Chapter 5: Normal

"Ji, come on. Just tell us what's going on between you and Haeun. Have you, you know, done the dirty yet?" Woojin insisted, wiggling his eyebrows at his friend.

Currently, the group of boys were hanging out together as they did most of the time. Haeun was still yet to show up so they had decided that it was time to tease Han and catch up on the details between him and the older girl.

Han rolled his eyes and sighed, "It's not like that."

"Really? But you guys sucking each other's faces off all the time says otherwise," Woojin chuckled, though Han only rolled his eyes for the second time.

They loved to tease Han. He was the only one in their group who had maintained his so-called purity. They all saw him as the youngest, although that title went to another, Min-seok, known to most as Minnie.

Minnie was a whole few months younger than Hannie so in most respects, they were the same age. Minnie was a boy who always acted immature and cute. He probably had the purest heart of them all, the only thing he ever wanted to do was make people happy.

Minnie's way of making people happy, however, wasn't so pure. He slept around. A lot. He had slept with most of the girls in their year, even a few of the boys. Obviously, there were rumours that he was gay but his tally of girls was just as long, if not longer, than his tally for how many times he was with boys. Most resorted to calling him bisexual but he believed that there was no need for labels. You should be with who you want when you want. Regardless of gender, age, orientation, well, regardless of anything.

Minnie always thought that if both people wanted to be together, whether for a one-time thing or a long-term relationship, they shouldn't let anything get in their way. That was why he was the perfect person for Hannie to talk to. He was the only one that wouldn't judge him and would let him get everything off of his chest. Hannie wouldn't have to worry about him telling anyone else because, although Minnie was immature, he knew he could trust him.

Hannie was just waiting for the best time to talk to him.

Haeun never showed up that day in the end. She just messaged Hannie, apologizing that something had come up. So, the boys hung out together for a little while, a few long hours, but eventually decided to call it a day.

They were about to go home when Hannie tugged hesitantly on Minnie's sleeve, he knew he could trust Minnie, but his heart was still pounding so violently in his chest that he felt sick.

Minnie tilted his head, about to ask the older boy what he wanted, but upon meeting Hannie's hesitant eyes he simply nodded and gestured for him to follow along.

They walked in silence all the way to Minnie's house, and Hannie only continued to grow more nervous. He had only just kind of come to terms with things himself, so telling someone else was a big step. However, he desperately needed someone to talk it over with, someone who might at least understand where he was coming from, someone who won't judge him.

Hannie was scared, he was scared that if people found out that he would lose his friends and family, that he would be bullied and spat at on the streets, that even little Minnie might turn his back on him. Minnie wasn't gay after all. No, Minnie was just, well, Minnie.

Han followed Minnie inside, bowing slightly to his parents with a slightly awkward smile as they passed through the house and up the stairs.

Han flopped down onto Minnie's bed with a sigh as the younger closed the door, "So, what's up?"

Hannie leaned his head on his arms, looking up at the ceiling, when Minnie sat down beside him, sighing again as he willed up the courage to talk.

"I think I'm... I think I'm gay."

He did it, he told someone and oh did it feel good to get it off his chest, but the reaction he received wasn't the one he had expected.

Minnie was laughing, no, he was in hysterics.

"What?" Hannie asked, scowling at the younger who couldn't help but think that his friend looked kind of cute when he was angry.

"You think you're gay? No shit Sherlock," he continued to cackle, slapping Hannie's back.

Hannie furrowed his eyebrows and was about to ask, but it seemed Minnie already knew the question that was sitting on his lips, "Come on, Ji. We've been friends for how long? You think I haven't noticed the way you squirm away from girls ninety per cent of the time? You only ever bother with them when you need to get off and even then, you look uncomfortable."

"Is it really that obvious?" Hannie enquired, worried that others may have seen through his façade.

Minnie smiled softly at Hannie, he knew how his friend was feeling, he knew he would start worrying, "Only to me. I get it you know. You like who you like, there isn't anything you or anyone else can do about that."

Hannie nodded, agreeing with Minnie and glad to finally have someone to talk about it with.

"So, how did you figure it out?"

Hannie sighed, "Porn."

And the fit of laughter began once again.

Hannie had stayed at Minnie's for a while longer before taking his leave and heading home for dinner. He was still terrified of his new discovery, but he had a little more confidence after his chat with Minnie. He was glad that he had a friend like that, someone to rely on. He didn't know what he would have done if he couldn't talk everything over with the younger. He would have probably ended up bottling everything up inside and hiding his true self from everyone, even himself.

