Chicago - Louis Tomlinson

This Sunday evening Calum's flat is full of delicious smells and semi-loud cheers. Their promotions and Calum's business trip to London is a united celebration, along with Luke starting his medication, although no one has actually voiced that. The half-finished bottle of red wine from Sierra's birthday is on the table before the rest of the food, and Calum gets two glasses out of the cupboard when Sierra stops him.

"I don't want to drink." she shakes her head.

"What, are you pregnant or something?" Calum smiles, and Luke's head snaps in her direction.

"I'm not. I'm not even trying to be." her eyes run between the two of them until Calum finally nods and leaves the glass on the shelf.

Luke leans to her ear, "You alright?"

She nods, and he pecks her cheek.

When the sun in the window behind their backs sets down, Calum gives Luke a brightly coloured backpack half full of books and half full of clothes and toys. He explains what textbooks are for what while thinking to himself that maybe he should tell Sierra it all since she's probably more reliable when it comes to education.

"You're gonna live at their place for a week, okay?" he tells Cory when the couple loads the car with the bags and TG in a carrier.

"Live with Luke again? Yes!" the boy jumps, almost stumbling, but Luke catches him with his right arm. Cory takes it as a sign he's being picked up and lets go of the weight of his body, so now Luke has to actually pick him up.

"Ugh, just take him. Might as well adopt him, he doesn't like me anyway."

"Come on, Cal." Sierra touches his shoulder with a smile.

"Whatever. I have to go." he brushes it off, and they get into the car. Calum leans to the driver's window. "If he needs anything, any toys or whatever, you have the spare key." Luke nods. "And no junk food."

"For me or him?"

"Ugh, shut up." he smiles as they drive away.

Upon arriving in London on the earliest train possible, Calum goes sightseeing because all the times he's been here with Luke he spent in pubs or someone's house partying. He doesn't know the city at all. The only time he's seen Buckingham Palace was at night, wasted, almost caught by police for public drinking. The morning is quite chill so he takes out a scarf from his bag and sets off on his journey of checking out every point on his travel list before finding his hotel in the afternoon.

Travelling alone seems so isolating to him that he can't realise how Luke does it voluntarily. Thankfully, he's here for work and his only time alone will be the evenings after it. The first evening here he spends in the hotel lobby with rain pouring outside the window as he sees a familiar face. A stranger now who once was so close to being everything to him. It's been almost a year since he last saw her, and he can't believe how much courage he's still lacking to come up and talk to her again.

Before he even reaches her, she locks eyes with him, confused for a millisecond but smiling a moment later. He's unsure about how to greet her, but she hugs him at once. He opens his arms for the hug as well when she's already pulling away, so he lets out a laugh when in his head he wants to die. He invites her for a drink at the hotel bar, and as they're catching up on the latest news, he realises how much he's not over her at all. All her jokes are still witty, her hair is still soft to touch-at least that's what he imagines, too scared to make a move-her voice still captivates him to the point when he stops listening to her.

"I live in Chicago now. I'm here for-" Feye explains after her second margarita.

"Live? You've settled?" he frowns.

She looks down and lowers her voice. "Uh, yeah, I um, I'm getting married." she pauses, still not looking up at him. "I met him in Chicago last year."

"Wow, Chicago is so historical, you definitely have lots to do there." he says, shaking his head.

"Come on, Cal."

"Don't. Should've just told me the truth back then."

"I did tell you the truth!"

"Doesn't sound like it. All that talk about travelling and how it's the only way you can live, how's that going for you?" he gets up, muttering 'can't believe I fell for it'.

"I love him."

"Must be new for you." he throws one last look at her as well as a few ten-pound notes on the table.

"Cal, please." she says but he's already walking towards the stairs.

Even in just a couple of weeks, his therapist has taught him more than enough techniques to avoid his usual dealing with stress, but he's just not ready to let go. He knows what he has to do and what he's used to doing, and the habits always win.

His mind is flooded with all the times he was not chosen, at least as a habit. For anything. Cory chooses Luke. Sierra does too. Luke chooses her. Ashton would choose his job over anything. Even Feye chose someone else. Most of the time, he's not even an option.

He takes his phone, but instead of opening the case he unlocks it and goes through his contacts until he reaches L. He hears the TV in the background of the call, calming down and remembering the times he'd come back home from university to see Luke and Cory curled up on the couch in front of the screen. But just as years ago, he sees a bowl of instant noodles in Cory's hands, and he doesn't let it slide, although still waits for the boy to leave the room.

"He's my kid, and you don't get to decide what he's allowed to eat."

"We're just bonding so it's like the old times. I want him to be comfortable here." Luke shrugs. "Nothing's gonna happen if he eats-"

"What if he's allergic?" Calum raises his eyebrows at him.

