Thomas POV

He quickly removes his hands.

"Thomas, I forgave you, I can't do anything more," He says tense. He walks away from me quickly and goes to his room.

I stay alone in the living room. My tears are falling more and more. I ruined all my chances with him. I sniffle and look at the floor. I don't deserve him. It will be hard to get up next to someone who does not feel anything for me anymore.

I should not have drunk so much. I should not have done that. Now James doesn't want to be with me anymore. I feel bad.

James...is...indescribable actually. He changes his emotion. Sometimes he is cute and scary. Today he got mad at me, but at school he was...normal if I can say that like that. More tears flood my face.

Maybe he can not behave normally with me. Maybe he forgive me for....I dont know.

I sniff and wipe my tears. I head into the bathroom and look at the mirror. I look like nothing. My eyes are red and my face has dried tears. I put water on my face and dry it with my washing.

He told me he had feelings for me? But the way he told me that makes me puzzled. He said it as if it meant nothing. Maybe he lied to me. I often have bad thoughts, but ...

I see that everything around me darkens. Black. I feel my body let go, my legs shake and my feet can't hold my own weight. I try to move on, but instead I fall on the cold floor of the bathroom. I can't see anymore....I am dead? What is happening? I feel my body, but I can barely control it.

"Thomas, can I come in?"

Jemmy?

"Thomas, do you hear me?"

Yes, I hear you.

"I heard a noise and...I came to see if everything is fine," He says.

I'm fine, Jemmy.

"Well, since you do not answer me, I'm coming now," He says. I hear the door opens.

What?

"Tho...Thomas?" He says his voice filled with horror.

I don't understand anything anymore.

I feel my body body is raised.

I'm in the arms of James ??? If only I could see. I feel that my arms are abandoning me to something more comfortable.

"Thomas answer me !!!"

But I'm talking to you...He can not hear me ???

I hear him sing.

I...can't be...dead. It isn't possible.

I feel a hand on my forehead. I force to open my eyes, but it's as if everything had let go.

I hear several nosy of footsteps, James must be running in circles.

"Maybe I should...called someone," He says in a very worried voice.

I don't know how, my eyes obey me and open. The first thing I see is the ceiling and I'm on a bed that's not mine. I move my body so I can stretch.

"Thomas ??? You're awake!!!???? Thanks God !!!! "

I feel arms embrace me vigorously. My eyes are a little blurry, but I get a little to see the clothes of the person.

A light blue sweater.

James?

I take it with difficulty in my arms. My arms are heavy, as if they were made of concrete.

"I was scared, I thought you'll never wake up," He says, very tormented, squeezing me harder. I didn't know what to say, I'm more shocked at James' action than at what happened to me.

"What happened?" He asks as if he can't live if I don't tell him. He walks away quickly to face me. We are both sitting on the bed. He is TOO cute when he is worried.

"I...don't know...heee...I was in the bathroom and...I saw all black." I say trying to remember something more logical.

James sighs with relief.

"Thomas, my mother had almost the same thing as you...I think you're short of ferritin."

"Of what?" I ask surprised.

"I think that....Thomas. Did you eat right at home? " He asks. I hesitate, I look at the ceiling several times and nod.

"Thomas. I'm serious. I really need to know. You've lost a lot of weight since this weekend, " He says. He has a determined and worried look.

"No...I wasn't eating very well," I say with great difficulty.

"How did you eat? Morning, at lunch and evening?"

"Hee...nothing," I say softly, really embarrassed.

"WHAT?" His voice is filled with worry. I look elsewhere really embarrassed.

"Thomas..." His voice is softer.

"Thomas with the answer you gave me I'm sure you're lacking ferritin," He says, really worried.

"What is it?" I ask. It seems to be serious, but what is it?

"I'm not going to explain what an ferritin is, but I'll tell you what happens when people miss it."

"Since you are not eating properly, you lack vitamins and then you start feeling dizzy and tired, you will want to sleep more often." He says with great precision.

"Thomas, you have to tell your parents to give you medicine," He says, looking straight at me.

