Dramamine saved my life that day.

We debated over whether taking a longer trip on the bus or spending some extra money on the tube. Brett chipped in for the tube knowing Maude also suffered motion sickness and wanted the trip to be quick. I offered her some Dramamine. "It says thirty minutes but I say an hour," I told her. "And we each take one on the lift back."

Turns out Maude and Claire had exchanged hotel numbers and she gave her a ring to join us. Claire called Loretta and Loretta called Linda and Georgeanne. Linda however was spending the day with Malcolm, going out to lunch and whatnot but Georgeanne was able to come. Next thing Maude and I knew our trio had become a sizable party. 

The trip was smooth but fast. Very fast. I had never taken the tube before and my palms got sweaty again. "Don't worry, Hanny," Maude said clinging to the bar in front of her. "It'll be over....before we know it."

It took almost an hour to get there. Drowsiness overcame both Maude and me but we fought it off. Finally we came to our stop and shoved our way off the damn thing.

Nautical air was just what we needed. 

Stripping down to our bikinis and whatnot we took off toward the sand. If you could call stumbling and tripping "taking off". Maude and I were beach girls at heart and would spend hours by the ocean in our respective countries. The weather was so agreeable that day we just had to spend it outside. 

Georgeanne brought a beach chair and a lengthy book to read. Loretta lathered herself in tanning oil while Claire zipped up her wet suit. "I competed in surfing competitions as a teen," she explained hoisting her board under her arm. "Got second place twice in a row. Gotta get some practise if I wanna take first!"

You won't catch me out there...

She ran toward the beach more graceful than Maude and me and took to the waves. Brett lugged a huge Esky in his arms, his shirt billowing in the breeze.

I saw he had washed the lipstick off. 

Kites dotted the sky and dogs ran amok. Gulls duelled over bread and children made castles in the sand. Many people had the same idea as us and took a holiday. I wondered how many of these people were here to take their minds off things. How many of them were similar to me. 

Okay, maybe not that similar....

Brett dropped the Esky in the sand and collapsed on the beach towels Maude brought. He was wearing a silk scarf around his neck. Maude mentioned something about his throat hurting lately but Brett insisted he was okay. "And I insist he needs a doctor," she said sighing. "And it's not just to save his music career either."

I rubbed sunscreen all over myself and looked around. A collie caught a disc in its mouth, refused to hand it over to its owner, and took off. The owner, a pudgy young man possibly in his thirties, went flying after him.

If you could call flailing, tripping, and stopping to wheeze "flying". 

Loretta was lying on a towel with sunnies on and holding a reflector. After my horrific sunburn that just recently healed, there was no way I'd refuse protection. Georgeanne must have had the same idea because I noticed her applying generous amounts to her arms and face before opening her novel. Brett lay on the beach towels simply too tired to move. He was able to grab a drink from the Esky, though. 

Claire had taken her surfboard out to sea and paddled around waiting for the perfect wave. It was easy to picture her draped in medals and displaying her trophies in a marble case. She had that look. A successful look. 

I wasn't sure I had that look. The mirror cracked every time I looked in it lately so it was hard to know for sure. Asking friends and family only led to biased opinions or sugar coated lies. 

I decided not to worry about it. Not today.

Maude carefully walked through the water, kicking her feet and splashing around. I was content with looking for shells. Only the shiniest ones for this Aussie magpie. Most were typical sand dollars. I found so many of them I could have used them for actual legal tender. That reminded me. We were running low. We'd have to be wary of our spending habits unless we wanted to scrape around in the wheelie bins for dinner. But...one last spree at the beach couldn't hurt. Then it was strict budgeting for us. 

Maude collected a few shells but ended up throwing them back. I began to wish for a pail to put mine in as my collection grew bigger. A few of them I tossed back; they weren't the best of the best. 

I inhaled deeply, the ocean spray taking me back home. Roaring waves and white foam between my toes. Glittering water like diamonds. One half of a mussel lay on the sand, water filling the mother-of-pearl. A dead crab. 

Lovely.

"Look at this one," Maude marvelled holding up a white conch. "It feels magic."

"Maybe it tells your future," I joked. Maude made a face and abandoned the other shells to make room for her latest find.

"Rubbish, I was only joking," she said. "You find anything?" I held up my sand dollar bank. "I like this one." She pointed to one in particular with a perfect flower design. "This one is a little rough..." She meant the broken one. I dropped it back in the sand.

"Yeah, I wasn't as lucky." We jumped at the sound of screaming. There in the ocean was Claire, riding a wave several metres out. Her hair was flying in the wind as she expertly navigated her way through the water.

