Lee Know p.o.v.

Han took my hand cutely and now he is shyly searching the words to tell me his story. I watch his face, his cute little nose, his small mouth, his sweet eyes...

He is so amazing, why doesn't he see what I see?

I don't know when I start to admiring him like that, when I start to being so nice with him, but I'm not ashamed of it. I could be an asshole, but I know how to love my friends.

«I had a person in my life...» he starts, looking at the distant sky, and all my thoughts immediately disappear. I'm sitting here, silent, stroking his hand to give him courage.

«He was my... Hyung.» he says, his voice already shaking.

«He was my real brother, but he wasn't just this.» he smiles sadly to the horizon, his eyes lost in memories, «He was my guide, my strength, my all.» 

He crosses my gaze and I see pain in his irises. So much pain that it made me want to share it with him, just to get some off his shoulders.

«We were one, until one day...» 

The tears start running down his face. I really would like to hug him, but I don't want to stop his story and I don't know if physical contact with me it's okay for him.

«One morning, he didn't wake up.» he starts sobbing, «He has never woken up again.» he hides his wet face in his hands, losing control.

I approach him and whisper: «Can I hug you, please?» I beg. My voice seems broken.

He nods, crying harder, and he abandons himself in my arms. I squeeze him tightly, placing my lips on his soft hair. His innocent scent fills my nostrils and right now I feel like I'm holding in my arms a little Han boy, who just lost his brother.

«Doctors said it was a sudden cardiac death, it's not so rare in young guys...» he says between the sobs, «But why him?» his crying intensifies.

«I'm so sorry, Han, I'm so sorry...» I perceive my eyes getting wet too, but I try to hold back the emotions. 

«It was 5 years ago, but I can't get over it yet. I think I will never.» he hides his face in my shirt. His tears are wetting me but I don't care.

«It was him to call you Han-ah, wasn't he?» I ask, stroking his hair to calm him a little. 

He nods again.

«I was so worried...» he murmurs. Then he takes my hand and covers his face with it. 

I look shocked at this little boy who is covering his face with my hand. I am completely amazed. He is so vulnerable, so little, but... The best part is that he is vulnerable in front of me. And he probably doesn't realize how sweet he is doing that gesture.

«I'm sorry, Jisung, really.» I repeat, feeling guilt for making him worried.

He raises his face and looks at me with astonishment, his little hand wrapped around my wrist.

What have I done this time?

«How did you call me?» he asks, confused. I can't say if he is mad or happy.

«Jisung? Isn't your name?»

He blushes: «Yes, it's... It's okay.» he stammers, looking away and letting go my hand.

I watch his cute red face and his parted lips. They seems so soft...

Omg, Lee Know, what are you thinking!?

I look away from him too and try to hide the blush on my ears. 

«Thank you.» he says, catching my attention. He intertwines his fingers with mine again.

«Thank you for the choreography and thank you for...» he points first to me and then to himself «This».

Fuck, he's so cute with those teary eyes and his face all messed up. I don't know what is happening in my brain, I just can't help but think this kind of thing right now.

«My pleasure, Jisung.» I answer. He smiles as he hears his name coming out of my mouth.

He release my hand and takes the paper bags he threw on me before:

«Want a donut?» he smiles brightly.

I hold back a laugh and nod: «Mh»

«This should have been my way to thank you for yesterday» he laughs, taking a donut in each hand, «Hazelnut or caramel?» he asks, smiling.

«Caramel» I choose.

I'm sitting with my hands on the floor supporting my torso and I don't want to change the position, so I don't grab the donut he's handing me. I open my mouth instead.

«What?» he watches me, blinking.

«Feed me» I say, seriously, watching him in his eyes.

He raises an eyebrow, annoyed: «Ya!»

I don't move, holding back a smile.

«Come on, I'm too comfortable and my hands are dirty!» I complain, showing him my palms.

«As you wish, Lee Know» he says threatening, and he stuffs the donut into my mouth, letting it go.

I'm forced to grab it with one hand to free my mouth and not let it fall.

«Jisung!» I moan, while he grins as he bites into his donut with satisfaction.

I burst out laughing too. Seeing him having fun makes me happy.

We eat in silence for a while, staring at the view.

It's so peaceful, like a colorful rainbow after a storm. I look at him with a little smile.

Yes, I think I want to be Jisung's rainbow.

Maybe, he could be mine.

We reach out to other members and we plan the schedule for the weekend together. On Sunday we are going to Weekly idol Program and on Saturday we are going to have an interview with Cosmopolitan. It will be a full weekend, comeback is only a week away, after all.

Chan was watching at me with a strange look after we appeared together. He was probably worried about me and Han, but then he noticed that we were getting along all day long, so now he smiles happily.  

When it's time to go back to the dormitories, Changbin approaches Han:

«Shall we get back together?»

Han looks in my direction for a second and then looks back at his dorm mate and nods.

Would he like to come back with me? I hold back a smile, feeling strangely flattered.

Hyunjin jumps towards them: «Ya, I'm here too!»

Han smiles at him and then watches towards Chan, that shakes his head: «Go ahead, I have a couple of things to finish».

I can't help but feel guilty about leaving before our leader every night. And Han is looking at him in a way that makes me understand he feels exactly the same.

«Hyung, can I help you? I can stay» I say, placing a hand on his shoulder.

Chan smiles at me: «No need, it will not take long, I swear.»

«We'll see what time you come back home, then!» Changbin blurts out, making the others laugh.

«I promise, I won't overwork tonight!» he says again, laughing.

In his eyes I can read that he loves the members. He doesn't want us to worry about him, but he is happy that they are so caring with him too, even if he is the oldest.

I smile and I walk home with Seungmin, Jeongin and Felix.

I hope I will sleep well tonight, a busy period is coming.

. - . - . - . 

Author's safe place:

Hi beauties!! Sorry to not post this week, It was a tough week.

Buuuut here I am! How are you? Did you enjoy Xmas?

I'm worried about Chan and Felix, they seemed very tired on SBS...

However, I hope this chap is nice for you and... tell me what do you expect from the next one?

Support me with stars and comments!! <3

Kisses

L