(*cue the evil laughter* Lizzie and Grian are finally gonna have a little talk)

(Suicide, self harm, throwing up, eating disorders, depression, gore, sneaking around, abuse, blood, idk man, this is like Avengers Endgame, it is all here.)

(A bit of a reminder before you read, its sad. Like big sad. The seablings are majorly sad. Like last time, some of these journal entries are gonna be things that nobody had ever mentioned in the story. It also fixes a bit of story gaps which really helps someone that didn't plan this at all 😀)

(There is gonna be a journal entry early into this chapter that is weirdly 3rd person. Ignore the 3rd person aspect, its supposed to be 1st person Jimmy's POV but im too lazy at this point to fix it also its 12 am yikes. Goodnight yo)

(OH ALSO A REMINDER THAT LIZZIE AND GRIAN ARE ONLY SIBLINGS LITERALLY THIS IS ONLY SIBLINGS VIBES, YES, SIBLINGS KISS EACH OTHER'S FOREHEADS, YEAH, THEY HUG EACH OTHER NOBODY MAKE THIS FUCKING WEIRD OR IM GONNA BE KILLING ONE OF THE CHARACTERS IN THIS, K!?!? THEY ARE ONLY SIBLINGS NOTHING ELSE LIKE STFU IF YOU SAY ANYTHING WEIRD I WILL BLOCK YOU THANKS <3)

(For real tho, good night, dont be weird)

Grian gulped at the sight of the palace. Last time he had visited, it wasn't pleasant.

Images of Watchers chasing him, Hermits ushering him through the door danced in his mind

"Grian!" He looked over, seeing pink hair of his dear sister.

"Liz!" He said back, a smile on his face in return. It was nice to know that at least one of his seablings was alright.

They crashed into a hug, slightly giggling as they almost tripped from their force. Grian clung to her tightly and Lizzie buried her head in his shoulder.

"Are you doing alright?" She whispered quietly. "The Watchers haven't bothered you, yeah?"

Grian pulled back, a sad smile on his face. "Unfortunately, I think that is the reason why we are here."

Lizzie nodded her head in understanding, taking her older brother's hand and walking with him down the hall.

---

The room they entered had been collecting dust. Various crates were filled with music discs, all perfectly in order. One still sat on the record.

"I haven't been in here in years." Grian muttered, looking at the sight of his brother's room. Everything was neat and tidy.

"I thought it would be best to look over these together in here. Nobody comes to this wing of the palace anymore." Lizzie replied, opening one of the curtains. Light came in through the glass, dust floating in it like it was trapped.

"That makes sense, this was Jimmy's wing after all." Grian walked around the room, looking over books. Textbooks for college aged students lined the shelves. Grian found a problem. "Liz, why was he only reading text books?"

Lizzie shrugged, sitting down on the bed lightly. It creaked at the added weight. "He stopped being taught by Dr. A. No clue why but he started having to write essays and stuff when he was six." Both of the elder seablings were taught by Dr. A for a majority of their lives. It was strange for Jimmy to move on from that when he was little.

Grian looked at shelves where he thought action figures and toys were. There were only papers with low scores written in red ink. All of them said 'failure.' "Weren't there toys here? And here!" Grian said, pointing to more spots where he could have sworn they were. "The fort is gone too!" The pillow fort that sat to the side of Jimmy's bed was gone, a light trace of it in the carpet was there.

Lizzie looked at the places he pointed at. Not much was adding up.

"Does your room still have toys in it?" She asked Grian, watching him nod his head.

"Never had or wanted to take them out. I kept them all, every toy that we got from mum and dad were special." He remembered recieving his favorite fish plush when he was little, made by a royal seamstress out of the fanciest materials. "You?" He asked quietly.

"I had them transferred to my new room." Lizzie replied, idly thumbing the pages without looking. She remembered her jellyfish plush that she still slept with, her parents were excited to give it to her for her birthday. She shook her head, looking down at the file on her lap. "We should get on task-" Grian interrupted by pulling one of the desk drawers open. "Grian! No going through his room while he isn't here!" She chastised, getting up to close it up. However, she paused when she saw the inside.

