chapter nine ♰ One Step Forward, Three Steps Back

  He had called her Nicks. That's all Sydney could think about all night. Steve called her Nicks. A nickname ━━ affectionate and meaningful and just his. He said it so poignantly. Like it really did mean something to him. Like it held a certain kind of weight. It's all Sydney ever wanted to hear him say. Nicks, Nicks, Nicks. She had tried to think about more pressing matters ━━ like the Demogorgon, and Eleven, and how suspicious Matt was being. That's not what she did, though. She'd peel back a layer ━━ like the skin of a clementine ━━ and there'd just Steve calling her Nicks. Nicks, Nicks, Nicks.

  It bled it one of those nights of Sydney not realising how little sleep she actually got until she woke up from an hour of it, to sunlight deluging through a crack in her drapes and her room stretched open by it. She was disorientated as she stumbled into the kitchen ━━ Matt where he usually was, labouring over the stove and swaying to Roy Orbison's You Got It as he cracked open an egg into the frying pan.

  "Hey, kiddo," he greeted. Sydney grunted in reply, burying her head in her hands and feeling like she had the world's worst hangover ever. "You got home late last night ━━ what did you and Toby get up to?"

  A small creature kicked at her stomach. Toby. Matt assumed she was out with Toby. Not Steve. She hadn't even considered Toby all night ━━ she hadn't thought about how he might've felt to see her get into Steve's car and drive off. Sydney insides stirred.

  "Uh, Steve, actually," she mumbled.

  Matt's shoes screeched against the linoleum floor as he turned round to face her. "Steve? Who's Steve?"

  "You know... Steve."

  "I absolutely don't know Steve," retorted Matt. "Who is he?"

  "He's just some guy, Matt, s'all," Sydney said disgruntledly, grabbing the carton of orange juice in front of her and pouring an ample glass.

  Matt scoffed incredulously. "Just some guy. Some guy. Syd, I was that guy ━━ OK? And look what happened! I got your ma pregnant."

  "What the hell?" sneered Sydney. "It's too early for that!"

  "Fine, fine, just..." Matt pinched the bridge of his nose. "Be safe?"

  "It's not like that!" she said scathingly. "We're ━━ we're barely even friends."

  Things were so volatile recently that Sydney didn't really know how she felt about Steve, about Toby, about anything. The feelings she had were so raw and overwhelming that none of it really made any sense ━━ shuttling about like frantic insects. If she could crack open her skull and understand all of it, she'd do it in a heartbeat. Answer the primal questions of girlhood ━━ about love and about hurt and about bottled rage. But girlhood didn't have a loophole like sifting through brain matter to figure out what was real and what was a fantasy.

  In all honesty, Sydney just didn't want to be alone. This unbridled ache of missing Christine ━━ even the ugly parts of Mother. God, she'd have it all back in a blink. Christine's fastidiousness and narcissism, and the innate victim complex she carried round like a totem. And no matter how much Sydney would like to think she was recovering, the wound was still fresh. It would always bleed. She'd always feel alone because Christine used to tell her all the time━━

  "You'll only ever need me, Sydney." Chris used her words to scratch out a hole only she could fill. She scooped out all integrity, all independence ━━ Mother and Daughter's dynamic wasn't healthy. It was a clinging. "You think your dad will ever love you like I do? Give up as much as I have for you?"

  So Sydney, fruitlessly, would try to fill the yawning emptiness. With forgiveness ━━ forgiving Matt; slowly. With purpose ━━ trying to find Will. With yearning ━━ but that was too delicate of a word. Did she yearn? Did she long? Did she love Toby? Did she feel anything for Steve but a silly attraction? A scar of girlhood ━━ the tangibility of what she can't have. A boy who had somebody else. He had Nancy. That made Sydney tormented by some kind of challenge. A provocation. She didn't want to be the other woman ━━ the Martha to Nancy Wheeler's Mary Magdalene. But she also didn't want to be alone. She wanted to see Steve squirm uncomfortably when Sydney did something to embarrass him ━━ she liked that he called her Nicks, and she liked that he called her pretty. An even uglier part of her liked that Toby might love her.

  Did this make her bad? A madwoman? Twisting herself inside out, maiming herself, for what? To prove a point to a dead woman ━━ that she was wanted. She wasn't alone. But was that true?

  "Are you OK? You look like you're having an existential crisis."