"I don't think I should disturb my parents for a little thing..." I say looking away.

"A little thing ??? !!!" He repeats outraged.

"We are talking about your health, Thomas, your health is very important," Says James. He really takes care of me. I blush to see his concern for someone who has hurt him. He thinking.

"If you don't want to, you have to eat well," He says. I nod.

"Warning! That doesn't mean you have to eat only macaroni cheese, " He says. I'm in a bad mood. He is laughing.

"You have to eat, for example, pulses, dried fruits: cashews, coconut, lentils ..."

"But I don't like anything about that," I says, disappointed.

"No Thomas, you can also eat chocolate, cereals, cherries, citrus fruits like...orange, fish, shellfish and....I don't know anymore. You can go check it out on the internet, " He says. I nod and smile at him.

"How do you remember all this?" I ask impressed.

"Uh...I was interested when I saw that my ferritin level was below average," He says. I nod his head.

"You should eat something," James says, getting up.

"Wait, where am I?" He looks at me confused.

"Eeeh...in my room," He says. I look and see that his room is better tidy than mine. He has plenty of books surely without pictures.

"Ah! Yes you only went back to my room once, you forgot what she looks like, " He says. I look at his desk and see the flowers I gave him. I smile and look at him. He holds out his hand towards me. I take it to help me lift up.

We go to the kitchen.

"James, I'm not really hungry," I say. I know I have not eaten anything, but it's as if my belly is full.

"Thomas, you still need to eat. I don't want you to go to school or to the street, " He says softly.

I nod, reluctantly. He gives me a beautiful smile.

"There's a chocolate bar in the closet," He says. He opens it and takes the chocolate bar and handed it to me. It is true that I am greedy, but I make sure to keep my weight and anyway I am part of people who don't swell even eating only sugar for a day.

I take it and bite it. The chocolate melted in my mouth quickly, I didn't really feel the taste of chocolate, so I handed the tablet to James.

"No, Thomas you should eat more than that. That's nothing you did, " He says. He says. I grimace and finally decide to take another bite.

With the second, I feel a little taste of chocolate milk chocolate.

I take another bite and sense of caramel that gives a wonderful taste with chocolate.

"Is it good?" He asks. I nod and take several bite of the chocolate bar.

"He's too good! Where did you buy it? " He describes the place to me. When he explains I'm eating the tablet.

"Wow Thomas, you finished the chocolate ??!! " He says surprised. I look at my hand and see that there is just the packaging in my hands.

"It was too good. Is there any more? "I ask, licking my lips probably full of chocolate. He nods.

"They're only 5 at the moment," He says.

"Can I?" He nods and gives me another tablet.

"Mmmh...you make me want to eat it now," He says, crossing his arms.

"Here," I handed him my tablet, but he pushed back with his hand.

"No thanks," He says with a smile. I shrug and continue to eat.

He opens the fridge and takes out a brick of orange juice. He pours it into a goblet and hands it to me.

I take it and nod to thank him. I drink a sip and continue to eat my tablet.

I notice that James is looking at me. I blush a little.

"It's good if you keep eating like that. I gave you a chocolate because it's time for tasting, but you'd have to eat well: morning, noon and night, " He says.

I nod him. I was going to pick up a bite, but I didn't notice that I had finished with orange juice. I put the packaging on the table.

"Good if you're looking for me, I'm in my room," He says as he left. I take his hand quickly.

"Hmm? What's up to you? " He asks, turning around, my hand still holding his hand.

"I...I wanted to thank you for your help," I said shyly. He smiles at me.

"It's nothing," He says.

"And...I....I wanted...to tell you that the night I...un...kissed this girl I was drunk," I say shyly and murmuring some parts of my sentence. I see him lose his smile. He rolls his eyes.

"Thomas, why are you telling me this now, huh? Your excuses are all the same, I was drunk. For me alcohol is not an excuse, " He says. He sighs.

"Good Thomas, I'm sorry for making you this joke in bad taste, but that's why you went to another. And you better think about your health instead of thinking about useless things, " He says, really annoyed. I shake my head.

