I carefully place my glass on the table and let the words sink in. Inside, my brain and heart were fighting each other. Logic against feeling.

However, I couldn't feel anything but anger over the fact that she violated my privacy, again. "First of all, it's not a diary, it's a thought book!"

She rolls her eyes and eats another spoonful, mumbling, "Potato, potato," in between bites.

Her nonchalant behaviour irritates me more. "Why would you read it?" I push.

"Because I thought that it wouldn't be a big deal. Dr Sayan gets to read it sometimes, so why can't I?"

I pause to let out the heavy breaths I am holding. "Because he's my therapist, that's why. God, how many times must we fight over the same things?"

She takes in a deep breath places her plate alongside mine and then turns to me with a softer look, saying, "Believe it or not, I didn't mean to. I only did it to confirm my suspicion." I send her a glare, and she stands up to create some distance. Then she continues. "It's not like I opened it and read it. When I found out it was already open. I just happened to direct my gaze over a few pages."

"And you took that as an invite to read it?"

"Yes... I mean no... maybe. It was right there, and you were acting off because of tests and whatnot. I wanted to get inside your head so that I could help you."

"Whatever happened to asking? A little of 'Hey Tae, how are you? You seem a little off today, have you eaten? Did you sleep well?'"

She snaps back, "Don't act like it's that easy. We both know that if I had been direct, you would've sent me away."

"Yes, because of reasons like this."

"And there it is, your defence mechanism. That's how I know I'm right."

"That's the farthest from the truth."

"No need to lie, I can see it in your eyes whenever he walks into a room. You give him the look you get whenever you read your adult novels."

"Hey!" I let out an embarrassed breath and then continued. "Those are irrelevant to this conversation. Okay, so what if I find him attractive? That still doesn't mean I like him."

"Don't get ahead of yourself; you definitely like him. I may be a narcissist sometimes-"

I scoff, "Sometimes?"

"But I'm not stupid." She finishes. "Look, I get that you're mad. I would be too, but you can't blame me—"

"You know what? I'm leaving. I'm not having this conversation for the thousandth time." I grab a coat and storm out.

She calls out after me, but I block her out, for her sake. I am two words away from throwing her out of a window.

I go straight to my safe haven, the quiet rooms in the library.

*******

We spend the next three days in silence, living our lives as if we were mere strangers living together.

As the week progressed, my days only got worse. Along the way, one of my math lecturer announced that he was almost done marking the papers, which did wonders for my anxiety.

Every time I think about the day, my stomach sinks at the mere thought of holding my paper.

A part of me feels like I am being too negative. But what it won't accept is that I know what I wrote; I was fully conscious when I wrote that paper and when I handed it in. Being optimistic would be a sheer waste of time and energy.

The next Wednesday I received the news and it wasn't in any way what I had expected. It is way worse. Tears threatened to drop as I looked at the zero at the top of my paper. But they never drop.

The moment I get back to my room, I crumple up the paper and throw it into the bin. I then take a very short shower, change into my pyjamas and then hibernate.

Hayden chooses not to interfere, in her words, I'm still 'grieving.'

I welcome this peace and spend the rest of my week in my bed. Anything that requires energy like eating and extracurriculars gets tucked away. I simply rotate between a schedule of sleep, then movies or series, and then back to sleep.

Sometimes I would turn to open my drawer and pull out my medication, just staring at it. Then I would place them back and turn to face the wall, missing my dose in the end.

Saving me in the process because, on days like this, they would do the opposite of what it intended.

Regardless of how many I take, it could never shake the idea of dropping out from my mind.

*******

By the time the weekend comes, I still like shit. My head and hair are a mess and because I haven't left my bed, my back is stiff as hell. Not to mention the desert that is now my throat.

Hayden held out for a long, but she soon returned to herself.

At six in the morning, she randomly shouts, "Enough!" and pulls open the curtains in my room, blinding me to the point where I wake up.

I pull blankets over my head and whine. "Why would you wake me up? Don't you want me to be happy?"

She sighs and sits down beside me, saying, "I do want you to be happy, that's why I am doing this."

Before I can even let the words sink in, she gets up and pulls the blanket off me, throwing it in the corner.