  When Sydney jolted back to life, there was a plate in front of her, with two slices of toast each crowned by a fried egg, the yolks looking promisingly runny and gold.

  "They're not scrambled," she said.

  Matt was sat in front of her now, fingers ━━ knuckles swollen with red lesions, but that was a worry for the next meltdown ━━ wrapped around a steaming cup of coffee. He shrugged at her. "You don't like my scrambled eggs. Figured I'd try something new."

  "I never said ━━"

  "You didn't have to."

  She was wanted. She wasn't alone. Christine wasn't infallible. Father did love Daughter. But then came crawling back that old haunt ━━ cancer creeping out of remission. If she forgave Matt, what was left?

  And it was the best breakfast she had ever had. The whites of the eggs weren't raw, and the yolks bled perfectly onto the toast; the toast which wasn't too buttery or too burned. It didn't taste like she was chewing on charcoal or eating a slab of butter. Sydney wondered, as she ate the plate clean, if Matt had asked Toby about this, too. Or if it was just initiative; an innate fatherly instinct?

  "Better?" Matt was grinning between her and the empty plate.

  "Much," said Sydney, meaning it.

  "Tomorrow I'm gonna try making an omelette."

  Sydney laughed light-heartedly. "I'll have the fire department on speed dial."

  "Hey, I'll have you know ━━"

  Loud, raucous knocking sounded from the hallway, causing Sydney and Matt to both crane their necks toward the door. She exchanged an intrigued glance with Matt, before getting up to answer it.

  "Hey, no, wait ━━" In the blink of an eye, Matt was reaching behind him and retrieving a revolver from the waistband of his trousers. Sydney cowered, yelping in protest but Matt raised a finger to his mouth. "Stay here."

  "Matt, it could just be ━━"

  "Sydney," he interjected sternly, stare serious.

  Sydney shrank back into her chair and watched with her lungs stalling as Matt vigilantly disappeared down the hallway with his gun rose. The warping against the door got gradually louder until the sharp, brittle sound of it being unlocked rattled across the walls. Sydney's breath hitched, clinging onto the edge of the dining table ━━ then, an ear-splitting scream shattered through the air, hastily intermingling with horrified shouts from Matt. She recognised it was his voice right away ━━ from the indignant, alarmed FUCK that shook the frail walls of their home. She had heard it many times before (such as when he stubbed his toe in the dark or fell up the porch steps whilst drunk).

  Sydney scrambled up out of her chair and bolted down the hallway, chest heaving. She saw Matt clutching his skyrocketing heart with one hand and sheathing his gun back into his trousers with the other.

  "It's fucking Toby," he wheezed.

  Still startled, Sydney turned around to gawk at Toby, who was bent over and grabbing fistfuls of his shirt over where his heart threatened to hurtle out of his ribcage. "What the fuck, Tobes?"

  "Me what the fuck?" screamed Toby. "Why does your dad have a gun?"

  "I'm a deputy!"

  Toby, aghast, looked like he could've punched Matt. "And do you open the door to everyone with it pointed in their faces ━━ or is it just me?"

  "Listen, kid, I'm sorry," said Matt emphatically. "Scary times, alright? With Will, and Barbara Holland."

  Toby glanced at Sydney, conveying a, he's got no idea how scary. "Yeah...yeah, it's cool. Don't sweat." He then stood a bit idly, trying to communicate that he needed to talk with Sydney in private. Matt lingered around, seemingly not catching on as he smiled abashedly between his daughter and her best friend. "Uh ━━ Mr McConnell?"

  "Yeah?"

  "I need to speak with Sydney."

  Matt blinked imperviously. "Yeah, OK ━━ oh! You mean in private. Yeah. Cool, cool, I'll just be ━━ Yep."

  Making sure his gun was safely tucked under the flimsy material of his shirt, Matt shuffled down the hallway, patting Sydney's shoulder as he lumbered past. Sydney smiled gauchely after him before turning back to Toby with a shivers going down her spine. She hadn't spoke him since she ditched him yesterday to go to the fucking movies with Steve Harrington ━━ someone who Toby had openly hated for years.

  "C'mon," mumbled Sydney.

  She reached him in three, fluid strides, curled her fingers round his wrist and dragged him along with her to her room.

  "Keep the door open!" Matt barked after her from the kitchen.

