakahanda na doon ang pang hapunan namin.

Biglang kumalam ang tyan ko. My favorite. Inihaw na talong, bangus at pork chop. May kamatis at nilagang talbos ng kamote.

"Hala, magsikain na tayo. At ng makapagpahinga na kayo mamaya. Lalo pa't galing kayo sa byahe" Aligagang saad ni Lola. Napailing na lang si Lolo sa kanya.

"Here" Sabay abot sa akin ni Kuya Gaster ng inihaw na talong. He is my cousin. A year older than me. His here cause of his parent.

Nasa ibang bansa kaya si Lola at Lolo ang mag aalaga sa kanya ngayon.

"Thank you" I silent mouth to him. He just answer me with a small smile.

We eat peacefully. Only the sound of cricket you will hear. After we finish eating dinner. Me and Kuya Gaster represent to wash dishes.

They allow us. Kaya mabilis kaming pumunta ni Kuya Gaster sa may kusina. Ramdam kong may sasabihin ito. Kapa nagpresenta din na magligpit.

"Slip the bean, Kuya Gaster" I demand on him. He stop from washing the dishes. Saka binaling ang atensyon sa akin.

"Its about him" He star to talk. I freeze when realize where this conversation go. Mabagal kong binanlawan ang mga baso. Habang nag aantay ng susunod niyang sabihin.

"I know whats going on in you two. Hindi sa nakikialam ako pero. Did you really love him?" May pagdududa niyang tanong sa akin. Doon ako tuluyang napahinto.

Parang ilang milyong beses na sinaksak ng kutsilyo ang puso ko sa tanong niyang iyon.

"Why did you ask me about my love for him?" Nasasaktan kong tanong sa kanya. I get him. Its maybe because on what I did. Pero hindi ibig sabihin non hindi ako sigurado sa kanya.

"Look, your my cousin and his my bestfriend. I know him for since childhood. His to precious to be hurt like that. He didn't deserve the pain you cause on him. Even your my cousin. Doesn't mean I except you from that. His so many plan for his future. Dream to achieve for his family and himself. But now!" Puno ng sakit niyang bato sa akin.

"His too young to die" Hindi na niya napigilan ang umiyak.

Napakagat ako ng labi ko sa sinabi niya. Ang sakit, mismo siya na ang nagsabi. Hindi ko man tanggapin pero iyon ang totoo.

He died because of me. Because I'm selfish brat who only wants to be in the center of all.

"Kaya please! Don't waste your life and take care of his heart. Kahit yun lang ang gawin mo. He gave his heart into you. Cause he see you. Your truly you. How you love to touch your dream. At dahil sa sakit mo hindi mo magawa. Kahit yun man lang, insan. Kahit yun lang" May pagmamakaawa nitong tinig. Unti unti ng namubig ang mata ko sa mga sinasabi niya.

Napahawak ako sa may dibdib ko kung saan banda ang puso. Kaya ba kakaiba ang pakiramdam ko after my operation?

Kita ko ang paglaki ng mata niya.

Doon ako nakakasiguro na!

"The heart that transfer to me. Its... his heart?" Halos panghinaan ako ng loob dahil doon. No! sabi nila Dad may nagdonate ng puso para sa akin.

"Its not true right? Tell me!" I almost scream demand an answer to him. But he just standing there freeze in his feet.

"Anong nangyayari dito?" Biglaang pasok nila Papa sa kusina. Marahil narinig ang pagsigaw ko. I look at them.

"Tell me Pa. Who is my heart donor?" I ask him seriously. I notice him shock from what I ask. Even my Mom.

"Alam niyo?" Halos mapaupo kong tanong kung hindi pa ako nakahawak sa may lababo baka tuluyan na akong bumagsak.

"Hija, your heart" Mom call me.

Hindi ko na napigilan umiyak. I cry hard. Akala ko wala na akong ilalabas. Mayroon pa pala.

"Sweetie!" Nagtangkang lumapit sa akin ni Mama. Pero umilag ako saka tumakbo patungo sa kwarto ko. Padabog kong sinara iyon.

I can't take this revelation. I'm very happy na may nakita silang heart donor for me. Kasi finally, I can live in a normal life. I can reach my dream but how could I do that.

If the man that one in my dreams. Leave me, with his heart with me.

Naalala mo muli ang mga panahon. Pinag uusapan namin ang tungkol sa aming mga parangap.

He always wanted to be an Architect. He love complicated design of structure, building, and interior design.

I remember his eyes. Twinkling in happiness. But it fade when I take his life. Hindi ko alam kung ilang oras na naman akong umiyak.

Ang alam ko lang. May ilang beses na kumakatok sa labas ng kwarto ko. I get of lazy on my bed. With my messy self. Bumungad si Mama. Worried about me.

"What is it, Mom" I plain ask him.

"Its his funeral today. Are you gonna show right?" Nag aalangang tanong ni Mama. Of course I am.

"Yes po, I just change my clothes" Tamad kong sagot saka bumalik muli sa loob. Mabagal akong kumilos. Total madaling araw pa lang naman.

I look at my reflection. With my puffy eyes. I look at me whole while wearing all white outfit.

White dress, shoes and a white bag.

"Lets go" Anyaya sa akin ni Papa. Tahimik akomg sumunod sa kanila. Tulala dahil hindi pa rin madigest ang sinabi sa akin kahapon.

Napahinto ang pagbukas ko ng pinto ng sasakyan ng may pumigil nito. I look at who is the owner of this hand.

"Go in!" Utos nito. Natamad kong sinunod.

Magkatabi kami sa may likod. We both silent. Maybe after what happen yesterday night.

Its a painful confrontation.

"Here!" Abot niya ng panyo sa akin. Walang imik ko iyong tinanggap.

Hanggang sa unti unti na kaming palapit sa may lugar kung saan siya ililibing.

"Andito na tayo" Sabay lingon nila sa akin. Kaya napaiwas ako.

Lumabas na kami saka lumapit na sa tent na kung saan ang mga dumalo. Ang ilan dito ay taga sa amin lang, relatives at classmate niya.

Pinaupo kami sa may second row ng upuan. Pagkadating namin nag start na sila.

Inabutan naman na ako ng puting bulaklak. Hanggang sa umubot na sa pagsaboy ng bulakbak sa kabaong nito. Hindi ko naman na mapigilan ang hindi umiyak.

Nakatanaw ako sa papalubog niyang kabaong. Saka ko ito hinagis.

"Anak" Anyaya sa akin ni Mama. Muli kong binalik sa lapida niya ang tingin.
I cares it. Saka maluhang pumikit.

Didrik, why did you left me like this?

You didn't hear what I answer you from your question.

I know I've been you. But you deserve thoses words.

"I love you, my dreams" Bulong ko saka umihip ang malakas na hangin. Natangay ang buhok ko. Kaya inayos ko muna. Napangiti ako matapos iyon. Sana narinig mo. Kahit huli na.

------------PrincessNalics-------------------------

I'm just dropping this first chapter of this story hehehe. The next chap. will be soon. I just adjusting about my coming formal online class next week. Usad pagong po muli ito. Katulad ng iba kung story. Daily remainder, don't expect too much about this story it might dissappoint you.

Enjoy, stay safe and love you.