Season 2, Episode 2:  Britney/Brittany

Ownership of Glee:  FOX, Ryan Murphy, Ian Brennan, Brad Falchuk

/ / /

Will is writing Chris Cross on the board of the choir room.

Will looks at New Directions. "All right, who can tell me who Christopher Cross is?"

"He discovered America." Brittany says.

Will smiles. "Close. He did write an iconic chart topper: 'Sailing.'"

Kurt sighs. "I have a bad feeling about this lesson."

"Never heard of him, don't want to hear about him." Tina says.

"Now some people think of the term "Easy Listening" as a bad thing. But I'm going to let this music speak for itself. You guys love Lady Gaga and the Rolling Stones... and you guys are really good about putting it all out there. But really good music can also be controlled, and restrained. It doesn't have to attack an audience, it can let them come to you." He says and hands out music sheets.

Finn speaks up after reading the music sheet. "How could you get caught between the moon and New York City? They're like a hundred miles apart."

Angie gives Finn an incredulous look. "Try about a hundred billion."

Kurt raises his hand. "Mr. Shue? If I may. I think I speak for all of us when I say it's not that we don't love the idea of spending a week on this silky smooth Adult Contemporary, it's just that, as teens, this isn't the easiest music for us to relate to. However, there is a burgeoning Facebook campaign that has swelled to over five members.The ardent demand: That this week, at the fall homecoming assembly, the McKinley High School Glee Club performs a number by... Wait for it...Ms. Britney Spears." Kurt says.

Artie smiles. "Spears is fierce, yo."

Will shakes his head. "Sorry, Kurt, Kurt, sorry. No, no, no. I don't think she's a very good role model." He denies.

Rachel sighs. "But, Mr. Shue, we kind of grew of up with her."

"Yeah. I don't necessarily agree with all of Britney's choices, but her music is some of the best music I've ever listened to. I first started dancing to Britney Spears." Angie said.

Tina nods. "She's literally why I wanted to become a performer."

Brittany looks sad. "I don't want to do Britney."

Kurt looks confused. "Why no Britney, Brittany?"

"Because my name is also Brittany Spears." Brittany reveals.

Will is shocked. "What?!"

Mercedes is confused. "What the hell is she talking about?"

"My middle name is Susan, my last name is Pierce. That makes me Brittany S. Pierce. "Brittany Spierce." I've lived my entire life in Britney Spears' shadow. I will never be as talented or as famous. I hope you'll all respect that I want Glee Club to remain a place where I, Brittany S. Pierce,can escape the torment of Britney Spears." Brittany explains.

"Well, there you have it, guys. It's been decided. No Britney. Sorry." Will says.

"Thanks, Britt. Thanks a lot." Kurt says.

Angie smacks his arm while Santana glares. "Leave Brittany alone." They say in unison.

"Thank you for understanding. It's been a hard road." Brittany says.

"Um, can we move on?" Rachel asks.

Will nods. "Yes. Let's talk about Michael Bolton."

/ / /

The next day, Carl is handing out capsules to the members of New Directions.

"All right, so here's the deal. You chew this little capsule. Now if there's any plaque you missed, the dye will stick to it and turn your teeth blue." Carl says.

Santana smirks. "Can I just say that you are the hottest dentist I've ever seen?"

Carl chuckles. "I get that all the time."

"No, like, seriously, you can totally drill me whenever..." Santana is cut off by Emma.

"Santana. Okay, let's stay focused." Emma says.

Carl smiles. "Rock n' roll, Emms. And besides, this guy..." he says and points to Will. "Now this guy's pretty easy on the eyes too, huh?" He walks to Will and puts his hand on Will's shoulder. "And you know what? No matter how hard I tried, I bet I couldn't sing and dance like him." He says and pats Will's cheek.

Will smiles. "Uh, probably not."

Carl nods. "All right, let's take a look at those chompers, huh?"

