Season 4, Episode 2: Britney 2.0

Ownership of Glee: FOX, Ryan Murphy, Ian Brennan, Brad Falchuk

/ / /

Brittany walks into Emma's office late. "Sorry I'm late. Someone stole my compass. I can't wear my Cheerios uniform anymore, so I got this outfit in the lost and found."

"Take a seat, Britt." Will says.

Brittany panics. "Am I getting kicked off the glee club, too?"

Angie shakes her head. "Of course not."

"We're just really concerned about you." Emma says.

Will nods. "Yeah."

"Um... Brittany, you know you've had some setbacks lately, and, um, it looks like you might be feeling a little bit blue." Angie states.

Brittany shrugs. "That's okay. I started taking Lord Tubbington's pills for feline depression."

Will sighs. "Brittany, I-I think you and Emma should meet daily for a while. I think you've underestimated the impact being held back has had on you."

"Well, thanks, but I don't really have any time. After school, I'm hopping into bed, eating cashews and bacon, and then watching The Client List marathon. And with that, I said good-bye, and swooped out the doorway, my voice-over continuing down the hallway." Brittany says as she walks out the door.

"Okay, what was that?" Will asks.

"You know, everything's been taken away from her. She doesn't have anything to hold onto. Clearly, she's lost her identity. We need to bring Brittany back." Angie says.

Will looks at Angie. "I believe you have something in mind?"

Angie smiles. "Who else can pull Brittany S. Pierce out of a funk?"

/ / /

"Great news, guys. Principal Figgins has asked us to perform at the annual back-to-school pep rally this week. Now, I understand our National Champion street cred has dropped a little bit since school started, but this is our chance to really wow them and get it back." Will says as he enters the choir room the next day.

"What are we gonna perform?" Marley asks.

"Good question. We're a family in here, and when one of our family is falling down, it's up to us to get together to pick them back up." Angie says.

Tina smirks. "Oh, my God. Are we doing Britney Week again?"

"You really came into your own during the last Britney Week. You showed us the best of Britney. Youth, energy, confidence. She inspires you, and you inspire us. So everyone prepare a Britney song for the week, and we're gonna pick one to do for the pep rally. And I've asked Blaine and Artie to give us a little taste of what we're looking for." Will says.

Blaine and Artie smile. "This one's for you, Brittany." Artie says.

Artie and Blaine perform a mash-up of 'Boys/Boyfriend.'

[Boys/Boyfriend by Artie and Blaine]

"So, Britt, what'd you think?" Blaine asks.

"I'm once again inspired by the awesomeness of Britney. Thanks, Mr. Shue. Thanks Angie." Brittany says.

Angie looks at Will. "Will... just so we're clear, if they're performing Britney at the assembly, please don't perform with them. I still have not so kind flashbacks to Toxic every now and then."

/ / /

Angie is walking and talking with Unique and Marley.

"So, here's the deal. We're both new girls here, and new girls need to stick together." Unique says.

"Cool." Marley nods.

"First order of bestie business:  boys. Who've you got your eye on?" Unique asks.

Marley smiles. "Jake's kind of cute."

Angie shakes her head. "Oh, honey, no. Bad seed."

"Come on. He's an artist." Marley argues.

"You mean pick-up artist." Angie mumbles.

"Marley, everywhere you go in this school, you see wreckage of girls' hearts who thought the same thing as you. And he's only been in this school for two weeks! He's even been known to troll the girls' gym class." Tina says.

Unique shakes her head. "Uh-uh."

Angie snorts. "Please. Jake can't be that much of a playboy. The biggest playboy in McKinley history is Noah Puckerman. I should know — I dated Noah for six months in my freshman year of high school."

Unique looks at Marley. "Let me be clear:  he's a womanizer."

Unique, Tina, Angie and Marley sing Britney's 'Womanizer.'

[Womanizer by Unique, Tina, Angie and Marley]

After the number, Angie walks up to Jake. "Jake... I don't know what you're playing at, but if you hurt Marley, I will personally kill you."

Jake looks at her. "I just want to hang out with her." He says.

Angie sighs. "Look, all I'm saying is that you shouldn't flirt with every girl. Okay? Marley's a special kid, and she deserves a special guy. So do yourself a favor and clean your act up so you don't become the next Noah Puckerman and accidentally get someone pregnant." She says.

Angie walks off when Jake tells her this.

"I know of Noah Puckerman because I'm his half-brother."

/ / /

Joe, Sam and Tina are singing '3.'

[3 by Joe, Sam and Tina]

"Brittany, what are you doing?!" Angie asks, seeing Brittany with a barber shop razor.

"Coach Sylvester's taken away my high pony. If I can't have my high pony, I don't want any hair at all." Brittany says.

