Almost to the moon - Daisy Gray

'If anyone wants to play some games to get drunk, get into the living room!!' They hear Michael scream, and decide it's high time they get drunk. Tonight is all about having fun, drinking and eating with friends, so that's exactly what they're doing.

"What are the rules?" Feye asks, as they're all seated around the table with all the bottles of alcohol they could possibly find in the house. Calum is sitting beside her, then Crystal and Michael together, a few of their friends, Luke and Sierra and then Ashton is closing the circle.

"I think we need to play something to get drunk with. Does anyone have this game on their phone where it's like 'do this or take a shot'?" Crystal replies. Michael gets up to pour everyone a shot.

"I do." Ashton says. "That's how Calum and me get drunk most of the times." he laughs. He takes out his phone and goes through it to find the game. "Okay, so the first one.. Admit what your biggest red flag is or take three sips."

"Do we all do it or each person gets their own task?" Feye asks. Calum smiles at the question.

"Let's all do a few of these." Michael says. Everyone nods and they start from Crystal's friend who says something about her not being good at managing time so she's always late. It's true, she came to the party last.

"Sierra, you're next."

"Um.. I don't really know, uh, maybe being obsessed with controlling everything?" she replies, nervously. She doesn't even know if her desire to control things is a so-called red flag, but it's something she doesn't really like in herself.

"You're not that controlling." Luke says quietly, but so everyone can still hear him. Sierra smiles at him and shrugs. And of course, she doesn't seem controlling to him, because he does most of the things the way she likes without her having to control him. Just like Ashton said - they match.

"You're next then, Cal." she says.

"I have a long list." he laughs. "My low self-esteem is probably the worst one. Stops me from doing lots of things." Feye kisses his cheek.

"So what, no one is gonna take a shot? We'll never get drunk like that, y'all are too honest." Crystal laughs.

"I'll take a shot." Luke volunteers and downs a shot of tequila. He's not so eager to share his bad traits, because to him every trait he has is a bad one.

"I think only one person can do the next one. Sierra, will you?" Ashton says, smiling at her.

"Sure. I can tell by the way you're smiling that it's something dirty, isn't it?" she says, already taking the glass in her hands, knowing she'll lose.

"You're absolutely right." he laughs. "Correctly guess all the players in the group who have a condom with them. If you guess incorrectly, take a shot, if you guess correctly everyone else must take a shot."

Everyone turns to her smiling. "Okay, so Calum definitely has one." she says and he nods at her, putting his hand around Feye's waist. "I know Crystal has one."

"Obviously, it's my house." Crystal giggles.

"Luke. I think you have a condom." Sierra turns to him.

"I actually don't have one." he smiles at her. Sierra's eyebrows go up immediately.

"There's no way. You're always ready. For everything." she says. Everyone is just silently observing.

"You can check, but I'm telling you, I don't have it." Luke replies, and Sierra can see that the shot he has just taken already has some effect on him. Sometimes she forgets how lightweight he is. She decides to take the chance and starts going through the pockets of his jacket. She finds his wallet and goes through it too, but there's nothing.

"Try his phone case." Ashton advises, smiling. He knows Luke's phone is in the pocket of his trousers. Luke knows it too and gets the phone himself and gives it to Sierra. A few people in the room sigh as they were hoping for more sexual tension, but Luke wouldn't humiliate Sierra like that. And Sierra herself doesn't really understand if she's glad he did this, or not. Because of course she wouldn't mind to get into his pants - literally - but at the same time, she's not 15 anymore and she understands that such moments wouldn't be valuable for her or for the relationship they have. In fact, it would probably make it more complicated.

"There's nothing." she sighs and takes a shot. Luke smiles at her from his side.

They go on playing like this for several more rounds until most of the people are tipsy, and some have left the table to go dancing. When among the players stay only Ashton, Sierra, Luke, Calum, Feye, Michael and Crystal, they decide to play something more serious, to get to know each other better. They feel like their friend group can be so much closer, so they're going for that.

"I have this big list of kind of deep questions." Feye starts. "So let's do it this way. Whoever is comfortable answering, answers, okay? It's New Years after all, I don't want anyone to get sad or anything." she smiles, and everyone nods.

"I like being sad." Luke replies, shrugging.

"You're already drunk, aren't you?" Crystal laughs.

"Very tipsy, I'd say."

And tipsy - but actually drunk - Luke is quite loud, so he really doesn't care what kind of questions Feye asks, he answers them all. He screams the answer before anyone can even process the question itself as if it's some kind of quizz and the first person to answer wins the game. He probably overshares, too.

