"Are you sure you'll be okay by yourself?" I asked slipping on my boots. I would have worn heels had I brought any. Maude lent me a black one shoulder dress and some gold jewelry. She was always prepared to look her best. 

My hickeys were disappearing. I knew after this evening I'd probably have another one to replace it. 

"Sure I will," she said sniffling. She wrapped her fluffy blanket tighter around herself. "I've got some cartoons to catch up on anyway. Maybe a bit of sketching."

"But what if you take a turn for the worse and I'm not there?" I asked. 

"I know the emergency number, I can give them a ring and you can visit me in hospital," Maude said with a toothy grin. "Come on, I'll be fine! I'm not even contagious anymore, my fever is gone...and I can always call Brett for company. He's off work tonight."

Knowing all this made me feel a bit better. I still hated leaving, especially since she never once left me when I was sick. Her tulips were sitting in a vase on the table. That reminded me to grab the roses from the fridge. "Can I cook you anything before I go?" I asked heading towards the kitchen. Maude followed me with a guilty look on her face. There on the counter was an empty bag of chips and an apple core. Not to mention a teapot filled with tea and a couple squares of dark chocolate sitting outside the wrapper. "Oh...."

"I....may have had a small snack while you got ready," she said. "Dinner won't be necessary, my Hanny, I'm all set." I shook my head and grabbed the roses. "And don't think I didn't see your lovely flowers for your lovely boyfriend."

"He's not my--"

"Yeah, yeah, not an official boyfriend but come on, he obviously fancies the hell out of you." I smiled shyly to myself. "And you're rather taken yourself."

I hurried out of the kitchen and to the living room where I left my leather jacket. I grabbed the black purse Maude also let me borrow, double checking to make sure the contents were still inside. 

Hopefully Maude didn't sneak a peek...

"Are you off then?" she asked pouring herself another cup of tea. 

"I suppose I am," I said straightening myself out. "I'll be back around...."

"Tomorrow at noon?" Maude smiled. I smiled in return. "I won't stay up waiting," she said plopping down on the couch. Grabbing a pillow and snuggling in her blanket she sighed. "I might just sleep here tonight."

"I'll see you," I said. "Have fun."

"Stay safe!" she called after me as I left the room.

**********

Angus' flat was much easier to get to than the studio for whatever reason. It felt closer, less turning so many street corners. The sun had just started to set when I entered the building and took the stairs to his number. I looked around for Andrew and his owner but they weren't out that night. A bit disappointed, I came to Ang's door and knocked, holding the flowers behind my back. 

He shouted something I couldn't quite hear and I waited patiently. Something tumbled inside and crashed on the floor. 

I heard him swear nice and clearly. 

After a minute of stumbling and fumbling he opened the door. He was tucking his shirt into his trousers, both of which were way more formal than I was used to seeing him wear. It could have rivaled that suit. "Hello, love, sorry about that," he said pulling a tie out of his pocket. He wrapped it around his collar and hurriedly put it on. 

He looked extra cute that evening.

Finishing his work he stood on his tiptoes and gave me a peck on the lips. "Come on in, love, I've got dinner on the stove." I stepped inside and pulled out the flowers. 

"These are for you," I murmured. He looked at them a moment before grinning.

"Aw, that's...." He took them from me. "Thanks, love. You're sweet."

"You don't think it's sappy?" I asked as he took his flowers to the kitchen. 

"Fuck no, sweetheart, this was real nice of ya'." He pulled a glass vase out of a cupboard that forced him on his tiptoes again. Filling the vase with water he unwrapped the roses and trimmed the ends before placing the flowers in the water. "Now I think...." he said carrying the vase to the table. "...this will make a great centerpiece, don't ya' think?"

The smell of pasta wafted out from the kitchen. I followed him to the stove where I saw one pot with noodles and another pot of tomato sauce. A chunk of cheese sat on the counter next to a cheese grater. 

