We were best friend. We met in X-factor and I immediately felt some kind of connection between us. He was shy and so was I.Maybe that’s the reason why I took to him instantly. I sometimes got jealous of his husky voice. It made him a talented singer. Mine? Normal as fuck. Perhaps what I’ve got was a little luck.

We were formed into a group called One Direction. First, we just tried to win something, to “fulfill our dream” generally speaking. But then, things got a little bit out of hand, and none of us could go back to the people we used to be, nor did we want. It was our first album that shot to the top of the chart in a blink of an eye. It had never crossed my mind that we could make such miracles happened.

*Flashback*

My phone vibrated. I just came back from the studio and should have been sleeping right now. I peered at the screen. Well, well, isn’t this Mr. Payne? The fucking bastard whose voice was like music to my ears. He should have known better than calling me at such a time. It was a tiring day and I couldn’t be anywhere else but my sweet bed. And he decided to butt in when I was trying to rest.

I picked up the phone unwillingly. Better be good, Payne.

And at the moment I said “ello?”, there was this loud hissing noise on the other side of the line.

“HOLY FUCK IT’S INCREASING. Zayn Zayn Zayn quick. Turn on the television, I mean your cellphone, no, a laptop. Album. Top. And the viewers on youtube. My gosh I’m dead.”

I widened my eyes. What the fuck was the guy talking about? “Chill, man. Stop being melodramatic. You gave me an earache.”

“I’ll cut your ears off if this is true. Please tell me I’m not dreaming.” Liam begged, his voice full of disbelief.

“OK you’re dreaming. Good bye.” I disconnected and immediately threw the phone violently to the wall and accidentally broke it. Phone later. TV first.

And that was how our life changed... Also, that was how my phone got upgraded.

*Ends flashback*

Whenever I reminisced how goofy Liam was then, a smile crept on my face. He used to be so adorable and I always loved picking on him, as if I didn’t now. Yeah. But however, I must say he had always been the first to inform me whenever there was anything important/unimportant happened. Well, that was the advantage for being someone’s best of best friends, right?!

I looked over at the phone. Reality flooded back in. The smile on my face disappeared. What was I thinking? We weren’t even best friend now. We were just… bandmate. Why was I waiting for him to apologize? Why was I thinking of apologizing to him? I did nothing wrong. I was just being moody. I wanted to be needed. I wanted to be treasured. Not by someone I didn’t know, but by someone I bonded, someone they called best friend. Was it wrong at all?

We were like this for months. We just released our newest album and got a little break. Usually, Liam and I would have shared the holiday together. Go to Starbucks for a drink, go to night club together just to not let the other get too drunk and hook up with random girls (that part was mostly done by Liam anyway).

Lately, however, we often fought. Fame didn’t go to my head, it was this stressful work that got to me. It sometimes drove me crazy and I couldn’t find sanity in my world. I had a mood swing (nearly a kind of sickness) and I easily got incensed over small things. I told Li, and he said he wouldn’t keep that in mind if I suddenly crossed the line and smack him in the head or kick him while we were on a tour (well, he actually didn’t say anything about it).  He said he would be there to calm me down whenever I felt uncertain. He said he would always be there.

Anyway, this time it was different. Liam was too busy with his new girlfriend. I knew he was having a hard time with these kind of relationship. I tried to calm myself down whenever he went out of the record room to receive a phone call and never got back. But I had my limit too. We had a real quarrel. Actually, it was not quite a row, I just all of a sudden cut him off and refused to talk to him if it was trivial. Liam knew. He was smart enough. And despite what he promised me, he didn’t even consider calling me.

It led me to think I was the one who was in the wrong. Maybe I shouldn’t pressure him too much. It’s just that he made me feel lonely. He was a star now. Everyone tends to talk about an angelic Liam Payne with a pretty new girlfriend rather than a Zayn Malik and his new tattoos.... I felt I was nothing for whenever he left, we couldn’t continue singing. We felt like missing an important piece, and he was that important piece. We, or was it just me, didn’t feel like singing when he was not there. I was jealous, partly, to what he was capable of: Stealing the hearts, including mine.

