i still don't know how to title, clearly.

um hi! here's another update. i hope this is a bit more "in depth" / genuine than my last. it's not to say that i didn't mean anything in my last update by the way, i just think that my last one could've been a bit better.

thank you for all of the support i've received since my return? i'm not sure what to call it, im not really a celebrity 😭 i'm just some random person on the internet.

i'd like you all to know that my shitposting actually never did end. i just have a private snapchat story, i share so much more than just my mental illness i promise 🙏🙏🙏

i just wanted to make a more genuine apology? i guess? this will be the last public one. i wanted this one to be extremely personal, instead of making excuses for myself.

that being said, i was 11 years old.

i was a child, with unrestricted internet access and very few friends. it's not to say that my parents didn't love me, they very much do and my relationship with my mother has healed so much. my 'stepfather' is actually no longer in my life at all. my mother and i went no contact about a year ago now.

it's been hard. learning and growing. but i remind myself that i was a child. i was allowed to make mistakes. however some of my actions were definitely.... inappropriate.

i don't want to call out names or tag anyone, i think a lot of my friends/followers want to forget about this time in their lives, however i still need to grow from this point. i wanted to say that i am so sorry for the awful things i did as a child, and while i'm being nice to myself because i understand that i was a child, i still shouldn't have been doing a LOT of what i was.

i wanted to apologize about the thousands of times i had talked about taking my own life, the stress i caused, and how i affected others developmentally too, because while i was a child, so were you. you didn't deserve it either, and i don't want to sweep this chapter under the rug and not address what i did wrong.

i believe that i am a good person, deserving of the life that i worked to build myself and the hard work i put into creating myself. i learned a lot during these years, even if it wasn't exactly how i should've learned.

i treated my friends poorly. extremely poorly, to be exact. i didn't know how to act if the conversation wasn't about how much of a bad person i was or how much i wanted to die. it was always about me. and i'd like to say that i don't think like that anymore. and i also want to give you all a massive thank you

thank you for letting me heal the way i've needed to, for supporting me in everything even when i was wrong, and putting up with so so much. i wish i could hug you all. even little yous. and tell you i love you and i am so grateful for you.

we've grown up!! we deserve it. and i hope once my life slows just the tiniest bit i will be able to post on here too....

that being said, i love you, and thank you for the endless encouragement and support ❤️