Patton's pov

I giggled the whole way as I grabbed Virgils hand and ran out of school.

"Jesus Patton slow down my dick is gonna fall off in a second!" He stopped and groaned in pain at it.

"First of all no cursing! Second of all it still hurts from this morning?" I asked worried.

"Romans really strong Patton.. I think he bruised it.." Virge said.

"Oh well I'll walk slower sorry Virgey!" I smiled and walked with him.

"It's ok it's not your fault pat" Virgil said I grabbed his hand and walked the rest of the short distance. I opened the front door to my house my dad greeted me with his usual but bubbly energy.

"Hey daddy!" I ran up to him and hugged him.

"Hey pumpkin!" Dad hugged me back. Vi looked on with a slight smile, I knew he was jealous. My dad pulled away and noticed him.

"Oh my god hi virgil! it's been a hot minute since I've seen you how are you?" He asked hugging Virgil. He smiled and hugged back.

"I'm ok.." Virge shrugged as he let go. I know hes not ok.

"Well I'll let you two hang out ill get snacks for ya" My dad smiled and walked into the kitchen. I ran upstairs and Virgil followed as we ran into my room.

Virgils pov

Patton opened his door and my eyes widened. I've been in his room before buts always alot to look at, it was a pretty small room that was bright as hell.

The walls were a creamy light pink and covered in fairy lights. His double sized bed was in the corner, white sheets with fluffy pastel blue blankets and his laptop and a big marshmallow panda plushy laying on the bed. With a canopy and it was far off the ground so it was like a little hidey hole. Right by his bed was his white night stand that had an old school pastel yellow alarm clock.

Then close to that was his desk all the supplies were neatly in their place while his papers were absolutely everywhere. On the other wall was a bunch of hanging shelves with a lot of stuffed animals in them that surrounded his door to his closet.

Then his dresser, each drawer was a different pastel color and there was a mirror right in front of it, guess it acted as a make shift vanity. His window that viewed the street he lived right from the bed and on was right next to his bed and the hook where he hung his ukulele.

"Wow.. It's still so awesome and adorable everytime I look at it.." I awed. Shit..

Patton let out his excited and really gay gasp "YOU DO LOVE MY AESTHETIC!" He half yelled.

"N-no! I-i-its ok but thats it!" I shot back.

"I KNEW IT YOUR A PASTEL LOVER!" He giggled

"AM NOT" I yelled.

"Ok.. Then what's.. this?!" He took my sketch book from my backpack and flipped to different pages of my work.

(Imagine these are hand drawn, ok? Ok.)

"What do you call these?" He teased.

"Pastel drawings.." I mumbled.

"Exactly. So let's get you changed." Patton smirked.

"Wait what-?" I asked.

"Your spending the night you don't wanna go home ssooo you get to where my pj's!" Pat smiled.

"Oh.. Ok i-i guess.." I said nervously.

Patton went into his dresser and pulled out a pastel yellow hoodie and some white pj's shorts.

"Ok now go find something ya like!" He said to me, giddy. I dug around his pajama drawer and found some white PJ shorts with pastel pink heart's on them with a fluffy grey hoodie.

"Is it ok if we change in the same room virge?" The pastel asked. I nodded shyly and Pat smiled and started to take off his shirt. I took off my flannel and tank top where I tried to hide my torso and arms because of what deciet did today.

"Virgil..? Are you ok?" He looked at me and noticed what I was doing. I shook my head and showed him. My chest was badly bruised, my right side had a bruise on it. There were tinyer bruises along my collar bone and sides but those were cigarette burns from my dad. Then the cuts all along my forearms some new some old..

"Virgil... I-i.. Im so sorry.." He teared up.

"W-what are these?" He ran a soft gentle hand down my tiny marks. I winced a bit.

"Dad.." Tears started to come. "U-uses me as an a-ashtray s-sometimes" I smiled sadly.

"Oh virgil no..." He sounded worried.

"I'll be o-ok Pat.." I said shakily.

"Why haven't you called someone yet?" He cried.

"Remember back in 9th grade when I came to school with a broken arm?" I asked.

"Y-yeah..?" He whimpered.

"Well a couple days before I called the police.. Cuz I saw my dad.. r-rape my mom.. They came and my dad made it sound like everyone was fine and I just mistook it for that... But I know what I saw.. S-she didnt want it..
When they left my dad called me a string of insults and pushed me down the stairs breaking my wrist... And I made that excuse that I was running with my dog and I face planted, landing on my wrist.. Well I guess I lied.." I cried out at the end. Patton hugged me softly in mind of my bruises and I hugged back.

