Missing - Evanescence

"Dad!" Sierra knocks loudly on the door, but soon realises she might wake up the whole building before the sun fully comes up. "Dad, please open up. Please.."

"Gosh, you're freezing." Elijah opens his arms as soon as he sees her. "Get inside immediately. Can I get you some tea?"

She nods. Her hand reaches to take her boots off, but the softest fur touches it. Sierra looks down, whispering, 'Hi, Baby.' Yes, her father heard them call the cat Baby and decided it was the name. His flat hasn't changed at all since she was a kid and visited. The same old wallpaper with drawings once done by her younger self, the same old wardrobe with a weird ancient lock she still can't figure out how to open, her room where she lived until primary school, her small bed that she broke with her friends when jumping and dancing at her birthday party, the luminiscent stars on the walls, and the ceiling that calmed her at night. She thinks she should get some of these in her current bedroom. Luke would love them. Luke.

"What happened?" her dad brings her mind back and covers her with a blanket, giving her a cup of steamy tea.

Sierra opens her lips but can't push even a word out. What happened?

"Did.. something happen at home?"

She shakes her immediately. "No, I just-"

"Are you and Luke fine?" he finally asks, and it hits her how grown she is. Elijah and her never talked about her boyfriends before. Never talked about dates or kissing or safe sex. She was sure he thinks she's saving herself for marriage. Neither of them could acknowledge she has a love life.

"I don't know." she covers her face and starts sobbing.

"He's not..?" he takes her arm by the elbow and twists it gently.

"No, dad!" she pulls it away, frowning at him. "He would never."

"Then what is it?"

"He said.. some things."

"Words can always be resolved with words." her father sits closer and speaks quieter.

"He's my best friend." she sobs harder, not even knowing she had it in her. She thought she let everything out on her way here.

"Friendship heartbreaks are harder than romantic sometimes. And now double it." he puts his arm around her shoulders and she finally leans in. She can't remember the last time she cried in her dad's arms.

"I don't wanna feel this way at all, let alone double it."

Walking back into the flat, Luke sees her coat and almost bangs his head into the wall. He wants to run after her but has no idea where she went. Also, Petunia needs her walk before he leaves for work. How come he has to go to work again?

His morning alarm rings just as he finishes washing the dog's paws, so now he has exactly two hours before work. So does she. He picks up his phone and the car keys and heads for the exit.

"She's not with you?"

"No." Calum replies, obviously just woken up.

"Where is she then?" Luke walks into his flat, looking around, hoping he's joking. Hoping she broke in and didn't tell him.

"What did you do?" Calum tenses at once.

"I don't even know why I thought this would ever work." Luke falls on the couch. "Like I'm gonna be in a relationship and not hurt people? Yeah, right, I'm a fucking phycho, and if she never forgives me for what I said or never even speaks to me again, that will be the best thing for her, and for me too." Calum's mind turns red-for once he knows Luke is not exaggerating. "I can't take this. I can't keep on doing this. I'm so unstable when I'm in love, it makes me even more phychotic, I can't take this. I can't take this." he looks up and sighs before continuing. "Why am I so fucked up? Why can't I just be normal and love her like a normal person would? Why do I have to be this obsessed and then turn on her like she's my worst enemy? I don't understand."

Because I'm selfish and self-centred, Luke thinks, but stops himself from saying it out loud.

"Can you not make it about yourself for once? You hurt her. Go and make it right." Calum points to the door, shoving Luke's car keys from the table back into his hand.

"What if-"

"Don't start this shit now. Don't fucking piss me off. I'll never be with you on this. Never. She's the closest thing I have to family after Cory and you. I will not let you ruin this for anybody. Fuck, do the right thing for once! Why am I always the one to tell you that? Don't you have your own brain? Use it!"

"It's not really working properly.." he mutters.

"I don't fucking care! Luke, if you two break up this whole thing," he throws his hands around, "our friend group, is gonna fall apart. If you weren't in this for forever, why did you even start it?"

