Chapter 11: Only Gay for You

Hannie was still in shock. Still in shock days after the incident with Taebin. After that, nothing else out of the ordinary occurred between the two of them. In fact, Hannie hadn't seen Taebin much at all since then. The elder found himself busy with college again, not that Hannie minded, he still needed more time to process what had happened between them.

He knew that Taebin was probably just messing around, just taking the piss after discovering that he was gay. Well, finding out that he was kissing Minnie, at least.

Hannie still couldn't believe that Taebin would be okay with him being gay. Nor could he believe that Taebin would kiss him because he actually liked him. Because of this, he had created a distorted view of what had happened, refusing to believe what was now obvious. Taebin didn't really like him, he couldn't. No, Taebin was just teasing him, making fun of him for kissing another boy. Yes, that's what it was. It was all nothing but a sick joke.

Except it really wasn't.

By the time Taebin came back to hang out with Jun, he had expected to have Hannie wrapped around his finger. What he found instead, however, was that Hannie was avoiding him again.

The younger had returned to his cold stares and lack of speech. Taebin didn't know what he had done wrong. He was sure Hannie liked him, at least he thought he was. Maybe he didn't and maybe Taebin had it all wrong. Maybe he misread the tension between them and took it too far.

You see, both of the boys had begun to doubt themselves. They had begun to doubt each other. They were second-guessing everything.

Hannie knew that he couldn't confront Taebin but Taebin knew that he wouldn't be able to get close to Hannie again if they didn't at least talk about it.

He wanted to talk to the younger, but he couldn't get rid of Jun. He loved hanging out with his best friend, but he had something more important to do. He needed to speak to Hannie.

As the hours passed by, Hannie stayed in his room. The door was locked to avoid a run-in with the elder and his headphones were at full volume as he lied in bed. His eyes were closed, feet tapping along to the tune as he tried to think about something, anything, other than Moon Taebin.

He didn't hear the knocking on his door when Taebin finally caught his lucky break. He was going to talk to Hannie, he was going to apologise for the other day. He was going to clear everything up and make it all okay again.

If only Hannie heard him knocking the door.

After a moment, he gave up. He knew Hannie was ignoring him and he thought he had messed it all up. He thought he had ruined everything. He just wanted to fix it.

He left early that day and Hannie didn't see him again until the weekend.

They were eating dinner. Hannie was just as quiet as usual, more so even, because He felt sick. Sick to his stomach.

He quickly excused himself, saying that he didn't feel well as he rushed upstairs to his room. Jun stood to go after his brother, wondering what had him in such a state.

"Don't. I've got this. I think I know what's wrong," Taebin explained, wasting barely a second in going after the boy.

Jun was confused, he knew that Taebin and Hannie never really got along. He figured Taebin must have done something to upset his brother somehow and so, he allowed him to go and fix whatever mistake he had made. It wasn't the first time Hannie had been pissed off because of Taebin. It was, however, the first time he looked pale as he sat across from him.

Taebin heard the door close and quickened his pace, hoping to get to the door before Hannie could lock it. He wasn't so lucky.

"Come on, Hannie. Let me in, please?" He coaxed from outside, hoping the younger would at least hear him out.

He was surprised when the door actually opened and the other boy allowed him to come inside. He took in a deep breath. "Look-"

"I'm not gay," Hannie blurted out, cutting him off before he could even begin to speak.

Taebin crossed his brows, wondering where the sudden statement had come from.

"I'm not gay and I didn't kiss my friend. He... he kissed me and I- Look just don't think I'm gross like that okay. Please." His voice went from quiet to loud to something that sounded desperate. Desperate for Taebin to believe his lie, desperate for the elder not to hate him. His please was hollow as he looked at the ground, praying that the other boy didn't hate him or think of him as disgusting.

Taebin felt a pang in his heart and sighed, finally starting to understand what was going on with Hannie. Well, sort of.

"Hannie. I don't think you're gross," he stepped closer, "I don't want you to get the wrong idea."

His feet stopped in front of the younger and he brought his hand up to wipe away the tear Hannie hadn't realised had fallen.

"I didn't kiss you to make fun of you. Nor do I think it was wrong that you kissed your friend, not that I can say I liked it."

Hannie sniffled. He was relieved to hear that Taebin didn't hate him, but he was saddened to think that he thought he wasn't normal.

He was interpreting the elder's words wrong again and Taebin knew it. He knew that Hannie still didn't get it. He knew that if Hannie was to understand then he would have to make it completely black and white so that he couldn't misunderstand again.

"Hannie, I didn't like it because I don't want anyone kissing you except for me." He finally put it into words, pulling the younger into his chest as he wrapped his arms around him. He nestled his chin into the boy's hair and smiled until he was softly pushed away.

Hannie was still sniffling, wiping the tears from his face as he finally brought his gaze up to meet the Taebin's. "What... what do you mean?"

Taebin chuckled and ruffled the younger boy's hair. "Choi Ji-Han you can be such an idiot sometimes. I'm telling you I like you, okay."