Various notebooks sat inside, each with different numbers on the front. The handwriting got better with each book.

What was very peculiar was the first one.

"Mum's handwriting..." Grian whispered, eyes watering. He may have ran from both his parents but he still loved and missed them dearly. It was unmistakably hers with the loopy cursive letters. Jimmy's name was on top.

Lizzie picked it up gently. This might have been one of the last written things they had of their mother. It had a large "4" written on the front besides Jimmy's name.

She opened the cover, however gasping and immediately dropping the book back into the drawer. The drawer wasn't secured so it toppled to the floor, all the books scattering.

"Lizzie?" Grian asked, eyebrows furrowing as he kneeled to pick them back up. She just continued staring at the books.

He didn't understand. After he had set the books on the desk again, he opened the first one, instantly seeing what Lizzie had seen.

A razor blade taped to the cover and a letter, dried from tears and blood.

"To my sweet baby boy, Jimmy.
I love you very dearly, you will be my champion, your eyes are the color of the goddess of wisdom. You will bless the palace with radiance for all your days. I love you very much, you are precious to me, I would do anything for you. I will protect you from the harsh world. I am writing you this journal about the first few years of your toddler life. I want you to look back with the fondest of memories. Don't forget that we all love you.
Love, Mummy"

Grian's voice clenched at the last word, tears rolling down his face. He missed his mum dearly. It felt like she was talking to him again. Looking at Lizzie, she was crying as well.

"I miss mum..." she whispered quietly. Grian put the book down and hugged her.

Grian looked at the files that were now strewn across the bed. He had known that whatever it was, Joel had gotten upset by it. "Maybe we should have a nice fun break and read about baby Timmy, yeah?" He asked, picking the book back up. Lizzie nodded her head, pulling away and wiping away her tears. She gave him a stiff smile.

They both ignored the blood and tear stained paper.

---

Stories of a young Jimmy running around the castle was painted in the description by their mother. Stories about falling out of trees, chipping his tooth in the garden, playing makeup with his seablings were described. Pictures littered the pages.

Everything was so very happy. He would play the piano, he would dance and sing. He was a happy child.

Both Lizzie and Grian finished the book, smiling faces and giggles at the events.

"I forgot about the rose bush!" Lizzie laughed, remembering Jimmy trying to scare her but having a little cut on his cheek from the thorns.

"I thought he was six when that happened." Grian replied, pulling out the picture in his pocket. The one of Jimmy smiling with a bandage on his cheek.

Lizzie paused at that. "Hey, I thought that too, wasn't he six?" They both looked at the book again before shrugging. Lizzie eventually stood up, looking back at the files. "I really don't want to read those files..." she muttered with disdain.

Grian looked back at the books pulling out the one with a "5" on the front. "How about a little bit of a longer break?" They both shared a twin Cheshire cat smile. That, they could both agree on.

Grian opened up the book, instantly giggling. "Yup, this is definitely baby Timmy's handwriting." He showed Lizzie the crayon writing smearing the paper. However, it was still legible for a child's handwriting, just like how all the seablings were raised.

"Read it!" She pushed with a smile.

---

(A/n: Jimmy was still learning to write and read at this point in the story but all the seablings learned by having a text to speech translator. Jimmy would copy the letters from the screen into the book despite not completely knowing what it said. Jimmy only really logged everything in the journal as a keepsake for the future but he didn't know it would turn out this way. It was supposed to be writing practice with real life scenarios. Idk man this really doesnt make any sense lmao this is so bad apologies.)

Stories about tv shows with cats and mice running around were depicted in detail on the pages. Some pages talked about the docks, a small boy leaning against his two favorite people in the world.

Until...

"I left when he was five?" Grian asked, looking up from the book. Lizzie looked just as shocked.

"I thought he was like, seven when you left." She admitted.

Grian looked at the pages in thought. Jimmy sounded so upset and sad by the news that Grian had left. He hadn't remembered that.

But they read on.

A small boy wandered the palace, feeling alone and helpless. He knew Lizzie was sad, she wouldn't open her door and stayed in bed all day. He would lay next to her sometimes in the dark, trying to remind her that he cared. His parents were becoming more fake as the days went on. His father was always talking about Grian, no matter the time of day. His mother wouldn't mention Grian at all.

