Let Me - ZAYN

When driving home, Luke and Sierra think about all the possible ways to renovate the apartment she got from her mother. They settle on selling and giving away all the furniture and everything they can basically. They'll buy everything new with that money even if it's not a lot. They haven't even started planning anything, but Luke has already decided that his savings will be spent on this apartment - it's not like he was going to spend them on anything else. He really wants to help her get this over with as fast as possible. The idea of moving in together is so appealing to him, and he never really knew he wanted it that badly.

"I like your boots. Sparkly." Sierra comments, smiling at him, as they walk into her apartment. She's fully relaxed now which makes Luke a lot less anxious.

"Thanks." he nods at her, taking them off. "It's finally warm enough to wear them."

He hurries to the bathroom, feeling how badly soaked in blood his jeans are. He still doesn't want to tell her, but he can't just start doing laundry in her house, can he? A "great" idea pops up in his head and he decides that rinsing the cuts and changing into his sweatpants is the way to hide everything from Sierra.

Luke sits in her bathroom getting the glass out of his skin, and he's trying to be as quiet as he can but it's obviously not the most pleasant thing to do so a few groans leave his mouth. Some cuts probably need stitches, and he tries to think of something to cover them with but he can't find anything in her bathroom even though it's the most organized bathroom he's ever been in. He can't keep it all a secret from her, but maybe he'll postpone the conversation. After some time everything will be healed and won't look as bad, and they'll just joke about it. Right?

"Honey, why are you there so long?" Sierra shouts from the kitchen. She found the wine she had left from yesterday and to her it's the best way to spend the rest of the evening. "Please don't tell me you're doing what I think you're doing." she giggles with the glass in her hand - they've been kissing a lot more in the past few days.

"Believe me, I'd rather do it with you than alone in your bathroom." he laughs at her. "I'll be out in a few minutes, don't worry."

He comes out all clean and joins her in the kitchen to finish the wine. The small talk doesn't do much, but the wine gets them all tipsy and giggly, so they decide it's their cue to call it a night and finally go to sleep. The roller-coaster of emotions has exhausted them both to the core.

"Luke?" Sierra calls while in the bathroom - her evening routine isn't the quickest.

"Yeah?" he looks up from his phone where he's watching another compilation video of cats snuggling up to dogs and then hitting them seconds later.

"Tell me, why is there blood..?" her voice becomes more and more distant.

"Fuck," he mutters, getting up already and going towards her, "it's nothing, just-"

"What did you do?" she comes out of the bathroom. Her hair is already in a bun, she's wearing her pyjama's and basically all ready for bed.

"I didn't do anything."

"What did you do?" she comes closer, visibly worried, but also pissed. "Give me your hands." she says, not waiting and taking them herself. "Ugh, your hands are always like that - small cuts and bruises here and there." she lets them go, looking up at him. "Just tell me what you did, Luke. You know I always assume the worst." he knows it, but he just can't tell her.

"I didn't do anything, just let it go." he also can't think of anything to explain it.

"I saw blood, you spent there a lot longer than you usually do, and it sounded like you were in pain. Tell me." she demands, but then adds quietly, "Please."

He holds a pause, looking anxiously at her, they're both silent waiting for the other one to do something. Luke gives in with a sigh and pulls down his pants. Sierra's first instinct is to turn away because what the fuck is he going to show her with his pants down? But she comes closer as soon as she notices his legs covered in blood. He washed everything, but some cuts are just too deep.

She looks at him confused, but also terrified, opening her mouth to say something, but he interrupts her, "In the bedroom- the frame you broke, it was glass, and you were going to fall into all of that and I just-"

"And you didn't tell me?!" she hits his arm slightly. She barely remembers the moment he caught her because of how distressed she was. Getting down for a closer look at his knees, she hears Luke hold back a laugh. She looks up at him with a frown,

"What?"

He smirks, but it quickly becomes a warm smile, "I'm just really enjoying the view."