Kurt raises his hand. "Before we chew, I would just like to alert Mr. Shue that there's been a new addition to the Britney Spears Facebook campaign."

"Sorry. The answer's still no. Capsules, guys." Will says.

Emma nods. "Yes, chew away. Chew, chew."

New Directions chew on their capsules.

Kurt sees Rachel's teeth and is shocked. "Oh, my God!"

Rachel is confused. "What?" She asks and grabs a compact mirror. "Aw! I don't understand. I floss between classes."

Carl shrugs. "Well, sometimes it's genetics."

Angie's teeth are a very light blue. "I don't think I've gotten my teeth cleaned recently." She says and frowns. She's usually on top of oral hygiene.

Artie frowns. "I think I might be better at brushing and flossing if I could see myself in the mirror."

"I told you I could help you Artie." Angie tells her little brother.

Santana smiles. "There you go, blue tooth."

Brittany's teeth are the worst. "I don't brush my teeth. I rinse my mouth out with soda after I eat. I was pretty sure Dr. Pepper was a dentist."

Carl sighs. "I got this, Em. With some deep bleaching or scaling, you'll be as good as new. All right, open up." He says. Brittany obeys. "Nah, close. Close again."

/ / /

Angie waits in the dentist office for her deep teeth cleaning. She's reading a magazine when Brittany and Santana walk out, a little dazed.

"Angie you're smoking hot." Brittany says. Santana nods in agreement.

Angie smiles. "Thanks Britt. I think you're also hot." She says. Brittany smiles as she and Santana stumble a bit down the hallway and out the door.

"Angie?" Carl calls.

Angie stands up and walks into the room. "Hi Dr. Howell." She says.

Carl smiles as he inspects her mouth. "Well Angie, you have no cavities, but there is a bit of a plaque buildup on your teeth. I'm going to give you a deep cleaning and then you'll be good to go." He says.

He gets out the anesthesia. "It's going to take a little while. Mind if I play Pandora?" He asks.

Angie smiles. "No go ahead." She says.

Carl presses play and then puts Angie under anesthesia.

~ Angie's Fantasy ~

Angie is walking down the empty hall of McKinley, wearing the same outfit Britney Spears wore during one of her legendary performances on tour.

The opening to Britney Spears' '(You Drive Me) Crazy' begins, and Angie begins to sing to Finn.

At the middle of the song, Britney Spears shows up wearing her own costume. "Nice costume." Britney comments.

"Thanks." Angie says.

"Shall we dance?" Britney suggests.

Angie smiles. "Why not?"

Britney and Angie dance as Angie and Britney herself finish singing the song.

[(You Drive Me) Crazy by Britney Spears and Angie]

~ End of Fantasy ~

Angie wakes up from being under anesthesia. She's a bit groggy, but she doesn't really act that different.

"Holy crap... I danced with Britney Spears."

/ / /

Will is explaining who Christopher Cross is to the Glee kids the next day. "...making Christopher Cross a Golden Globe, Oscar, and five-time Grammy Award winner." He finishes. Brittany raises her hand. "Brittany."

Brittany smiles. "I would just like to say that from now on, I demand to have every solo in Glee Club."

Will and the others are in shock. "What?" He asks.

Brittany nods. "When I had my teeth cleaned, I had the most amazing Britney Spears fantasy. I sang and danced better than her. Now I realize what a powerful woman I truly am."

Santana smirks. "I went with her, and I had a Britney fantasy, too. Although now that I'm thinking about it, I'm not really sure how our fantasies combined. That doesn't make any sense."

Angie looks at Brittana. "I had a Britney Spears fantasy too. I got to sing and dance with her." She reveals. "Finn was there too, for some reason." Angie adds, making Finn look confused.

Kurt smiles. "See, Mr. Shue? I told you. Britney Spears busted our Brit out of her everyday, fragmented haze of confusion and gave her the confidence to step up and perform."

