Arin wakes up in the morning with a splitting headache. It's so bad that he can't even sit up without feeling pain and can barely open his eyes to the light. He takes a deep breath, throwing an arm over them and just lying there, thinking.

He shouldn't have drank as much as he did. Things are fuzzy, but he remembers everything. Kissing Dan... Dan walking out angrily... himself, getting smashed and losing his phone and driving drunk over to Brian's house. He remembers talking to Brian and being forced to stay the night, remembers not getting to talk to Suzy for the second time to say that he was sorry.

Fuck, his heart aches so much. He feels like he's being dramatic when he's wishing that he could shut down and stop feeling anything at all, wishing that he were dead right now. He feels selfish for thinking that and for wanting to die, because how could he leave Suzy behind? And Dan- Arin may be upset with the way Dan handled things, and Dan may hate Arin right now, but Arin couldn't be so selfish as to leave him either.

Maybe if he was selfish enough, Arin could find it in him to do it. To commit suicide. Last night would've been the perfect time and he had so many opportunities- he could've made it look accidental, too. He could have "accidentally" driven his car in front of someone else's and died in the collision. He could've "accidentally" crashed or flipped his car on his way here, to Brian's. He could've "accidentally" gotten hit by anybody, or could've done so many other things.

Or he could've just not cared at all. He could've simply taken a handful of either his or Suzy's prescription pills and overdosed, and it would've been so easy, and everything would be over.

But it's not over yet. Arin's here now, alive and breathing, because he isn't that selfish and he isn't that stupid. His life isn't so bad that he should be here now, thinking about the ways he could've killed himself last night.

But things are pretty bad right now, and they could easily get to that point where he might seriously consider taking his own life. He can't let that happen. He needs Dan to stay on Game Grumps, to stay his friend at the very least.

He needs Dan to stay.

Everything hasn't completely fallen apart yet, but it's getting there. For now, Arin supposes it's just time to play the waiting game until he hears from Dan again, whether it's because he's forgiving him, or because he's quitting.

"Arin. Here, take this."

Arin lifts up his arm and cracks open an eye to find Brian there, holding out some aspirin and a glass of water. The younger man sits up the best he can and takes them items from Brian's hands, downing the aspirin and the entire glass of water.

"Thanks," Arin sighs out, yawning. His head is pounding, but hopefully the aspirin helps. Brian gives him a nod in response and sits down on the end of the sofa where Arin's feet were previously, nudging the younger's legs out of the way. "What time is it?"

Brian checks his watch. "Around 9AM," he answers, looking over at Arin. "I'm only a little surprised you're awake right now- I did kind of make you go to sleep way earlier than you're probably used to. I turned out the lights at like... ten last night, I think? Yeah, ten."

Arin shrugs, not sure if he cares if his sleep schedule changes for the better right now. "Where's Rachel and Audrey?" he finds himself wondering aloud, the house empty and quiet without the TV on or the five year old running around and playing.

"Audrey is at school right now, and Rachel is at the store picking up a few things."

"Ah, I forgot Audrey started going to kindergarten," Arin murmurs, but then things are quiet. "Did you hear from Dan at all? Or Suzy?"

"Not Suzy, but I did actually just get back from having breakfast with Dan," Brian admits and Arin bites his lip, frowning. "He needed someone else to talk to about things and I lent him an ear. He talked for a while, I said a few things, we ate, and then he left. There wasn't much else to it."

"What... uh..." Arin starts softly, pausing briefly, "What did he wanna talk to you about...? Was it about last night? About... me...?"

Brian sighs. "It's not my business or my right to tell you exactly what he said to me in our private conversation," he tells the younger man, "But yeah, it was about last night and it was about you. He needed to vent about how he was feeling and get a second opinion about some of the things he spoke with Suzy about, and he asked for my advice."

"Is he mad at me?" Arin asks in a whisper, trying to look Brian in the eyes but he can't.

"I don't know," Brian replies, but Arin is almost positive he does. "He was feeling a lot of things about a lot of things, and had so many mixed feelings, but we had a good heart-to-heart chat over breakfast and he left seeming a bit better and less confused about things."

Arin nods, trying his best to stay calm. "That's... that's really good," he says as if he's trying to convince himself. Brian feels a little bad for him if he's honest. "I just... um... I just wish I could fuckin'... make things right between us again. It really hurt when he just... walked out like that and left me there alone, but... maybe I deserved it for kissing him when he didn't want that from me."

Brian doesn't say a word, not wanting to say too much or say the wrong thing. Instead, he reaches into his pocket and pulls out Arin's phone, holding it in his upturned palm.

"Ross stopped by late last night after you fell asleep and dropped off this," he utters, handing the phone to Arin, who hesitantly reaches out and takes it. "He said it was underneath your couch in the living room. He fed your cats again this morning by the way, in case you couldn't get back home."