  Sydney grimaced, ignoring him as she shoved Toby in first. For the first time ever, she actually felt embarrassed around Toby. For one ━━ her room was a state. Clothes were strewn about tumultuously and she even had a half-eaten pizza taunting her from inside a greased box at the foot of her bed. And, secondly, the bellyaching elephant in the room ━━ yesterday.

  "Listen," said Sydney bluntly. Toby had sat himself down on her bed, and was wringing his hands together nervously. "I shouldn't have to apologise, but I feel like I do, because I guess it was a really shitty thing for me to do ━━ and I'm sorry. I know you hate him, and I know that what's going on right now is, like, totally shit. But Nancy asked me to, and I know she's tiny, but I'm kind of scared of her and ━━ You're my best friend, Tobes. And I love you. And I honestly think I would've rather been hunting that ... Thing with you yesterday than going to watch Star Wars with Steve ━━ Fuck. We were meant to watch Return of the Jedi together. You must hate me."

  Toby blinked up at Sydney, a bit taken aback, but more amused by how stressed she was. "Syd ━━ I came to debrief you about yesterday. I don't ━━ I could never hate you."

  "So ... I just said all that for ... nothing?"

  "I mean." Toby was looking a bit complacent ━━ Sydney didn't think it was a good look on him (unlike the glittering of his chain she could see thanks to the neckline of his cotton shirt). "I enjoyed seeing you all worked up. But ━━ I'm not mad at you, Syd. I know that you wouldn't voluntarily spend time with Steve Harrington."

  Throat running dry, Sydney glanced down at the cuticle she been tearing at yesterday. The frayed skin had been peeled off, leaving a sore cut that ran deep all the way to her raw nailbed. She tried swallowing down the sullenness but it lay dormant in her windpipe.

  "Yeah," she said, forcing out a feeble laugh.

  Toby beamed. "Anyways ━━ while you were spending time with the douchebag..."

  He then divulged the most bizarre story Sydney had ever heard. Toby, Jonathan and Nancy finding a wounded, half-dead deer in the woods, and the deer being suddenly dragged away before they could grant it mercy. Then, the most crazy all ━━ Nancy entering a gnarled tear in a tree and coming out on the other side into a supposed different dimension, smothered with organic rot and vines, and housing the very same monster they saw in Steve's backyard. He finished off the story by saying that Nancy got out unscathed, and that the portal sealed itself back up.

  "So that's why Jonathan spent the night at Nancy's," she murmured. "She was traumatised."

  Toby narrowed his eyes. "I guess? I tell you that there's a portal to another dimension, and that's where your mind goes?"

  "Right, shit. Sorry." Sydney ran her fingers through her already dishevelled hair and sighed. "It's, like, a lot to digest. Nancy Wheeler finding a portal in the woods is a bit of a tough pill for me to swallow, ya know?"

  "I know," said Toby, unsettled. "I mean ━━ I was gonna go in after her, but Jonathan said that it would do more harm than good. It's just so fucked up."

  Sydney scoffed wryly. "Yeah. You don't say."

  "Anyways," he said, clapping his hands and standing up. "You need to get dressed."

  "Dressed?"

  "You wanna monster hunt with us this time?" mused Toby, arching a brow at her. When Sydney gave a reluctant nod, he gestured wryly at her pyjamas ━━ a gauzy tank top and chiffon shorts. "Then you can't go dressed like that."

"Should be any minute now..." mumbled Toby, consulting with his watch.

  Once again, they were parked outside of the Wheeler house ━━ the perfect getaway car. Sydney hadn't known what constituted as appropriate monster-hunting attire, and elected to go with a dungarees, and a jersey top. Now, they were just waiting on Jonathan and Nancy. The girl had asked Toby to pick her up in the morning, but apparently Jonathan crashing hadn't been part of the plan. As Sydney waited, she thought about Steve's expression as he clambered back in the car after seeing Jonathan in his girlfriend's room ━━ she wished she could tell him that Nancy had no ill intentions. That she had been traumatised by whatever she had seen last night and needed someone. Anyone.

  "Do you think there's anything going on between them?" Sydney uttered suddenly. "Nancy and Jonathan."

  Toby's brows pinched together. "Huh. I dunno. He'd be better for her than Harrington, I can say that."

  A thorn embedded itself in her heart.

  "Even after what Jonathan did? The photos?" contended Sydney.