"It's been days, sis, and I haven't seen you get some fresh air once, or even open a window. You're out here looking like someone's unseasoned chicken. When did you last step out in the sun?"

I pout slightly, saying, "Leave me alone, you didn't get a mark younger than your age. I'm going through a lot." And then I remember. "By the way, I'm still mad at you."

She presses her lips together and looks at me softly. She then places a hand on both my shoulders and adds, "I know you are, but can you stop being mad at me for a few hours? That's enough time for you to eat and shower. Emphasis on the shower."

I ignore her and sniff myself lightly. Once again, she is exaggerating. "I don't smell that bad."

"Yes... you do." She pauses to stand up, then adds, "I'm not sure what's worse, your breath or your armpit."

Through gritted teeth, I respond, "I get it, you can stop now. I'll take a shower."

"Great, you're doing the world a huge favour. Who needs an assassin when we could have you just stand in the room with someone?"

"Haha, very funny." I roll my eyes and stand up.

"If I don't tell you the truth, who will?" She looks at me like she expects me to agree with her; my glare is response enough. She raises a red flag and turns around, "Okay, sign read, I'm leaving. Just make sure to dump the sheets on your way out; those things can never be used again."

Because she goes too far, I decide to give her a taste of her own medicine. "Hayden?"

She stops and turns around. I quickly climb my bed and use it as a trampoline to jump on her. The look of her eyes widening makes me smile. My heart even fluttered a little.

Once on top of her, I pin her down and smother her. She fights me ferociously and eventually gets free, but that is two minutes later; the damage has already been done.

She gets up and staggers to her to the living room. I wrap a towel around my waist and head to the bathroom. An hour and a half later, I am back out, and she immediately walks in after me. She takes twice as long. By the time she is out, I am almost done dressing.

"Feel a little better?" I ask sarcastically.

"Better? You almost killed me. The least you could do is sound sympathetic."

"You deserved it, though."

"Yeah, but did you think about the consequences? On my tombstone, it would have been 'death by armpit.' I would be a laughing stock in the afterlife."

"This is why I say that you are not normal. Who even thinks of such things."

"I almost died, Tae."

I let out the laugh I was holding. "You always know the right things to say that make me smile." I flash her a big, taunting smile and then walk back to the closet and continue looking for what to wear. "By the way," I start changing the topic, "where exactly are we going?"

"You and I are going with the rest of the hostel on their bonding trip to the beach."

My smile drops. "Bonding?" I mouth, as I turn to look back at her, "Sounds depressing," I blurt out.

"Tae—"

I turn back to my closet and look over a few more clothes and continue, "But, I love the beach, so I'm willing to go."

She smiles brightly, "Great—"

"As long as no one disturbs me."

"No need to worry about such things when you have me. I will personally ensure that no one even looks at you."

I know that she is lying but I give her an A for effort. I smile, choose my outfit and pick out the rest of my necessities.

I settle on a black bikini, which I top with an orange mesh top and matching shorts.

I wait an extra half hour for Hayden's slow self, and we both go to meet up with everyone by the bus.

Luckily for her, we are right on time.

We would have been earlier if Hayden hadn't insisted on making green smoothies for the both of us. That is part of her new health obsession that I have become a victim of.

Honestly, I'm not really mad about it because the smoothies taste great and always make me feel a different kind of way after I take them. I always feel elevated.

Once at the bus, Hayden stays out to make sure our stuff gets packed while I lug the smaller baggage into some good seats. I obviously pick the window seat.

Once I was settled, I zoned out to the sight of the trees.

"Night owl? Is that you?" Sebastian's says as he pulls me back to reality

Dressed in a blue basketball vest, black shorts, a white snapback and slippers, he calls out to me with so much ease. As if we were long time friends who haven't seen each other in a long time.

I don't even turn to look at him. I do what I do best: ignore people. So, I pull out a magazine from my pouch and lift it up to my face, covering it completely, hoping he'll take the hint and go away.

I silently pray that Hayden will come save me, but much to my disappointment, she is still outside, shouting at people for disregarding her bags.

So I stick with plan B, my magazine.

He on the other hand, ignores my signals, slides into the seat next to me, and gently pushes down my magazine.