"For me, these are not useless things and it didn't happen like that," I say, wanting him to stay with me.

"So what really happened?" He asks. I let go of his hand and scratch my head.

"Can we go sit in the living room?" I ask him. He nods.

We head to the salon and we sit next to it.

"Okay so that started after class ..."

----

"I DON'T BELIEVE HE ALREADY LEFT ME FOR SOMEONE ELSE !!!! For him our relationship means nothing! For him I was only a toy !!!! " I scream in my room, sitting on my bed. After class I could not bear thinking about James and Aaron. I was right, he's going out together and .... Aaron. Aaron was like a brother to me. James ..... James ... why? I can't hate him?

I get up and leave my room. I took the keys to finally get out of the dormitory. I can not stand this pain anymore. My heart is broken inside.

I go out and see a bar. I can't ... I can't have to ... but the pain is unbearable ... maybe the alcohol will calm me down.

I finally go back to the bar. I don't recognize anyone except someone I don't want to see again. People give me piercing looks, I ignore them and call a bartender. I ask for a very strong alcohol.

"You are sure, sir, to be able to bear the effect of..." Before he can finish I cut him off.

"Yes, I'm sure." He nods and opens the bottle and pours it into a glass.

"Is Thomas Jefferson in a bar?" I ignore the voice and wait for my drink. I would not want this person I think is behind me.

"Don't ignore me, Thomas." Said this person approaching me. I look back reluctantly. I watch the last person I wanted to see. Sally Hemings.

"Here's your glass sir." I thank him.

"You are sad about because a girl broke your heart?" She asks. I see her smile. I finally drink my alcohol. His smile widens. I ask for a drink.

"You should have stayed with me," She says.

"Yes, I know," I say to she leaves me alone. I don't think what I said. the bartender gives me my drink faster. I drink it quickly.

"Do you really think what you're saying?" Sally asks in surprise.

"Yeaah," I say, feeling that alcohol is starting to affect me. Now she can leave me alone?

"The one who loved you, what did she does?" She asks. No, she will not leave me alone. I grimace, because it isn't "she", but "he". I decide to make her believe that she is a girl, because she is a person who doesn't support homosexuals and all the rest.

"She left me for another," I say. She looks surprised. I look at her calling the bartender who gives me a drink that I drink quickly, before he can go away I tell him.

"Again."

"I'm sorry," She says. I laugh and shake my head.

"You're not sorry for me," I say, raising my voice. She says something that I don't understand. It's like she's whispering things, but I see that she's talking normally.

"What? !!!!!" I shoot not hearing him.

"I say, what can I do to help you," She says. She had to scream, but it's like she's talking normally. I take the glass that the bartender put on the table. I didn't notice it. I take it and the wood quickly.

I think about the question she asked me. I certainly would not be able to go to the dormitory alone. I usually drink more, but this drink is so strong that it's like I've drunk 10 glasses.

"Bring meee back to my doormitory!" I say, raising my voice and losing a little my senses.

She nods and puts my arm around her shoulder. I see her blush, but I completely ignore her gesture.

"You're really heavy," she said as she approached the elevator. In the elevator, there was a terrible discomfort. On leaving, Sally force to bring me back to my dormitory.

"Your dormitory is the same?" She asks. I don't understand what she said.

"Whaaat ?? !!!" I ask. She rolls her eyes. She searches my pockets. I let him, because I can't even stand up well. She takes my key and looks at her, she sees the number and opens the door of my dormitory. James is not back yet. I sigh with relief, not wanting to see him.

She puts me on a chair.

"I'm just a fool."

"No, you're not," He says, squeezing his lower lip.

"You saaaay that foor pityyy!" I says, getting up. She looks away and turns to me.

"I love you....I still love you...I'm just thinking about you every day," she says in a small voice, fingering her hand. I did not understand anything, but decided to nod so as not to bother her.

"You...you love me too?" She asks. This sentence was weaker than the other. I did not understand anything, but I saw that this question was important to her. Her hand is on her chest, she doesn't hold up and her eyes will surely be flooded with tears if I answer wrong. I hesitate, but nods.