"C-can we just have fun tonight..? I-i-i don't wanna think about that stuff right now.." I sobbed.

"Of course virgey!" Patton let me go and wiped his eyes. I did the same and put the clothing... It was so comfy. I started to purr as it seemed to sooth my injuries. Pat was squealing at me.

"You can purr!? That's adorable!" He fangirled.

"Nu I'm not-" I said before cutting myself off blushing. Why? When I was younger I had a speech impediment, I had a stutter, a lisp, and stuff that made me sound like a kid. One thing that happened alot was that I would say nu inside of no.

"Aaahhhh! Your too cute! Your little speech thing is back!" He awed at me.

"Nnuuu I mwean- nu- NU- no- NO I AM 16 YEARS OLD I DO NOT NEED A SPEECH IMPEDIMENT" I yelled defensively, pat just giggled at me. I was quickly calmed by the hoodie again. It smelt like vanilla and it was super warm which felt great against my sensitive bruised skin.

"Patton.. What's in this hoodie..?" I purred out.

"Ur body" He stuck his tongue out.

"No I mean like why is it so cozy" I flipped up the hood and nuzzled against the fabric.

"Oh! Yeah it helps people calm down and sleep as well as being soft on the skin! I didn't know that when I bought it but I kept it cuz I knew you'd love it. Besides it has bunny ears and a whittle tail that wooks super cute on you" Patton teased.

"Are you makin fun a' me?" I blushed and giggled.

"No I would never! Your just fun to fluster" He laughed. I hissed at him playfully. Suddenly there was a knock at the door.

"Oh that's dad with food hold up!" Patton said and went his door and opened it.

"Hey guys I brought this bag up for you! It's full of goodies that Patton bought just for you virgil-! Oh my goodness you two look so cute!" His dad said.

"Thank you Mr. Hart" I blushed.

"Oh please Virgil call me Patrick!" He laughed.

"Thanks daddy!" Patton kissed his cheek.

"You two have fun dont get into too much trouble" He chuckled before leaving.

"You bought me food?" I asked.

"Mhm! From the Tokyo store I know you love anime and stuff like that so what better thing to get you then kawaii foods!" Pat smiled.

"Thank you Patton" I said sincerely

"Look I got mochi! I'm not exactly sure what it is but it looks cute and good!" He showed me a package of different colored smooth, soft looking mochi. Some pink which were strawberry, some green for Melon, and some yellow for lemon.

"H-how many calories are in them?" I looked at the package.

"First of all its in Japanese. Second of all who cares your too skinny anyway!" Patton grabbed a pink one and put it in my mouth. I almost spit it out but it's was really good. Last time I checked I was 110.. Fuck it. I bit down in it and chewed slowly. Sometimes it was weird eating food when I haven't in a while. But this was so good. I took another bite finishing it off.

I sallowed "that was actully pretty good.." I smiled a bit.

"Yay! My turn!" he popped the whole thing in his mouth. Pat hummed as he sallowed.

"That was different but good!" He smiled wide.

"Next thing is.. Ramune..? Am I saying that right?" He asked me holding two bottles.

"Yeah, do you even know how to open it?" I asked

"Oh that's a ball in there.. What the heck..?" He squinted at the bottle.

"I'll take that as a no." I grabbed the melon one and peeled off the seel grabbed the opener it came with pressed and twisted in it, making the marble drop. Then taking off the green thing and taking a sip.

"That's too much work.. But wow that's good" I said.

Patton tried to do the same and barley succeeded.

"I did it!" He took a sip of his strawberry one.

"Yum" He said. I giggled and looked in the bag. We continueed to try pockys and hello pandas, green tea kit Kats and so much more.

"Ok ok so first things first in a sleep over. Spilling. Tea." Patton smirked.

"Oo ok. Crush patty cake?" I teased, Pat blushed furiously.

"Uhm.. Well.. I'll only tell you if you do something for me" He negotiated.

"What? I'll do anything" I said curious.

"You have to wear pastels with me for a week!" Patton giggled.

"No.. I have a persona! I have a reputation. I may be gay to them but I'm not that gay!" I kinda lied. (He is indeed that gay)

"I guarantee Virgil you'll love it! Like how do you feel in those?" He asked.

"Pretty great" I nodded.

"You know what I'll tell you in a minute! You are gonna model some outfits for me!" Patton looked in his closet. He grabbed a pastel blue sweater and pink short skirt.