"Is there anyone in your life that you think loves you unconditionally?" Feye reads the next question.

"Petunia probably." Luke answers first, as always. "And you four in the relationship probably shouldn't answer." he giggles, and Sierra gives him a firm look. She's tipsy too, but still has some clearness in mind.

"Sierra!" Feye changes the subject. "I want you to answer this one." she smiles, and Calum looks over to see the question and smiles too.

"O-okay." she replies slowly.

"Have you been in love before?"

"Yeah." she nods. It isn't that scary to say when she's downed a few shots already.

"Really? With who?" Luke turns to her with a silly smile.

"You." she smiles back, tapping the tip of his nose with her finger.

Luke laughs at that and takes another sip of his now cocktail, because he can't drink neat tequila all evening.

"Is he dumb?" Ashton whispers to Calum, and Feye giggles at that.

"What's a physical feature about yourself that you really like?" she reads.

"I think I have nice eyes, yeah? Everyone likes blue eyes." Luke replies, but with hesitation, because if he's being honest, he prays for the day he wakes up and likes his body.

"But what do you like?" Sierra turns to him. She knows this wasn't his real answer. He hates his eyes. He hates the fact that they've lost their sparkle. He hates the fact that they've cried so many times, a number that big probably doesn't even exist.

" I-uh.. Well, okay, my nose. So perfect." he says, holding his chin up and showing off his nose. Everyone at the table nods as if he is showing some kind of achievement.

"Do you think hearing 'I love you' back is essential?"

" No, actions mean more to me. " Sierra suddenly replies, probably not expecting that from herself either. Calum smiles at her sympathetically, knowing that she means Luke. Calum knows that when she tells him tonight that she loves him, she's not going to hear it back.

" If you ever forget to say you love me back, I'm filling in the divorce papers." Crystal says to Michael. Before he can even say anything, she adds, "It's just so you know." he smiles at her and nods.

"What's something you're most excited for in the future?"

"To die." Luke replies first again, and everyone can see that he doesn't even think before saying stuff. He's literally thinking out loud. Sierra nudges him, and he whispers to her, "What? Isn't everyone suicidal?" and giggles. He already starts talking a bit slower which Sierra finds adorable.

"Okay, since we're on the topic," Feye says, going through her list. "Kill or be killed?"

"Kill. I'm scared of being murdered." he says, taking a sip.

"But you said you want to die."

"Die and be killed is different. I have to decide when and how I die." Luke shrugs like it's the most obvious thing in the world. When he's drunk, he tends to forget about how his thoughts may differ from other people's. So he just says everything out loud, not realizing that others don't really understand his logic.

" Was there a time in your life when you felt like your world stopped?" Feye reads and everyone goes silent, trying to think of something.

"I have lots of these." Ashton says. "I'm a paramedic after all. I basically see people die almost every day."

"Tell us." Michael says. Drunk Michael gets interested in basically everything and everyone, so he often listens to Crystal's stories that she tells for the hundredth time. They're a great match in that.

"When I was just starting to work, I would mostly drive, and once a patient asked me to drive slower to hospital so hopefully he would die before we got there. That was a really tough one, but he survived." he says. "Another one was during one of my night shifts. We would often get calls for homeless people, so we got a homeless 22-year-old girl telling she loves going to hospital because she can actually sleep and feel safe without being taken advantage of." Everyone just stares at him silently. "Maybe anyone else wants to share? Maybe your stories aren't as depressing." he laughs.

" The question itself is depressing." Calum says.

" I think we should stop with these questions." Feye says, shutting off her phone. "It's New Year's after all. We should have fun."

They have about an hour before midnight hits and they enter a new year, so everyone just spreads around the house. Now Luke and Ashton are the most drunk at the party, dancing and singing around. Music connects the two of them in a way, because they're dancing as if no one's watching. They really do throw some crazy moves, and genuinely don't give a single fuck.

Sierra watches them, thinking how happy she is to see Luke so cheerful and energetic. But at the same time, she knows too well that it's just the alcohol, and after that much socializing, Luke will feel blue for at least several days, if not weeks. Meanwhile Calum is just glad his two closest and best friends are finally getting along. Calum is the person who likes having common friends. He doesn't like having a few childhood friends, then a few friends from work and then a few university friends. He likes when all the people in his are intertwined in some way.

The midnight comes and Luke and Ashton don't really think it's worth going outside to do the countdown together and watch people kiss each other. They're still having fun, not caring that there's only a couple more people - who they don't know - in the room with them.

