"I need to tell you something," I confessed quietly.

The longer I stood and looked up at Logan, the more his gentle smile faded. I swallowed against a dryness that crept up the back of my throat that had nothing to do with how we awkwardly stood over the chicken section of the meat aisle, then coughed slightly.

Thankfully, he offered, "Let's finish shopping first, then we'll talk in private."

"Okay," I replied and sighed against the relief that came over me at that suggestion.

After the death glares I shot at Lydia upon every sight of her through the rest of the store, Logan started attracting attention himself. Shortly after we continued shopping, he was stopped by a few people, roughly one person every other aisle. He was asked over and over about Emmitt, the changes to the Huskies' offense, and of course congratulated on the game opener.

Logan replied to every question like a relaxed pro, including how he didn't know anything about Emmitt, which was an honest response because Charlie had only updated us this morning that he'd gone to an undisclosed Seattle hospital after the game. I more than happily stepped back and took pictures from people's phones when asked because that guaranteed I wasn't in them.

"Popular already." I chuckled after he posed for a few selfies with the people ahead of us in the grocery line. He only threw me a grin but, just like Logan, he was sincerely polite even if some of the pictures were weird like when he held up a pineapple.

A ridiculous amount of food purchased on Logan's Husky card later, his elbow brushed against my shoulder while we walked through the parking lot to where he'd parked his truck. While we walked in silence, I thought about Dr. Sterns' advice that I needed to go out with and connect with more people and why she felt that way.

She's not wrong... I've always been introverted.

Whenever I looked up at Logan though, an uncomfortable feeling of guilt took root in my stomach and I swallowed against the dryness that crept up the back of my throat.

He deserves to know... everything really.

I wasn't ready to completely open up on my past, why my distaste for Lydia went way past how she ridiculously flaunted herself all over Logan, but going forwards I agreed with him and wanted to be honest.

After I flashed Logan an appreciative smile for how he held the door open for me, I climbed up into the passenger's side and tracked his path around the hood.

"What?" He said as soon as his butt hit the driver's seat.

"What what?" I stalled and clipped on my seatbelt.

"What's going on in here?" He leaned over and gently tapped his index finger into my forehead.

My lower lip rolled inward, where I held it with my teeth for a moment. "You know how I asked you out for Friday?"

A crease line tensed between his eyebrows, but his tone was light and teasing. "Bailing on me already?"

"No, although you know you don't have to be obl-" I started when he put one finger over my mouth.

In my silence, he lifted his finger and shook his head slightly. His eyes flashed with an emotion that bordered irritation, but his lips flinched upwards into a smile. "Are you trying to get me to ask you out?"

"What? No," I assured him quickly. "I just wanted to say that during my talk with Dr. Sterns, she suggested that I go out, try to have some connections, with as many people as possible."

"So... You didn't want to go specifically with me?" Now his forehead was creased all over. "Or are you seeing anyone else, Ellie? I mean, if you are then -"

"No." I reached over and placed my hand on his forearm. "No. I'm messing this up, I'm sorry. Yes, I want to go out with you Friday and I have the perfect place I want to take you."

Every word was true. I'd lived here for two years now and had imagined a few romantic dates. In Logan's case, there were actually two particular places I wanted to take him, one forty minutes south and the other in Seattle. When I'd first heard about both of them, he'd instantly popped into my mind. Oddly, I'd also never actually gone myself and was ridiculously excited for Friday's... experiences.

His tensed shoulders visibly relaxed under my words but his expression remained concerned. "I feel like there's a but coming," he replied.

I nodded slightly, then rolled my lower lip under and bit down slightly against the apprehension that grew inside me. The longer I sat, the more an uncomfortable, slightly nauseous feeling took over in my stomach. "But before I asked you out, I took James up on going to some art thing, and Seth asked me out at the rally. Both of them... I said okay but just as friends."

"Friends." His cheeks puffed out, he exhaled sharply, and his forearm muscles tightened slightly under my hand.

"Only friends," I replied in a firm voice. "James has been my friend at work since freshman year."

"And Seth?" He gritted out through clenched teeth. "What about him?"

"Seth asked me to join him for the Wednesday night student movies," I answered truthfully. "I told him I'd go as friends, in a group, that's it. You should come, but if you don't then I'm already bringing Wes and Charlie, going to invite Darrius and Monique too."

"Group friends, right." His eyes narrowed slightly like he didn't believe me and his next question was a surprise for sure, "And... me?"

Not even on the same planet.