"I uh....didn't want to use any rubbish Parmesan from a canister," he said stirring the bubbling sauce. "Found some sheep cheese an' ya' know..." He shrugged. "Thought we'd give it a try."

Now how did this man know I loved sheep cheese?

"You did all this?"

"Hey, I might be a bit lazy but I can cook, thank you very much," he said as the pot of noodles started to boil over. "Ah shit, hold on..." Turning the temperature down he continued to stir the sauce. "An' ya' know...I wanted to do somethin' special for ya'. Since...." He was so focused on his stirring he didn't make eye contact. "Ya' know....I think you're special..."

He toppled over a little as I tackled him from behind. I nuzzled into his shoulder and smelled that cologne again. I felt him laugh a little and he placed a warm comforting hand on mine. "You're Angus McKinnon..." I mumbled.

He was quiet for a second. "I...I guess I am," he decided. "An' you're Hannah Ruth...." He was sweet for playing along. I tightened my hold on him. "An' this pasta is done." He turned the stove off and put the lid on the pot. Seeing as I refused to let him go he slowly towed me over to the sink and poured the scalding water out. "Alright back there?" he asked. 

"Mhm," I mumbled. 

Taking me back to the stove he poured the pasta into the pot of tomato sauce and stirred it. I could have swooned at the smell. With Angus as my anchor I managed to keep it together as he grabbed two plates from the cupboard and set them on the counter. "You can get some food now, love," he said with what I knew to be a cheeky grin on his face. Finally letting him go I just about leaped into the saucepan. Settling for a small plate's worth I sat at one end of the table and Angus joined me on the other side. "Should have lit a candle," Angus said with his mouth full. "Bit more romantic, ya' know?"

"This is fine," I said shoveling the food in. Angus was right, he knew how to cook. And the sheep cheese was delicious too. 

"Ya' sure?" he asked. "Next time, I promise."

I beamed at the idea of another date. 

We got to talking and I mentioned how Maude had come down with my flu. Angus told me about a small scrap he and Malcolm had gotten into over a song but he brushed off my worry. "Happens sometimes, ya' know? When ya'....get stuck in the same room for hours on end...ya' know? Mal an' I....ya' know....we have our rows here an' there....an' hey," he said pointing at his lip. "I didn't get hurt this time."

"That's good," I said.

Angus cleared his throat. "Gave Mal a good swing, though."

"Angus!" I chided his giggles. 

"He's fine, love, he's fine. Mal's tough, ya' know? Barely felt a thing. I think." He giggled again as I swatted him. "We made up pretty quick, don't worry." We were quiet for a bit before Angus sighed. "We start the tour in two weeks," he said. I stopped eating. "Jus'....jus' lettin' ya' know...."

"Oh," I said, trying not to let my voice quaver. "Are you excited at all?"

"A bit. I mean...jus' to get outta the studio an' take a fuckin' shower," he said. "Jesus, do those guys sweat...." He took another bite. "Then again, we'll jus' be sweatin' on the tour bus..."

"Still haven't showered, I see?" I teased. He grinned at me like a wolf across the table. 

"Course I have.....stop by this evenin' an' I'll prove it."

My face was redder than the sauce.

Attempting to remain calm and collected I changed the subject. "When does the album come out?"

"July," Angus said. "I think. That's what Mutt said an' he knows a lot, so...." He shrugged and wiped his face with a napkin. "They usually come out around that time. We're callin' it Highway to Hell."

"Ooh, that'll go over well with my parents."

"Hide it up your skirt," he said. "Don't take it out till you're somewhere safe." We were quiet a few more minutes. I knew it had to come to this, Angus leaving and all. And eventually Maude and I would return to our respective homes....on the other side of the world....

Back to reality....

"Have you bought all our other albums?" Angus asked. 

"Of course I have, you're my favourite band," I said. He glowed. 

"'Cause...I was just wonderin'....if there was any you didn't like..." I twirled my pasta thoughtfully. 

