Jeff: Hi, I'm Jeff!

Canty: And I'm Canty!

Jeff: And you're watching the ILP Olympics!

Canty: Today, WE'RE the commentators!

Jeff: And we're forcing Dess and Eruva to compete in some events!

Dess: HELP US

Eruva: Come on, I need to get back to band practice!

Jeff: NO! You'll have to pass the challenges to get out!

Dess: *grumbles* This was supposed to be an actual Olympics thing...

Canty: Says the person who only wrote three chapters!

Dess: HUSH

Jeff: Anyways, our first challenge will be JUMPING THROUGH A RING OF FIRE!!!

Sockmuffin: *in the background* FIIIIIIIIIIIIREEEE

Dess: ANYTHING BUT FIRE

Eruva: Don't worry, Dess. we'll-

Canty: NO ALLIANCES!

Dess: Well, I've had a good life. Eruva, if you survive, split up my notebooks and-

Eruva: You're not going to die!

Jeff: I hope she does.

Eruva: SHUT UP, JEFF! Anyways, just do what I do-

Canty: *eating popcorn*

Eruva: AAAAAAIIIIIIIIIEEEEE *runs up and leaps through ring* AHHHH WHAT EVEN WHY IS THIS A THING I CAN'T- *lands* See? Easy!

Dess: ...okay, if you insist... *starts running* AAAAAAIIIIIIIIIEEE- wait, how many E's do I add? OH SWEET SAURON ON A BBQ STICK- *essentially falls through the ring* ASDFGHJKL FIIIREEE NONONONONOOOO- wait, am I alive?

Eruva: Yep!

Dess: CARRY ON MY WAYWARD SON

Jeff: NO SINGING!

Canty: *sighs* How come they both survived?

Jeff: Probably because Dess is the author or something like that.

Canty: Well, that's boring!

Jeff: I know...but their next task won't be!

Canty: Dess and Eruva will be... SWIMMING THROUGH FIVE CONNECTED OLYMPIC POOLS!

Eruva: Oh, that isn't so bad!

Jeff: WITH A SHARK CHASING AFTER THEM!

Eruva: ANYTHING BUT SHARKS

Canty: MUAHAHAHA!

Dess: Wow, so those childhood fears weren't as irrational as I thought!

Eruva: That's nOT A GOOD THING

Dess: Alright, I'll distract it while you get over.

Eruva: But then...how will you get over?

Dess: I want to punch a shark

Eruva: ...oooookay. Ready?

Dess: Yep! *jumps in* EY, SHARK! FIGHT ME

Eruva: *dives in and starts swimming* AIIIIHHHEEEEEEEIIIIAIIEIEIEEEHAIAIHEEEE

Jeff: Swimming and screaming at the same time?

Canty: You have to admit, that's pretty impressive.

Dess: FIGHT MEEEE *swims at shark*

Shark: *lunges at Dess*

Dess: *slaps forehead* Oh, right! I forgot that I'm kinda scared of sharks too! AIIIIHHHEEEEEEEIIIIAIIEIEIEEEHAIAIHEEEE

Eruva: *from the other end of the pool* I'LL NEVER LET GO, JACK

Dess: NEEEEAR, FAAAAR, WHEREEEEEEVERRRR YOU AREEEEE...

Canty: Singing, screaming, and swimming! Impressive, but I WANNA SEE SOMEONE GET TORN APART HERE

Jeff: Well, hopefully that'll happen in our final challenge:

Canty: TAKE THE ONE RING TO MOUNT DOOM! Wait, wrong thing...um...ah, here we go! You must...FIGHT THE DREADED JEFF 2.0!

Dess: Wait, what?

*floor opens and a giant, metal, spiked Jeff emerges*

Jeff 2.0: PREPARE. TO. DIE.

Jeff: Wow, I like this thing!

Eruva: WHAT THE HECK, DESS?

Dess: I SWEAR I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS

Canty: Let the fight BEGIN!

Jeff 2.0: *runs at Dess and Eruva*

Dess: Don't worry, I have a plan!

Eruva: What?

Dess: I need you to whistle an E, an F, and a A flat.

Eruva: *whistles*

Dess: ...Ru, those are clarinet notes.

Eruva: Then why don't you do it?

Dess: I can't whistle!

Eruva: Seriously?

Dess: NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR THIS CONVERSATION!

Eruva: Okay, okay, let me think...

[insert suspenseful music as Eruva transposes some notes and Dess tries to hold off Jeff 2.0}

Eruva: I'VE GOT IT! *whistles*

Epic the Shark: *jumps out of pool and grows wings*

Eruva: WHAT?

Dess: Author perks!

Canty: STOP BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL!

Epic the Shark: *shoots laser beams out of his eyes at Jeff 2.0*

Eruva: Really? You couldn't have chosen a less cliche move?

Dess: Hey, you try writing when a giant robot pineapple is attacking you!

Epic the Shark: *roars and charges at Jeff 2.0*

Jeff 2.0: *explodes*

Dess: WE DID IT!

Eruva: Did that shark just roar?

Jeff: NOOOOO

Canty: *sighs* I guess we'll have to wait until 2018 for some death...

Jeff: Well, I'm Jeff the Pineapple-

Canty: And I'm Canty the Cantaloupe!

Jeff, Canty, Dess, and Eruva: And we'll see you all in the closing ceremony!

[ya'll are so good at picking out music. :)]