I feel lips on mine. I have nothing to lose now. I lost the love of my life, so I bring her closer to me and kiss her back, I feel her smile and brings her closer to me.

What do I do? I'm kissing girl because I'm sad that James left me ??? I should not do something like that.

Before I can push her I notice that the door is ajar. James is behind the door. I feel guilt, but why should I have regrets ??? It's him who left me in first !! He looks at me and smiles at me before leaving.

What does it mean?

"Is there something wrong?" Sally asks, putting her arms around me. It reminds me of James.

"Sally I made a mistake, I don't love you and I'm in love with...." She takes off her arms to give me a slap.

"You haven't changed, you always had all the girls you want and you throw them like an old trash." She leaves. Shutting the door

I feel that my throat burns me.

I feel a weird sensation and start to feel nauseated. I run to the toilet and lean over the seat and throw up. When I thought it would be finish, I felt nauseous and started vomiting again and again. I wipe myself with the palm of my hand. Tears come to me. I sniffle and burst into tears.

I have a stomach ache, but I get up with difficulty and shoot, I go to the sink and look at me. My hair is messy, my eyes are red and can barely stay open. I drink water to remove the unpleasant smell of vomit that pierces my nose.

A new desire comes to me. Smoking. I have to do it. Alcohol has turned my stomach, I'm looking for my cigarette packs in my room, I look at the box to see if it is out of date. I see it's good and take my keys that Sally put on the table.

------

In telling him the whole story, I do not look at him. After finishing I turn to see that he flees my eyes.

"I ..." I wanted to apologize, but I know he hates it, so I do not say anything. He turns around with a worried face.

"A... are you okay?" He asks shyly.

"You have vomited, you must have a stomach ache. You should eat ... "

"James ..." I'm really touched that he worries about my health, but I just want to know if he would have the courage to forgive me. He gets up.

I take her hand and get up.

"I know you think I pretended to love you, but that's not the case at all. I love you. As soon as I saw you for the first time, I felt a sense in my life. You are so beautiful, cute and beautiful. I absolutely wanted you to notice me, that's why I bought you flowers. I behaved like an idiot, I know it, but please leave me one last chance and I promise you that you will not regret it. I love you and I will always love you, "I say, keeping my tears for me.

"Do you really think I'm beautiful?" He asks shyly, blushing a little and looking away. I nod his head several times. So cute.

"Yes." I say without hesitation.

"In spite of all that I did to you?" He says looking at me. I nod.

"Yes" I see him looking elsewhere.

"Jemmy...I..."

I feel luscious lips on mine, he kisses me softly. I watch him surprised at this action. I close my eyes and kiss him back. He slowly moves away from the kiss.

"Thomas, I felt feelings for you, after every time you told me how much I am for you. I know it doesn't show, but the reason I did not tell you was because I was scared. I forgive you, because I think I love you too, Thomas, " He says, looking at me.

I am watching him.

I don't move.

Tears fall.

"Thomas ??? You're okay??? I said something that's wrong ??? " I shake my head and wipe away my tears with one hand.

"I didn't believe it anymore. I thought you were not going to forgive me after what I did. "

" Thomas, I too have made mistakes ... "

"No, what I did is unforgivable," I say sadly.

"Forget that.....aww you're so cute when you cry," He says with a smile.

"Seriously ???" I say, troubled how quickly he moves on to other things.

"Yes," He says with a smile.

I cross my arms.

"Tommy, you should not be crying all the time. Why do you cry often? " He asks.

"Because when I hurt you, when you can't look me in the eye," I say shyly. I uncross my arms without realizing it.

"Aww," He says, taking me in his arms.

"You're so sensitive Tommy," He says in such a cute voice.

"No, I'm not," I say squeezing him close to me.

"Yes, you are," He says with a laugh.

"I just need affection," I say. He is laughing. He walks away and looks at me.

"I love you, Tommy," He says with a smile. My heart beats strongly in my chest.