"I don't dislike any of them," I answered. "I enjoy all of them."

"Really?" he asked. "Huh....not one?"

"....Let There Be Rock isn't my favourite...."

I looked up to see Angus staring at me. He set his fork down and pretended to clean his ear with his finger.

"I'm real sorry, love, think I misheard ya'. What did you say?" I started giggling. 

"I said....Let There....." My laughter was out of control from the look on his face. 

Perturbed disbelief was the only way to describe it. 

"Let There Be Rock....is your least favourite...?" He crossed his arms when I nodded. "An'....why would that be?"

I shrugged and played with my food. "It's a good album, Ang, it's just....I like the others better...." Angus started rubbing his chest. 

"I think I've got indigestion..." he muttered. "I'm havin' a heart attack, she's tryin' to kill me." I started laughing again and had to stop eating before I choked. "An' she's laughin'."

"I'm sorry," I giggled. 

Ang's face turned to one of mischief. "Ya' know, you're gonna pay for that one day," he said resuming his meal. 

Now this man is trying to kill me....

**********

After dinner I helped wash the dishes and we took to the couch for a rest. He had tidied up his living room quite a bit; his pants weren't hugging the telly anymore. My purse was laying on my jacket I had set down earlier. 

When would I get the chance?

"Wanna watch somethin'?" Angus asked. He stood up and fiddled with the dial. A television horror movie, a hemorrhoids commercial, the news....he stopped when a cartoon came on. "Here we go," he said standing up and sitting back down on the couch next to me. "You like Looney Tunes?"

"On occasion," I said. I smiled to myself figuring this is what Maude was watching right this second. As Daffy Duck met Elmer Fudd's gun again, I could have sworn I heard Maude laughing from our hotel. 

"Who's your favourite?" Angus asked nodding towards the television. "Or...in your case...least favourite?" I started laughing again. 

"I dunno, I liked Taz as a kid but I kinda like Marvin as an adult," I said, my eyes glued to the screen. "He's just so mad all the time."

"Like me," Angus said smiling.

"No, like me," I objected. Angus looked at me funny. 

"You're not mad all the time," he said. "I don't think I've seen you pissed off once since I met you...."

My smile disappeared and I shifted in my seat. "You haven't seen me around my family then."

Knowing I wasn't up for talking anymore, Angus simply wrapped an arm around me and we watched our show in silence. 

Until Daffy started stripping to "It Had to be You". Then we laughed our arses off.

**********

"Aw, we've listened to enough of this hogwash as kids," Angus said flipping through more political news stations. We had replaced the telly with the radio hoping to hear some good music. "This is our parents' rubbish."

Finally he found a music station playing....wouldn't you know it...."Hell Ain't a Bad Place to Be". Angus gave me the smuggest smile he could muster and put his hands on his hips. 

"Well well well," he said as I hid my face in my hands. "'Bout damn time we got some airtime for this album. Boys worked their arses into the ground." Angus took my hands away from my face and pulled me closer. Very close to his face.... "Bet your folks love this song too, eh?"

My eyes glanced at his lips for a second. "They don't know about this one," I said as Angus led our dance across the room. "They don't really know many of your songs....except "Dirty Deeds", my dad likes that one."

"He does?" Angus raised his eyebrows. "That's good. Maybe there's somethin' for everyone." The music faded out and the disc jockey tuned in to wish everyone a good evening before an ad for hair care came on. "Ads, ads, ads," Angus said with a smile. "Always when ya' don't want 'em." After listening to the Almond Joy/Mounds jingle for the second time, our music resumed. I recognised the Fleetwood Mac song, and Stevie Nicks solidified my guess. 

"I love this song!" I held Ang's hands and pulled him into a slightly faster dance than our previous one. Our shoes had been ditched and left by the front door, which was a good thing since we both stumbled into each other and stepped on each other's feet. But we laughed it off.

Just like always.

