Dess: Hey everybody!!!

Jeff: What now?

Canty: I was having a LOVELY dream about blood, death, and destruction...

Dess: IT'S THE ILP 1-YEAR ANNIVERSARY!!!

Sue: ...oh

Dess: And not only have I invited all of my extended family and friends...

Jeff: WHAT?!

Dess: I've also written a parody for this special occasion!!!

Éowyn: *flips switch*

*stage appears*

Me: *jumps on stage* I really wanna write
Cuz I just got a thing for it
But my randomness
Takes me up to the moon.

So Jeff, please get away
I'm like trying to strangle ya

Jeff: HEY!

Dess: I wish that you would die
Every time I see you

Jeff: #NotAmused

Dess: Late night writing random chapters
A twisted happy ever after
It's been a year, I think it's time to say

*dramatic pause*

I really really really really really really like pie
And potatoes, PO-TAY-TOES, and that's no lie
I really really really really really really like pie
Why my brain's like this, no one knows why...

Oh, I'm going crazy
I'm out of my mind
And that's clear to see

Canty: SHE FINALLY ADMITS IT!

Dess: I really really really really really really like pie
And all you meepleepers make me wanna fly.

Elwing: I ALREADY CAN FLY!!!

Arwen: ...aren't you supposed to be in Valinor?

Elwing: Noooo...

Dess: *continues singing* It's like everything I do
Is suddenly hilarious
All I wanna do is
Get this out of my head.

Yeah, I could do a rant
Or another nature column
Or maybe I'll invite
Jeff and his friends. (Help me...)

Sue: We are PERFECTLY normal...

Terry: *skeptical look*

Late night writing random chapters
A twisted happy ever after
Y'all are so amazy, so I'll say...
(Come on now, sing it with me)

*random spotlights appear*

Dess: I really really really really really really like pie
And potatoes, PO-TAY-TOES, and that's no lie
I really really really really really really like pie
Why my brain's like this, no one knows why...

Oh, I'm going crazy
I'm out of my mind
And that's clear to see

I really really really really really really like pie
And all you meepleepers make me wanna fly.

*lights dim*

Dess: *kneels down* What made you come this way
And start reading
All I wanna say is
I'm not believing

How much you enjoy me
Even though I'm out of my mind.
So I wanna tell you something
I need to tell you something

*jumps up in a shower of glitter*

I really really really really really really like pie
And potatoes, PO-TAY-TOES, and that's no lie
I really really really really really really like pie
Why my brain's like this, no one knows why...

Oh, I'm going crazy
I'm out of my mind
And that's clear to see

I really really really really really really like pie
And all you meepleepers make me wanna fly.

Crowd: *cheering*

Dess: I really really really really really really like pie
And potatoes, PO-TAY-TOES, and that's no lie
I really really really really really really like pie
Why my brain's like this, no one knows why...

Oh, I'm going crazy
I'm out of my mind
And that's clear to see

I really really really really really really like pie
And all you meepleepers make me wanna fly.

THANK YOU PEOPLES OF AMERICA!!!

Elladan: Um, we're not in America, Dess...

Elrohir: Yeah, and neither are several of your readers...

Dess: Shut up.

Thranduil: *shows up in an outfit made entirely out of glitter* *shoves Dess off the stage*

Dess: UM

Thranduil: Every day is like wake up, hair flip, look at all the peasants
Count my diamonds as they marvel at my presence
I don't care, they're all looking at my perfect hair

Legolas: ADA GET OFF THE STAGE

Arwen: THE GLITTER AHHHH

Gollum: IT BURNSSS USSSSSSS *hisses and slinks off into cave*

Hermione: Is it just me, or did Gollum seem strangely like Dess when he did that?

Dess: IT'S TRUE I THINK WE'RE RELATED

Arwen: WELL IF YOU'RE RELATED TO HIM, I'M RELATED TO HIM. NICE GOING.

Frodo: Here, let's do a test: *holds ring in front of Dess*

Dess: ALL SHALL LOVE ME AND DESPAIR *tackles Frodo*

Thranduil: *ignoring everyone* AND I'LL ALWAYS BE ROYYYYALLL

Random group of bananas: ROYYYYALLL

Thranduil: FABULOUS MUST RULE THEM ALLLL
WHEN I COME THEY STARE IN AWE
AND TO THEIR KNEES THEY FALL

Thorin: *skydives onto stage* *rips off shirt revealing MORE glitter* CUZ I'M THEIR RUUULERRR

Pointless squares and clocks: RUUULERRR

Thorin: EVERYBODY MUST CONFESS
THAT I'M

Thranduil: That I'M

Thorin: That I'M

Thranduil: That I'M

Thorin: So very-

Alfrid: *jumps in front of both of them* FABULOUS

Everyone: *scarred for life*

Elrond: *walks in* Alright everybody CALM DOWN

Dess: *lets go of Frodo and the ring*

Thranduil: *puts cloak over glitter and walks off stage*

Thorin: *puts shirt back on and walks off stage*

Elrond: *gets on stage* Alright. Now- *starts beatboxing epicly*

Crowd: *cheers*

Henry the Kawaii Cucumber: *flies on stage* ELROND, I CHALLENGE YOU TO A BEATBOX DUEL

Elrond: OH IT'S ON. *beatboxes rapidly*

Henry the Kawaii Cucumber: *beatboxes rapidly*

☆Three hours later...☆

Henry the Kawaii Cucumber: *passed out*

Elrond: I WIN

Jeff: ...why did I sign up for this

Canty: Welp, that's all folks!

Sue: It has been WONDERFUL being here.

Jelly: MY LITTLE DONKEYS

Jeff: Okay, maybe I do kinda enjoy this.

Crowd: Dawwwww!

Jeff: DON'T Y'ALL HAVE WORK TO DO OR SOMETHING

Crowd: oh yeah... *leaves*

Legolas: WAIT

Everyone: What?

Legolas: Happy ILP anniversary, Dess. *kisses Dess*

Dess: *faints*

Legolas: Heh. True love's kiss.

Thorin: OUT OF THE WAY, POINTY EARS *kisses Dess*

Dess: *wakes up*

Thorin: *smirks* TRUE LOVE'S KISS!

Dess: I LOVE Y'ALL *tackles Thorin and Legolas in a hug*

Canty: BYEEE!!!

Jeff: No I get the final word!

Sue: I DO!!!

Jelly: ME!!!

Terry: DESS LIKES ME MORE THAN ALL OF YOU!

Sockmuffin: I DESERVE TO BE IN THIS CHAPTER

Carrie: ME TOO

Henry: I'M THE NEWEST

Dess: EVERYBODY, ALL TOGETHER-

Dess, Jeff, Canty, Sue, Jelly, Terry, Sockmuffin, Carrie, Henry, all the pointless clocks/squares: BYEEEEEE!!!

***

Thank you all so much for giving me the best year of my life! I owe it all to you for making my life so much better. Thank you for your support, friendship, and putting up with me. Stay amazy, meepleepers!

Who's ready for another year?