"Is it true?" Grian asked softly.

Lizzie nodded her head. "Jimmy was sometimes the only reason I got up most days. Mum and dad were both conflicted about you leaving, dad didn't like the idea of you going to Japan with Sam."

"I'm sorry..." Grian apologized. Lizzie gave him a sad smile.

"I know."

So they read on.

A boy eagerly waited to be on call with his big brother. He was super excited, practically vibrating with energy. He didn't know how to turn on the computer so he went looking for his big sister. She was in the gardens however and he didn't want to disturb her temporary peace.

Lizzie smiled at that. He wouldn't have been a bother.

He instead went to his parents room, lightly nodding. But he heard yelling.

"Did they argue alot?"

Lizzie shook her head. "At least not in front of Jim or me."

Mum hates big brother. Dad loves big brother. They both hate each other. Grian is a useless commoner, fake royalty. Grian is a diamond of purity. Mum and dad are going to divorce. The small kid won't see his big sister anymore.

"Mum and dad's divorce?"

"Yeah, they did end up getting divorced eventually."

"What?"

He ran to his room and hid in his fort. Joel was there and he made Jimmy smile. Joel made everything better and was going to let him talk to Grian.

Grian tilted his head. He didn't remember talking to Joel at any point about talking to Jimmy.

Jimmy logged into the computer and Joel left. He was left alone in the room, typing to a text to speech translator.

Grian paled. He hoped it wasn't what he thought it was.

Big brother's best friend was stabbed by big brother's other best friend! Jimmy felt terrified for them. He couldn't even give a hug to make them feel better.

Days spent in the garden with Sam and Taurtis were fond memories. They would include Jimmy into what ever game they were playing.

Don't tell Jimmy, he is too naive and stupid. Stupid stupid stupid, too useless for anyone to care about. Grian thinks he is a child. Jimmy is too young to know.

"Oh my god..." Grian whispered. Lizzie read back over the lines.

Don't worry, he can't even read, right? Jimmy is too stupid for big brother to even talk to. He won't know a single thing, Lizzie was the one talking after all.

Grian stared at the pages in front of him, Lizzie in much of the same state.

"He was five when I first started screwing him up." Grian heartbrokenly said.

Lizzie shook her head. "When we started to screw him up."

The picture was already being painted.

---

Once they closed the book, they both sat back in shock.

They had no clue that their little brother felt so hopeless and upset. He shouldn't have had to stay to himself about everything. He had lied about what he had feared, about what he was scared about. What had made him upset was set in stone on the pages, there was no denying that these were Jimmy's true thoughts and feelings.

They ignored the other books on the desk.

"Joel had put these neatly into order for us to look through. It paints a picture." Lizzie said, showing Grian the large file.

"Alright, let's get started." He cleared his throat.

They pulled out the first files.

Just accidents in the garden. They remembered them all. Small little things like cutting his cheek on a thorn bush or scrapping his knees.

Until the chipped tooth.

"Mum said to keep it that way?" Grian muttered, looking to Lizzie. She looked just as confused as he felt.

"As punishment, no less."

Whatever.

More files about tripping on stones, splinters and everything like that. Everything that a child would have at Jimmy's age.

Until Jimmy reached the age of six.

There were reports of unexplained cuts and bruises across their brother's body. Their mother would deny every single one.

Dislocated shoulder? Fell out of tree.

Cuts on back? Fell backwards on a thorn bush.

It wasn't just accidents that had numerous witnesses. It was only the queen who had seen every single one of them.

Post-it-notes lined the pages, each with theories to how Jimmy might have gotten them.

Dislocated shoulder- harshly pulled?

Cuts on back- suspiciously similar to whip wounds.

Grian got up from the bed, Lizzie still invested in each file, trying to understand.

He walked back with a book, marked with a neater '6' on the front.

Lizzie paled at it but it was possibly the only way they could connect the dots.

They set the files and reports on one side and opened the book.

---

Dislocated shoulder - age 6

The file said.