  "I mean ━━ I d'know, Syd. It's not really my business. But Jonathan apologised. He fucked up, he knows it. Does Steve Harrington ever apologise?"

  Sydney floundered. "I just think you're too hard on him."

  "You go catch one movie with him and you sound like every other girl defending him," accused Toby sourly, pinning Sydney with a mean glare. "Since when did you give a shit about Harrington ━━ and whether I'm too hard on him?"

  She pursed her lips. "You're being unfair."

  "You're being ignorant," he admonished.

  Faltering, Sydney felt a hurt pervade in her bones. Toby could wound her viscerally ━━ never on purpose. But when they argued, it was gut-wrenching.

  Meekly, she started to warp her nails against the window ledge, breathing in through her nose. She didn't know why they were fighting over this ━━ over Steve. Or, rather, she did know, and just didn't want to confront the barbed wire between them. This gnarled adversity in the sawtooth silhouette of rapidly overgrowing feelings. A mass of hurt and pining, with thorns and spikes to cut and make them both bleed. Sydney was tired of bleeding.

  "Why are we arguing?" she asked softly.

  Toby's jaw was hardened. He wasn't even looking at her. Envy was simmering in his guts and he didn't want to get mad with Sydney. Never with Sydney.

  "We're not," he protested, voice betraying him. "Fuck ━━ they're coming."

  Sydney turned. Jonathan was already on the ground, and was putting his hands tentatively on Nancy's waist to help her down from the top of the garage. They were sneaking out. Once her feet planted gracefully on the freshly-mowed lawn, Jonathan tangled his hand with hers and they ran towards Toby's car, hurriedly scrambling inside and slamming the door behind themselves.

  "Drive, quick ━━ before my mom notices I'm gone!" exclaimed Nancy, leaning round Toby's seat.

  "On it."

  Expeditiously, Toby put his foot down on the gas, made a sharp swerve of the wheel and started barrelling out of Maple Street.

  "Where am I actually going?" he asked, checking over his shoulder.

  Jonathan was panting slightly. "The Hunting & Camping store downtown."

  Toby wavered. "Right..."

  "I have a theory," said Nancy, a little breathless. "It might be a little crazy."

  "It's brilliant," Jonathan objected.

  Sydney narrowed her eyes, glancing at them through the rearview mirror ━━ Nancy's smile was self-effacing and Jonathan looked at her admiringly. Sydney pursed her lips, thinking about Steve. Again. And how he looked like he had been stabbed in the back last night.

  The saccharine Judas kiss of Nancy Wheeler.

  "Tell us, then," urged Sydney, admittedly a bit sharp.

  Nancy's smile faded faintly. "Uh ━━ well, last night we saw a deer. It was wounded. Bleeding. And at Steve's, Barb cut herself. My theory's that this Thing can detect blood. That it goes after weak prey."

  "Like how a shark can detect blood in one part per million," said Toby.

  "Exactly," stated Nancy, beaming.

  Sydney nodded along, processing. "So, we lure It out with blood. Instead of us going to It ━━ we bring the Thing to us."

  "Exactly," Jonathan concurred.

  "Fantastic," exhaled Sydney, dizzy. "Let's kill it, then."

  When they reached the Hunting & Camping store downtown, they dispersed into different corners of the shop. Sydney hadn't spoke to Toby since their spat ━━ and he was obviously trying not to even look at her. So, she decided to go the furthest corner from him, and started to peruse through different sized axes. The steel heads all glistened in the sunlight trickling through the store's splattered windows. She ran her hands against the oak, polished bellies and eventually picked one up, assessing how it felt in her hold. It was light enough for to swing but heavy enough to cause damage. She rose it above her shoulders and brought it back down at full tilt.

  It could easily kill something. Sever a limb. Decapitate a faceless head. She tightened her grasp on it and turned around, heading towards the counter where Nancy, Jonathan and Toby had already grouped with their homicidal haul. A vermillion tank of petroleum, lighter-fluid, mallets, a whole matrix of lethal weapons, and a steel bear trap. Sydney finished it off by slamming down the axe onto the baleful pile.

  "And, uh, 4 boxes of the .38s," included Jonathan.

  Bemused, the man behind the counter grabbed 4 canisters of bullets. "What are you kids doin' with all this?"

  The four of them stammered, before Nancy shrugged her shoulders. "Monster hunting."

  "Huh," scoffed the owner.

