after sherlock had dropped the lunch he had got his father off with him, he made his way to john's house after, receiving the text asking if he could come over. his stomach was turning as he drove to his friends house, not ready to spend time alone with him again, but he was a friend. so sherlock was entitled to it. he pulled into the drive way, sitting in his car for a few minutes before forcing himself to get out and go into what was pretty much his second childhood home. the house was about as big as his own, big and white, but the watson's didn't have a wrap around porch like his home did. he walked up the steps then to the front door, letting himself in.

the scent of mrs. watson's homemade cinnamon wax melts filled his nose and he felt at home. he toed his shoes off, putting them on the mat next to john's boots. he hung up his coat and scarf, looking around the house before walking upstairs silently. he turned right and went to the second door on his left, standing in the doorway of john's room, seeing him sitting on his bed, typing furiously on his phone.

"still angry?" sherlock asked.

john jumped some, letting out a small yelp. "oh my god, sherlock! i didn't even hear you come in."

sherlock chuckled. "good thing i'm not a killer." he went over to john's desk and pulled out the chair, sitting in it, putting quite some distance between them.

"james is apologizing for the way he's been acting, but i'm still pissed about last night." john said as he started to type again. "and today for him overreacting and making me feel like a piece of shit." he sent the text then set his phone down, looking at his friend.

"i think you should ignore him for a bit." sherlock stood up. "and come downstairs and we'll make hot chocolate, spike it some, then watch elf on a continuous loop until we get sick of it."

john laughed softly. "mom made fudge and ginger snaps."

"then let's get our asses down there." he grabbed john's wrists, pulling him off the bed. when he leaned over to get his phone, sherlock pulled him away. "leave it." he said then pushed the laughing john out of his bedroom.

they went down to the kitchen and started making their hot chocolate. as sherlock mixed the milk with the powder, john went through his parents 'adult' cabinet. "vodka good?" he asked his friend.

"your parents don't drink vodka." sherlock looked over at the blond who sat on the floor in front of a cupboard.

john unscrewed the cap and took a riff, gagging. "oh my god." he coughed, holding it out. "smell it."

sherlock walked over to him, taking the bottle. he brought it to his nose and pulled it away, instantly smelling it. "no, no." he gave it to john. "put it back. we're not drinking that."

john laughed and took the bottle back, screwing the cap back onto it before putting it all the way in the back of the cupboard where it belonged. "some whiskey?" he asked his friend, looking at the labels of the bottles.

"bourbon would be better." sherlock went to the fridge. he opened it, taking out the small plate of fudge that had a piece of paper with his name on it. mrs. watson had set some aside for him. he took it out, setting it on the table as he took the saran wrap off the plate, taking a square of the peanut butter fudge and popping it into his mouth, forgetting how good it was.

john stood with a bottle of bourbon, pouring a bit in the two coffee mugs that sat on the table. "save some for me." john pointed to the fudge as he put the bottle away.

sherlock grabbed the plate and a mug. "come on then." he hurried out to the living room, careful not to spill his drink. he set both items on the coffee table, plopping down onto the sofa.

john set his mug down along with a plate with a few ginger snaps, grabbing a square of fudge as he went to the tv that hung on the wall above the mantel piece. the tv was probably the only modern thing in this house. mr. watson had won it in a raffle at best buy, not refusing the offer. he spent his sunday's reclined in his lay z boy shouting at the tv along with mr. holmes.

"james hates the movie elf." john said as he put the dvd into the player.

sherlock rolled his eyes. he wish john would just shut up about james. he was a dick that didn't deserve john. but john loved him and his heart is too big to realize that his boyfriend is a douche. so sherlock is forced to put up with it.

"says it's annoying." john added as he grabbed the remote. he closed the curtains, blocking out the sun reflecting onto the tv before sitting down next to his friend.

"well james is annoying." sherlock leaned forward, grabbing his mug and john's. "elf is amazing."

john huffed out a laugh. "you know he doesn't like you." he pressed play on the movie.

sherlock handed john his mug. "oh i know. i've known that since you two started dating." he took a swig of his hot chocolate, humming. "damn that's strong."

john took a swig, letting out a breath. "a good kind of strong."

sherlock nodded in agreement, taking another swig, john joining him.

as they watched the movie, sherlock could've sworn john scooted a centimeter closer every few minutes until their thighs were touching. it wasn't like they sat this close before, but they were both a bit tipsy after drinking all their spiked hot chocolate. and the fact that all sherlock could think about was his best friend. being pinned down. moaning his name. sherlock subtlety moved a pillow into his lap, hugging it tightly. he lost focus in the movie and thought of many different things to get the topic of his mind change, but it refused. then john lay his head on shelrock's shoulder and he almost came right then and there in his pants.