I let go of Ang's hands and started my own thing. Suddenly I was in my room at home with the music on full volume. Completely alone and able to be myself. My hips had a mind of their own and I opened my eyes to see Angus standing there staring. "What's wrong?" I asked playfully. He stuck his hands in his pockets and looked quickly at the floor. 

"Nothin'," he said. "Nothin's wrong."

As the music grew louder I ran straight for Angus and leaped into his arms. He stumbled backward as he caught me, my arms wrapping around his neck. I buried my face in his neck, standing on my toes to get as close to him as I possibly could. To envelope him in the essence of Hannah Ruth. "I like you," I blurted out. 

I felt his hand stroke my hair. "I like you too."

**********

My reflection practically laughed at me. 

After Angus and I had danced to our hearts' content he told me I could freshen up in his bathroom. We established I would be spending the night at his place, and I took his offer while he went to his room to play a little guitar. My hands turned white as they gripped the sink. 

Pull yourself together. You can do this. He's waiting for you.

This would be the night. 

I was ready, wasn't I?

I couldn't let him slip through my fingers. This is what he wanted. I couldn't be a boring, frigid girlfriend, I had to be an exciting and seductive girlfriend.

Right?

Sweat covered my hands. I wiped them off on some toilet paper and threw it in the rubbish. I trembled as I reached into Maude's purse.

Come on, everyone is nervous their first time. This was a normal reaction, right? I was ready, right?

Right...

**********

My back felt cold against the wall. My arms and legs felt cold in the sheer nightie I had purchased the other day. A leather garter clung to my right thigh, one I had snagged from my closet back home. 

Ang's guitar playing leaked from his bedroom into the hallway, his door open ajar. I didn't want to disturb him....but something told me he wouldn't mind.

I just had to follow through with my interruption....

My trembling hand knocked on the door. "Come in, sweetheart," Angus called from inside. He was still strumming the guitar. I couldn't take deep enough breaths, my heart was racing. 

It was now or never....

I pushed the door open to see him laying across his bed, bent over the black guitar he pinched from the studio. His hair fell over his face as he concentrated on his playing. His tie lay in a heap on the dresser. As quietly as I could I stepped into the room and closed the door behind me. 

He glanced up once quickly, then stopped playing and took a second look. I felt very shy. 

This was a bad idea....

Angus opened his mouth to speak but couldn't. His eyes bore straight into mine, once in a while flashing down at my attire. He sat up on the edge of the bed and set his guitar on the stand. Fear must have shown on my face because he looked at me with concern. "What's wrong?" he asked. 

I clenched my fists at my sides as I took careful steps toward him. He stayed right where he was, almost unsure of himself. 

Just kiss him. To start with. You know how to do that.

I pecked his lips and pulled away to look at him. His eyes fluttered before meeting mine. I could hear his breath hitch as I slowly wrapped my arms around his neck like I always did. His hands found my waist like they always did. Warm lips against mine, the kisses slow and gentle. Carefully I straddled him, then pulled away breathless. "Angus...?"

"Yeah," he panted. I wasn't sure how to say it. It's like the words wouldn't come out. 

"You're important to me," I finally settled. Nuzzling his nose against my cheek he smiled. 

"An' you're important to me," he said. I took the opportunity to bring my lips to his neck. His skin was soft and I made sure to cover every bit of it. When his shirt collar kept getting in the way I decided it was time to get rid of it. 

He tilted his head just slightly as I pulled apart the first button. I felt one of his hands stroke my back, only the sheer nightie between us. As more buttons came undone the more exposed skin I was able to kiss. Untucking his shirt out of his trousers he pulled it off of him and tossed it away. My lips went from his neck to his shoulder and he sighed. Suddenly I was slowly lifted into his arms as he scooted back on his bed, still straddling his lap. He cradled me and ran his fingers through my hair. I had to keep brushing his long hair away from my trail of kisses. I hummed as he clasped my thigh in his palm, his thumb brushing over the garter. 