I bite my tongue, close my eyes, let out a long breath, and sit silent for a minute.

"Ni—" he starts, but I stop him by raising a finger.

I take in another breath and then speak. "Quick question. Does personal space mean anything to you?" I ask with genuine curiosity.

"I'm.........not going to answer that question; it feels like a trap."

I roll my eyes and look out the window. My eyes lock on Hayden, who is now flirting with our next-door neighbors. My heart drops to my stomach. "My hero," I mumble.

I divert my gaze back to the magazine and pretend not to feel the gaze boring into the side of my face.

He lets out a chuckle and relaxes further into the seat. "You know, night owl," he starts, "you really are good at making someone feel unwanted."

I fake a smile and scrunch my shirt tenderly. Then I look back at him and say, "Thank you. I've been perfecting my craft, and it's great to see someone appreciate it."

He maintains his smile. "Most people would say that's not a kind thing to do."

"Well, I hate to disappoint you, but I am not a kind person. So don't get your hopes up, I'm a lost cause." I finish with another of my fake smiles.

He opens his mouth to say something but closes it again.

Deep in thought, he tilts his head to the side and moves closer, pushing a loose strand of hair behind my ear, completely  catching me off guard.

The touch of his finger against my ear awakens those stupid butterflies, and my breath hitches, but I don't push him away.

He slowly moves his hand to the side of my face. I look up, and my eyes meet his. They are more serious now. It's as if I flipped a switch.

Panicking, I look down.

With the tip of his finger, he carefully pushes my chin back up, forcing me to meet his eyes once more. At this point, the whole world stops. "First of all," he says in a deeper, more stern tone, "never lower your head for me again, ever!" I nod, and he continues, "Secondly, never repeat what you said again. You are and never will be a lot cause, regardless of the lies you keep telling yourself, understood?"

I remain silent. My brain is a mess and every response I think of isn't good enough to say out loud.

He drifts his hand to my cheek and cups it, pulling me closer to the point where I can feel his breath against my skin.

In an even more serious tone, he repeats, "Understood?" But this time he said it more as a command than a question.

Low, I whisper, "Yes."

Seeming satisfied with my answer, he smiles halfway but doesn't let go.

From the middle of the bus, Hayden clears her throat very loudly, purposely bringing me back to my senses. I pull Sebastian's hand off my face and turn my attention back to the school parking lot.

In the reflection I can see that my cheeks  are rosy and a feeling of embarrassment and regret washes over me.

"Am I interrupting something?" she asks in a calm tone as soon as she reaches us. Sebastian can't sense it, but that question isn't innocent. It is only being asked to prove a point.

Not sparing her a look, I quickly reply, "Not at all. Sebastian was just leaving."

He lets out a sigh low enough for only me to hear, then he pulls himself up using the seat in front of him. He then turns to her, saying, "She's right. What kind of gentleman would I be if I kept you standing?"

"No worries, I don't mind at all; you can borrow my seat anytime."

I send daggers to the side of her face, and her smile grows. This idiot is testing me.

"I'll keep that in mind," he says.

As soon as she sits down, I grab a fistful of her hair and pull her towards me. Then I whisper into her ear, "Anytime, huh? I dare you to do such a thing."

"You child, let go of my hair!" She threatens. I only pull harder. "Ow, ow! Sorry, sorry, sorry!" she repeats multiple times. "Forgive me, I wasn't thinking straight."

I give it another minute, and then I let go. Scared, she rushes into her bag and pulls out a small mirror, surveying the damage.

She huffs and looks back at me. "Because of you, I might be bald by the time I'm 28."

"That's what you get for not shutting your big mouth."

She places a hand back on her head and soothes her hair, mumbling under her breath, "Hair remover seems more appealing now."

"Do not start a war if you are not prepared for a battle." I clap back.

She and I lock eyes, each challenging the other, but a few moments later, I sense a tingling sensation in mine. To avoid defeat, I simply look away drifting into thought.

"I wonder what my bed is doing right now. I bet it misses me. Maybe If I just sneak out-"

Hayden cuts in midway. "Don't even think about it," she threatens.

"Fuck, she can read minds too."

This is going to be a long day.