Mummy pulled me even though I didn't want to go back into the closet. I hated the closet. I didn't want to be locked inside again. Mummy stopped when I started crying. My shoulder hurt a lot and there was a popping sound. She looked scared. I've never seen her look that scared. Mummy told me to play pretend, imagine I fell out of a tree. I love play pretend. She took me down to the nice doctor. He looked concerned. He asked how my shoulder got disclosed? I think that is what its called. Anyways, mummy and I pretended I fell out of a tree. I don't know why we were playing pretend.

The note book said.

Cuts on back - age 6

The file read.

Mummy brought our daddy's belt again. It hurt my back a lot. I told mummy to stop but she wouldn't. She said I had to learn to read good or else I won't be a good king. She said it was my fault, I needed to stop crying and everything would be better. A king doesn't cry. For some reason, I don't remember the next part. It was like I blinked from reading the book to being in the doctor's office. He gave me a chocolate! It tasted good. Mummy was playing pretend again. She said I fell into a thorn bush. I played with her and she looked happy. Maybe she won't use daddy's belt again. She had never used it so bad that I had to go to the doctor.

The book wrote.

It went on and on, Grian and Lizzie matching the files to when Jimmy had gotten hurt in the book. Each page was put into the corresponding pages of the book.

The two seablings were no longer looking at each other.

They felt horrible that their little brother was hurt by their mother. He didn't deserve it, he was just a kid.

But it got worse.

Cuts on wrists - age 6

The doctor had written.

When will mum love me. When will Grian save me from this? When will Lizzie realize what is happening to me? When will daddy look at me again? I realized that if I use my scissors, it makes my thinking stop. I don't think about my family or mum. It is messy though. I don't know why I started doing it. It was like something in my brain told me to. Said I deserved it. I went to the nice doctor one time when everything was fuzzy. He was deeply concerned about me. I tried to ignore it. He stitched up a bit of my arm. It didn't hurt that much honestly. The doctor looked sad. He made me promise not to do it again. But it stops all the voices, maybe I could just lie.

Jimmy had written.

The seablings didn't know what to say. Their little brother thought it was better to cut himself than going to get help. Their brother who was only six years old at the time resorted to harming himself.

He was so young...

But everything was making sense for once.

Lizzie had noticed her little brother wearing longer clothing, sometimes gloves. She had heard him get mad at the royal seamstress for attempting to have him try on some new clothing. He used to be so excited standing on the stool in front of all the mirrors, the seamstress putting clothes on him. She had done so for each of the seablings and parents, she was always gentle and kind. Lizzie remembered how strange it was when she was eventually the only child visiting the seamstress.

Grian, however, was clueless.

He had no clue that any of this was going on. It was behind closed doors anyways but he had no communication to the palace at this point. Jimmy had stopped trying to contact him, it was now obvious why.

The two of them skimmed the pages for any explanation vaguely similar to the files they had. But Grian saw some words catch him on the very first few pages. It had his name in it, unlike what most of the journal had.

I went to the docks today for my birthday. I wanted to get a cookie and hot chocolate at that place me, Lizzie and Grian goes to. The lady there was nice. She said she had missed me. I sat at the counter, I did have trouble getting up though. I barely remember what happened in what order. I think I got my food and drink and I enjoyed them for a second? Anyways, that isn't the important part. Tom and Jerry wasn't on the screen like it normally is because Grian ask the people to change it. But there was this weird scene. It looked like a horror movie, people were screaming and there was blood and gross things everywhere. There were children, almost my age that watched as their school building got burned. I saw guards that I saw last winter in the square there. They were the ones that used to do drills next to the guard house. They hurt people. The people didn't have anything to fight. They only could take it. None of the people looked like me. Their hair was messy and their clothes were ripped. They didn't look like any fish hybrids I've seen. Then the last thing I saw was our flag and family crest being risen up in the sky, people shouting about how it should burn.

I asked the nice lady what it was about. It didn't look like any horror movie that Lizzie had seen recently. I'm guessing it was real. She said I was right. She wouldn't explain to me what it was. She only said that people liked watching this type of thing. They liked watching that?

