02

In the morning the sunlight comes in through the window, hitting him right in the eyes. It nearly blinds him when he wakes up. His head aches.

He's not used to waking up this early. Suzy is already up though, more than likely working on something else of hers. Arin can't bring himself to leave the bed and join her for breakfast or anything- he doesn't want to leave the room at all, really, the negative emotions hitting him hard out of nowhere. It makes him just want to be alone for a while.

He fucking hates feeling like this for so many reasons. If he could just make it all stop without anyone getting hurt, he would. He fucking would. In a goddamn heartbeat.

He loves Suzy and he doesn't want to hurt her, but he thinks that maybe he loves Dan too, and that's what's fucking everything up. Being around Dan makes Arin happy, but it also makes him feel so... depressed- especially as of late. He knows that he can't have with Dan what he has with Suzy for multiple reasons, and it just so happens that that's all his stupid fucking heart wants.

He wants them both, wants to love them both and be loved by them both in every way. And maybe he's a fucking selfish, greedy bastard for it, but he can't help it. He doesn't want to give up on what he has with Suzy, but... he likes the way that Dan makes him feel too. It's like falling in love all over again and it makes him feel so jittery and excited and anxious.

But there's so many problems. So, so many, and it makes Arin feel upset all over again. There's a good chance that Suzy would never agree to a poly relationship, for one, and Dan is so straight that he would not be okay with it at all. Period. Even if he would be fine with it, jealousy could be a problem, and if not that then it'd be something else. There's always something.

And because of all of this shit going through his head lately, Arin has started going back to the way he used to be when he was depressed before. He hates it.

If only there was a way to be with them both. Arin would do anything for it.

It's almost as if Suzy can tell he's now awake because just minutes later, she's pushing the door open wider, peeking inside. "Hey honey," she says sweetly, finally stepping into the room. She comes over and sits on the edge of the bed beside his legs. "You feeling okay? We should head into the office soon. I like to be there a bit earlier than I have to as you know and I need to drive you up there."

She sees her husband's expression and the way that he doesn't move at all, and she purses her lips. "...Are you coming?"

Arin lets out a sigh, snuggling further into the blankets. "I'm not really feeling up to going in today," he tells her, honest. She searches his eyes, taking his hand in her own. "I just need a day to be alone and collect myself and my thoughts and all."

Suzy frowns slightly, but her expression seems a little sad. "I knew something was wrong," she murmurs, brushing a strand of Arin's hair out of his face. "How come you insisted that you were okay?"

"Because I am okay," he assures her to keep her from worrying, squeezing her hand tightly. She gives him a look because she doesn't believe him, but he just gives her a small smile. "At least, I will be. I'm just fuckin'... thinking a lot today, and don't think I can concentrate on anything at the office right now."

"Are you sure that's all?" she questions, knowing she's pushing it a little but she knows he doesn't mind it too much. "I don't mean to like, interrogate you or anything or be annoying about it but I know you were supposed to record the next two Power Hour videos today, and I know that it doesn't require too much concentration on your part since it's not super planned out or anything, so I know that's just an excuse and not the reason why you're not wanting to come in."

She pauses for a moment, knowing that she's right when she sees the guilt creeping up onto his face. "You... you didn't get into a fight with Dan or something, did you? You seemed upset after he dropped you off last night. So is that why you want to stay home today? Because of Danny?"

Sometimes Arin forgets that he's been with her for so long that she probably knows him better than he knows himself and can read him like an open book. She can tell when he's lying and when he's being honest, when he's being weird or not, and when she needs to say something about it. He knows that she can tell there's something bothering him now, but he also knows that she's more than likely unsure of what that might be.

Suzy may be his wife, but a lot of the time she doesn't press him for answers, trusting him and respecting his privacy enough to let him deal with the shit he wants to deal with alone, trusting him to tell her the things she needs to know and expecting the same in return from him. The only time she steps in or pesters him is when she thinks he needs her to, and when she can't just ignore it, feeling too much like something is really really wrong and that if she doesn't help him then maybe something bad will happen. Even then, she mostly is only giving gentle reminders that she knows there's something bothering him and that she's here for him. She's usually right about her feelings around it all too.

Arin realizes he's been quiet for too long. "I didn't fight with Dan," he sighs out once again, and it's the truth. He doesn't really want to be around him right now, but he's not upset with Dan, just himself for his selfish feelings. "I don't really want to talk about it. We're... we're fine though. It's not him."

It is.

Suzy lets out a sigh of her own, letting his hand go. "Okay, well whatever you say, baby," she says, standing up without giving him a kiss. He knows she's upset, but he can't tell her the truth. He doesn't want to hurt her further. Though lying to her also hurts her, and he can't avoid it. "I'll just... I guess I'll let Danny know you're not coming in today."