"I'm more talented than all of you. I see that clearly now. It's Brittany, bitch." Brittany smiles.

Will sighs. "Guys, we're not doing Britney Spears, and that's that."

Kurt rolls his eyes. "Mr. Shue, you're letting your own personal issues get in the way of something that we are all telling you we really want to do. I mean, this club regularly pays tribute to pop culture, and Britney Spears is pop culture! To suggest otherwise is heretical!" He says.

Angie looks at Kurt. "Kurt, calm down." She advises.

Will looks frustrated. "Kurt, I'm done talking about this!"

Kurt pushes his luck. "Geez! Let loose a little, would you?! Stop being so frickin' uptight all the time!"

Silence.

Will looks at Kurt in shock. "Kurt.....I'll see you in the Principal's office."

Kurt walks out of the choir room silently. Angie shakes her head in disappointment.

"Angie, why was I in your Britney fantasy?"

/ / /

The day afterwards, the New Directions see Rachel's dressed as Britney from "... Baby One More Time."

"Well, Rachel, congratulations. Normally, you dress like the fantasy of a perverted Japanese businessman with a very dark, specific fetish, but I actually dig this look." Santana says and then claps. "Yay."

Rachel smiles. "Thank you."

Angie doesn't like Rachel's look.

"I think what Santana is trying to say, Rachel, though I risk expulsion by saying so, is that it seems Britney Spears has really helped you blossom. That's all." Kurt says as politely as possible.

Will takes a second. "Wait. Rachel, is that true? I mean, you are sort of dressing differently."

"Bouncy, bouncy, bouncy..." Artie says.

Finn looks at Artie angrily. "Hey, hey."

Rachel smiles. "Look, all I know is that I had a very vivid Britney Spears fantasy at the dentist, and since then, it's made me feel free to get out of my own way. I think I've just always been afraid to dress like a pretty girl because I've never really felt like one before. Now I realize it's okay to feel that way about yourself every now and again. And maybe it's a good thing."

Brittany nods. "It's such a good thing. I can't believe it."

/ / /

The following day, Finn and Artie announce that Finn's back on the football team, and that Artie was also on the football team.

"I was pretty sure Artie's legs don't work." Quinn says.

"Did you get a leg transplant?" Brittany asks.

Artie shakes his head. "Nope. My teammates can push my chair like a battering ram."

Finn nods. "Yeah, there's no rules against it. We checked."

Artie nods. "And I have Britney Spears to thank."

Brittany, thinking Artie was talking about her, responds. "You're welcome."

Artie continues. "Britney plus nitrous gave me an amazing idea, and it gave me the nerve to tell Coach Beiste that Finn and I both really want to be on the team."

Rachel looks at Finn. "Wait. You're back on the football team?

Finn nods. "Yeah."

Angie smiles. "Congrats Finn." She says.

Finn smiles at her. "Thanks Angie."

Santana smirks. "Suddenly, you're way hotter to me. Weird."

Puck is confused. "Wait. I don't get it. How come everyone's having Britney Spears fantasies?"

Angie looks at him. "I don't know but this is freaky."

"The nitrous oxide dentists use is a mild hallucinogen. Studies have proven that it induces vivid dreams, often the last thing the patient thinks of. The subconscious moves to the forefront. Since we've all been thinking so much about Britney, it only stands to reason." Artie explains.

"That must be it then." Angie says.

Will is coming into the choir room. "Okay, guys, listen up."

Kurt raises his hand. "Mr. Shue, if I may?"

Will sighs. "Kurt, I overheard what you guys were just talking about, and I know what you're going to say. The answer is no. No, I'm not going to stand in the way anymore. If you guys want to do Britney at this year's homecoming assembly, I'm fine with it."

Kurt looks like he's going to explain himself. "I know. Oh..." he says in realization.

"Wait... we're going to perform Britney Spears? You're serious?" Angie asks.

Will nods. "And more than that, I am going to perform with you. Right?"