"Put that on and lemme see!" Patton said excitedly.

I changed into the chosen clothes. Then I wiped my foundation and eyeliner off leaving my freckles on my face and legs visable. I walked out slowly, covering my mouth being so shy.

"You look so cute!!" Patton squealed.

"I will admit it does feel nice" I said blushing.

"Oo I finally get to see your freckles! Aahh so pretty!" Pat squealed.

"Here I found this, I don't wear it and I think you'd look nice in it!" He pulled out a black and white striped sweater with a rose patch on it with some black shorts. I went in the closet and put it on. I thought I looked alright so I came out and Patton showered me with love. After a few more and changing back to pj's, he lead me back to the bed and he was gonna tell me.

"Ok so now my crush is.. Logan.." He said bashfully.

"OH. MY. GOD." I exclaimed.

"I know I know!" He blushed more.

"What do you see in him? I mean he has that sexy teacher vibe but he's a prick like all the time." I cocked my head.

"I feel like he's kinda like a caramel filled dark chocolate.. Bitter, dark, and hard on the outside but the inside is warm and sweet!" Pat said his piuples enlarged thinking about Lo.

"What about you? You got one?" He asked smirking.

"U-um.. W-well.. M-m-maybe" I blush a bit looking away.

"AH MY CHILD HAS A CRUSH! Tell me tell me!!" Patton said excited. I hid my face in a plushie, embarrassed of what I was gonna say. I mean who wouldn't I have a crush on a most likely straight asshole jock.. But he was nice to me today.. I still don't trust him though.

"R-r-roman.." I mumbled red faced into the toy.

"NO." He gasped.

"Yes!" I said still hiding in the stuff animal.

"Well you gotta win his heart then!" Patton smiled

"How do I do that?" I perked up.

"Simple! You have to make him notice you! Like going to school with a super cute outfit!" Patton went in his closet and pulled done things out.

"I was thinking we go matching" He suggests putting a white t-shirt that says Day in gold letters and a black long sleeve that says Night in white letters and pastel purple jean shorts and black shorts.

"Whatcha think?" Pat asked.

"I mean it's cute b-but I don't know if I can wear that to school" I blushed looking at him.

"You'll look cute! Trust me!" Patton reassured, I looked at the outfit and bit my lip.

"C-can I at least wear pants...?" I asked.

"Ok fine.." Patton huffed.

"Imma make you wear shorts some day though!" He said grabbing a pair of light purple skinny jeans with rips in them and throwing them at me.

"Fine..." I huffed.

"Ok now that we have outfits planned out let's watch Steven Universe!" Pat did finger guns.

"Heck yeah!" I exclaimed flopping next to him. We watched Steven Uni while talking about stuff at school, hot dudes, random crap and to put it simply.. just being gay.

"So how do you plan on winning roman?" Patton asked eating hello pandas.

"Aw jeez.. I don't know... Isn't he straight?" I sighed.

"Well rumor goes around that he kissed a guy over summer break~" Pat smirked playfully.

"Wasn't it a dare though?" I asked.

"Debatable. he doesn't date a lot of girls either" The pastel reminded.

"Yeah but what if it's just because he misses Madeline?" I hugged my knees thinking about how many times I saw them happy together... I went home and bawled every time. But when I finally learned that I can't show that kind of weakness I bottled it all up. Then when she got sent to the reform school Ro was devastated. Patton frowned at the memories now knowing that every time it added another injury to my heart.

"They were the schools favourite ship..." Pat smiled sadly.

"I hated it.. Madeline was a bitch to me.." I furrowed my eyebrows.

"Wait? What? Why?" The gayer male asked.

"She knew I was crushing on Roman... She actually figured it out.. She told deciet and he's used it against me ever since." I said sullenly.

"One time she wrote rapist on my locker after I beat her in the art contest.. Spilt coffee on me.. Spread rumors that I slept with this guy... The worst thing was.." I started to choke back tears as I pulled a crumpled up piece of paper from my backpack that had been taped to together. I remember making this..

"I found some light pink note book paper and I dotted the border with darker pink hearts and wrote 'I like u a lot.. Meet me at Starbucks after school.. I want to talk to u' in neat black ink and signed it with a simple '-V🖤' I slipped it in Romans locker.. after school he didn't come... But I found I note in my locker the next day saying he was sorry about not coming and me wanted me to meet him behind the school. It said '-R❤' so I thought it was him. I go behind the school only to see Madeline and a bunch of jocks. Roman looking on smirking. They beat the living crap out of me but I was too broken to fight back.. I noticed roman break character and look worreidly at the sight of me.. Almost like he didn't want it to happen.." I explained as some tears slipped.