"I can probably manage," Arin responds with a shrug, running a hand through his hair. "I'm a little hungover but I can drive home."

"Are you sure you wanna be there alone?" Brian asks him, and once again Arin shrugs. "I don't want you to do anything dumb, anything you'd regret."

"What, like kill myself?" Brian's eyes dart away as soon as the words leave Arin's mouth and the younger just exhales, frowning. "I'm not gonna fuckin' do something like that, Brian. I may think about it but I'm not that selfish and I'm too chicken-shit, so you can stop."

"You didn't seem to be so selfless or chicken-shit when you drove over here drunk last night," Brian argues, and Arin has to let him have that one because Brian's right. "You could've ended up in jail for the night or could've even gotten into an accident and possibly could've died at any second. Imagine how Suzy would feel, how all of your friends, including me, would feel, how your fans would feel or even how Dan would feel. They'd- we'd all be so sad and angry with you right now."

"I was drunk and I didn't care at that moment," Arin protests a little, but his argument is a bit weak. "I could see you all being mad at me if I had like... fuckin' overdosed or something. I could've done it at any time and it would've been easy, but I didn't do it because maybe I don't want to die as much as I think I do right now. I'm just... upset, and hurt and heartbroken and it all makes me think about dumb shit. If I truly wanted to die, I would already be dead."

"And I understand that, Arin," Brian tells him, reaching over and touching the younger man's shoulder. "Trust me, I get it, but it's not healthy to think about hurting yourself or to think about the different ways you could've ended your own life last night all because something bad happened. It's not okay, and it's also not okay to just say shit like that. When you said you wished you were dead last night, it... it hurt me, because I'm your friend and I love and care about you, you know?"

"I know it isn't, Brian, I know. And like, that's why I haven't acted on any of it at all; because I know that eventually things will change, just like they did last time, and I won't feel like this anymore. I just have to wait until then, but it's so hard without Dan or Suzy here beside me to help."

"I know, but... don't give up, okay? You don't know how Dan's feeling right now, so you can't say for sure that he hates you or that he's pissed off at you or whatever." Brian's words sound quite similar to Suzy's from the other day, and it's so weird- like either they think the same way or Arin's just a complete fool that doesn't understand anything simple. "So just... give him some time and some space, and wait. Wait for him to come to you to talk."

So that's what Arin does: he waits. Even as he talks with Brian a bit more until he gets up with a stretch, even as he asks for his keys back, even as he checks his phone before saying goodbye to Brian and heading outside, and even after that, when he leaves for his house.

He drives home, and it's quiet on the way. The sun is bright and hurts his eyes, and all Arin wants to do is go back to sleep or something because he's hella hungover and feels lonely now that he's left Brian's.

When he arrives at his own house, Arin heads in and greets his cats, giving them lots of love before going upstairs. He's undressing himself on the way to his bedroom, tossing the clothes on the floor by the foot of the bed. And once he's just in his underwear, he crawls onto the mattress and shuts his eyes, pulling the blanket over his head.

It's a miracle he's able to fall asleep, but he wakes up again around 2PM with heartburn, nausea, and a growling stomach. His head is feeling better though, but even so, he lies there, not wanting to get up for any reason at all.

He doesn't know what to do with himself and doesn't feel well enough to do anything productive, so he just lies in bed for a long time. There's a TV in his and Suzy's bedroom, so he puts it on and watches something that's already half-over until it ends, and continues to watch whatever comes on after that. The hours fly by and soon enough it's somewhere between six and seven, and he should probably call and talk to Suzy, but he doesn't want to bother her any more than he already has, and what the worst part about that is that most of it was done just last night alone.

It's not that bad of a Thursday evening- Arin can see through his window that the sun is setting, casting a pink glow onto the grass in the backyard outside and in through the window, onto the floor in Arin's room. But despite the evening looking pretty, it certainly doesn't match Arin's mood in any way.

It's Suzy that texts him first a little after the sun has disappeared, asking him how he's feeling and if he's okay. He answers honestly, even if he's sugarcoating a little when he tells her that his mood could be better and he's hungover, but he's alright for the most part. She doesn't mention anything about Dan, Brian or the drunk driving, but Arin can tell that she wants to.

But instead she tells him that it won't be long until she gets back- counting tonight, only three nights to go until she's home and by his side again. And then she says that they should probably sit down and talk when she gets back, about everything, especially if Dan doesn't come to talk to Arin before then. He feels anxious when he thinks about it, but still agrees anyway because he has to, and whether he wants to or not, they'll talk about things.

She asks him if he's eaten, and he lies and says that he has. She asks him a few other things too, but he mostly answers truthfully to those with the exception of one or two of the questions. With some things it's just easier if he doesn't tell her.

Eventually, she stops replying so Arin assumes she got busy. He turns off his phone and sets it on the nightstand, finding something else to watch until he gets bored and just wants to sleep despite not being super tired or anything.