  He charged them, Nancy graciously paid, and they were on their way, loading up Toby's trunk with a beaten cardboard box teeming with ammunition.

  "Monster hunting?" Jonathan said derisively.

  Nancy's lips twisted into half a smile. "You know, last week... I was shopping for a new top I thought Steve might like. I mean, it took me and Barb all weekend ━━ it seemed like life or death, you know? And... and now ━━"

  "You're shopping with bear traps with Jonathan Byers," interjected Jonathan wryly.

  "What are we?" muttered Toby, lugging the gasoline tank into his boot. "Chopped liver?"

  Jonathan nudged him in the ribs. "What's the weirdest part? Us, or the bear trap?"

  "You," said Nancy. "It's definitely you."

  A car honked at them and Sydney could finally tear her gaze away from whatever was unfurling in front of her. A shiny, burgundy car had slowed down on the road behind them, and a boy in Steve's year at Hawkins High hung out of the window with a conceited smirk. If Sydney was right, he was called Reed.

  "Hey, Nance! Can't wait to see your movie!" taunted Reed.

  Boyish, haughty laughter echoed in Sydney's ears as the car sped off, consumed by the traffic going uptown.

  Her brows went inwards. "Dick."

  "What the hell was that?" asked Jonathan.

  "I don't know..." murmured Nancy, turning round on with a look of horror.

  Before they could talk about it, Nancy broke off in a sprint down the street, with Jonathan calling and chasing after her. Leaving Toby and Sydney ━━ idle and unsure on whether to follow them or not.

  "We should probably ━━"

  "Yeah."

  They found Nancy bathed in the carmine shame of spray-paint tarnishing the theatre's marque. The headline movie was what it was yesterday ━━ the very film Steve had wanted to take Nancy to see. All the Right Moves. But under it was nothing but vileness. In a haphazard maim was the ugly words ━━ STARRING NANCY 'THE SLUT' WHEELER. Sydney skidded to a halt behind the girl, Nancy whimpering as a couple looked at her with curled, mean lips.

  "What the fuck..." Sydney pried her eyes away from the scarlet letter, the mark of Cain, and stood herself firmly in front of Nancy. She delicately put her hands on either side of the girl's gaunt, trembling jaw. "Nance, don't ━━"

  "This had to be Harrington," Toby snarled. "Who the fuck else? Piece of shit."

  The menacing hiss of an aerosol can had Nancy wrenching herself out of Sydney's hold and storming down the alleyway at the side of the theatre. Sydney, Toby and Jonathan all hastened after her, following the telltale sign of obnoxious laughter to where Steve had parked last night.

  Sydney caught up with Nancy just as the palm of her hand belligerently smacked against the side of Steve's face.

  "Nancy!" she yelled, running down the alley.

  "What is wrong with you?" Nancy sneered at Steve, and ignoring the clamouring of his friends.

  Sydney glanced around ━━ it was the usual pack. Carol chewing aggressively on a piece of gum, Tommy taking puffs from a cigarette and Nicole a rash they couldn't scratch. Branded on a boarded up door next to them was more defaming graffiti ━━ BYERS IS A PERV. Sydney's ears started to ring.

  "What's wrong with me? What's wrong with you? I was worried about you," stressed Steve. He then gave a rude scoff, rolling his eyes. "I can't believe I was actually worried about you."

  "What are you talking about?" asked Nancy incredulously.

  "I wouldn't lie if I were you," crooned Carol, tone patronising. "You don't wanna be known as the lying slut now, do you?"

  "Fucking watch it, Carol," sneered Sydney.

  Steve shot her a disparaging look. "Stop getting involved in shit that isn't yours, Sydney."

  Sydney recoiled, taking a physical step back. Her heart sunk to the mess of her insides as she accidentally stumbled into the solid body of whoever was behind her ━━ Toby. Of course. He and Jonathan had caught up with them. Toby's hand went to her elbow, steadying her before she could stagger any further.

  "Don't talk to her like that!" he shouted at Steve.

  "Speak of the devil," drawled Tommy, taking an arrogant inhale of his cigarette and smirking at Jonathan. "Hi."

  Nancy sighed, realising. "You came by last night."

  "Ding, ding, ding!" sung Carol, simpering as Tommy snaked an arm round her. "Does she get a prize?"

  "Look, I don't know what you think you saw but it wasn't like that!" insisted Nancy.