it was normal for friends to sit like this. right? sherlock wasn't sure. him and john never sat together like this before. ever. then those fingertips ran over his knee and hesitantly the palm rested on his knee. this was not normal. all the warnings and sirens were going off in sherlock's mind, but sherlock was frozen. he was remembering how it felt to be touched like that because it would most likely never happen again. his head turned and he looked at his friend who was looking at him.

john lifted his head, his eyes meeting with the grey ones in front of him and he smiled with his lips. that smile that he got every time he looked at something he adored and sherlock couldn't resist to move in closer when the hand on his knee moved down some. his arm was on the back of the sofa as he held himself from closing the small gap between him and his best friend.

but then it happened.

john moved in first, giving sherlock a chaste kiss. he pulled away and giggled softly, a smile glued onto his face.

sherlock knew it wasn't right. they were both a bit tipsy and john was in a relationship. a committed one too.

then those soft lips were against his again. and sherlock couldn't resist. he kissed back, lifting a hand to cup the side of his friend's face, finally getting to know what the warm skin felt like against his hand. how his cheek fit perfectly into the palm of his hand. he should pull away. he really should. but john made the first move. but sherlock should've pulled away the first time.

sherlock pulled away, causing the blond to frown. "what's wrong?" john asked.

sherlock sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "this." he looked at john again. "you're in a relationship!"

john pulled his knees to his chest, holding himself as he put his knees between his head. "james cheated on me."

"so this is just pay back?" sherlock scoffed, shaking his head as he got up. "i never thought you could be this low." sherlock walked to the front door, pulling his shoes on as anger started boiling inside him. he was viewed as some tool to john apparently. showed how much he cared.

"sherlock, please." john's wet voice came from behind him.

sherlock put his hand on the hook where his coat was. "what?" he turned and saw john standing there, tears streaming down his face. sherlock felt his heart break.

"you're all i have." he sniffled, wiping his face with the sleeves of his sweater. he brought his hands down from his face and gave sherlock that look. the look that john gave him the first time him james got into a huge fight. his expression was soft, but his eyes were wide and asking for help. that was one thing john never did. he hated admitting he needed help. he thought it made him weak and venerable.

"please." john begged softly.

sherlock turned back to his coat and took it off the hook, putting it on. guilt coated the anger inside him and he turned to john. "i can't be used. i'm your friend. not an object."

"i know that!" john exclaimed. "just- please." he said calmly.

sherlock turned to the door, placing a hand on the knob, but he couldn't push himself to open it. he couldn't leave john alone. he was his friend and lately he's been a shitty on. "i need to know what that kiss was." he turned around again. "was it because you like me or to get back at sholto?"

john sniffled, shrugging. "i'm not sure."

there it is! sherlock was just being used!

"really fucking low, john. i thought you were better." sherlock said then opened the front door, leaving with rage boiling inside him. he took his keys out from his pocket and got into his car, focused on getting out.

he pulled out onto the road and heading in town. he buckled up once he was at the stoplight, calming himself some. he got on the highway, heading west to get out of town for a little bit. just until he was calm enough to return because he was at his breaking point. he knew that he shouldn't have went over to john's. he was just asking for his feelings to get hurt.

"god, you're such an idiot." sherlock laughed at himself. he had the nerve to just drive back to school. he had his phone and his wallet. he'd be fine.

he didn't realize that he was speeding until the pull lights appeared behind him. he pulled to the side of the road, putting his car in park as he reached over to his glove department, taking out the registration for his car. he looked into his side mirror to see the officer walking to his car and it wasn't just a regular officer, it was his uncle. he sighed and rolled down his window, smiling.

"hey, uncle rudy."

"you were going seventy. speed limit is fifty five. license and registration." he stood at the window, watching his nephew take his lisence out of his wallet.

sherlock handed the paper and his card to his uncle.

"i'm not gonna tell your parents and let you off with a warning. but, you have to go back home and calm down." he handed sherlock his car registration and license back.

"thanks uncle rudy."

rudy patted sherlock's shoulder. "it's not healthy to be upset. confront your problems. get it off your chest."

"i'm gay." sherlock said, watching his uncle smile at him.

"i'm here for you, sherlock. if you need anything, give me a call."

sherlock nodded, feeling a bit better. "just don't tell anyone. please. i haven't exactly, ya know."

"i know. now go home." rudy turned and walked back to his suv.

sherlock sighed as he rolled his window up. that was a start. and of course his uncle was open about it, he was also gay. he tucked his license back into his wallet and put his registration away before driving again. he turned around at the next intersection, heading east this time. he was feeling a bit better. getting what was causing him the most pressure off his chest gave him some relief. but now he had to come out to his parents. and the rest of his family.

that's going to be one hell of a christmas present.