Anyways, she turned on Tom and Jerry for me to finish my food and drink. It tasted gross so I ended up throwing it out. I left the shop and went to the docks. I was there for awhile before Joel came. I don't remember much. He held me for a bit. If I closed my eyes, it was Lizzie I was leaning against and Grian supporting me from falling into the water. I miss them. Joel said that Grian could not come. He thought that was why I was upset. Might as well think so.

He took me back home. I had already missed my birthday party. I really didn't care. My friends were supposedly waiting. When we got back home, I told my friends that they should leave. I was tired. Joel would stay though, he didn't want to leave me alone on my birthday. We were eating dinner, me, mummy, daddy, and Joel together. Lizzie was in her room again. Anyways, I tried to eat the soup but... I couldn't. I don't know how to explain it. It was like my tummy refused because of the show I was watching earlier.

I ran to the bathroom and threw up. I was tired and just started crying. Daddy came in. He held me close, petting my hair and trying to get me to calm down. I think he said I had a fever. He hugged me and I fell asleep in his arms. I love daddy.

Maybe if Grian had just come that day, he could have protected Jimmy's eyes. He was already used to the horror and gore at this point, he knew the country he had grown up to rule. It was partially the reason for him leaving. He didn't want to follow his mum and dad's example.

Had it continued affecting Jimmy all these years? Grian remembers flipping through pages, seeing words like 'I'm not hungry' or saying things about how their mum forced him to eat. It must have affect Jimmy.

"Grian? You alright?" Lizzie asked softly, placing her hand on his arm. She looked at him with sympathy.

Grian looked back down at the book before closing it.

"Yeah, let's get onto the next one."

---

Book 7.

It was a neverending cycle of flipping through pages, trying not to get emotional as they connected the files. Abuse and self harm reports. It felt never ending.

Well, that was until Lizzie flipped to the next file.

Her heart jumped at the word on the page. She could feel bile rise and herself become light headed. Grian hadn't noticed, he was still putting files into their proper spots in the book.

She grabbed at his arm harshly before getting up and running to the side bathroom in Jimmy's room.

"Oh shit!" She heard Grian say after following her in. She promply threw up in the toliet.

Grian pulled her hair back, rubbing her lower back and whispering to her softly. He was worried about what had made her get sick after everything they had already read.

If Lizzie closed her eyes, she could imagine that her brother was their dad.

Eventually, Lizzie pulled back, Grian helped her up and clean herself off. She sat on the counter of the sink, a glass of water in hand.

"Hey, hey, no passing out." Grian said, steadying her so she wouldn't fall.

Lizzie remembered a time when Jimmy, only six at the time had helped her when she was sick. He had made sure she was hydrated, the lights were off and he changed her washcloths on her forehead. He had denied help from maids and servants, only accepting it when Joel had arrived.

Grian remembered a three year old, all fussy and sick. The king was busy at the moment eith important meetings. Their father had always taken care of the kids when they were sick. It was up to Grian to care for his little brother. He had filled up a sippy cup of water to stay hydrated and tried to urge him out of his frantic nightmares. Eventually the small boy had his fever broken and he attatched himself to Grian like they were glue.

"Why don't we stop for the day?" Grian asked after Lizzie set down the glass.

She shook her head. "We can't stop now. I just found something... you need to see it." Grian reluctantly helped her walk out of the bathroom and back to the bed. Lizzie stumbled ever so often, looking like she was going to pass out but she denied Grian's request to stop.

She handed him the paper ontop of the files. She knew exactly what it read as Grian's face turned from confusion to horror.

"Suicide?" He whispered, flipping the back to the back and forth over and over. It looked like he didn't believe it.

To be fair, Lizzie was also having trouble believing it. Grian went back to the book, flipping through pages anxiously.

Until he reached one.

"Liz..." he whispered, heartbroken as he looked up back to her. "It's here, he committed suicide, he really thought it was better to die."

They left the pages on the bed, they both hugged each other. Grian was shaking as he held her close. Lizzie clung to his sweater, far away look on her face. They both tried to calm at the familiar scent of the sea they both had. It would usually work.

However, they were missing a familiar scent. One that mixed harmoniously with theirs, a sea breeze sweet smell that sometimes even carried the scent of fruits and berries when happy.

Jimmy's.