"I know his allergies, Cal. He has like two. Why are you being like this?"

"Because you keep doing shit I asked you not to do. Bonding," he scoffs. "Are you two not bonded enough?"

Cory walks back into the room with TG following him a few minutes after the call ends. Luke looks overs at them, softening his gaze.

"Is Calum mad at me?" he hops back on the couch.

"No, no, never at you."

"Is he mad at you?"

Luke looks down, petting the kitten. "Listen, he's just.. he doesn't like it when we mess with him. The jokes and all, he feels.. left out."

"I don't want him to feel that way. It's not nice. Are we not nice, then?"

"Things are not that black and white, buddy." He forces out, trying to think of a way to distract him from the conversation-he's not that good at lying when it gets this serious. Maybe, being the fun uncle is all he's good for.

This Saturday morning Luke actually cooks a proper breakfast and not just tea and sandwiches like he and Sierra usually eat. He's got a salad, a boiled egg for each, chicken and rice. It all smells too nice for any of the pets to leave the kitchen so Luke has no other choice but to feed them the second time this morning. The animals outnumber people in this household, which means they decide on the schedule. They wake Luke up every day with the sunrise and demand breakfast loudly and proudly. Even Petunia is on their side-she was always Luke's lazy dog and they matched perfectly, but that's not the case anymore.

"Lu, will you eat the white part of the egg?" Cory speaks up as they sit down to eat without waiting for Sierra to get out of the shower.

"Why?"

"I don't like it. Calum always eats mine." he sighs. "He likes it better. And I always eat the yellow part. We're a perfect match."

"You really are." Luke smiles, getting the egg yolk out and leaving it on Cory's plate.

"Why do eggs have a white part anyway?"

"Sierra is the smart one, she will tell you."

"Well, you'll have to listen too, since you don't know. I thought adults knew everything."

"They just pretend to." he jokes but feels the food coming back up to his throat and frowns-he hasn't even taken his medication today yet but he's already nauseous. That weird feeling of suddenly being aware of his mouth and saliva in there, feeling every organ that's responsible for guiding food down-or up, in his case-it's as if he'd actually learnt biology at school and saw his throat from inside out right now. As if he hadn't argued with the teacher every lesson because she'd only ever asked him.

He keeps his calm as he gets up and knocks on the bathroom door, asking if he can come in. The citrus scents work their way through to his brain as the memories resurface-Sierra'd just moved into her new rented flat right before their first year at university. She put scented oils everywhere to the point that it was hard to breathe. She didn't notice it, and he wasn't willing to speak up and ruin it for her.

Sierra closes the shower curtain to give him privacy, not thinking too much about what he's here for. As soon as she hears him vomit, though, she gets out of the bathtub with no more than a towel around her. She pulls his hair out of his face and sighs, sitting beside him on the cold floor.

"Damn, all that money on food just went down the drain." he tries to smile, and she chuckles. "I don't want you to see me throw up." he lowers his voice, feeling another wave coming up as he grips the seat.

"You saw me throw up, so-" she shrugs.

"When?" the frown on his face makes her grin.

"Of course, you don't remember. Prom? I got so drunk because I wanted to get some bravery to.. to tell you I love you." she looks down with a smile. "But didn't measure it right. So, you spent half of the evening with me in the restroom, and our parents thought we hooked up."

"They did?" he laughs.

"I mean.." she motions between them. "It's not that hard to believe."

Luke nods at her before hovering over the toilet again. The cold sweat makes him feel even more disgusting, then feeling Sierra's hands, he remembers that she's clean and he's not, and so the cycle begins.

"I'm sorry." she whispers, getting him a wet towel.

"It's okay, it's only for a few weeks. It should get easier."

"Do you feel better though?" she wipes his face slowly.

"I don't know, I'm numb." he shrugs.

"But is it better for you?"

"It's.. nothing."

His head is in the toilet once again, but this time he knows he's done-his stomach hurts with emptiness, and there's not much coming out of him either. He flushes again and finally rests his head on her lap, eyes closed. The last time he was throwing up that badly was when he and his mum travelled to the sea when he was seven. She bought him his favourite yoghurt-with chocolate and raisins-and even though he pointed out there was no expiration date, she convinced him it was alright. He still couldn't eat it though. A few spoonful bites, and he stood up firmly to announce it tasted not as sweet as usual. A few hours later, he was vomiting on the beach, and then all over the street when they were walking back to their hotel room. At seven, he was already too ashamed of his body, especially the gendered parts, so he washed his underwear secretly. Somehow he wasn't shy to tell this story about his diarrhoea and nausea to Sierra when they were in that restroom together at prom. He remembers it now, smiling to himself.

"We should cut my hair." he says, brushing his teeth.

"We?" Sierra frowns at him through the mirror reflection.