"But you're not gay," Hannie stated, features overtaken by confusion.

Taebin simply chuckled again and shook his head. "I don't know. I've never been attracted to any other guy before. I guess I'm only gay for you?"

Now Hannie was the one laughing. "You know how stupid that sounds, right?"

Hannie was so blinded by his own laughing that he didn't notice how Taebin was getting closer yet again. He placed his hand under the younger's chin, pulling his attention back to him.

"It's true though."

Just like that, their lips were together again.

It felt as though it had been years since they last touched. Hannie was hesitant at first, still not sure whether he trusted what was going on. Not that he didn't trust Taebin, he just didn't trust reality at that moment. There was no way anything that was happening was real, at least, he couldn't see a world in which it would be.

Still, Hannie found his hands twining into Taebin's stupid dyed hair as their tongues swirled together. They stumbled backwards until they landed on the bed, Taebin pinning Hannie down beneath him.

It was only when they heard heavy footsteps coming up the stairs that they stopped.

"Shit."

Quickly, they composed themselves and Taebin found himself smirking at the flustered younger before leaving the room. Not even half a minute later, Jun came walking in but by then Hannie was already lying in bed and pretending to feel unwell.

His brother frowned and sat at the edge of his bed. "You really are sick? Taebin said he's going to get you some water. What is it? A tummy ache again?"

Hannie poked his head out from under the covers, nodding slightly as he tried to pretend that he hadn't been kissing his brother's best friend only seconds before he walked in.

"It's probably nothing, I probably just ate too quickly. You know what I'm like."

Jun nodded and reached out to check his brothers' temperature. "You do feel a little warm. I'll go get you some medicine."

"No. I mean, just send it up with Taebin."

Sure, Hannie was feeling a little warm but that was for a completely different reason. He didn't want to take medicine when he knew he didn't need it.

Jun looked a little surprised to see the younger asking for Taebin, but he hadn't really thought anything of it. He just nodded and left the room to go and ask Taebin to bring the medicine up as well.

Hannie waited for a couple of minutes, hiding under his blanket as he traced his fingers over his lips. Taebin, Moon Taebin, liked him. It still didn't feel real, but it had to be. It was like a dream that he was yet to wake up from, a dream he didn't want to wake up from.

When the door quietly clicked open, Hannie found himself tugging the blanket further up, holding it tightly over his head so that he couldn't be exposed. He knew it was Taebin when he heard the door lock once again. There were footsteps and the sound of a glass being placed down on the bedside table before the bed sank slightly beside him.

"Hannie?" His voice came out quiet, worried even. Taebin worried that he was back to square one again until Hannie finally pulled the blanket down to reveal his flushed face.

"What?" He pouted, knowing his face was red. He could feel the heat burning through his cheeks every second he thought about their lips touching again.

Taebin let out a low chuckle and lied down next to the boy, their noses almost close enough to touch. Hannie closed his eyes, trying to calm his nerves as he instinctively pulled the blanket back up ever so slightly.

"So, how about it?" Taebin asked, his voice laced in silk.

Hannie, however, wasn't sure what he was asking and furrowed his brows. Taebin saw this development and smiled slightly. Hannie's cluelessness was so cute and pure but it had the elder thinking about something far from innocent.

"Date me?" He breathed, nudging his face just that little bit closer.

Hannie didn't know what to do, he didn't know what to say. He still wasn't sure if any of this was really happening, if it was really real. Taebin could see the panic in his eyes and knew that he needed to reassure the younger boy.

"No one needs to know about it. Maybe it will be better that way? We can think about maybe making it public later on. For now, we can keep it our little secret until you're ready. Just think about it, okay."

Hannie wanted to give him an answer but he needed time to think on it, so he tucked his face back into his blanket. However, Taebin soon pulled the blanket back down, tugging on it to get access to the younger's face.

He pushed his face forwards again, pressing their lips together for the briefest of moments. He wanted to wait for his answer before doing anything else and he also knew that Jun would be expecting him back downstairs soon. So, with a kiss, he climbed out of the bed and left Hannie once again.

As soon as the door closed behind him, Hannie found himself squealing into his pillow like a girl. As disappointed as he was in himself for doing so, he was overjoyed because that really happened. All of it really happened. He was sure of it because of the pounding that had not yet eased from his chest.

Taebin liked him. He really did like Hannie too.

He had a short moment of freaking out before he thought it would be a good idea to get some sleep. Unfortunately, he already knew that sleep wouldn't be coming to him that night because he had far too much on his mind.

What was he going to say to Taebin? Was he really ready for a relationship? Was he ready to date a boy? What if someone was to find out?

He wanted to say yes there and then, he wanted to try dating Taebin, but he knew that as soon as he agreed to it, it would be over. He wouldn't be able to pretend to be normal anymore. He would be admitting his sexuality, he would be admitting his feelings for Taebin.

He pulled at his hair, running all kinds of scenarios through his head and muttered one simple word, "Fuck." 

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