Until she tumbled off her board.

"Claire!" Maude shouted as we trudged through the water. I wasn't a strong swimmer and was afraid I wouldn't be able to do much if we needed to take life saving action. Luckily Claire popped out of the water and caught her board, swimming back to shore. She brushed her tangled and soppy hair away from her bright red face, giving us a gleaming smile. 

"You look spooked," she said once she reached us.

"We didn't know if you were okay or not," Maude explained. The water was up to our hips. Despite the warm air it was still a touch cold. "I've never seen anyone wipe out like that."

"Happens all the time," Claire said waving it off. "That's....actually how I won second at all those competitions." She rolled her eyes. "Guess I need to keep at it..."

"You're sure you're okay?" Maude asked concerned. Claire started laughing. 

"Are you crackers? What a rush!"

**********

Maude snuggled up to Brett who had removed his billowy shirt but kept the scarf on. I sat on my towel next to Georgeanne who had set her book down in favour of a cold drink. I took a water. She swished her Coke around before taking a sip. "Ooh, that's rich," she said before taking another drink. My sand dollars clanked together on my towel as I organised them. Biggest to smallest? No. Cleanest to dirtiest. No good. Aha. I'll stack them.

They collapsed within a minute.

I pushed them aside and grabbed my sun lotion for another coat. Maude appeared to have fallen asleep in Brett's arms. Georgeanne was rifling through a large bag, pulling out bits and bobs trying to locate something. Claire had found another wave to ride and attempted to stay afloat. And Loretta....

Loretta was inching her way across the sand. Lobster red. 

"That's what I fucking get for buying the cheap stuff," she said approaching us. "Fuck, the English sun hasn't been this bad since my folks were kids."

"It's all the factories," Maude said appearing to still be awake. "Pollution, that is." Brett only nodded. 

"Well whatever it is, it fucking stings." Loretta attempted to sit down but....other places had been affected by the sun as well. "Burnt to a fucking crisp."

"Maybe we ought to head back," Georgeanne suggested. "Staying out here is only going to make it worse."

"Yeah...." Our attention was drawn by Claire's joy in the waves. She managed to finish her attempt without wiping out and knelt on her board to paddle around. Loretta sighed. "But Claire is having such a good time," she said. "I mean, look at her....I haven't seen her this happy in ages." Claire held her fists up in victory and we all waved back. A couple of other beach goers watched her and some even cheered. "Her folks used to watch her compete in surfing. Then after they kicked her out of the house...." She sighed again. "Sixteen and on her own. What a life....ow!" Loretta winced as her skin simmered. Georgeanne started packing up.

"I'd feel better if we went back," she said. "I can go with you, the others can stay if they want."

"You don't mind, Georgie?" Loretta asked. As a response Georgeanne helped Loretta to stand and they trekked across the sand back to the tube. We exchanged words of parting and went back to watching Claire have the time of her life. Brett cleared his throat a few times. 

"You okay, Bretty?" he nodded but I could tell he was in pain. Maude could tell too but she knew if she pressed it Brett would only get fussy. She gently rubbed his arm. "We can go back too if you want." Brett shook his head and nodded his head at me. 

He didn't want me to be alone.

But I'd still have Claire. Whom I didn't know very well. 

But I could always get to know her. 

Ha. Me? Socialise? Jamais. 

Maude looked apologetically at me. "Hannah? I don't want to leave but...." Brett shook his head but Maude wasn't having it. "Bretty, you need to see a doctor." She stood up from the sand hoisting up a very annoyed Brett. "I'm so sorry, Hannah."

"I don't mind," I called out as they left. Maude popped her second Dramamine into her mouth just in case, her "magic" conch in the other hand. They followed the trail Georgeanne and Loretta left behind, their footprints melting into the sand. "Take care," I said to myself. Claire had found another wave to practise with but instead of standing she paddled away from it toward the shore. Lugging her board back to me she looked around. 

"Where is everyone?" she panted. 

"Loretta got sunburned. Georgeanne took her back," I said. "And Maude's taking Brett to a doctor."

"Oh, shoot. There goes our beach trip." She knelt down on the sand still holding her board upright. Her hair was soaked and a tousled mess. A piece of seaweed stuck to the ends. "You wanna head back? I don't mind sticking around a little longer," she said wringing her hair out. 

Tempting. It couldn't be too difficult getting back. But in truth I wasn't quite done having my fun at the beach. My mind wasn't yet cleared of humiliation. I had to drown it in the ocean. "I'll stay," I said. "I don't mind."