To his surprise, Taebin wasn't around for dinner today. Jun explained that it was because he had a project that he absolutely needed to finish, so he couldn't come for dinner. Hannie didn't care, he was glad to have some family time without Taebin butting in. It was rare. Both of his parents made it to dinner and Jun even had time to sit with them for a while since he didn't have an essay to rush for the next day.

"Boys stop messing about," Mrs Choi raised her voice ever so slightly but still couldn't hold back her laugh as she watched her children play-fighting in the living room.

Hannie was doing the washing up after dinner and when Jun offered to help, the younger took it as the perfect opportunity to flick water at his elder brother. A bad idea on his part, yes, because he was instantly chased into the living room and pulled into a headlock as Jun scruffed up his hair. Hannie squirmed but no matter what he did, he couldn't get out of his brother's grip, giggling as reached around to tickle the elder's armpits in a desperate bid to escape.

"You little sh-"

"Choi Jun-ho!" Their mother interrupted, disapproving of his foul language.

"Sorry, mum," he apologized, to which she sighed and shook her head disapprovingly.

In this time, Hannie had managed to get to the other side of the living room and was now hiding behind his dad.

"Jun is trying to kill me," he cried, clutching his father's sides as he hid from his brother.

Mr Choi chuckled, "Is that so?"

Hannie nodded, acting like an eight-year-old child as he continued to hide behind his father.

That night was one of the good ones. That precious family time they had without Taebin around that Hannie treasured so dearly. Moments like that helped him dispel his worries and just be a kid again.

When he went to bed, however, those worries came flooding back.

Hannie lied there in the dark all by himself. He thought back on all the times his parents had smiled at him and wondered if they'd still smile that same loving smile if they knew that he wasn't normal. If they knew that he liked boys.

He didn't understand why it wasn't a normal thing for some boys to like other boys. He also didn't understand why he had this feeling that he was doing something wrong. He didn't know why he felt so guilty, especially when Minnie had accepted him so openly.

The more he thought about it the more stressed he became. Tears began to stream down his cheeks and onto his pillow as he curled up into a little ball. He closed his eyes and tried to will himself to sleep but the more he tried, the worse he felt.

Something was bubbling in the pit of his stomach and soon he found himself sprinting to the bathroom. His body hunched over and the acidic taste of previously digested food flew over his tongue as he spewed into the toilet.

He vomited until there was nothing left to come back up except for the acid in his stomach, all the while the tears never stopped running.

"Hannie? Are you okay?" His mother stood in the doorway, concern etched into her face as she came over to gently place her hands on his shoulders.

"What's wrong with me?" His voice was nothing but a mumble, words of no sense to his mother who cradled the boy as he cried.

She shushed him, delicately stroking his hair while he calmed down.

"You're staying home from school tomorrow. I'll see if your brother can stay home to look after you," she stated, walking her sick boy back into bed.

He didn't struggle to sleep after that. His mother stayed by his side until he quietly drifted off, comforting him even if she didn't know what for. She was worried but he didn't have a fever so it couldn't be too serious. She thought it must just be a tummy bug, if only she knew what was really going on. Maybe she could have helped his insecurities and guilt from devouring him whole.

By the time Hannie had woken up the next day, his parents had already left for work. He rubbed his sleepy eyes and trudged downstairs in search of his brother.

"Jun?" He questioned, stepping into the living room.

He had expected Jun to be sitting there watching tv since he wasn't in his room, he didn't think that Taebin would be the one he would find.

"You're awake. How are you feeling?" The elder questioned, turning the tv off as he turned to Hannie with concern in his eyes.

Hannie frowned, "Why are you here?"

Taebin sighed and turned back to the tv, "Jun had to go to class, so he called me to look after you."

Hannie was not impressed, he patted along to the kitchen in search of some food, where he grabbed some cereal and went back into the living room, reluctantly sitting with Taebin on the sofa.

"I don't need someone to look after me, I'm not a little kid. You may leave," he instructed, gulping down a mouthful of cereal as he crossed his legs.

Taebin sighed once again, "I know you're not a little kid anymore, but Jun asked me to look after you so that's what I'm going to do. Besides, what if you're sick again? No one else will be back until dinner."

Hannie didn't want to argue so he just shut up at focused on the tv, ignoring the elder as usual.

Today is going to be a long day... 

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