Sierra goes outside with everyone, and even though Luke isn't with her, she realizes that her 'kiss at midnight' plan wouldn't work anyway, so she lets the alcohol inside make her have fun and scream 'Happy New Year' with everyone. Until she sees everyone kiss. Literally everyone. Even those who aren't a couple. They just give each other quick pecks on the lips. And she's just standing alone, feeling invisible. The happy cheers that just a minute ago were hers too, have now become an annoying ringing in her ears. Tears start to fill her eyes, and she doesn't really understand why, because nothing happened, she was having a great time. Sierra doesn't want people to see her cry, especially when she was laughing with them a minute ago, so she goes back inside.

She wants to find Luke, but as the house is almost empty, she hears music from that one room and realizes he's there with Ashton, having fun. And she would never ruin his fun. So she finds the most remote bathroom on the second floor and locks herself inside. This bathroom is bigger than the one where Luke helped her with her necklace. She doesn't turn on the big light and decided that the one in the mirror is enough for her. It's not like she's going to watch herself cry, so dim lights are perfect.

And Luke is getting tired of all the dancing and singing, but most importantly - he's getting more sober. So when he enters the living room to get another drink, he sees that it's past midnight. He looks around the room, but can't find the person he needs, so he goes to Crystal.

"Where's Sierra? I need to wish her a happy New Year." he says loudly over the music. He's really excited, he loves New Year's, and winter holidays overall.

"I think she went to the bathroom, she was pretty upset too." she replies.

"What? Why?" he frowns at her. "The bathroom on the second floor? That one?" he asks then, without waiting for the answer to his last question. He doesn't really wait for that answer either, already turning to leave.

"Yeah."

"Excuse me." he says, shoving his way through all the people and going upstairs two steps at a time. He doesn't understand why Sierra could be upset, she was alright when he last saw her. What happened during that hour when he wasn't watching her?

He gets to the bathroom and knocks two times. Silence. He tries the handle. Locked. So he knocks again.

"Sorry, please go find a different bathroom." Sierra finally answers.

"Sierra, it's me."

"Luke?" she immediately gets up and goes to the door. "I'll come out in a second." she says and her voice trembles.

"No, no, let me in."

She hesitates, because she doesn't want him to see her cry. He'll ask about it, he'll get worried, he'll comfort her, and she's scared of that. She's scared that her feelings for him might get the best out of her. She finally opens the door, and he comes in, locking the door after himself. He takes one look at her and his face falls.

"What happened?" he watches her sit on the corner of a bathtub, and gets on the floor next to her. They often talk like that - when she's 'taller' and he's 'shorter'. So she can feel that the conversation is about her, and she's the one in charge. Even if with Luke's height she doesn't seem much taller, it still makes her feel more comfortable.

"I was just outside, and everything was really great, and then in one second it all changed." she starts, looking down at her fingers.

"Why?" he can see she's overwhelmed and can't sit still.

"It's just-it's nothing, really." she sighs. "I was just, you know, doing the countdown with everyone and I just.." he nods at her, showing that he's waiting for her to continue. "And you know, everyone started kissing each other when midnight hit, and I was looking around and..uh-"

"You didn't have anyone to kiss?" he asks, smiling.

"Not.. exactly." she replies, and sighs heavily. Right now she doesn't think she has the guts to tell him. She takes a deep breath, "I was watching everyone kiss, and I.. I just.."

"You what?"

" I should've kissed you! It should've been you!" she finally exhales. She looks up to stop herself from crying and to avoid looking at him.

"Why would you kiss me?" Luke scoffs. Maybe Ashton was right, maybe Luke is dumb. Or maybe he's drunk. Or maybe the thought of anyone liking him is nearly impossible for his brain. There's a billion possibilities, but none of them would make the situation better.

" Because I'm in love with you, Luke." she smiles tiredly at him as her body gives in and she feels one tear rolling down her cheek. "I've loved you ever since I met you."

He looks at her blankly, and even now Sierra thinks he's beautiful. "What?" he finally says. "It's like.. seven years ago." she can see in his eyes that his mind can't settle on only one thought.

"Yep." she nods. His quite calm reaction calms her down a bit, but it frustrates her at the same time.

"But you know everything. Like everything." Luke frowns. His mind can focus only on one question - how can anyone know him the way she knows him, and love him at the same time?

"Isn't it better?" she turns her whole body to him. "You're always wearing a mask when you're in a relationship and you end up hurt every time. So isn't it better for me to know everything and still love you?" she asks with so much hope in her voice as if she doesn't already know the answer.