He doesn't say anything back and so she leaves, not quite closing the door behind her. He lies there for a while after, thinking, and then he checks his phone, scrolling through his twitter timeline for a while to distract himself. He likes a few of the fanart pieces he was tagged in, likes one of Sean's tweets and one of Suzy's videos before he gets off of the app, checking a few other things before setting his phone back onto the table.

Mochi pushes the door open a little a bit later, hopping up onto the bed and meowing. Arin wiggles his fingers until the cat slinks over so that he can pet him. Mochi curls up on Arin's stomach, purring, and then Arin's phone goes off which startles the both of them.

It's been about thirty minutes since Suzy left, so Arin can't say he's surprised to see Dan's name flashing on his screen when he picks the phone up. He hesitates before he answers, running his fingers through his hair and taking in a breath.

"Hey," Arin mumbles out into the phone first, going back to petting the cat with his free hand.

"Hey big cat," comes from the other side. Dan's tone seems a bit cautious, but he doesn't sound upset or anything so that's a good sign, Arin supposes. "I just saw Suzy. You're not coming in today? Are you okay? Still feeling down?"

Arin hates that now he's got them both all worried about him and it's not even noon yet. "Yeah, but... hey man, don't you fuckin' worry about me," he quickly utters down the line, changing his tone about half way through because he's feeling guilty and trying to reassure Dan. "I'm fine."

"But I can't help but to worry, Ar," Dan replies, sounding a bit conflicted. "I wish I could help make you feel better. I hate seeing you all fuckin' sad and shit. It makes me sad. Last time, it..." Dan pauses and takes a deep breath, "It fuckin' killed me."

Dan still doesn't know every bad thing that happened last time. If he did, it'd absolutely crush him.

Arin finds himself wanting to laugh at the irony. His feelings for Dan are part of what's making him hurt now, but all Dan wants is for him to be better. That's not Dan's fault, of course, it's Arin's, but still- it's funny in a way.

"I know, I'm sorry, I'm just... being all kinds of fuckin' dramatic. Really. It's not gonna be like last time, because I'll be okay, I promise. So you don't need to worry or be sad or anything, okay?" He pauses then also, nothing but silence floating between them for a moment. "I um... do you just want me to come up there and then we can record the Power Hours or whatever?"

"Not if you don't want to," Dan tells him honestly, exhaling. Arin can hear some shuffling on the other end of the line, as if Dan's moving around. "But if you do wanna come in, I'll come and get you and shit."

Arin nods, forgetting that Dan can't see him. "Yeah, sure- okay, I'll uh... I'll come in. Just for you, dude. So come and fuckin' get me and don't be sad over me or else I'll... I don't know, I'll beat you up or something. And I'll be ready by the time you get here."

Dan laughs, making Arin's heart flutter in his chest at the sound. There's more shuffling in the background and then there's the sound of a car door opening and then closing. "Alright, I'll be there soon, bye," the older says softly before he's hanging up.

"Bye," Arin whispers out into the air anyway, setting his phone back down on the table after. He gives Mochi a couple of light scratches on the back before he's picking up and moving the cat off of his belly, putting Mochi on the mattress beside him so that he can get up, eat and get dressed- all in that order.

He grabs his phone and heads downstairs, going right to the fridge and getting out the eggs and butter. He pulls a frying pan and spatula out of the dish-rack and turns on the burner, cracking the eggs and beating them in a bowl while he waits for the pan to get hot.

He quickly cooks up the scrambled eggs and then takes a seat at the island, looking at the google newsfeed on his phone while he eats. There's nothing really interesting here besides a couple of possible updates to a few animes he's been watching, so he gets off and sends a text to Suzy that he will be coming in after all, apologizing for making her worry.

Just as he's hitting send, the front door opens and in comes Dan, closing the door behind himself as to not let out any of the cats. Arin looks over and quickly finishes his eggs as Dan walks into the kitchen, Mimi in his arms and Otto circling his legs, nearly tripping him up as he makes his way to Arin at the island.

"I thought you said you'd be ready," Dan teases with a grin as he sets the cat down onto the floor tiles. Arin puts his plate into the sink with some water so it'll be easy to clean later and turns, running a hand through his hair and giving Dan a slightly lopsided smile.

Dan has seen him all half-naked like this before, but somehow it feels a bit different to Arin now- a bit more embarrassing or awkward or inappropriate, even though Dan doesn't seem to mind or see it as such. Arin feels exposed standing in front of him now though in nothing but a pair of dark blue boxer briefs.

"Well I was fuckin' hungry and it took some time to cook and eat the amazing eggs you just missed," the younger states simply but sassily with a shrug and Dan laughs a little, shaking his head. "If only you'd gotten here a little earlier, dude."

"Mm yeah, if only."

It feels good when Arin can just relax around Dan and have fun and say whatever he wants because it can just be played off as a joke. It feels fucking amazing.

And then later, it hurts.

Arin brushes past him and grabs his phone off of the island, checking to see if Suzy replied yet. "I would've made you some had I known you'd be here so early. They were good, bro."