He heads into the bathroom and takes some Nyquil to make himself tired, and waits for it to kick in. When he has a hard time keeping his eyes open, he shuts off the TV and turns out all the lights, going back to sleep for the night.

And the next time his eyes open, it's 11AM and Otto is sleeping right beside him. Arin finds himself sitting up and rubbing his eyes with a yawn before he gets out of bed, stretching and then heading to the bathroom. When he finishes, he gets dressed and feeds the cats.

The day already is going by so slowly that it's getting annoying. Arin's already tired of being alone and just wishes he could have someone around again, like Dan or Suzy. Hell, even having Brian around would be better than being here by himself for any longer.

He can't find it in him to eat still, even though he's past the point of being hungry, so he just walks right through the kitchen and over to the couch. Instead of sitting down and getting comfortable, Arin changes his mind and heads to the front door, putting on his sandals and grabbing his keys.

He can't stand being by himself, so why not head into the office and do some actual fucking work, like he should've been doing but hasn't because he was too busy preoccupying himself with Dan all week so far?

It doesn't take long to get there, and Arin spends the drive half-hoping that Dan is there so they can talk, but also half-hoping he isn't so that Arin can avoid him and the embarrassment and shame and everything else he's feeling right now, and has felt since he kissed Dan, since Dan walked out of his house on Wednesday night.

His heart beats faster as he gets closer to the building, but when he pulls in, he lets out a soft sigh of both relief and disappointment.

Dan isn't here. Arin pulls the car into his usual spot and gets out, heading into the building. It's not news that nobody expected him to be here until Suzy came back, but Arin is still a little surprised that they're surprised to see him- maybe he should've been coming in. In any case, he chats with a few people before he retreats to his private office, since Dan isn't here and probably won't be anytime soon, if ever again.

Arin has to remind himself to stop thinking like this. Dan probably won't quit and he might want to stay friends, so Arin just needs to remember what Suzy and Brian had both said and stick to it. Wait it out, see how Dan feels.

There's not really a whole lot that Arin can work on here, but he gets as much done as he can until he's satisfied. After, it's only about 3PM so he figures he can record some solo let's plays if he wants to. After all, he hadn't played anything the last time he and Dan recorded together, so maybe it'll be good for him to play something this time. He leaves his office and goes through the main area and into the Grump room.

He finds whatever game he wants to play first, trying to pick one or two that interest him but ones that Dan probably wouldn't care about missing out on. He finds an N64 game and a few others and that's what he settles on, so he gets the console hooked up and everything ready to go.

On the sofa, he writes down his start time before he actually starts off his episode. "Um, hi, welcome to Game Grumps," he says, a bit unsure of himself. He breathes out and runs a hand through his hair, trying not to bump his mic too much. "Well, it's just me today. Dan... Dan was busy and couldn't make it so... I'll be playing by myself. I know he's your favorite, so I hope you all don't mind that he's not here."

He forces himself to laugh to lighten the mood and not make it sound super depressing unlike how it actually feels to be here alone. "Well, um, anyway... I'm going to be playing whatever the hell this game is." He presses start on the menu, and speeds through an opening cutscene he's seen before, but makes sure to read it out loud since he doesn't have much else to do or to talk about. When he's finished reading, he resumes speaking.

"Oh yeah, so I know we didn't really talk about it much but we did mention it so you all are probably a bit worried still maybe? I don't know- but anyway, Dan mentioned the other day when we did that session where he played that I fell down the stairs. Some of you guys have been tweeting me about it asking if I'm okay, and I haven't had much time to answer, but yes, I am. I just got my stitches removed about three days ago and I'm feeling much better."

He pauses to read some more text, but rolls his eyes when he realizes that it's only to tell him how to play and what to do first so he just skips it.

"So yeah, I don't know when this will go up, but, um... fuck." He laughs again, shifting on the sofa a little to get more comfortable. "I know I haven't done a solo in a while and it's because I don't like doing them, but I'm here now. I just don't know what the fuck to even talk about. How do some of the solo youtubers like Jacksepticeye do it? I just feel awkward talking to myself."

He's quiet for a moment but then he continues. "Speaking of Jacksepticeye, I just hung out with him the other day. He, Brian, Ross, Matt and Ryan, Dan and I all went out and had some fun doing karaoke. I think Allie posted the videos we took on the Game Grumps instagram if you wanna have a look at them or whatever. But yeah, it was super fun. I'm glad I got to see him before he went home. And Dan and I did a duet or two- it was great and I had a blast. I wish he was here so he could talk about the time he had too."

The rest of the episode goes by a bit smoothly, but it ends up being a lot longer than a normal Game Grumps episode. After he finishes that one up, he takes a small break and then only records three more extra long episodes where he plays different games before he calls it a finished session earlier than usual. He then shuts everything down and checks his phone- it's only about 7PM, so he can go back to work in his office if he wants to, but he kinda just wants to sleep again.

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