Sierra bursts out laughing after a second of thinking. "Stop." she looks up, pausing. "Me too, actually." Her voice is quieter, and Luke's smile drops as his lungs stop letting the air out. He tries not to think about it any further because he is standing in just his underwear in front of her. His whole lower body is on display and he can't really let himself think what he's thinking.

Sierra shifts her gaze back to his knees and speaks up again, sensing the tension rising, "We'll wash it properly, and sanitize, and-"

"And?" he raises his eyebrows at her, "If you put any ointment on it or something, I'll scream, I promise."

She laughs, "Okay, I won't. We'll just get back here," she holds her breath before saying the next few words, "In this exact position. I still have a thank you to say." she blurts out, locking eyes with him, but then moving her glance away quickly, "For what you did for me." she motions to his knees.

"You can just say it." he shakes his head - he doesn't want her to think she owes him anything. He just did it.

"I'm better at returning favours than just thanking for them." she gets up and takes his hand, leading him to the bathroom. His legs get tangled in his sweatpants a bit, and he laughs as he's taking small fast steps following her.

She makes him sit on top of the bathtub, and after getting her first aid kit she goes on to working on his wounds. Sierra tries to do it carefully, but she can still hear Luke hiss under his breath. A few minutes pass by, and she feels him sit completely still and quiet, his gaze fixated on her. Girls can always sense when guys are staring at them, it's like a superpower. She starts smiling to herself, and he leans down to kiss her cheek which makes her blush. Luke starts covering her face in quick kisses as she keeps giggling and telling him she needs to keep on cleaning his cuts. He then gets a hold of her lips with his, deepening the kiss, and places his hands on hers, opening her palms so she drops all the bottles and patches in her hands.

"I didn't finish-" Sierra tries to say in between the kisses.

"I don't care." he replies, not moving away even slightly. "You really shouldn't have said what you were going to do after washing the wounds." Luke exhales, caressing her cheeks with his fingers, kissing her again, and again, and again.

"Eager much?" she smiles into the kiss.

"You started it."

"Technically, you made that comment-"

"Let's just stop talking, okay?" he moves his head to look her in the eyes. The smile on her face lets him know that he should keep going, so his lips meet hers again. He pulls her up so her legs are now between his on the corner of the bathtub.

The feeling of almost doing it, of knowing what's going to come next, of having a very clear picture in mind, is what makes them kiss each other more carelessly. Not really waiting for any response from the other, but just wanting to give that pleasure to one another. Sierra keeps getting lower and lower with her kisses until her knees touch the floor again. The only thing separating her from what she's wanted to do all along is Luke's underwear, the fabric of which is already really stretched. She places her hands on his thighs as if teasing him while she keeps on kissing his stomach. It becomes clear that teasing is no longer needed, so she lets her fingers get carefully under what's left of his clothes. Luke follows her moves with his eyes, taking deep breaths but not being able to exhale properly.

"Take all of that off. I can't stand the feeling of fabric on my teeth or lips." Sierra smiles, trying not to sound like she's commanding him, but she's clearly failed.

Luke smiles to himself at how demanding she is. She told him before that she wasn't really as controlling in sex as she is in everyday life, but maybe she's comfortable enough with him to do what she actually enjoys. She likes when things are done her way, and she likes that Luke doesn't mind it.

"So taking clothes off with your teeth isn't your kind of thing?" he smiles, undressing himself completely like she's asked.

"I hate that. Even when someone does it to me." her eyes are wandering all over his body as she's waiting for him, still sitting on the floor.

"Noted." he nods, sitting on the corner of the bathtub again. "I'm clean by the way. I get check ups regularly." Luke tells her before she can even wrap her hand around him.

"I know."

"How do you know?" he doesn't tell her that. Of course they know when one of them is sick, they know each other's allergies, and what health problems they have. It started in high school when all three of them started going to the same pediatrician, and they never really stopped.

"You wouldn't have let me go down on you if you weren't clean." she smiles at him while kissing his thigh, trying to see if this part of his body is responsive to her touch. Every part is.