"Okay, well hurry up and get dressed, you silly bitch," Dan says back and so Arin heads for the stairs, chuckling on his way. About half of the way up, his smile fades away and so does the tiny bit of happiness he was feeling, all gone in an instant. He's not sure why.

He tugs on a pair of shorts and fastens the button, making sure they're zipped and then hunts in his drawer for a shirt that somewhat matches at the very least. When he finds one, he pulls it on over his head and brushes out his hair a little with his fingers and then leaves the room, grabbing his hoodie on the way out. Mochi follows him out this time, meowing loudly for food and getting underfoot, making Arin trip over him. The cat screeches as Arin accidentally stomps on his tail and goes tumbling down the stairs.

"Fuck," Arin hisses out at the bottom of the steps, grabbing at his side and his head. Dan is right next to him in an instant, crouching down and helping him sit up quickly but carefully, trying not to hurt him.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Arin," the older of the two swears, one hand on Arin's back and the other on the shoulder further away from him to support his friend and keep him upright. "Goddammit, what the hell even happened? Are you alright?"

"The fucking cat, dude," Arin nearly snaps in pain, not angry at Dan of course but Mochi, who is now coming down the steps as if nothing happened. Arin points at him. "That fucking asshole right there, acting like he didn't do anything."

"Mochi pushed you down the stairs?" Dan asks jokingly, trying to change Arin's mood a bit but it's not very effective. He sighs, sitting down now instead of crouching. "He didn't mean it, big cat. You know that. He probably only wanted your attention."

"Yeah, I know," Arin agrees with his own sigh, calming down a little. "But it really fuckin' hurt, dude."

"Well, lemme see," Dan tells him, taking Arin's hand in his own and pulling it away from his head. There's a small but deep gash and a little bit of blood there, and Arin winces when Dan brushes his fingers around it lightly. "Hey, well... it's nothing too bad, but you might need to get a few stitches."

Arin lifts his shirt to show his ribs and there's a giant red mark there, already beginning to bruise. There's a few other places that hurt, but not as bad as these two.

Dan stands up and then leans over to help Arin to his feet. He helps out by refilling the cats' self-feeder and water bowls when Arin asks him to as the younger slips on his sandals and finds a small spare towel to put over his cut in an attempt to slow down the bleeding. They head outside and get into the car and when Dan pulls out of the driveway, he starts heading towards the hospital.

At the first red light, Dan pulls out his phone and puts it up to his ear. Arin looks at him questioningly, but his eyes widen when Dan speaks. "Hey Suzy. We're not going to be back right away- something happened." Arin can hear some chatter before Dan pipes up again. "The hospital. Arin tripped over the cat and fell down the stairs. He's probably got a fuckin' concussion or something and honestly probably should get stitches since he cut his head open."

Suzy's voice rises so much that Arin can almost hear what she's saying on the other side. She's most likely alarmed. Dan shoots Arin a wide-eyed look as he pulls the phone away from his ear a little, followed by a shrug. The traffic light changes color, so Dan takes a turn, driving down the street as he listens to Suzy.

"Do you wanna talk to him?" he suddenly asks. Arin lets out a sigh and then the phone is being passed to him. He puts it to his ear, taking a breath.

"Hey Suze," he says, chewing on his lip. Before she can speak, he continues on. "I'm fine, really. Just got a mild concussion and brusied ribs probably. And the cut on my head's not that bad or anything, Dan just wanted to make sure it didn't scar too badly, so it's only gonna be needing a couple of stitches, if any. I promise I'm okay though."

"You should be more careful, baby," she tells him with a sigh of her own. "And you can't tell me not to worry when you get hurt or anything. You're my husband, and I love you and I care about you and all I want is for things to be alright with you, you know?"

Something tells Arin that she's not just talking about him falling down the stairs, but about how he's been acting as of late. He feels guilty being around her, touching and kissing her when he's harboring feelings for his best friend too and doesn't know what to do about it besides joke around or ignore it or fucking be sad and pine over him and shit, and she notices- she has noticed, and she's making it clear with those gentle reminders. She wants him to know that she didn't just realize something was different with him only last night. Arin is pretty sure she just doesn't know what exactly his problem is though, and that's what's frustrating her.

"I know, I love you too," he nearly whispers, closing his eyes and taking another deep breath. He knows- he gets what she's really saying. He just can't talk about it all with her. "But we'll be there soon enough, okay? We're almost at the hospital." Just as he says that, the large building comes into view. "I gotta run. I'll see you in a bit."

"Alright," Suzy replies quietly, so Arin hangs up and passes the phone back to Dan, who's just pulling into a parking spot.

Arin feels dizzy when he steps out of the car and onto the asphalt and Dan rushes over to him to make sure he doesn't fall down on his ass in public. Together they walk inside and up to the counter a nurse sits behind. Normally they'd have to sign in and then wait, but because Arin is bleeding they usher him to a room right after, Dan following behind.

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