"Aww Virgil I'm so sorry.." Patton hugged me. I whimpered a bit into his shoulder.

"Its ok.. Let it out.." He pet my head.

"No... I-i cry t.. Too much as it is.." I said holding back so many emotions because of this.

"Hey... Virgil, you hold back too many of your feelings anyway.. And I know how sensitive you are.. It's not healthy especially in your case" Pat looked at me right in the eyes with his hands on either side of my face. I grabbed his wrist like I was going to remove him but my brave expression faded as I started to sob and my grip loosened. I took shelter on his shoulder and he welcomed me with open arms even rubbing my back as a calming gesture.

"Every day I saw them.. I went home when school let out and I either cried on the walk home or cried myself to sleep.. Sometimes it was both.. I would fall asleep thinking I was in his arms of holding my waist as we cuddled together.. But every time it was my imagination or a stuffed animal.. Then when my dad was saying real men dont cry and you can't be emotionally vulnerable unless you want people to walk all over you... He was right Patton.. My dad and people at school were right.. I'm vulnerable.. I'm weak.. I'm Useless.." I sobbed.

"Hey.. Hey.. Virgil one thing I know you're not is useless.. Or weak.. You're one of the most talented people I know. And yeah your a little emotionally vulnerable right now but that will all get better.." Pat reassured.

"When? I want it to stop! It hurts Patton.. It hurts a lot... Emotionally and physically.. Every day thoughts scream in my head giving me migraines.. So I drown it out with music but then I go to school and my self esteem dies just a little bit more. As well as my body breaking at the seems due to all the physical abuse from bullies.. and my dad.. That cycle hurts.. And I'm not numb to it yet.. I guess I'm too sensitive.." I mumured.

"But I just want to chill right now.. Hang out and relax.. Not dive into my issues" I admitted. Patton nodded and we watched more Uni as Pat drew 9n my legs. He noticed I was shaking, he knew I was quietly panicking over what we talked about.

"You're gonna make it. I promise" Pat grabbed my hand and looked at me fondly. I smiled sadly and relaxed. I began to dose off from all the emotional exsaustion but was jolted back up with a knock and a door opening.

"Hey boys.. I wanted to give you this I thought you'd rather stay up here and eat" His dad said quietly, setting down a pizza box on Pats bed, minding the fact I was half asleep.

"Aw thanks daddy" Patton smiled up at him.

"Of course pumpkin. Have a good night you two" He blew a kiss and walked out with a warm smile... I wish I had a father like that..

I caught a wiff of the pizza making me drool I sat up and took a piece, chanting in my head not to throw it up later. Me and Patton ate two pieces and talked a not more.

"I hope things go well with Princey tomorrow" I leaned back against the soft pillows, remembering what I said I froze and blushed.

"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?!" Patton gasped with a stupid smile.

"Nothing..." God I suck at lying...

"AAAAHHHHH YOU CALL ROMAN PRINCEY THAT'S ADORABLE!!!" He squealed.

"I KNEW YOU WERE SO HOPELESSLY IN LOVE WITH HIM THAT YOU GAVE HIM A NICK NAME" Patton was jumping up and down squealing more. I turned red.

"SHUT UP" I covered my face, embarrassed. Pat just continued to giggle.

"Ok ok I'll tease ya tomorrow instead" he stuck his tongue out.

"Well I'm going to sleep... Night Patton" I sighed cuddling into the blankets Pat chuckled and did the same, turning off his light.

"Night Kiddo" Patton said with a smile. I smiled shyly myself.

"Night dad" I joked.

This family is the father figure I never had.

That night I was so restless in my sleep. My food was churning in my stomach my body wanted it but my head didn't. My brain had quils dipped into the poison acid of my thoughts and wrote a manuscript for my newest nightmare. I woke up in a cold sweat, silent tears draining from my eyes. I felt sick to my stomach. I silently ran to the bathroom and barfed up everything I ate today. It hurts so bad. The sting of my throat causing burning pain. I coughed and cleaned up, clenching my stomach as I shamefully crawled back into bed. Finally getting good sleep...

All I had to sacrifice was actually enjoying eating for once....

Why can't I ever win?

Do you like my angst? >:3 I enjoyed writing it and I hope it's enough edgy backstory to fill in some holes and make more holes I'll fill in later. This had been ya boi and peace out chicken nuggets! ✌