  "What, you just let him in your room to...study?" demanded Steve, not actually sparing his girlfriend a glance until his final word ━━ for emphasis, or dramatics. Sydney didn't know. She just felt hurt. And angry. So very fucking angry.

  "Or for another pervy photo session?" taunted Tommy, voice gruff from the smoke in his lungs.

  "Don't be such a dick all your life, Tommy," seethed Sydney.

  He shot her a nasty glare. "Didn't Steve tell you to get out of here, Sydney?"

  "We didn't do anything!" Nancy defended again weakly. "We were just━━"

  "Just what? Finish that sentence." Steve looked meaner than he had ever looked. His ego was bruised. There's nothing more volatile than a man with a wounded pride. Sydney didn't like it one bit. "Finish," he commanded lowly, tone uncharacteristically dark, "the sentence."

  "Don't talk to her like that!" said Sydney scathingly, flinging herself out of Toby's grasp and rounding on Steve. His expression only got more bitter. "You don't even know what happened!"

  Steve's features contorted. "Then, by all means, tell me, Sydney ━━ go on. Tell me what happened."

  Her own twisted wretchedly. "Why are you being like this?"

  "Like what?" Steve, in turn, got closer to Sydney. Demeaning, he cocked his head to the side in a taunting manner that made Sydney feel incredibly stupid for ever thinking that he had changed. "Huh, Sydney?"

  Sydney. Not Nicks. Sydney.

  In the same alley he parked last night to take her to a movie she had been wanting to see for years, Steve was crushing everything. The frivolous image she had carved in her head ━━ of a Steve Harrington worth defending and worth her time. One who meant everything he said. Whose flirts weren't fleeting and fatuous. But they meant nothing. Sydney meant nothing.

  Christine was right. She was alone. Toby's love was conditional ━━ fractured and so weak that even just the idea of her getting along with Steve made turn on her viciously. And Steve didn't care about her. This was a testament to that. His shortness. His audacity to be so apathetic. He made himself seem so wonderful yesterday ━━ this wounded, beautiful boy who felt betrayed by his girlfriend and just needed a friend in Sydney.

  Incorrigible.

  That's all he fucking was. All he'd ever be.

  "You're unbelievable," Sydney snickered humourlessly.

  "C'mon, Syd, screw him," spat Toby, grabbing her arm to leave.

  Jonathan was already encouraging Nancy to leave too, coaxing her along with a hand latched around her elbow.

  "You know, Byers, I'm actually quite impressed!" exclaimed Steve. "I always took you as a queer but I guess you're just a little screw-up like your father."

  Sydney tried fighting against Toby's protective hold as Steve went on to shove Jonathan's back.

  "Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that house is full of screw-ups," jeered Steve. "You know, I guess I shouldn't really be surprised ━━ a bunch of screw-ups in your family." Jonathan had skidded to a vehement stop, knuckles cracking as he twined his fingers into fists. Nancy's protests got lost in Steve's insults as he carried on poking a dormant anger he knew Jonathan had, "I mean, your mom... I'm not even surprised what happened to your brother."

  Sydney's choked on her horror, spluttering. How could he say that? How could anybody say something so revolting, so vile━━

  "I'm sorry to tell you, but the Byers ━━ their family, it's a disgrace to the entire ━━"

  Jonathan swung around and hit Steve square in the jaw.

  He almost staggered back into where Sydney and Toby were standing, but Toby jerked her out the way, sending Steve's stomach roughly colliding with an iron bar as he grunted and cradled where Jonathan had got him. Good. Steve groaned, standing himself back up and tonguing the inside of his throbbing cheek. He smirked around his tongue and the blood welling in his mouth. A welt of pink was already discolouring his skin.

  He lunged forward, tackling Jonathan and sent him hurtling back onto the car behind him. Nancy begged them to stop, but Steve was already tugging Jonathan onto the ground by the lapels of his denim jacket and sending a punch to his nose.

  "Steve!" Nancy wailed.

  "Toby, do something!" seethed Sydney, struggling against his arm now firmly round her abdomen.

  "No can do, Syd," he said in her ear, breathing shallowly against the cartilage there. He almost seemed to be enjoying the brawl ━━ grinning as Jonathan got back up on his feet to deliver a vicious hit to Steve's cheekbone. "This ain't my fight."