He gets awkward smiles.

Will, just leave Britney to the kids.

/ / /

Figgins is rapping on the microphone at the homecoming assembly. "Quiet, please, children. Quiet now. First, students who ate the ravioli today and are not up-to-date on their tetanus shots should see the nurse immediately. Welcome to our homecoming pep assembly. Because of last week's grisly train derailment, the dulcimer club is on hiatus until further notice. But do we ever have a treat for you. Fresh off their last place finish at the Regionals, please give it up for the New Directions!"

There's scattered claps as New Directions begins to sing Britney Spears's 'Toxic.'

[Toxic by Will and New Directions]

Everything goes swimmingly until Sue pulls the fire alarm.

Angie has never felt more embarrassed.

/ / /

Angie meets up with Sam the next morning.

"Hey Sam. Sorry about the assembly yesterday." Angie apologized.

Sam shrugged. "Nah, it's cool. I thought you guys were really good. But why did Mr. Shue join you guys?"

"I don't know. I would've rather performed Britney without Mr. Shue. But he's our director, so we don't have a choice." Angie states.

Sam nods. "Hey, you wanna hang out after school? I know this really nice park about a block from here."

"Sure. You want a lift? I have to stay a little later today because I have Cheerios practice after glee practice." Angie said.

Sam smiled. "I don't mind waiting."

/ / /

The next day, Will is looking at the New Directions. "All right." He says and Rachel raises her hand. "Rachel?"

Rachel stands up. "I have a song that I've prepared for the class."

Will sighs. "Sorry, Rachel, no Britney. I'm really happy that her music has inspired so many of you, even if that inspiration was brought about by a dangerous narcotic. And I think we've all come to appreciate her music and celebrity so much more this week. But honestly, she's just not us."

Kurt sighs. "I'm devastated. I can't believe we only did one Britney number."

Angie shrugged. "I'm just happy we got to do a Britney number."

Rachel smiles. "I was actually gonna do something from our original assignment last week: Adult Contemporary. But this is just a little bit more Young Adult."

Will nods. "Oh. Great, Rachel. Well, let's hear it." He says and takes a seat.

Rachel stands at the front of the class. "I'd like to dedicate this song to my boyfriend, Finn. I was wrong. I shouldn't try to control you. I've just... I've never been this happy before. And I realize that I was trying to hold onto how you were making me feel so much, that I was strangling you in my hands, like a little bird. I get now, that in order for this relationship to work, I have to open up my hands and let you fly free." She explains.

Brittany looks confused. "Finn can fly?"

Kurt looks at her. "Really?" He asks sarcastically.

Brittany's still confused. "Wait, I thought I was the only one getting the solos from now on. Next week, I'm going to be performing a musical number by Ke$ha." She says.

Rachel sings "The only Exception" with the rest of the ND doing backing vocals.

[The Only Exception by Rachel]

Angie looked sad but kept her composure. She wouldn't waste tears on Finn Hudson.

/ / /

After Cheerios practice, Angie walks up to Sam, who's standing by the trophy case.

"Hey. You ready to go?" She asks.

Sam nods. "Yeah. Wait... what about your brother? Doesn't he need a ride?"

Angie smiled. "I'm actually driving alone now. My mom insisted I be a teenager and that she and my dad can take Artie to school. I was kinda upset about it, but Artie told me he was cool with it."

Sam nodded. "I think it's cool you're looking out for your brother. He sounds like a cool dude."

Angie smiled. "He is cool." She agreed.

Sam smiled as they walked together to Angie's car.

Neither blondes noticed the sour look on Finn's face.

/ / /

2082 words

Songs Mentioned/Performed
1. (You Drive Me) Crazy - Britney Spears and Angie 
2. Toxic - Will and New Directions
3. The Only Exception - Rachel

I LOVE THIS EPISODE SO MUCH!

Next update: Grilled Cheesus

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