Han p.o.v.

These days I really feel strange. Since I've been helped by Lee Know with the choreography, I've became more thoughtful than usual.

Is it truth that I can't love myself and others?

No, I don't think so. It's just that I'm scared to love again. I'm scared to lose someone, again.

I arrive at the JYP Entertainment with two coffee and two donuts. I think I should at least thank him for helping me, so here I am with two breakfast, hoping that he likes at least one of the hazelnut donuts and the caramel one. I spent 5 minutes staring at all the flavours, with the old woman at the cash desk getting impatient, until I chose my two favorite.

I don't see him at the entrance so I enter the building, but he is not even here.

Is he late?

I sit on the stairs and wait for him. He should be coming, he has never been too much late since I've know him.

After 10 minutes, I'm starting to get worried.

I pick my phone and quickly write:

"Where are you?"

He doesn't answer me for minutes. So I become impatient.

Where the fuck is he?

I write another message, this time to our reliable leader:

"Chan, do you know where Lee Know is?"

I hope that he knows something more, but the answer comes fast:

"Is he late? So strange... Try to call him."

Okay, now I'm really anxious.

"Okay, but Felix and Seungmin aren't with you?" I write again.

They are his roommates, they should know something, shouldn't they?

"Yes, we are all here yet, except you two." I read the message and snort.

Come on, Chan, this is not the point!

"Seungmin says that he probably overslept" he adds.

I feel guilty. Yesterday was late when we finished to dance and he also insisted to accompany me to my dormitory.

"Okay, I will check him and let you know."

I try to call him eleven times, walking up and down the JYP hall. A lot of idols pass near me, giving me strange looks. Some of them greet me but I'm too much worried to care about who they are.

«Come on, where the fuck are you?!» I howl to myself. I'm about to cry, when I hear a voice behind me:

«Who are you looking for?»

I turn abruptly and see him. He is smiling, with a sleepy face and matted hair.

«Where the fuck were you?!» I scream.

He looks around, making sure no one is watching at us and then looks back at me:

«I just overslept, why are you here screaming?»

I don't know what to answer: why am I here screaming and feeling so angry?

But the thing I know for sure is that I am really mad at him because he made me worried as hell.

«Why didn't you answer the phone?!»

He seems confused and takes his phone from his backpack. His eyes widen when he sees how much time I tried to contact him.

«Wow Han, where you this worried?» he jokes, but when he looks at me again his face become serious.

I'm trying to calm down, to relax. He is fine, he is here with me. I keep repeating this in my mind, but my eyes fill with tears anyway and my heart is still running fast.

«Yes, stupid boy, I was worried.» I shout. I pick up the bag with the donuts and his coffee from the stairs and slam them into his hands, under his shocked gaze. I almost spilled the now cold liquid on him.

«Han, what th-» he looks in my eyes and sees I'm crying. I'm about to leave but he stops me grabbing my wrist.

«Leave me» I try to say, but only a sob comes out.

«No, I won't.» he says. I turn around to look at him in the eyes.

«Please, come with me» he adds, with a kind voice.

I watch him, feeling my cheeks getting wet. He leaves my wrist and he offers me his hand instead.

I'm still scared and I'm afraid that another panic attack will come. And looking into his eyes and watching his hand opened towards me, for some reason, I feel strangely safe.

This time I take it. It's so warm and soft that calms me down a bit.

«Where are we going?» I ask, sniffling.

«Just trust me, for once.» he says, taking me to the elevator.

We stay silent till the last floor of the building. I've never been here before. I don't think the access is allowed but I don't really care right now.

His hand squeezes gently mine. He doesn't speak but with just his presence I feel quieter.

We leave the elevator and arrive to the top floor: it's a huge terrace, completely isolated, silent. A warm silence. You can see almost the whole Seoul from up here. It's scary but also amazing.

«I'm scared of heights, but I think you might like this place» he says, sitting on the floor, far away from the borders. I feel the void left by his hand. I liked his soft grip.

Is he scared of heights? And he takes me here anyway...

«I do.» I whisper, watching the skyline. It's amazing.

After a minute, I sit near him and sigh:

«I'm sorry to yell at you, again.» I say, unable to look at his face.

«Were you worried that much?» he asks with a soft voice.

I nod. I really was.

He smiles: «So you actually know how to love!»

I blush suddenly: «Hey, who said I love you!»

«We only get worried about the people we care about.» he explain kindly.

«If you say so...» I mumble, watching the floor and feeling my cheeks warm up.

«But, seriously Han, what were you afraid of?»

I can sense his eyes on my face.

I feel safe in this moment, in this place, with him. But I don't know if I'm ready to talk about that. I've never done it before.

«It's complicated...» I mutter.

«We have all the time and I think I'm smart enough to understand complicated story» he says, with a smile.

I smile back: «But we have the practice and Chan was worried too...»

He stops me, taking his phone and making a call.

«Hyung, me and Han have to discuss something. We will back soon, don't worry. Bye» he smiles at me and hangs up the call.

«See? No problem. I'm all yours.»

I blush again. Why he uses this kind of words! Love, yours...

He is watching at me with a cute smile. The sun in his hair brings out the golden reflections.

Why is he so handsome?

I look away, embarrassed.

«Han, do you trust me?» he asks, opening one hand. He wants me to grab his again.

I nod and take it.

«Yes, I trust you, Lee Know.»

. - . - . - .

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