"No!"

/ / /

Angie steps out into the hallway and pulls out her phone, dialing the one person she needs to talk to:  Noah Puckerman.

"Go for Puck."

Angie smiles, admitting she missed hearing his voice. "How's L.A. doing you, Noah?" She asks.

She can practically hear his smile. "Damn I missed your voice, Angie. Hey, not that I don't love the unexpected call, but why'd you call me?" Puck asks.

"I need you to come back to McKinley and talk some sense into your surprise half-brother, Jake. He's becoming a total playboy just like you, and I'm scared he'll become the next you and the poor girl he may or may not knock up will become the next Quinn." Angie explains.

"Say no more. I'm on my way."

/ / /

For glee club, Angie has a Britney number prepared.

"Hey Will? I'd like to perform my Britney number." Angie says.

Will nods and lets Angie take her place at the front of the room.

"I decided to tackle this Britney song because I think it might help Britt with her funk. This is for you Brittany." Angie says.

Angie performs Britney's 'Circus,' dressed exactly like ringleader Britney in the video.

[Circus by Angie]

When the performance is over, she gets applause from her friends and cheers from her new teammates.

Brittany smiles. "Thanks Angie. I feel like I could take on the world now."

/ / /

"Brittany, we're worried about you. We know how hard it must have felt to get kicked off the Cheerios." Blaine tells the now ex-Cheerio.

"We want to help you get back on your feet and start performing again." Artie states.

Blaine nods. "You should be the lead performer at the pep assembly on Friday."

"That's great, but there's only one problem. I have to lip-sync." Brittany reveals.

"We don't lip-sync in Glee." Tina reminds her.

"Well, my voice is too weak to sing live. I've been up every night this week yelling at the shrubs in my yard that have been making fun of me." Brittany explains.

"This sounds like a terrible idea." Artie says.

Yes Artie, it's a terrible idea.

/ / /

Angie and Will talk to the kids.

"We do not lip-sync ever!" Will chastises most of his students.

"We're sorry, Mr. Shue. We were just trying to help Brittany out..." Blaine says.

"Lip-syncing is the equivalent of blood doping in professional sports!bEvery gain we've made in the last three years has been wiped out. And I'm not just talking about our reputation here at McKinley. If the National Show Choir Board of Review gets wind of this, we could be barred from competing. What do you have to say for yourself, Brittany?" Will exclaims in frustration.

"To quote the legend herself, 'If I met me, I would say a quick hello and then think I was a really nice girl.' And I resign from Glee Club, effective immediately." Brittany says.

Angie sighs. "Great. Not only have most of us forgotten what New Directions stand for, but now we could potentially be banned from performing." She says, glaring mostly at Blaine and Tina.

Blaine shrinks back towards Artie, and Tina just looks anywhere except Angie's eyes.

Unique and Marley just watch in shock.

They make mental notes to themselves to never make Angie mad.

/ / /

It's the end of the week. Things have died down.

"All right. Okay, let's give a big New Directions welcome to Jake Puckerman." Will says as Noah's half-brother walks in the choir room.

"Hey, dude. Uh, me and your bro were practically best friends. Is it weird that I know him a lot better than you?" Sam asks.

"Welcome, bro." Blaine says.

"God made you, and God doesn't make mistakes." Joe says.

Angie looks to the younger Puckerman. "Make no mistake, I will kick your ass if you begin acting like your brother and get someone pregnant. Other than that, welcome to New Directions."

Jake sits close to Marley, a little afraid of Angie now.

"Mr. Schuester." Marley says.

"Yeah, Marley." Will nods.

"If it's all right, I'd like to sing one last Britney song." Marley says.

"Did that come out this morning? 'Cause we've scraped the bottom of that Britney barrel." Artie says.

"Not exactly. This is one of my favorites songs." Marley says.

Marley sings Britney's 'Everytime.'

[Everytime by Marley]

When she finishes singing, everyone claps for her.

/ / /

1699 words

Songs Mentioned/Performed
1. Boys/Boyfriend - Artie and Blaine
2. Womanizer - Unique, Tina, Angie and Marley
3. 3 - Joe, Sam and Tina
4. Circus - Angie
5. Everytime - Marley

I had fun with the second Britney Spears episode. Sorry for the lack of New York in this chapter; I skipped over the New York plot because I felt it was unnecessary.

Next update:  Makeover

2 episodes to The Break Up
3 episodes to The Role You Were Born to Play
4 episodes to Glease
5 episodes to Dynamic Duets
6 episodes to Thanksgiving
7 episodes to Swan Song
8 episodes to Glee Actually
9 episodes to Sadie Hawkins