  "They're going to hurt each other!" she exclaimed. "Boys and their fucking ━━" she tried digging her nails into his arms through the cableknit of his sweater, but Toby didn't even flinch, "tempers!"

  When Sydney's attention returned back to the fight, Jonathan was straddling Steve and administering punch after punch ━━ calloused, bruising knuckles scraping at Steve's pretty boy face until the flesh looked torn. It made Sydney sick. Her wrestling against Toby got rougher, she even tried to kick back her heel into his shins, but he didn't budge. And Steve just got even more battered.

  Even when the sirens of police cars came blaring into the alleyway, tires screeching to an abrupt stop, Jonathan was relentless.

  "Hey, he's had enough, man!" bellowed Tommy, grabbing Jonathan's shoulder and trying to pry him off Steve. Only then did Toby finally let go of Sydney, only to tackle Tommy aside. "I said he's had enough ━━ get off me, Stanfield!"

  Toby pinned Tommy against the brick wall with a menacing look in his eyes ━━ almost murderous. Tommy was seething, gaze flickering between his fleeing girlfriend, his bloodied pulp of a best friend and the cops now storming out of their cars onto the scene.

  "Syd?"

  Shit.

  Sydney wrenched Toby off of Tommy. "Get Steve out of here ━━ now!"

  Matt was here ━━ flanked by Callahan and Powell. Matt, thankfully, had been momentarily distracted by scrimmaging with Jonathan to notice what his daughter was doing. Jonathan was in a brutal frenzy, still getting in any hits he could manage as the cops tried to subdue him. When Matt finally grabbed a hold of one of his arms, Jonathan brought his other back and his elbow shattered against Matt's nose. Sydney swore she heard a crack.

  "Matt!" Sydney yelled.

  As Tommy frantically chased after Nicole and Carol ━━ Callahan pursuing them ━━  Sydney stormed towards the brawling boys. She shoved Jonathan just as Powell heaved both of his arms behind his back and yanked him up onto his feet. Sydney's knees roughly hit the asphalt and she grabbed two handfuls of Steve's shirt ━━ smeared with tar and his own blood.

  He looked terrible. Nothing like the beautiful boy he had been yesterday in the theatres with her, or dropping her off home, haloed by moonlight. He looked just as ugly as the words he had spouted at Jonathan ━━ a maimed, swollen welt pulsating over his eye and a contusion throbbing against his split cheekbone.

  "What the hell is wrong with you?" she shouted at him. Steve recoiled, flinching away from. Like Sydney would hit him, too. "What's wrong with you, huh?!"

  "Sydney, leave him!" yelled Toby, heaving.

  Sydney glanced between Toby's fuming state and Steve. He was panting and trying to fold inwardly like a tattered piece of origami. Her heart ached. Not wanting to look at his ruined face anymore, Sydney forcefully let her go of her grip on his tarnished shirt. His head lolled back against the concrete with a dull thud when he couldn't keep his own weight up.

  "Nicks," Steve groaned, curling in on himself.

  Sydney fell back onto her backside in defeat ━━ refusing to acknowledge him. "Just... get out of here, Steve."

  Hurt in more ways than one, Steve got up pathetically. He swayed, disorientated, and Sydney moved to help him. But he quickly got his footing. He soon gathered his wits back and ran down the alley after his friends.

  Sydney sat pitifully in a pool of Steve's blood.

  "Do you wanna tell me what the fuck just happened?" rasped out Matt.

  Sydney looked up at her father, desolate. Blood was spouting out of his crooked nose, trickling over his split lip ━━ he must've bit it when Jonathan hit him. He looked crazy, and his eyes were wild, fleeting between Nancy, Toby and his daughter, whilst Powell forced a begrudging Jonathan into the back of his car.

  Nancy looked defeated and buried her face in her hands. Toby stared contemptuously after Steve and went to break into a run, only for Matt to catch him.

  "I don't think so, kid," he said mockingly. "You're coming back to the station ━━ all of you."

"You care about him ━━ Steve."

  Sydney and Toby were sat in the back of the station, at Matt's desk in the corner. Sydney didn't look at the board with the photographs ━━ she couldn't. She was sat on Matt's chair whilst he got his undoubtedly broken nose checked out by Flo. They had handcuffed Jonathan, and Matt had insisted it was just precautionary. That didn't appease Nancy, though. She had argued with him until eventually she gave in and went to get some ice to tend to his fists.