My only response was a set of lifted eyebrows and a sarcastic, "You really need to ask me that?"

He scoffed quietly, but admitted, "Ego's feeling a little bruised."

"You're definitely the only one outside my friendzone, at least I hope so," I answered honestly.

He gave me a look that clearly said 'But not in the endzone,' which we both knew without verbal acknowledgement. As of now, the only thing I had, and offered, was, "But even after they asked me, I asked you... So I hope that says something about my feelings."

"Which are what," he challenged me without a blink, which I was definitely unprepared for.

"I..." I swallowed hard and squeezed one hand's fingers around the other hand. "Am confused. I..."

Oh this is hard. How can he just ask me that so directly?

Because that's what normal people do Ellie, confess their feelings.

"I would like nothing more than to feel what I used to feel for you," I mumbled and dropped my eyes down to my lap, where one of my hands now wrung the other hand's fingers.

His voice softened when it hit my left ear. "But you're not there now."

The view of my hands blurred slightly under a fresh set of tears and, when I spoke, my voice was husky, "N-no."

I didn't have the courage to look up at him for his reaction, but only added quietly, "But I do... have feelings for you. Stronger than I'm comfortable admitting at this moment."

"Ellie," he started with a gentle voice with a slight undertone of guilt. "I didn't mean to force a confession."

"Yes you did." A small smile twitched my lips. "But I'd like to have all the same feelings again, more than I can put into words."

Uncomfortably, our casual conversation poked right into the root problem of my self-esteem. I'd somehow attached my feelings about Logan like he was a reminder of who I used to be and who I currently wasn't anymore.

Why do I keep looking backwards?

The silly thought, reinforced by a quick glance at Logan, practically answered itself.

Because I was happy.

The longer I looked at Logan, the more I realized I'd ignored a critically important fact that only Logan's presence brought to my awareness. When we first dated, I wasn't confident. Only through time in our relationship, combined with his support and love, had I grown comfortable in my own skin.

On a friendship level, I knew Charlie and Wes always had my best interests and Darrius and Monique themselves showed how good of friends they were when I needed them, whether they knew the reasons behind it or not.

This is crazy. Wants aside, I don't need anyone else.

"And don't ask me to describe how ridiculously attractive you are," I added sarcastically to cut through some of the tension that now hung in the truck's interior airspace. "Because I think we both are well aware of your... non-airbrushed features, Mister Sixpack."

"Ellie... Look at me," he said gently. With slow movements, I dragged my eyes upwards until they saw that a slight blue haze of sadness seeped into his irises but he offered a small smile. "I meant it that I'll take as long as you need if it helps you sort out how you feel. I'm not going anywhere, but I'm not okay if you go out with other guys. I don't think you'd be okay if the roles were reversed."

Completely valid point. I'd want to claw someone's ovaries out.

"You're... right. Even though they barely know the real me and there's nothing at all between me and anyone else," I reminded him. "You're the one I want to get close to."

Logan sat silently but his eyes shifted with an unreadable emotion but, by the distant look in his eyes, I knew his internal hamster ran its wheel. With a smile I hoped looked like I meant every word, I reassured him, "Forget it, I'll cancel on both. James and I were just two library friends going to an art department show anyways."

"Library friends..." He rolled the words off his tongue with a tone that suggested he struggled to believe me and turned his head away until my hand pulled off his arm. His voice shifted to a lower level and he spoke more to the steering wheel than me, "Not sure I trust him."

"Feels like you don't trust me." I put one hand on his cheek, redirected his gaze to meet mine, then dropped my hand to my lap. "I don't have any feelings for him. And James is not a player like Emmitt... but if you want me to cancel then I will. I'll text him right now."

Logan gave me a torn look like he didn't want to agree but felt like he had no choice. Right when I pulled out my phone, his shoulders lifted then dropped as he exhaled. "You don't have to ask me permission but thanks for letting me know. Don't cancel your plans with friends... if you think it'll help you. I don't like it at all but... I trust you."

"Thank you," I replied lightly, but the uncomfortable feeling of guilt hadn't left my stomach. I felt disloyal, like I cheated on Logan.

Which is silly. Logan and I aren't anything yet. Still reconnecting and he's already closer to me than anyone else could ever be.

"When are you going out with James?" He asked, started up his truck, and pulled it into reverse. He backed it out of the spot, then paused with his gaze on me.

"Tuesday, probably just for an hour," I replied.

At the look of annoyance that passed through his eyes, I added, "But Friday though, now that's a date-date. Pretty hot guy too, but don't tell him because he's got a giant ego taller than the Space Needle."