Luke frowns. "I started it? She was the one to tell me she's in love with me!"

"And you kissed her first! You made the moves!"

"Was it wrong of me to just want to be a little bit happy?"

"So now you want to be happy. Not when she asked you a billion times to get help. Stop lying to yourself, Luke, and sort your shit out." Calum pauses for a moment. "You know, as your friend, I want to hug you so tight because I know it hurts you even more than any of us can ever experience. But as her friend, I want to beat the living shit out of you."

"Hit me then." Luke gets up.

"What?"

"I deserve this. Just hit me. I fucked up, as always. Just hit me, Calum, please. Take your anger out on me, please."

Calum stares into his empty eyes, and a second later, his arms wrap around Luke's body.

"I'm hugging you only because I know if I don't, you will use this moment to convince yourself I hate you. And I don't. I would never hate you." he mumbles in his neck. "But holy fuck, you've pissed me off. But I love you even though you're the dumbest person I know." he takes a look at him again. "What you did was awful."

"Yeah, I know."

"You need to change your ways, you know?"

"I'm tired of fighting everything I am. If I'm bad, I'm okay with it." Luke sits back, thinking how his every word and every movement of his body is a force, and he goes against his core instincts time after time and still manages to make a mess. Maybe there's no use in all that force, after all. At university, he had a professor who marked his every work with the lowest grade, no matter how much he studied. And he did it to every student, even the brightest ones-one sloppy mistake and they were out. Luke stopped attending. He'd get the lowest mark whether he went through the humiliation that was that class or not.

"You know, therapy-"

"I'm tired of fighting it."

"Let me s-"

"I'm tired of fighting it."

"Please, listen."

"I'm tired of fighting it. I don't care." he stares at the wall. "I'll take the meds, like I promised her, they'll make me numb and apathetic, and I'm fine with it. And I can keep pretending I'm fine, but I can't fight it anymore. I just don't want to lose her."

Arguing is pointless. "Pick up your phone and make an appointment, then." Calum hands him his phone.

"But only if you do it with me."

"I am with you." he frowns.

"No, make an appointment for yourself." Luke finally looks into his eyes and is met with fear.

"What, no." Calum lets out a laugh.

"We're all in this together. She suffers because of me, and if she finds out about how you've been lately, or the graduation-and you know she will find out-she will take that on herself as well. You know her." he passes him his phone as well. "Calum, it's either all three of us or no one at all. I'm manipulating into doing this with me, come on."

"You and your manipulations suck." he smiles back.

Luke scoffs.

Sierra's tea is already cold while her mind is going back and forth between Luke's face when he said those words and when he promised to take the pills. Two completely different people, and she has no idea which one she's supposed to believe. Which one does she love? Both? And which one loves her? She prays it's both.

Elijah offers her a variety of food for breakfast, but she puts a hand between them.

"Wait, I- I need to go back." she says and watches him shake his head.

"Calm down first. And eat."

"No, if I'm crying, he's times worse. I don't even know where he is."

She takes out her phone only to see two messages from Calum.

'He's with me and not hurt.' she reads. 'Let me know you're okay.'

She types a short reply and gets up to leave when her father takes a stand in the doorway. She takes a step forward, but he stays still.

"I love you, and you know I love Luke, but I will not let you worry about him when you're in such state."

"I will."

"That big heart of yours will not do you good sometime."

"It's this big because of him, so.." she shrugs.

"I guess love changes people. You were quite bitter before that high school transfer."

"Yeah, bossing everyone around and using their fear as their motivation wasn't really my proudest moment." she chuckles.

Her classmates hated group projects because of her. If anyone was assigned together with her, they knew it was worse than Medieval tortures. She would demand studying on weekends and every spare second they had and didn't have, her assessment of their works was stricter than the teacher's, she would put their speeches on timer-all while scrupulously going at them for the smallest mistakes or for going off her schedule and plan.

"But your projects were always top-graded, so it kind of worked." he smiles.

It always worked back then. Maybe she needs to go back to those ways.

