(This character y'all has these kind of 'profound' reflections, 'deep' thoughts so to speak.. and just in case I want to warn of any possible triggers...
If it counts that way, I'm not totally sure, but sayin' just in case..)
~

---------------------

You know?..
Ever wonder, that if we were books, how people would judge us?
What our covers would look like?

Mine, I think, would be, coverless.
Or, if anything, blue.

Hm. Light blue.. and with a black stripe near the spine.

☝ yeah. That would be mine. I think.

Heh.

As plain as I sound, I do smile
occasionally.
Heh heh.
I'm a tad random too.
Am I?
I guess.

Didly bop.

But I force myself to be all 'monotoned' about my personality. If I wasn't, what 'plain' would there be in that?

I'm supposed to be perceptive, but do I stop to truly wonder why I even wanna be plain the first place?
Is it even a 'good' enough reason?

Fear of people.
Fear of judgement.

People can't even touch my soul, so why do I fear them? Or their twisted, generally clouded judgement..

(Us humans.. such a disgraceful race we can be, huh?.. Always getting confused over what's wrong and what's right.. As I have before.. since I'm human too.
I must be a disgrace then, too.. or?..
Is there a way around that?..)

At the same time I'm grateful. I guess being an animal wouldn't be much better than being a human.
And as a human -as a person- I have choice (:

I can choose to live life like an animal. Gut reactions. Worldy pleasures.
But, what do I want?

For my soul..

Do I even know?

...

What do I want for my soul?

... Help.. Freedom.. Understanding. Wisdom. Guidance. Comfort. Peace in my confusion..

& overall,
Love.

I feel locked in this state. Where I restrict my emotions as if I were a robot. Maybe it's because I feel like I have to act like one (for school).

But I'm not a robot.

I smile too.

I feel too.

My friends see me smile more often, be more laid back and relaxed a tad as well.

But I still hide myself from everyone.

As if I were some creature none should lay eyes on.

But.. that's.. not the case.

I believe I am created.. but not as a monster.

So why did.. Why do I feel like it?

What if I am?

What if I'm not?

I'm guilty..

What dah heck am I, to begin with?..

Why am I here?

I go to church on Sundays with my family, and there are things I do believe,
but many that I don't understand or am not sure about yet..

...

Well, I wouldn't be here without a purpose.. anyone formed in the womb of their mother parent has one, or else why be formed and be born at all?

I know I have one. A purpose. What is it?

It seems I have too many questions... and I wonder the whereabouts of the answers..

.. but, well, process of elimination? A little deductive reasoning?

Being quiet about things I shouldn't be. Being afraid. Robotic. Plain, perhaps —
Probably aren't part of my purpose(s), are they?

Maybe they just funcion as a role of learning from 'em;
learning from the past and our previous actions,
rather than dwelling on my mistakes
(as easy as that can be to do..)

So, taking all this into account,

What do I really want for my soul? I guess I already answered that, though..
Then, what if that's not the question?

What if..?

What if it should be, what does my spirit want?

'Which is it?'

-------

~ Old Author's Comment :
◾{

#breakingmybrainoverhere
{😂}
Weilp, there's the second chapter!
It's not all totally planned out, like I said, but definetly working on eht!

( Update: Older shutouts
⤵

kirrilygreentree2022
gloreearh
My first chapter actually got votes.. I was surprised -in a pleasant way- tbh ^^ so shoutout 2 y'all!

<< UPDATE: & another to TacticalCat ! For being the first to vote on this chapter ^·^ (tho voting's not rly ur thing~ which I get) >> )

It seems this has become my new 'original story' priority ☝
{..Well, geez -- wish I had stayed updating it grequently, but I had a lo0ong hiatus, etc. 😩}

I best be sleeping soon, and I shall~
{

lol I'm just a little better about my sleeping shchedule now 🤣}

Second school week of 2nd hs yr is tomorrow! I hope you guys are -at least- doin aight in school or will if u haven't gone back yet! ^o^

{I was such a cute lil sophomore 😭}

Night~!

}◾

Jul 2019

Well, yeah. Chapter's been read-over & I approve so.. re-publish it is ^¬^