*Flashback*

The phone rang again. I had rejected the calls numerous times and he just wouldn’t give up. He texted various texts, I deleted all without reading, but he wouldn’t stop. And I couldn’t just turn off the power, for the management might suddenly need us (that was just my excuse) He was making me mad. Mad by grinning. Yeah, I just loved torturing people (Liam mainly). With every phone call he made, my heart grew a little bit softer. I should just pick up the phone, call him over my house, have a talk and cuddle with him (albeit he hated cuddling and every time I was near to touch his bum, he slapped me and warned ‘dont you dare’).

“What?” I shouted into the phone.

His breath hitched. I could feel it just by listening to the sound of his breath over the phone.

“I- Why didn’t you reply my message?”

“I deleted all,” Pause, I emphasized, “without reading.”

“Oh-,” Liam swallowed, “so that means you don’t know what I was trying to tell you?”

“What?” I frowned. “Was it something important?” Oops, maybe management contacted him instead of me. Shit, I should have read them.

“Y-yeah. It was important.” His voice sounded suspicious.

“What was it?” I sighed. I would be dead if it was a text from management.

“It’s- about- how sorry I am.” Liam muttered. I almost got choked up on my own spit. Liam continued. “I know. I’m sorry, ok? About the other day. It slipped my mind when you asked me to come over to your house. Niall asked me to do a favor for him and I was just trying to help. That’s all.”

Suppressing my laughter, I raised my voice. “What is it to do with me and ‘important’?”

It took a whole 5 minutes for him to come up with the answer. “Well, you were mad for I have left with Niall, right? So it’s got something to do with you alright. And for it has something to do with you, it’s- important.” Liam suddenly stopped.

I blushed, couldn’t help but laugh into the phone. Happiness could bring tears too. I felt it filling my eyes.

‘Do- Do I sound gay?” Liam  suddenly spoke, breaking the silence

“Sure you do my friend.” I winked, unconscious of whether he could see my face. “Come over. You owed me a movie night.”

*Ends flashback*

I picked up the phone. Couldn’t stop thinking about him. I was going insane. I picked up the phone. I unlocked it. That was when I came through a weird feeling…

Liam. Dial. Cancel.

I chose the latter. Instead of calling Liam, I dialed Harry’s number.

Harry picked up almost in no time. I bet he was waiting for his girlfriend *cough* boyfriend *cough* to call him. “So?”

“Hey Harry. Yer free tonight?” I asked emotionless, already knowing the answer.

“I bet you knew the answer.” He burst out laughing. Mischievious boy, just like his…, I mean Louis.

“OK then.” I was about to hang up. Calling Harry was the most stupid thing I’ve ever come up with.

“Ehm wait. Why don’t you call Liam? I heard he was quite free today. Niall asked him out, but he refused. Poor Liam was upset. He had never been like that before. Bet something happened.”

“Sadder than when he broke up.” I chipped in. I knew just exactly what Harry might be talking about.

“Yeah, probably. He kept staring at the phone, then into the sky.” Harry snorted and said. “So I suggest you go and cheer him up. Good night sir.”

And then he hung up.

Damn it the boy never finish his story. I wanted to know more how Liam was… well, just to make sure if it was because of me.

…

I went to the nearest telephone booth, put in some coins and dialed Liam’s number. I could have used my phone, but then I would show my weakness, show him that I can no longer live without his existence in my word, without his husky voice and snort and breath…. Most importantly, I didn’t want Liam to know it was me. I just wanted to hear his voice. To know how I could make him feel. To know if it was the same for him like it was for me. Or was it just me?

At the first strike, Liam picked up.

“Hello? Who’s there?” Tired as he greeted.

My breath was taken away. I gasped, trying to listen to what he would say next.

“Who’s that?” Liam repeated anxiously.

I put the phone out of my ears and was about to hang up, suppressing the urge to say something, when Liam suddenly asked.

“Zayn? Is it you? I know it’s you.”

“No.” I replied. OK, I admitted, that was an illogical move.

“Don’t lie to me Zayn. I could feel it just by listening to the sound of your breath over the phone.” Liam replied unthinkingly.

I let out a sigh, rather a moan. “I’m sorry.”

“I miss you.” Our voice united.