Despite graduating college, my drug dealer landlord decided to pursue other...things. I know that he wants to be a singer because I can always hear him screaming high notes whenever he moves his box next to mine. Currently, he's on an expensive vacation to Korea, so he won't be back until January 9th.

Let me explain some of the things I can hear him say. Once, he was on the phone with some dude named Rico. Him and Rico are really close but they keep fighting. Once, I heard their conversation and it went a little something like this.

"Rico I told you I can't bring the crack today."

(Rico is on speaker phone btw)

"GIMME DAT CRACK!"

(Drug Dealer Landlord starts singing a jingle from a commercial)

"I have an annuity but I need crack now, call JG Wentworth 877-CRACK- NOW!" (See video above)

(Rico hangs up the phone)

My drug dealer landlord called Rico back after that and they proceeded to have a conversation about which BTS member is the hottest.

I quote:

"Rico, I told you 3 times. Rap Monster is daddy." - My Drug Dealer Landlord

Also, he listens to so many BTS songs in the shower. This one time, he was listening to War Of Hormone, and he actually hit Jimin's high note near the end.

After finishing War Of Hormone, he proceeds to watch BTS moaning videos and then I moved my box away because I didn't want to hear "UGGHHHHFFF....UAUUNGHHFF....UUUNNNFFFF...." all night long.

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Also, my Drug Dealer landlord keeps inviting random girls over. He usually invites this one girl named Mary Jane, and she always smells like weed. I always know when he has her over bacause I can smell the weed through the flimsy walls of my box. I think that him and Mary Jane are dating because once I caught them kissing.

Then, my drug dealer caught me spying on them, and he raised my rent to 3 pennies a month. He also told me not to tell anyone that he's dating Mary Jane, because she's dating one of the most famous criminals in New Jersey. His name is Ram Bunchiss.

Now I have blackmail on him, and I told him that if he keeps making moaning noises, playing moaning noises, and saying that Rap Monster is daddy, that I will tell everyone his secret.

Then he raised my rent to 4 pennies a month.

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A haa a haa ah ah ah ah haaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAaaAAa!!!!!!!1!!!1!

No offense to actual people who live in a box.

I regret writing this whole book but I'm never deleting it