---

Why does mother hurt me like this? I must deserve it, yeah. She hates me, my family all hates me. I don't deserve people like them. It would be better to just die.

I am going to hang myself. I don't want to explain much more because I don't want to get caught. I'm preparing to do it tonight. Might as well just have my letters in this journal.

To mother: I know I must deserve this hate. I'm sorry for being a terrible child. I try so hard but I can't fill Grian's shoes. I'm a failure, a mistake. You will be better without me.

To dad: I haven't talked with you in awhile. This might be a surprise. I'm sorry for existing. If I didn't exist, maybe Grian wouldn't have ran away and mother wouldn't be as angry. You wouldn't be as stressed any more.

To Lizzie: I love you, I don't know why you hate me but I must have done something. I trust your judgement, whatever it is. You were right, I am not the same Jimmy as you once knew. I'm sorry for everything, I know you have had a tough time. I was only adding to it.

To Grian: I wonder if you are even coming to my funeral. You haven't been to my parties or any events at the palace in forever, so maybe not. I miss talking to you but I must be annoying. I don't deserve talking to someone as perfect and amazing as you. I love you.

To Joel: I should have thanked you a long time ago. You have been great to me despite me not deserving it. Maybe it is to get brownie points with the family? I'm not sure but you have made my life more tolerable. I enjoyed our night dance parties before bed. I love all the discs you had brought me for my record. They are my one true treasure now. Mother made me throw out all my toys and action figures. She said I could choose one thing to keep. I chose the music. Joel, thanks for being my knight in casual clothing. I felt protected even if it was fake. I used to dream of you sweeping me away from this hell hole and to Mazelea. You would treat me like your little brother, mother wasn't allowed to see me. Grian had came back and Lizzie was around more. Dad said he was proud of me. You kept the nightmares away just by being there. Mother sometimes drags me from bed in the middle of the night for lessons. But you being there stops her. She doesn't want you to know. Joel, thanks for being the big seabling I had always wanted.

Bye everyone.

There were tear stains on the pages. But the next page picked off right where it had ended.

Well, I'm not dead.

Dad found me. Both him and mother have been treating me better. They are telling me that I deserve better. They made the mistakes, not me.

I don't really deserve it.

The doctor says that I will have to wear a scarf a lot. There is a scar over top of my gills from the rope. It was too rough on them apparently.

I haven't been held this close in years. Mother looked guilty and sad. She apologized and was upset with herself. Dad skipped meetings and held me, rocking me slowly while singing. I missed his singing. I don't know, maybe I will get better after this.

Grian looked at the letter that Jimmy had written him. It was short but he deserved it. Jimmy thought he wouldn't even come for his funeral.

Come for his funeral.

It sent shivers up his spine, imagining his baby brother laying in a coffin. The horrible thing is, Grian didn't know if he would have come.

Lizzie was tracing her hand over the paper. Her letter wasn't much longer but she felt horrible for it. She had left Jimmy at a time where he was also vulnerable. She had forgotten his feelings existed. She took the castle quarentine at face value, she now knew better.

Joel's letter was heartbreaking. It was much longer than the rest of the family's letters. It was more heart felt and it warmed Lizzie's heart. At least Jimmy had someone to lean on at that time. It might not have been enough but just the thought that Joel had been there when nobody else was, it made her feel better.

Lizzie was going to give him presents and her gratitude once she leaves the room.

---

They found that the rest of the reports were just check ups after Jimmy had committed suicide. There was nothing major luckily. Flipping through the rest of the pages of the book, it was still clear that Jimmy was struggling to eat and feel happy but he wasn't planning anything and their mother didn't abuse him anymore.

They flipped through the eighth books as well. Doctor reports ran thin. The only one that wasn't a check up was when Jimmy had hit his head when he wasn't paying attention as he was walking. A minor bump, the report had said. The journal reflected it:

I hit my head like a dummy today. I was walking with dad when I ran into a door but of course he freaked out. He made me immediately go down to the doctor, claiming I was relapsing or was getting a concussion. I have never seen anyone look at dad like he was an idiot before then. The doctor gave me a chocolate and had me put ice to my head. Dad made me lay in my room for the rest of the day. He even cancelled all his meetings. All I did was bump my head when I was walking and reading a book. Sure, it hurt, but it definitely didn't need first aid.