  Sydney eyes fleeted to Toby where he sat diagonally across from her, on the spare chair at the end of Matt's desk. He was tired. So fucking tired. Of so many things. Mutilated by the hunger of love eating his heart out.

  "I..." Sydney hesitated. "I dunno, Tobes. I guess I do."

  Toby nodded solemnly. "How?"

  "He's not a monster, Toby. Of course I care ━━"

  "No, I mean how do you care about him?" he asked. All bitterness had left him when the lethargy kicked in. Now, Toby just sounded tired. "Do you feel held by him? Does he feel like home to you? Because that's how I thought you felt about me ━━ now I'm not so sure."

  Sydney could've cried. "That's not fair."

  "I mean ━━ what was it he called you? Nicks?" Toby spat it out like it was venomous.

  Hearing the nickname uttered like that ━━ poisonously, retched out like a cyanide pit at the core of a rotten apple ━━ made Sydney want to cry even more. It shouldn't be said like that. She no longer thought it should be said at all. This morning, it was all she wanted to hear. Now it was a fresh wound. One that Toby was prodding at unforgivingly.

  "How long have you cared about Steve Harrington, Syd?"

  "Don't say it like that," she snapped.

  "Like what?" demanded Toby.

  "Like you're accusing me of something!" retorted Sydney, voice cracking like a whip across his face ━━ the length of years of friendship and sacrifice and love. Toby flinched away, face getting hateful and acetic. "Like I did something wrong! Or ━━ or cheated you some way! I didn't. I didn't lie to you, Toby! I am not your girlfriend ━━ I owe you nothing!"

  Toby's eyes flashed with hurt. "You think just because you're not my girlfriend that you don't owe me just a slither of truth?"

  "Truth," laughed Sydney emptily, "Truth. Toby, I never lied."

  "That doesn't mean you were being honest! I don't think you're even being honest to yourself," he said. "You're not the type of girl to defend and fawn over Steve Harrington, Sydney!"

  "I have not fawned!"

  Toby scoffed, staring disdainfully out of the window. "You don't have to. It's obvious how you feel. He has a girlfriend, you know."

  That thorn in her chest splintered into two, incising twin scars ━━ blooming into withered bruises that pulsed painfully.

  One for Steve. One for Toby.

  Sydney wanted her mom. This was something Chris would remedy ━━ heartache. Matt would fumble gauchely over his words. But Christine would know exactly what to do and say. She'd probably tell Sydney that no boy would ever be worth thorns and splinters and scars and bruises and so much bleeding. The bleeding of a man's ego, splattering hubristic blotches onto concrete.

  That's what love was, Christine would say. Injuries. Millions of 'em. So many boys will cut you, Sydney. So many will make you bleed. They're not worth it. They're not worth your blood.

  "You're treating me like shit," Sydney asserted through gritted teeth. "Like I'm ━━ like I did something. Steve and I ━━ we're nothing. I'm nothing to him. You saw that yourself. He just had his fun with me whilst Nancy was off fighting monsters with you and Jonathan. You're talking down on me like I'm this ━━ this other woman. I'm not. I wouldn't."

  It came out so feverish and zealous it was a bit like Sydney was trying to convince herself.

  Toby looked wracked with guilt. It must've worked on him. She wished it would've worked on her.

  "I'm sorry," he muttered. "It's just ━━" He's gonna say it. He's gonna say it. He's gonna, "I don't want you to leave me for Steve Harrington of all people."

  Sydney, tearful, shook her head. "Never."

  "I hate to interrupt what I'm sure is a really heartfelt conversation," interjected Matt. He was now looming over them, disturbed and with his nose bandaged; the faintest seepage of blood soaking the fibres of gauze. "But ━━ what the fuck have we just found in your car?"

from dani !

omg i hate this ending but like
it's already at 6.5k and i have sooo
much more to write which means
i've had to split this chapter in HALF,
crazyyyy!! originally syd was gonna
get into a bigger argument w
steve but it kinda made more sense
for her to be like..... bro wyd &
also hate men for having
dumb fights. she has NOT forgiven
steve for the way he spoke to
jonathan, nancy, or HER for
that matter. steve loves her a lot
tho, like im sorry u may all think
its too fast but if i knew sydney
id also be moaning groaning rolling
on the floor calling her the nickname
only i can call her <333