Han Jisung p.o.v.

«Please, Han, joke a little bit with Lee Know»

We are on Choom Studio set, all the members are sitting on the floor, waiting for the break to end. The staff want me and Minho to do some fan service. STAYs love to ship us, but I can't get why. He is a cold and sassy person, he seems to not be able to stand me - well, he told me so some days ago - and he has no sense of humor.

Or, at least, he never laughs at my jokes.

I can't get him! I am so funny, tho!

I smile thinking about how silly I am.

Lee know is watching me with wandering eyes. He surely finds me strange. 

It's okay, I am strange.

«Okay» I said to the staff and I take place behind him. I approach him, embracing his body in a cute back hug. I know STAYs will love this kind of contact between us.

But I shiver. I should be used to him, to his body, but I am not.

My chest is pressing against his back, my arms are hugging his. His head is near mine, I'm almost resting my chin on his shoulder. I can smell his honey scent and - I don't want to admit it but - I like it.

However I know he hates to be like that and I can't stop thinking about how to not bother him.

What if I smell? We were dancing, after all.

What if my breath stinks? I try to hold it.

He smiles to the camera, snuggling up in my arms and pretending to be comfortable. 

In the meanwhile, my heart is going like crazy. I'm afraid he might hear my strong heartbeat.

For STAYs, I think, everything for STAYs.

We remain in this position for a lot of minutes, that seems to be hours to me. Then he simply stands up, leaving me alone on the floor. The director is calling us:

«Come on, we must record the last part, guys.» 

I get up from the floor and watch Minho walking away. I sigh. He doesn't even look at me and I keep wondering why he hates me so much.

Please, please, let all this finish soon.

During the last recording scene, I made two mistakes on the choreography and Lee Know watched me with eyes full of hate. That expression terrified me and I froze, unable to take my eyes off his. His irises are almost black and they were scratching me inside.

But then he looked away and he turned to the camera, laughing and telling something like «No problem, Hanie! Take your time!» making the whole group giggle. I couldn't listen to him pretending to be nice, I was too scared of his glance.

Now, after a short break, I have to try that dance part again, hoping to not fail again. I'm holding back my tears, I really don't like how he treats me.

You can't cry here, Han, come on. Finish this fucking record and go home.

Changbin looks at me, I can see he's worried. He knows how I feel around Lee Know, how his bad behaviour affects me and he saw the furious look he gave me a moment ago.

«Don't worry» he says with his lips, without making a noise.  

I nod and feel a little bit more strong. Changbin has always been there for me, ever since we met.

We shoot the scene again and luckily I do not make any mistakes this time. We all thank the director and the staff and we move towards the dressing room to change. 

«He always misses steps, never remembers a fucking choreography.» Lee Know is talking to Hyunjin, who nods in silence. They are walking ahead of me, don't they know I'm here?

«I really can't understand how he can be an idol.» Minho added.

My heart aches. He doesn't need to be this mean. I don't deserve these words, nobody does. I  really want to cry, I really want to scream in his face "What the fuck have I done to you?" but I bite my lips instead and pass them.

I don't know if he thought I couldn't hear him. He just doesn't care about it, probably.

I quickly take off my stage clothes, almost ripping them. I put all the chains, accessories and jewels on my bag and leave, without greeting.

I don't want them to see me cry, I should explain myself if that would happen.

I don't want him to see me cry, I will not give him this satisfaction.

«Han!» Changbin is calling me but I really can't stop, I don't want to stay here a minute longer. I will see him at the dormitory, after all.

I really don't get what I did to Minho. I'm noisy, I'm a strange guy, I often make mistakes because of my bad memory and I'm also not a quick learner like him. But... I have the feeling that all of this started during the Stray Kids Reality Show.

I was being praised all the time from JYP and I almost felt ashamed, I was worried about the others being eliminated. I was thinking that I should have helped them more, instead of focusing on my training. And here we go, Minho was cut out.

I helped him, during the first evaluation. JYP asked him to rap my part of Hellevator, our debut song, and Minho had never tried to rap before. So I took his hand and help him with the rhythm, giving him my support.

I thought he was glad for my help, I thought I was just being kind. But then he was eliminated from the Reality and in the greeting video he spoke about each member, telling he would miss all of them, but he didn't say a single word about me. He did this on purpose, I'm sure. He is too precise to just forget. 

When Minho and Felix got back in the group, we were happy, but he started acting strangely towards me. He avoided me, he seemed to be upset for some reason.

From that day, things have just gone bad and I really can't understand why.

And here we go: he is bad mouthing about me with Hyunjin and I'm crying on the street, covering my face with a black hat, hoping no one will recognize me. 

I'm pathetic.

. - . - . - . 

Author space: 

Here we go, a short chap. I think I will post often but short chap!

Next one should be on friday, 11th nov!

What do u think about this chap?

Kisses

L