And then they moved to book 9.

---

Lizzie remembered this year. It was the birthday that she had given up the roll of queen and gave it to Jimmy. She knew it was bad but she went through it anyways.

Well, she was a fool.

Grian recognized it as the year he had returned. He felt guilty for how he acted back then.

Well, they could tell immediately that it was bad. The self harm reports returned again. It was a constant, almost every page had one of the files stuck in. Jimmy was upset about being thrown under the bus.

Another suicide attempt as well.

Well, it was different for sure.

Ben, his guard, had caught Jimmy on the roof of the palace. It was a few days after Grian had returned. Ben had pulled Jimmy away immediately and held him close, calling for help. The doctor had put him on watch for a few days. The report was depicted with all of Jimmy's thoughts and feelings of why he almost went through with it.

Prince Jimmy felt like his night was ruined. He thought that Princess Lizzie was going to be the one to ruin it but it ended up being the return of Prince Grian. Coral, the head maid, had caught him staying in the bathroom for awhile. She had sent for me to check for any signs of harm. I didn't see any at the time so I thought she might have been mistaken. Now that he almost committed again, I should have put him on watch that night. Maybe he wouldn't have gotten to the roof and I could have found out the reasonings earlier.

More and more self harm reports after that.

One, however, caught them off guard.

It wasn't a doctor's report like the rest. It was a guard report, Ben's report.

Ben wasn't one to report anything, they were a strong individual that everyone knew hated paperwork. So it must have been serious if Jimmy's guard had to say something and send it to the doctor.

Jimmy ran to the guard quarters in the middle of the night. He was terrified and crying. I stayed and protected him. It wasn't like any other nightmare, this was pure fear. I have never seen anything like it. Jimmy had me even sit in the bathroom with him because of how terrified he was. He had found Grian inside it one time. I didn't blame him, it was strange. I'm suggesting that you make up some excuse and get him out of the palace. I will protect him, it isn't safe inside anymore. It is even better being in the streets than with the family. I see the way he flinches at the queen. Something has happened here and it isn't good. People keep excusing it, saying he has gone mentally insane. I do not believe that. Please do not send him to a facility somewhere, it would only get worse. You and Coral are the only ones who know of this, do not share this with anyone. Nobody can know what is happening to the prince.

"Grian? Do you want to explain?" Lizzie asked.

Grian nodded his head slowly. He should. "I was struggling after Evo. I wanted to protect Jimmy but it became obsessive. I would use my watcher powers to... protect him? But it would terrify him. I knew it was wrong but my nightmares of Timmy dying were becoming more and more real. It was horrible, I shouldn't have done it. I scared him." Grian admitted quietly. Lizzie gave him a sympathetic look. They both had done horrible things that they shouldn't have done.

Jimmy deserved better than them.

---

Books 10-13 were much the same.

Jimmy would have periods of self harming but he was doing better over all, with Lizzie, Grian and their mother leaving the palace. It was only Jimmy and their dad there now, nobody to hurt him with them gone.

Lizzie smiled softly at the pages of Jimmy talking about Scott. There were hearts surrounding their names and the way that Jimmy would describe their afternoons were sweet. He would write about playing the piano and Scott dancing to it. They were in love.

Grian felt his stomach drop at it however.

Jimmy and Scott were happy together. Did he screw that up as well? Was Scott going to love Jimmy after this?

Book 14 was a storm.

They recognized the year almost immediately.

The year their parents had died.

The two seablings wanted to skip over the pages but they knew they shouldn't if they wanted to know everything. They read about how Jimmy had cried for his parents almost every night. He cut himself in front of book 4, that's why the letter in the front was drenched in blood. He missed his mother and dad despite how much pain they caused him.

He explained the bunker in vivid detail, the writing was messy. It was obvious his hand was shaking a lot.

Cold, cold, cold.

He sounded so alone and hurt. There were over thirty pages for just two days. He talked about wanting to kill himself but not being able to do it, the country would be in shambles.

I want my mummy and daddy, please, let me see them again, I want to be with them even if it means I die.

His fears about becoming a young king.