He's not even embarrassed that she knows how much he cares about her. Usually he doesn't like showing people that he cares - caring means getting attached, and of course he's scared of that. He leans down once again to kiss her, and unbuttons her shirt a little in the process. Her hand wraps around his penis, giving it a few strokes, as Luke holds his breath. He knows that breathing properly is a crucial part of any kind of sex, but he just can't do it. That's because he doesn't know what she's about to do. She just licks it, looking up at him, and he lets out a shaky breath.

His mind can't fully process the fact that his girlfriend who is also his best friend is giving him a blowjob for the first time ever and looks this good while doing it. She seems confident, but not cocky - no pun intended; she's really caring and can read his body language almost instantly. This is the first time they're this close sexually, and it feels like they've done it a thousand times. It's still a bit awkward, it's still overwhelming, they're still nervous - but only as boyfriend and girlfriend. The best friends part of them remains their strongest connection.

Sierra stops gradually as if thinking if she should stop, and tries to speak up, "Can you, um-"

"Yeah, is something wrong?" Luke is quite honestly terrified, the worst thoughts going around his head. Is she tired? Does she not like it? Do her knees hurt? Maybe she just doesn't want to do it anymore? Did he hurt her in any way?

Her pauses and shy eyes don't really help his overthinking, and he tries to think about how beautiful she is right now. Half-naked on her knees in front of him, with glossy lips and rosy cheeks, with a smile that appears and disappears every now and then because of how nervous but excited she is. "No, I just wanted to ask.." she pauses again. "Fuck, why is it so difficult?" she laughs and he smiles.

"What?" he tugs a few strands of her hair behind her ear.

"Can you fuck my throat?" she blurts out and looks up at him. Her breathing is uneven too, and she can't really help it.

His hand stops immediately, "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I kinda, you know, like it." her cheeks are so red and hot that he can physically feel the heat from them. He's taken aback by her request, but he's also intrigued by her bravery to even ask this halfway through their first time of such closeness.

"What's the stop word? Or sign." he chuckles, his cheeks getting pink too.

"I can pull your thumb, will that work?" Sierra gives him a smile as she reaches to her underwear, not getting undressed but just putting her hand there.

"Whatever's comfortable for you." Luke looks at her hand that is now completely under her clothes, and he's once again trying to remember how to breathe. "Uhh, where can I, um-"

"Anywhere honestly." she says nonchalantly, "Not my hair though, I don't wanna wash it today."

"So you're fine with swallowing?" he didn't really want to ask that, but the question just comes out naturally.

"If you're fine with kissing me after." she smiles, raising her eyebrows.

"Absolutely."

Doing as she asked, he locks eyes with her as if trying to read her thoughts or notice any signals of him doing too much. But there's none. She's getting herself off with her hand and doesn't really know what works for her better - this or seeing Luke throw his head back in pleasure and let out low moans. These are louder than when she tugs his hair, so she starts working harder with the hand that is cupping his balls, and the one that's in her underwear, sensing how close they both are.

She knows Luke is on edge because of how his body keeps responding to her touch, "Fuck, Sierra, you're so, so good." he exhales, and she wonders if she's always found such words this pleasing, because this one phrase just sent electric impulses all over her body. It can also be his voice - she's never heard it this low, this breathless, this needy. His rhythm becomes more and more unstable and all over the place, so she tries to stabilize it and soon enough feels him finishing. Just like he promised, he kisses her, getting down on the floor with her. They sit in a tender embrace for a few more minutes just trying to catch their breath. Luke's hands wander all over her body, now buttoning her shirt. His lips are pressed against her temple, and she sighs knowing that she needs to get up. The floor is cold, she needs to clean herself up, and she would rather do all the aftercare and talking in her bed.

"I need to do something for you, too." he comes up from behind to her as she's washing her hands in the sink and rinses her mouth.

"I was returning a favour, remember?" she smiles at him in the mirror, "It's alright, I came." her cheeks aren't flushed anymore, and her heart is so calm.

