WARNING: before you read, please note that this will contain spoilers for episode eleven of Helluva Boss, Mastermind, and slight sexual content near the end.

Viewer disgression is advised.

Enjoy!

...

Lucifer was pondering about what to do for his next duck creation, a notebook and pen in hand, ready to sketch or jot down any possible ideas, before seeing something flip on the news.

He looked up, curious, and saw that it was a trial going on, it seemed that one of the imps had broken the law or something. He didn't think much of it, until he heard something.

"🎶 I am the mastermind, and here, I am the law~ 🎶"

"🎶 He is the law~ 🎶"

"🎶 I've ruled the endless dark, since long before the golden angel's fall- 🎶"

Lucifer's eye twitched as Satan produced a golden sillhoette of Lucifer. There's no way. No fucking way. Lucifer knew Satan did not just claim to be the true ruler of Hell.

He stood up, glittering red dust swerled around him as he teleported himself to the court room, by the time the dust fell at his feet, he was in his demon form.

"🎶 When you break my- 🎶 Uhhhh Lucifer what the actual fuck are you doing here?" Satan tilted his head. "I'm kinda in the middle of something-"

Lucifer chuckled, a shit-eating grin cutting into his features. "You really think-" he chuckled once more, "that you can just STROLL RIGHT ALONG, and claim to be the king? Ohohoho, you've got a lot of nerve to be doing this!"

Satan's expression turned to panic. "Uhhhh, Luc, could we maybe not do this now-?"

"Ozzie! Bee!" Lucifer said. "Are y'all really doing what this idiot says?"

Asmodeus sunk down in his seat, not wanting to face the king's rage, while Bee looked off to the side, frowning.

"Well, that's disappointing." Lucifer said, annoyed. "Somebody care to explain why an imp's being sued?"

A white and blue owl stepped forward, walking on blocks of ice. "You see Your Majesty, the imp stole a book from Stolas here, or I guess it seems that Stolas actually gave it to him? And he's been illegally using it to go to the human realm."

Lucifer squinted. "Y'all are arguing over a book? Are yah fuckin' serious??"

"Well, it's an extremely powerful book and-"

"Ah, ah, ah! Don't interrupt me!" Luc growled.

"Sorr-"

"Shut it!"

"Yes Your High-"

"Why the fuck are you still talking?"

". . ."

"Better." Lucifer cocked his hip, letting his hand rest lazily in the bend of his elbow, his hand drooping down but still in the air, the amount of sass that was put into the singular motion evedent in his expression, making everyone go respectfully silent, knowing that with just the flick of his pinky finger they could all turn to dust. "Now, you're telling me that Stolas allowed this imp-what's your name?"

"Blitzø. The O is silent."

"Okay. So Stolas allowed Blitzø to use his book for . . . what exactly?"

"Um, I have this buisness where sinners in Hell can come pay me and my friends to kill off people who did 'em dirty in life."

"So in other words, you're an assasain using it for your job?"

"Yes."

"With Stolas' permission?"

"Yes."

"Okay then . . . what exactly is the problem here?"

The ice-themed owl's jaw dropped. "Are you-what-wha-YOU'RE OKAY WITH THIS?!"

"He's got the guy's permission to use it. Last I checked as long as one has permission to use something it's fine." Lucifer shrugged.

"BUT-BUT-"

"Y'know I'd really appreaciate it if you could, like, shut the fuck up right now? Eh Elsa? Your voice is really annoying." Lucifer deadpanned the last bit. He turned back to Satan, his completely blood-red eyes narrowing at the dragon, his shit-eating grin returning. "As for you~ if I ever, and I mean ever, hear about you trying to take my place, I will come down here again and I will make sure to turn you inside-out. M'kay? M'kay! Great! Sounds amazing! Welp, it was great coming down but I've gotta go help my daughter, SEEYAH!" The devil snapped his fingers, freeing the imps and hellhound, before teleporting again and returning to the hotel.

Meanwhile with the others, back at the hotel, Alastor blinked as the king completely made Satan and the white owl look like utter idiots. He found Lucifer's sass knd of . . . hot?