"Date-date," Logan echoed with slightly raised eyebrows. Even though his eyes were fixed on the road ahead, a familiar glint now sparkled in his eyes.

"How did you say it?" I tapped one finger on my chin and pretended that I searched for the right words. "Oh yeah. If he plays his cards right, then he might even get lucky."

"Shit," Logan cursed and tightened his grip around the steering wheel. "Ellie, you know I don't -"

"Now who's not playing along," I teased in a sing-song voice. "What else did he tease me with? Oh yeah, a guy can dream."

With that, his only answer was how his mouth curled up into his signature smirk.

"Thanks..." I gasped for breath as Logan held the door open for me. I still had no idea how he managed to carry four times more grocery bags than me, the heavier ones too, and not break a sweat while I probably looked like I'd taken a shower.

I stopped right inside the doorway and all of my bags slipped out of my hands at the sight in front of me. A solid surface bumped into me from behind but I ignored the bag of cans that swung forwards and smashed into the back of my calf.

"Aww, Logan!" I turned around and flung my arms around his shoulders, then clung my hands around his neck. "Thank you!"

"You know these bags are a little heavy?" He groaned quietly, which drew my attention to how strained his biceps were. His perfectly contoured, oval-shaped muscles nearly popped out from under his skin, along with a slight vein that protruded over them.

I see why girls get handsy on his arms.

After a slight cough, I realized I hadn't moved from my spider monkey grasp around his neck, and stepped back with slightly warm cheeks.

"Can't blame me." I stepped aside then pointed in the living room while he stepped into the kitchen, where he dropped his bags. "It looks great."

Where an ugly, worn-out sofa whose tartan pattern looked like a rejected plaid option and the springs groaned like it was close to falling apart previously sat when I left for work now sat a brand-new, light gray, three-recliner-seat sofa. I pulled the grocery bags I'd dropped in the threshold just inside the door, then abandoned them on the floor and sat on the new sofa.

The soft, velvety suede texture almost melted under my fingertips and I pulled the recliner bar on the side until my feet shot up. With a slight push back of my shoulders until I reclined, my eyes slid lazily closed because this sofa was seriously comfortable.

I can sleep here.

"You look... comfortable." Logan's chuckle pried open my eyes but I smiled at the grin he wore. "I'll be back with the rest of the groceries."

"Not yet," I replied, pushed my feet down, then walked over next to him and regained my hug. This time I wrapped my arms around his waist and tugged myself tightly against him. The hardness of his chest pressed into my cheek, where I just murmured, "Thank you."

"Thank Wes." Logan's abdomen tightened, which meant he leaned over slightly. "He broke the old one. But I hoped this was a nice surprise."

I craned my neck back and, before I second-guessed myself, reached up behind his head and tugged his lips down into mine. He stilled for a moment, then locked his mouth on mine and gently gripped the sides of my hips with his hands, which were so large they almost splayed over my ass.

Not that I mind.

While I'd tried to show how thankful I was for the new sofa, with one gentle tug, Logan pulled me flush against him and his mouth gently tugged and moved firmly over mine. My fingers stroked gently over the soft, short hairs at the bottom of his hairline as I kissed him right back.

There was nothing rushed about the soft contact of his lips over mine, even as they parted slightly and he gently traced the seam of my lips with his tongue. The warm caress pulled a moan out of the back of my throat, which opened my lips and I welcomed the feel and taste of his tongue against mine as the kiss further developed.

Unlike a hot, heady kiss with lustful intentions, Logan's movements stayed gentle as his tongue explored mine slowly and carefully, like a reacquaintance. The warm, wet contact, the feel of his arms around me, and slight friction from how my breasts rubbed into his chest all flushed excitement through me.

Both of us breathed heavily when he broke off, then rested his forehead against mine, the bridge of our noses in alignment. His breath fanned warmly across my lips when he asked, "Need any more furniture?"

A giggle quietly escaped through my lips before I pulled back. "You're terrible, really."

"Don't tempt me." His eyes darted over towards the sofa. "If there weren't more groceries downstairs then I'd ask if you wanted to break it in."

"Especially when you say stuff like that." I swatted one hand into the center of his chest, then nodded at the door behind him. "Go."

For the second time today, he just responded with that tiny upwards lift in the corners of his mouth. With that one tiny gesture, he invoked a warm, familiar feeling like my insides melted. My smile faded as soon as the door shut quietly behind him and realized, just like before, he'd turned me into a pile of Ellie goo.