The sound of the doorbell disrupts their silence, and Sierra jumps before realising who it is. She hugs her father goodbye and prepares for what's to come.

Luke knocks on the door, knowing full well he could be met with a fist into his face from her father. He keeps knocking until Sierra unlocks it, steps out of the flat, and locks the door behind her again.

"I'm late for work." she tells him, and the relieved smile on his face drops.

"I got your coat." he hands it to her with trembling fingers and watches her get dressed.

"Thank you." she walks right past him, and he follows her outside.

"Please, listen to me." he walks with his back forward in front of her, but she won't even meet his eyes. She wonders if they are as bloodshot as hers, though.

"I'm late for work, Luke. I don't have time for this." she says for the last time and walks away to the bus stop.

He takes a step to go after her, but looks down at his watch-she's not late. He sighs on his way to the car and leaves for work.

By the end of her third lesson, Sierra is approached by the principal.

"Miss Deaton, you know I'm a very understanding person, but the clothes you're wearing are very far from the smart dress that is requiered."

"I apologise, I had an incident at home and didn't get the opportunity to change."

"I advise you to keep a spare outfit at your class, specifically for these incidents of yours." Miss Perry replies and leaves the classroom.

"Will do." Sierra mutters, relieved it was a quick chat.

"What incident? Is everything alright?" Kamila steps into the just-finished conversation.

"Yeah, just overslept." Sierra fakes a laugh, and Kamila praises her fast-thinking brain for coming up with a vague response for the boss.

Sierra drags her feet slowly into the apartment, and seconds later, she's met by all the fluffy creatures at home, big and small. She smiles sincerely for the first time today and makes her way to bed. Waking up hours later with Olivia purring on her chest, she looks around, listens closely to hear a move, a breath, a sound, but there's nothing. She peaks into every room, trying to keep her thoughts away, but gives in and checks her phone. Nothing again.

Fighting the urge to call him, she settles in the living room with a microwaved dinner from yesterday's leftovers, turns on the TV, and calls the pets to blankly stare at the screen with her.

The sudden vibration of her phone at almost midnight wakes Petunia up, and she starts barking, which scares the cats, and now the whole room is full of unnecessary fear and chaos. Sierra can't help feeling relieved when she sees his name on the screen, but she still waits a few seconds before picking up.

"Darling! Hi." the awful music in the background makes him scream in his phone.

"Hey, Luke." she makes her voice as nonchalant as possible.

"Heyyy." he grins, hearing her. "Will you pick me up?" he hiccups.

"From where?"

"You know that pub at St Andrews Square?" he starts. "Something with tiles?" he looks up at the ceiling, seeing the tiles on it dance in a circle, ruining the original pattern they were laid in. "They're closing and want to kick out such a good customer as myself, and I obviously can't drive, you know, I would never drive like this, you know me, right?"

She does know him. She knows this is the first time in years when he's under that much influence that he forgets who he is except for the very few core traits of his. One of them is knowing he loves her-he kisses her as soon as she comes up, and she kisses him back, tasting tequila, before realising this is not what she had in mind before she saw him.

Driving his car again feels surreal, even with him in the car. It's not like he's actually present, anyway-almost blacked out in the backseat isn't Sierra's definition of being present. She's not ready to remember the last time she was in the driving seat of this car, but it's still a mess, the rain is still pouring, and she's still on the verge of tears because of him.

'A year didn't change a thing,' she thinks at first. But it did. It changed everything. It changed him no matter how much he resisted. It even changed her. Her control of everything wound down, but she doesn't feel like losing her mind. She doesn't feel like he took it away from her, she feels like they're sharing her burden. But somehow, every time she tries to get a share of his burden, he gets angry. He gets protective of his pain, he becomes the wall between his chaos and the world. He's not willing to let the monster out, even if it's hurting him. He's grown to love the pain of being harmed.

I've been waiting to write these scenes for more than a year so I'm so so excited to finally post these chapters

hope you enjoyed the update, please don't forget to vote and comment, and thank you soooo much for reading!!x