While paying particular attention to a rather sensitive spot on his neck, evidenced by the noises he was making, I placed my hand over his chest feeling his pounding heartbeat. I let my hand drop to his belt and lightly tugged on it. 

I was ready for this, wasn't I?

Angus carefully pulled the garter down my thigh and managed to get it off before blindly setting it on the nightstand. His fingers played with the strap of my nightie and slid it off my shoulder. I pulled my arm out and resumed my embrace, my lips finding his again. Our kisses were getting a touch more needy, the room was getting warmer. My other arm out of the other strap my nightie hung around my chest threatening to fall. Embarrassed from the moan I accidentally let out I started kissing the other side of Ang's neck, hoping to hide my flushed face. I gently tugged on his belt again.

"Jus'...." he panted, lying back on his bed. "take your time, love..."

**********

Hot tears poured down my flushed cheeks. 

All that for nothing.

His lips pressed against my shoulder, my hair brushed to the side. "It's alright, love."

After getting ourselves worked up and situated in a very intimate position, my adrenaline kicked in and I curled up underneath him, my eyes welling up. Immediately Angus had put some distance between us and asked what was wrong. When I didn't answer he helped me sit up and grabbed a blanket from the foot of the bed, wrapping it around both of us. It had been a long time and I was still crying.

Angus cradled me in his arms and I refused to show my face. I was an ugly crier at the best of times. His fingers gently traced patterns on my skin. Most of our clothes had been removed and cast aside to wait until morning but we had no clue which direction that had been. Angus didn't bother looking; he wasted his time comforting me instead. 

I wanted to apologise but my choking sobs wouldn't let me. This was it, then. I had let him down. Got him all hot and heavy only to panic and refuse him. I knew this would happen. Now he'd run out and find him someone else who could satisfy him.

So why was he holding me like this? Why was he acting like he cared?

"We'll get there, love," he said stroking my hair. "We'll get there eventually."

I finally pulled my face away from his chest, surely looking haggard. Eyes red and puffy, tears soaking my cheeks, snot all over my nose....I closed my eyes as Angus kissed my forehead. 

"You alright?" he asked.

I shook my head. He gathered me in his arms for another hug, his warm skin pressed flush against mine. Taking a few minutes to calm down, I nuzzled into him. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what?" Angus asked. "We're jus' not there yet, that's all." He pulled the blanket tighter around us. "We'll jus' wait until we are."

"But what if it takes a long time?" I asked finally looking at him. He used his thumb to brush away the tears and snot. 

"Then it takes awhile," he answered. 

"What if.....what if it never happens?" I held my breath waiting for an answer. Ang's face fell a little.

"Well....then we'll find somethin' else to do," he said. We stared at each other for a minute. Disappointment coloured his face, he couldn't fool me. 

"But that's not fair to you," I said. 

"What's not fair is makin' ya' do somethin' you're not ready for," he responded. I traced circles on his chest and shoulders. 

"You deserve someone who's a bit more receptive," I sniffled, more snot coming to my detriment. "Someone who can--"

"That's....sorta the thing, sweetheart," he said before I could finish. He brushed a couple of stray hairs away from my sticky face. "I don't....want anyone else, ya' know?"

Angus lay back on the bed with me in his arms and pulled the blanket over us. I snuggled into him thinking about what he said. Smelling the fading remains of his cologne. Feeling the warmth radiate off his skin. Hearing his soft, melodic breathing, relaxing into his strong embrace. I had to come out with it. "I want you," I mumbled.

He laughed. "Hey, well....I'm jus' burstin' at the seams with animal lust for you," he said making me laugh. "You're the loveliest thing I've ever seen, ya' know? An' I'd love nothin' more than to have you all to myself for the night. But...." He kissed the top of my head. "we'll wait."

"You already have me all to yourself," I mumbled again. He let out one last laugh and relaxed next to me. 

"We'll get there, love. When we're both ready."