Alastor narrowed his eyes, turning away from the TV screen and heading into the kitchen, getting himself some pure black coffee, sipping from it. it warmed his throat, and he felt content.

That was, until the king appeared in front of him.

Lucifer frowned. "Oh. It's you. How delightful." He walked over to the fridge and pulled out some apple pie, summoning a plate and fork and knife, getting himself a helping.

Then, as if it totally wasn't the worst possible time, one of his heat cycles attacked him, and he dropped the knife, the blade just barely missing his foot as it clattered to the floor.

Lucifer clutched the edges of the counter, biting his lip to hold back a groan as his body shook, sweat dripped from his forehead as his entire body suddenly felt as if it was boiling. "F-fuck . . ." He uttered, having his wings appear on his back to hide himself from the radio demon, who's ear twitched in amusement, noticing the king's body language.

"Why Your Shortness, what's wrong?" Alastor teased, tilting his head. "Are you alright?"

Then, the king suddenly exploded, his horns pushing out of his scalp as his wings flared, he werled around, knocking the pie to the floor. "NO! I AM OBVIOUSLY NOT ALRIGHT! THESE STUPID FUCKING HEAT CYCLES ARE DRIVING ME INSANE AND WITHOUT A PARTNER THEY JUST KEEP GETTING WORSE!"

(Uuuuuum yeah so it gets a little, well, how do I say this? Horny? Here so um, just skip to the end and read the author's note. Please, it's kinda important.)

Alastor tilted his head innocently, his smile never fading as both his ears twitched.

Although, oddly enough, Alastor's pants suddenly felt a bit too tight around his waist. What the fuck? He thought.

But Lucifer didn't seem to notice the slight tent that had formed near the radio demon's crotch as he turned away, snapping his fingers, which resulted in the mess he'd made evaporating.

"Whatever . . . God why the fuck did I just tell you I'm in heat? FUCK!" Lucifer banged his head on the counter, his entire body throbbed, ever instinct told him to go find a partner to mate with, or, his mind undignafyingly suggested, to try pleasuring himself. But Lucifer had way too much pride to stoop to that.

"Oh I already knew." Alastor said, setting is now empty cups down, keeping his persona as he made his way towards the kitchen door. 

Lucifer froze, horror ebbing through his entire body. "What? You knew?"

The sound of the king's almost horrified voice made Alastor stop in his tracks.

"Why yes, I heard Vaggie telling Charlie about it the other day." Alastor replies smoothly.

"Charlie . . . knows? Goddammit." Lucifer muttered. He didn't want his daughter to worry about him.

Alastor inhaled, biting his lip, before turning around and walking up behind the king, placing his hands on Lucifer's shoulders.

He couldn't believe what he was about to do.

Alastor leand down so that his mouth was just barely inches away from the devil's ear, whispering quietly in it.

"You know, I could help you with your little . . . predicament."

Lucifer looked up at the deer, cocking a confused brow at his suggestive tone. "You want to have sex with me?"

Alastor's face flushed at the statement, how could he just say that so easily? As if it wasn't weird.

An amused smile cut into the king's face, now noticing the bulge that had formed at Alastor's groin. "Ohho my God." He chuckled. "Are you being for real right now?"

Alastor's smile tightened as Lucifer put a hand on his hip, leaning against the counter. His instincts were practically screaming at him to just push the radio demon onto the floor, rip off all his clothes, and just fuck him right there. But instead, he smirked, lifting his chin and looking the other man up and down. "Okay, I'll bite. But we do this on my terms."

Lucifer snapped his fingers and a portal to his bedroom appeared behind him. Alastor perked up slightly, half surprised the king had excepted his offer and half excited.

What the actual fuck was wrong with him?

Lucifer stepped through it, then turned to look back at Alastor, his tone sounded seductive, and, as much as Alastor hated to admit it, really fucking sexy.

"Well~? I'm waiting~ are we doing this or not~?"

Alastor took a deep breath, before stepping through the portal, and into the devil's room as it closed behind him.

...

AUTHOR'S NOTE

Yeah so uhh... next chapter's just gonna be smut, so you can skip it if you want.

Ummmmm yeah.

Bi bi

-Vaeh

Word count: 1373