*knock* *knock* *knock*

"Can I uh-come into your, room?", I ask, my voice hoarse.

"Yeah! Come in!"

I walk into my brother's room feeling a bit nervous after our last encouter. Over the years, we've distanced​ a little from each other. He stopped supporting mum and her decisions, but I never did. And never will.

"Leaving for college again, eh?", I ask him, while he waddles around in his room. I sit down on the edge of his bed that jumps up and squishes back down from the pressure.

"Yea...", he sighs, "It was just a small break, really." He picks up an empty cardboard box and throws it in his closet.

...

"Jacob."

"Yea?" He walks up to me, then squats in front of me so that our faces are somewhat, level, and it reminds me of the old days. When he'd hold my hand and walk me through the park.

"Did you really mean all that neighbour stuff?", I ask, annoyed.

"Actually yes", he says firmly and lifts up my chin so that I stare straight into his light blue eyes. And he stares back at me, looking for something inside my soul, which I'm pretty sure is completely devoid of any emotions.

"Where is my old Cathryn? My Cathrinosours?"

I let out a soft laugh which sounds like me choking on a fish bone, while a fat lump takes place in my throat.

"She died along the way", I say.

"Hey don't say that! I know someday, someone will find her again. Deep there, burried in these dark thoughts. Oh, she's still there. I know. I just... know."

I roll my eyes playfully​. "You're being so overdramatic over my 'old' self, Jacob." I slap his hand away and shrug. "This is me. New or old. Like it or not... This is Cathryn. Who only cares about sex and drugs and boys and herself", I sigh, remembering all the shit that Mia had said to me,"I've grown up. See?" I point at my face, then roam my hands all over my body. "She's all grown up", I fake a smile, "she's so happy, so she gets lost again. And no one, can find her. And she keeps running in circles", I think of Travis. That bastard, "beca- because she's got it all figured out! SHE'S JUST WANDERING AIMlessly, meaninglessly", "dreamless-ly", I whisper. "And no one gets her."

I feel Jacob's hand reach out for my face and wipe away a tear I had no idea was resting on my cheek.

"Not all those who wander are lost...", he says and pulls me down from the bed, in his embrace.

"Everyone has those days", he says, tucking my hair behind my ear.

I look up at him. "You mean periods?"

"No", he chuckles. "I mean those sad and low days. And it feels like you'll never come back-"

"It always feels like that", I sniff, "and everyone thinks I'm perfectly fine."

"It's like a quicksand Cathrinosours. The more effort you put, the more help you get, and the more you're patient. The quicker you come out of it. The more you deny it, the more you give up, and the more you reject help from those outside of it, the quicker you sink."

"So it means that even if I get out, I gotta die at the end of the day, anyways?"

"Well", he scowls, "logically speaking, everyone dies at the end of the day... But, what's the point in living, if you don't live? If all you do is sink and sink and sink, until you reach the bottom and there's no return? You don't see anything outside of it. You don't see the grass and the flowers, and the sun and the-"

"I've already seen all of that", I laugh, "can you be a little bit more straightforward", I tease him, "I'm kinda getting lost here with all them metaphors."

He smiles and shakes his head. "In a nutshell, you weren't just made, if that's what you believe, or you weren't just sent down, if that's what you believe, to just, exist. Everything has a reason. A cause, an existence and a consequence. Make yours count. Just because you feel lost now or are depressed now, doesn't mean you have to keep sinking. It's a trap. You have to fight out of it and appreciate yourself and those around you. Who knows if there's a tomorrow or... not. Get what you want, achieve what you need and feel the pride and satisfaction of it when you have it all, while you can. Because out of this quicksand of sadness and despair, is a world you've never seen."

*cue the crickets​*

"I think my brain just took a long ass fart through all of that."

"Stop exaggerating." He rolls his eyes.

"JACOB!"

He looks at me stunned.

I close my eyes and hold my breath. "Can you teach me the basics of the guitar? I forgot. And, I wanna play it, again."

"One condition." He rolls me out of his lap and gets up. I land with my face buried in the carpet and my butt sticking up in the air.

"You're going to have to pack all my bags and polish all my shoes and make my bed for the next two days while I'm here. Deal?"

"Ya sure", I sigh, "that's all I gotta do to get myself out of that quicksand. Right?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wow. Has it already been so long? Where have I been?

Nowhere really. My WiFi sucks a*s. Pardon my absence. I think I might do a double upload today just because... why not?