"I.. I never knew." he whispers, turning away from her and staring at the wall. 'if I knew from the start would it change a thing?' he thinks.

"Would it be any different if you did?" she asks and now Luke thinks she can read his thoughts or something. But she just knows him that well.

"I don't know." his head spins. "You never gave me any signs!" he turns to her again, frowning.

"I gave you so many signs, Luke!" she exclaims. It feels unfair to her how he doesn't notice all the things she does for him. But Luke does notice, he notices everything, it just never crosses his mind in the right ways. "That lamp Calum gave you as a birthday gift? I bought it." she starts. "I eat with you when you can't do it yourself. I talk for you in restaurants and stuff when you're anxious. Walking Petunia after your drunken nights? I do it. I'm in bed with you when you can't sleep." she sighs. "Fuck, I'm confessing my feelings to you in a bathroom, how romantic." she says, wiping the tears streaming down her cheeks, but Luke can't really process her words. It's like they don't completely reach his brain.

"I-no. You-you care for me, that's not love." he stammers. It's true, it does sound like caring. But Sierra doesn't know how to show her love. Neither of them does. Just like Luke doesn't know how to accept it. Perhaps that's what brings them together.

"Luke, I know what I feel."

"You can't love me."

"I know you don't love me the way I love you but don't push me away. I'm also your friend." Sierra says and her words hit him. He's not the only one with feelings here. Moreover, her feelings are getting hurt right now, not his.

Luke takes her hand, tracing her finger tattoos with his fingertips. He then looks up at her, seeing her tears, and it pains him so much and he can't even start to imagine how much it hurts her. He feels like he doesn't deserve her love, because it's so pure. She's pure. He stands up, but then has to bend a little so now they're leveled, and he wipes away her tears with his thumbs. Luke tries to do this carefully, too, so to not ruin her makeup. She closes her eyes, giving into the touch, scared to look up at him.

"I'm sorry. I really am." he whispers. It's weird because they're alone, but they're so close that only whispering feels right.

"Nothing to be sorry about." she puts her hands onto his, that are still holding her face. She finally looks up. "You know, you never treated me wrong or anything. You're a great friend, and person, and I just couldn't help falling in love." she whispers back, shrugging.

"I just wish I saw it coming. I have no idea what to do or how to react." It's true, his mind is still completely blank. He's just focused on Sierra now, so it's easier for him to do something. He takes his hands away from her face and hugs her instead. "I love you, but I don't wanna hurt you and say that-"

"You can't hurt me." she muffles into his jacket. She really doesn't want to hear it. She knows the answer.

They break the hug, and both silently sit down on the floor. They're coming back into reality gradually, and can hear the music from downstairs. They realise that they are the only ones here whose whole life has just flipped.

"Do I make you nervous?" Luke asks, not turning to her.

"What?" she frowns. Why would he make her nervous? They're best friends.

"I had this girl in high school who said she had feelings for me and she always felt nervous around me." he says, and turns to her before saying, "I don't want you to feel nervous."

"You're my comfort." she smiles, putting her palm on his. "I go to you when I'm nervous."

Luke nods and they sit in silence for some time. Now he is suddenly aware of every touch. And it doesn't make him feel weird, no, he's not uncomfortable either. He's just aware. He's aware of their knees touching right now. He's aware of her hand rubbing his. He's aware of his desire to hold her hand for comfort. He's aware of how common these things are for them, how often they're just touching or holding each other, and he's never thought of it anything, but right now he's thinking how it affects Sierra. Does she feel nervous? Aroused? What does it mean to her? Is that on purpose? Or is it just a habit and it's as common for her as it is for him?

"I made it awkward now, didn't I?" she interrupts his trail of thoughts. "I'm sorry."

"I'm glad you told me. I really am." Sierra herself is relieved she told him. She's not really bothered by her feelings not being mutual. She's just glad it's over and she can love him openly, without being scared that he finds out some other way, and not the way she wants him to.

They come out of the bathroom a few minutes later, completely ignoring the party downstairs. They don't even have to tell each other how tired and sleepy they are. They go to one of the guest rooms Crystal prepared for them, and get ready to sleep. That night they sleep cuddling in bed, with Luke muttering probably a thousand 'I'm sorry' in his sleep.

OH MY GOD I'M SO SO SO EXCITED TO SHARE THESE TWO CHAPTERS WITH YOU, YOU CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE 🥹 these are my biggest chapters EVER (as i found out today my notes app has a limit which I've only reached today lmao)
anyway, please tell me what you think about the update in the comments!! thank you for reading and please don't forget to vote in the end xx