"You can do it again, you know," he whispers, kissing right behind her ear while his hands wrap around her waist.

"I don't like having an orgasm several times in a row." she puts her hands on his to stop them from going any further.

"Why not?" his fingers now just caress her waist slightly, and it doesn't tickle Sierra in any way like it did before.

"I don't know, it feels weird." she frowns at him, locking eyes with his reflection. "Bad weird. I never do it even when I'm alone." she adds.

"Got it." he nods, burying his nose in her neck. "You're amazing by the way." he whispers, his voice muffled a bit. Her hand turns his face so that she can kiss his cheek, and they get back to her bedroom.

The bed feels too cold undercovers with how hot their bodies are, so they cling close to each other. They're also annoyingly in love and can't stop holding hands, or cuddling, or kissing, or all at once.

"Are you feeling alright?" Luke asks her quietly as he watches the room being light up with only his fairy lights. Yes, he brought his lights into her apartment.

"Great." she traces his jawline with her fingertips. "It's a bit overwhelming how many lines we've crossed in the past 24 hours. Good overwhelming." the smile won't leave her face, and it even makes her feel a little embarrassed.

"I'm glad you're happy." he kisses her forehead gently as his hands caress her back, trying to keep her body warm.

"You didn't say it back." she whispers. "Are you not.. happy?"

Luke goes quiet, not knowing what to say, and anxiety gets through to Sierra. His heart starts beating faster - he's afraid to hurt her. She feels his heart going crazy in his chest, too - their bodies are very close.

"Please say something." she begs, and he doesn't want to ruin the last several hours with just his bad wording, but the reality is that he's not happy.

"I feel amazing with you, and I'm really glad we're taking these steps together." he really is over the moon with her, but he can't bring himself to say the word she wants to hear.

"You're not happy." she closes her eyes in frustration. No matter how hard he tries, she sees right through him.

"I don't think I can ever be happy." he says, already knowing how much he fucked up with this one sentence. "But I'm just as overwhelmed as you are. Good overwhelmed. And I feel excited to help you with the apartment and then move in with you."

"And it's still not enough to make you happy." her eyes glisten in the dark as she looks up at him, and he just tells himself it's the fairy lights, although he knows too well he's just made her cry. Again. He genuinely feels like such a failure, because how hard is it to say two words and not ruin her evening?

"Darling, I really don't know what to tell you. I don't know what happiness means. Maybe what I'm feeling right now is happiness. I don't know." he wants to shrug his shoulders, but there's just not enough space. "But I do know that I've never felt like this before, with anyone, and these are all good feelings. I love you and I love being with you." he pauses before saying, "I'm not scared anymore, and I feel safe in.. in your love."

"I feel safe with you too," she snuggles closer. Hearing him say that he's not scared anymore means a lot more to her than hearing him say he's happy. She knows how terrified and paranoid of basically everything he is, every second of his life. That's why he's always sleeping, that's why he barely goes outside, that's why he doesn't like new people. He simply wants to stop being consumed by the danger of feeling, the danger of living, the danger of just being human. If he feels like that with her then she knows he'll do everything to make her feel the same way. To make her feel calm, relaxed, protected, not afraid - safe.

Safe is a lot more important to Luke than happy. Happy is just a moment but safe is such a crucial feeling. He's never safe when he's alone. His mind is trying to kill him, his body hates him and he hates it in return. With her, he feels love - his love for her, and its amount is so huge that he can't possibly give it all to her, so it stays with him. As much as he hates feeling love fill up his veins, he enjoys the feeling of safety when he sees Sierra accept and cherish his love as if it's the most valuable thing to her. He never knew he could produce things people would appreciate. Apparently, love is the simpliest of them.

hello? I'm so scared to post this chapter so im hoping y'all can give me all your criticism (good and bad) on what you've just read bc I've never really written such full and long smut scenes. thank you for reading this, I really hope it wasn't gross lmao
pls don't forget to vote in the end xx