I'm too young. I'm only fourteen, Ben keeps reminding me of that. Everyone is telling me I'm too young. There is no choice.

It was terrible. The pages were wrinkled, he explained nightmares about how his parents had died. He had to see his parent's body. They were disfigured by extremists after they were assassinated. Jimmy had to explain what he saw before they were sent off to be cremated.

I could barely recognize them. Dad's pink hair was red. It was chopped short, I know how much he loves his hair. It reminds him of Liz. Mum wasn't much better off. Her gills were ruined, scales were pulled off of her cheeks. I wanted to hold her hand one last time. I gave up when I realized her fingers were gone. Her cheeks were bashed in, forehead compressed. A hole in her head. I said goodbye to them alone. God, I just want them to hug me again.

The bunker days ended but it wasn't much better. Jimmy was still struggling to cope. But Lizzie had arrived.

She was like my superhero when she walked in. She looked healthier than I have seen her in years. I'm glad she is doing better. She deserves it.

His self harm habits didn't stop. He still struggled, like expected. He was spending days in the doctor's office under suicide watch. Even weeks before he was even vaguely allowed to leave.

Book 15, and it stopped.

Jimmy was spending more time in bed. The book was bare but so were the reports. Lizzie remembered that Jimmy never left his room for that year. Scott would come and the doctor was a frequent visitor but days were spent inside, listening to music on repeat.

Scott changes the music for me every so often. Joel gets me up to dance for a little bit of exercise. Said I would he dead without it but I know he is joking. Joel and Scott sometimes come together. They sometimes turn the tv on in my room and have me choose a movie. They make me sit up and eat some food but I don't care. It tastes like nothing nowadays. Scott reads to me in his spare time. Joel helps me brush and wash my hair. He sometimes braids it. I like it when he does that.

Book 16 was where it stopped.

It explained how Jimmy and Lizzie had a fight and how he was going to Scott's castle but then, nothing else. It stopped after that.

There were many years they were missing after that. Lizzie worried that something had happened to Jimmy in the Elven Kingdom. She knew that Scott was a good person but she still was concerned.

Grian knew exactly what had happened.

He swallowed the lump in his throat. He needed to explain to her now. "Liz?" She looked at him. Her hair was a mess now and there were matching bags under her eyes. They had stayed up quiet a bit.

"Yeah?" She asked softly, rubbing her eyes as she moved the books to the desk. The bed was cleared now and she layed on her back on it. She was exhausted.

"I know where Timmy is."

She sat up at that, seeing the genuineness in his eyes. He wasn't lying. "Where is he?"

Grian fiddled with his watch. "You know the member of 3rd life I was talking about?"

"Yeah? The one that you brought to Hermitcraft because they got hurt." She said, confused.

"What was their name."

Lizzie thought back about it before her eyes widened. "No..." she whispered, shaking her head. Tears were gathering in her eyes.

She had heard about the new member. He was badly injured, from what she had heard, it was incredible that he had survived at all. Not only that, but the person with the new member was Scott. Not some random Scott, but the Scott, prince of the Elven empire.

"I have to see him." She said firmly, no hesitation in her voice. Grian nodded his head.

"I'll have it arranged for a few days from now. But right now, I think maybe we should take a break."

Lizzie nodded her head. She needed time to think properly about everything before she saw her brother.

She broke out of her thoughts at the sound of music.

She looked to see Grian next to the old record player, playing one of the discs. It was a calm melody, one she recognized as Mazelean music.

"Go to sleep, alright, sis?" Grian asked, pushing her down onto the bed. She didn't argue, she let him push her into the mattress. Her eyes closed and Grian draped a blanket over her. She felt him kiss her forehead. "Goodnight, sis. See you in a few days, yeah?"

She didn't respond, immediately falling asleep.

(Comfy seablings vibes I guess but also major hurt. Liz and Jimmy reunion next time maybe? Also this took like 5 hours jesus its a bit longer than anything ive written in awhile also it was hard to write. So hit like and subscribe if you like more /j. The time line makes no fucking sense also like mmm yes, child that is 6 can write. Idk man, I was confused, im just gonna say that fish hybrids grow faster? Yeah, just go with it or something.)