"I love you too, Jemmy," I say, returning his smile.

"Since we have no duty today, do you want to watch a movie?" I ask.

"Yes !!!"

"But not a horror movie."

"Weak."

"What ?? !!!" I say.

"Nothing, my Poppet Tommy that I love," He says said in a soft voice. I'm blushing.

"Ok, no movie," I say sulkily.

"NOOOOOO !!!!!" I laugh at seeing him like that.

"I'm kidding, do you want to watch Moana?" I ask him.

"Yes!!! I've never watched it !!! " James says, hopping.

«Cool!!!»

I put the film and we sit on the couch. I put my arm on James' shoulder and he puts his head on my shoulder.

During the movie, I watched James a lot. He sits down, his head is no longer on my shoulder. I kiss his cheek and see his blush. I laugh.

"You're so cute," I say.

"I'm not," He says, blushing even more.

"Awwwwwwww ..." I say before James pushes me.

"Let me watch the movie," He says sulking. I put my arm around his shoulder and let him watch the movie.

* Time skip *

The film ends, we decide to make us eat. I think of the times James got mad at me. How could he forgive me?

"Tommy, you have to eat, you barely touch your plate," James says.

"I'm not too hungry," I say. James shakes his head.

"You have to take care of yourself and for that you have to eat," James says. He gets up takes my fork, takes some macaroni cheese and puts it near my mouth.

"Open your mouth, Tommy," James says. I'm blushing. I hesitate a lot, but I decide to take a bite. He smiles at me.

"Here! It wasn't complicated, was it? "He says in a cute voice. I take the fork of his hand and eat alone quickly. It's weird, I'm hungry now.

"Wow! Go slowly, anyway, " He says, returning to his place, holding back a laugh.

"Thomas....I want to apologize," He says slowly. I look at him confused.

"I was so mad at you that I didn't see that I too hurt you," He says, looking away.

"I'm really struggling to keep up my anger and I said hurtful words, I ignored you and hit you....I'm sorry," He says.

"Jemmy, as you said, we both made mistakes, I forgive you all that you have done." He looks at me surprised and gives me a sweet and resplendent smile.

"So Poppet Tommy..." Oh! Not this nickname.

"Why do you love me so much?" I blush and drop my fork on my plate.

"Uh...I love your eyes, your way you do your hair, your laugh too cute, your smile that never ceases to beautify my days, your luscious lips, your pleasant hugs, the way you kiss m...I SAID NOTHING !!! " I say seeing that I spoke without controlling what I said. I blush so much that I hide my face with one hand. James just laughs.

"Thank you, Tommy," He says with a smile. I take the fork I dropped and put food in my mouth quickly.

"And what do you like about me?" I say as I finished the food I ate.

"I love your generosity, your blush, your hair, you're very funny without wanting it, that's what I love about you," He says with a smile.
I smiled back. I drink my glass of water.

"And just like you, I like your lips on mine," He says shamelessly.

I spit my water on the ground and cough several times. I stand on the table not to fall. James pats my back.

"Are you okay?" Asks James, laughing. I look at him giving him a black look, after having coughed. He laughs louder.

"Do I seem to be fine?" I say ironically. He laughs even more. I end up laughing with him.

I get up and take a cloth to clean the water. James meanwhile, continues to eat. When I finish cleaning, I sit and eat with him.

When we finish eating, James and I do the dishes together.

"I love you," James says before kissing me on the forehead.

"I love you too," I say, hugging him.

After talking for several minutes, we put our pajamas on our own room.

We stand in front of James' door.

"Good night James," I say, hugging him.

"Good night.....now give me a kiss," James said hurriedly. I had forgotten the kiss of the evening.

I kiss him gently on his lips, squeezing him close to me. We smiling in the kiss. We separate slowly.

"He waved and went back to his room. I do the same. I drop on my bed. Me and James we are finally found.

I don't want to ruin these moments anymore. I want to talk to him anymore, to make him laugh, to cuddle him and especially to kiss him.

I love you so much, James.

I fall asleep on my bed thinking of James.

4318 words