"You. No way I'm going to a hairdresser." she frowns deeper. "Come on, I cut your hair, why can't you cut mine?"

"It's completely different. And I like your curls." she is not willing to commit a crime that is getting rid of this gorgeous hair pattern.

"I'm not gonna go bald or anything. Just make it shorter. The curls will stay." he smiles. He needs the change, but not that drastic. Just enough for his mind to be tricked that it's a change.

Before he opens the door to leave, she speaks up, "Luke?" she starts carefully, her voice distant. "Why are you taking them?" she takes his meds after he's just taken a pill.

"I don't want to hurt you anymore."

"Don't take them for me." she bites her lip, lowering her voice even more.

"I will never take them for myself. Don't you see that I don't care?" Luke smiles. He's missed their gentle quiet conversations so much.

"But you should."

"And still, I don't and I can't make myself care. But caring for you isn't forceful so that's the path we're taking, I guess." he takes her hand.

She intertwines their fingers, smiling up at him so childishly as if she'd just met him. "How about doing things because you want to do them and not because you feel guilty about not doing them?"

"Then I would've never done a single thing in my life."

The last day of Cory living with them comes too fast, and they try to make the most of it. 'Just like the old times' is their motto this week, because nostalgia is all Luke knows and Luke is all Cory knows. Watching musicals together is not new for them, but Luke wanted to see if the boy would enjoy the old stuff-Chicago, for example.

"I wanna be like them." Cory points at the screen as the opening scene, All That Jazz, ends. Luke had to stop himself from singing along so as to not ruin the boy's first impression of the play.

"What do you mean, buddy?" he puts the bowl of fruit on the coffee table, turning to him.

"I wanna sing like them. And be on stage."

"Really?" his eyes light up-he's dreamt of being in theatre his whole life.

He nods. "Do you think Calum will let me?"

"How can he not? He's so supportive of you doing theatre at school-"

"But he did complain once about how difficult it was to make my costumes all the time. I try to help, but he doesn't let me near needles." Cory shrugs. Hot glue is also off the table for him, so he's left with only giving creative directions in the process.

"Buddy, he loves you. It just does get difficult sometimes for him." the boy looks down. "He will support you, in everything. Always."

"You think I should ask him?" he looks up again, fire in his eyes.

"You should. He'll talk to the teachers and they can give you more singing parts. You'll be a star in no time."

"Will you teach me guitar?" he points at the instrument in the corner.

"I will even give it to you. As long as you don't bother Calum with the sound."

"I promise." he cheers, hugging Luke.

While the couple packs his stuff to take him home, Cory stands in the hallway, looking at the drawings hanging on the walls. Sierra didn't want to frame them at first, but Luke insisted. The raw sketches are only hung in their bedroom whilst the rest of the flat is decorated with the art she considers proper-lots of wildflowers, mostly the tiny bouquets he gets her, but also landscapes of the hiking routes they do together, one big 'family' portrait of her childhood stuffed animals, or simply the places she sees in her dreams.

"Sierra?" Cory takes her hand as she zips up his jacket. "Will you draw me a sky? Luke told me to ask you because you're the painter."

"Such an honour." she laughs, nodding. "Where do you want it? In your room?"

"Yeah, on the ceiling, so that mum and dad could visit me whenever they want. Calum always says they're up there but I can never see them because it's so cloudy." he shrugs.

"Yeah, the weather's shit most of the time." she shakes her head, adjusting his beanie so it doesn't cover his eyes too much.

"Oh. Calum doesn't let me say it like that."

"He's right. Don't talk like me." she smiles.

"You talk like Luke."

"Do I?" she smiles and turns to Luke holding her coat and waiting for her to put her arms in it. "I'll take it as a compliment."

so sorry for taking so long to update, I've been getting really overworked lately (I've realised that sometimes i actually do wanna afford both food and rent), and i was supposed to update in January but then i had to go back home to Ukraine to bury a family member, and then immediately get back and work work work, didn't even have time to process it all, so that didn't leave me much time to write but just know that this fic is my favourite thing in the world and i come back to it almost daily whether it's rereading it, or brainstorming, or going over the plan and plot, or just talking to the characters in my head lmao, like it's always with me and I always think of updating it and want to give it all to you just right this second but unfortunately i wanna make it a bit prettier first so bear with me
also can you imagine that I've been writing this fic for almost 3 years?? (exactly 3 years in May, after my first 5sos show ever) 150k+ words, my favourite characters ever, my favourite tropes, the story that i started writing bc i couldn't find anything i fully 100% like, and now i have a few chapters and epilogue left to write??? like what do you meannnnnn
I'll maybe try to settle on shorter chapters so it goes faster esp since im gonna rewrite half of the fic anyway
please don't forget to vote and comment, and thank you for reading and waiting!! til next update xx