"If you're sure," she said. Brett and Maude had left the Esky behind in their rush and Claire grabbed a drink out of it. "Could use a beer but this Coke hits the spot." I drank my water, the sun exacerbating my thirst. "So what do you do for a living?"

"I'm a dog sitter," I answered shyly. 

"No kidding? I'm a concierge at a country club in Manchester." She chugged her Coke, some of it dripping down her chin. "It's about to get real busy over there. But, my boss pays me more in the summer, so...." She shrugged. 

"When did you start surfing?" I asked. 

"Oh, I was about....three. My mum took me out since she was a surfer and I've been doing it ever since." I sat quietly fiddling with my sand dollars. "I miss my mum and dad....but they're not a fan of Alice."

"Alice?"

"My girl. We've been together for fifteen years, met in secondary school. Love of my life, you know?" Claire finally set her board down on the sand and lifted her head toward the sun, eyes closed. "But....you know how it is...."

Well....sort of....in a different way. Not being interested in marriage sure gets you unwanted attention from your religious relatives. Not wanting kids gets you even more. Perhaps I'm a late bloomer. Perhaps I haven't met the right person yet.

And in my case...sure. It wasn't until Angus came into my life that I began to think about these things. No matter what he thought of me, he was my right person. I didn't need him in my life, I wanted him. But I never looked for him.

He just...happened.

I wasn't actively looking for someone to share my life with. I wasn't struggling with temptation like my peers in school. Children didn't appeal to me and they still don't, except my Rosemary. And my family had never seen anything like it. I was an anomaly. 

That being said, I was never kicked out of the house.

I didn't know quite how it was.

She ran a hand over her face and through her hair. I thought I caught a glimpse of a glistening in her eyes. I stayed quiet. Let our conversation linger for a bit. A gull landed a few metres away from us with a hot chip in its beak. Before one of his opponents robbed him he took off. Claire laughed and drank more Coke. "It was Alice who told me to take a holiday from our flat. She's working on her master's degree so she couldn't come. I'd love to take her surfing...."

We sat there admiring the waves. 

**********

The shops weren't as busy as I thought they'd be. Most of the tourists were at cafes or the mystical shack with jewels and spell books in the display. Claire and I had changed out of our cozzies and meandered around a knickknack shop. Sets of wind chimes rang in the open doorway while trays of nicely polished seashells lines the walls. There was a spinning rack with postcards and key chains on it. Some key chains had names on them, set in alphabetical order. 

I looked through three times and still couldn't find my name. 

But I found Maude's name so I grabbed one for her. 

Claire looked at some coloured stones and snow globes. Except there wasn't any snow. If you shook them, sand blew around. 

So...sand globes.

I looked around for things to buy my family back home. We never bought anything from the shops in Australia, but this was England. Perhaps there'd be something different. 

Except Mum wasn't trivial when it came to decorations. A seashell motif wouldn't do. And trinkets were never her thing. 

So I shopped around for Angus McKinnon instead. 

Anything I'd give him he'd love. Even if he didn't, he'd say he did so as not to hurt my feelings. I knew what he really wanted but....you wouldn't find that for sale in a public shop. At least, not without the windows tinted. 

I found a guitar shaped key chain with a crab on it. I startled giggling knowing this was exactly the kind of thing to set him off. If there was nothing else....my eyes happened to see a giant sized shirt, bright blue in color. Pink letters spelled out "SYDNEY" on the front. 

It was mine. I had to have it.

**********

Claire and I left the store with our things; she had bought a pair of seashell earrings for Alice and a beer stein for herself. I probably looked like a dork in my new shirt and I didn't give a shit. It was huge and hung like a dress. But it was comfy and reminded me of home so that's that. 

We took the tube to a shuttle station for a lift back to our hotels. Claire got off first and waved me farewell. The sun was going down by the time I made it back, stumbling and tumbling with all the gear. My shopping bags, my clothes, and the Esky Brett left behind. 

Almost falling into the room I kicked the door closed behind me and dropped my things. It was eerily quiet and I realised I was alone. There was a note for me stuck to Maude's conch sitting by the telephone.

Hannah,

I'm so sorry, Brett has tonsillitis and is staying overnight in hospital to check things out. I'll probably be gone by the time you get back, hopefully we'll both be back by tomorrow. I KNEW something was wrong. 

-Maude

I headed for the kitchen to make dinner. If you could call a bowl of brown rice "dinner". Table for one tonight. My second Dramamine was calling me to bed but I ignored it. I hoped Brett was okay. With Maude worried sick over her loved ones, I hoped she was okay too. Loretta and her sunburn, Claire and her parents, Phil and his situation....

I hoped everyone was okay.