Despite how ridiculously attracted I was to Ellie again, I wasn't ready to fully admit the truth to her about my two-year drought. I wasn't sure how she'd react if I vomited my feelings about how she'd ruined other girls for me, even sex. I'd had plenty of offers, girls had even thrown themselves on me and tried a forced kiss or offered blow jobs, but I'd pushed all of them away.

"Yeah, well I'm surprised you haven't had plenty of action since," she muttered quietly, grabbed the Safeway grocery cart out of my hands, and pushed it past me towards the last two aisles. "Or, at least offers."

"I did," I answered honestly since I knew Ellie fished for the information. "A lot but nah. You're the last one I was with."

Even our terrible first and only time having sex, intimacy with Ellie after I'd realized I loved her made every other physical contact felt fake. Like a giant sap, I wanted everything, not just detached pleasure that I'd done before and felt like shit about once I'd had a real relationship.

Once you have the best, nothing else compares to it.

A twitch of life in my dick reminded me of another obvious fact.

Her blow jobs were mind and dick blowing.

At that though, a flush of warmth spread downwards and my pants tightened with interest. I was still a guy, with hormones and physical needs. With the long distance, just the memories of some of the times we'd been together had been enough spank bank material.

Even though I'd been Ellie's firsts of everything, including just her boyfriend, the fact we'd gone slower through the bases had made everything better once we'd gotten there. She'd slowly and quietly developed a sense of confidence that had only drawn me in further, until everything Ellie-related was snuffed out completely at the end.

While I understood why Ellie felt the way she did because of her parents house arrest response when they found out about Ryder's assault, I wished she'd have handled our break-up differently. She hadn't allowed me to help her with her depression and the cold shoulder that followed for weeks, then months after her vague 'don't contact me' request stung just as much.

She never said she didn't want to see me again because she said nothing at all.

Even now, I knew by her physical reactions that Ellie was attracted to me again but she definitely had reservations, even a look of fear and apprehension in her eyes when I blatantly flirted so for now I just pushed her reactions. Because of how high up her guard was, for her sake more than mine, I wasn't ready to tell her my full feelings yet. Despite the fact I would've shouted how I felt about her from the top row seats of Huskies' Stadium if that'd work, I wasn't sure if she was ready to hear what I had to say.

Word vomit like how she's the last one I was with because she's the only one I want... probably won't help right now.

At first, being alone and celibate wasn't a conscious effort. I tried to get to know a couple of girls at UCD, ones I'd met in my classes. But they were usually after something different and when I got to the point where I knew them more, they were missing something. I needed a few weeks but a very sobering moment happened. After one girl forcefully kissed me at a party freshman year, I felt no reaction other than how she just wasn't Ellie.

I hadn't picked my major until I transferred to UW, but the UCD girls I at least attracted hadn't taken school as seriously as Ellie, which was a high bar since she was her high school's valedictorian. With my Dad's history of drinking problems and my own bad track record with girls when drunk in high school, I still abstained, which made me socially pretty boring. Even friends or classmates didn't have the right mix of witty sarcasm but a pure, genuine, caring heart that I wanted.

Once I realized how hopeless I was at UCD, I gave up. My focus shifted, I embarrassingly watched a lot more cooking blog videos, spent a lot of time alone, and waited patiently.

Just friendship with Ellie isn't what I want but I've waited this long, I can wait until she's ready.

My life at UCD took a turn for the better when I met Saswhin, a graduate student in the Engineering department, his wife Nallini, and their six-year old son Dal the second week my freshman year. Nallini's curiosity and ridiculous cooking skills led to how I'd confessed to them why I lived alone in married student housing. The two years we were neighbors, they'd encouraged me to wait and chase my 'sōl sahacaruḍu' Ellie, or my soulmate.

The last day of my sophomore year, when Saswhin earned his PhD, Nallini invited me over for their celebratory dinner. They'd planned a bigger celebration back in Andhra Pradesh, but offered pile upon pile of food and romantic advice during that last meal together.

"You're a natural romantic," Nallini had gushed with a big smile, which earned her a confused look from Saswhin. "Any girl should love to be pursued like that."

"Or terrified," Saswhin added with a grin. Once I looked at him, he laughed his usual warm, hearty laugh and waved a hand at me. "No offense, but look at him, Nallini. He's as big as a tank."

"Thanks Sas." I just shook my head then looked over at Dal, who at this point was almost eight. "Take care of your parents in San Diego, okay?"

"Someone has to," he joked but his smile definitely wasn't a happy one.

"Hey, we'll keep in touch. I'll give you guys my number and save yours," I promised. "You can call me anytime, Dal. And if you're ever in Seattle then you all have a set of tickets to the game on me."

They knew nothing about football when we first met, cricket was their sport, and I needed to bring them to a game before they understood I played American football, not soccer. All three of them attended the Aggies' home games, where Nallini packed a three-course meal and they picnicked on the grass endzone for families. By the time we left in our separate directions, they'd definitely become armchair quarterbacks.

"Okay, I think we have everything." Ellie's eyes scanned over our very full grocery cart. "This is like four times the amount of food I just bought but I think it'll stretch over five days."

At the registers, she stepped ahead of me and stood in the front of the cart while I hung at the back, followed behind her, and tried my best so my eyes stayed high enough instead of checked out her ass like I wanted to. While we waited in line, she turned back and said, "I still don't work tomorrow afternoon so I'll cook everything for the rest of the week tomorrow. But we'll just have the rest of the lasagna tonight, if that's okay."

"Ellie, you know you don't really need to -" I started when the firm look on her face ended those words. "But I really appreciate it."

She turned around but not before I heard her muttered, "Least I can do."

Only this girl would say that. I set up an apartment switch and she feels like she owes me.

The thought rumbled a low chuckle in my chest. After the two people ahead of us paid, the grocery belt opened up and Ellie started filling it. I noticed she left a big gap on the right, closest to us, where she hadn't put anything.

"It pinches down." She stepped back and pointed at the narrowing where the register was. "Wouldn't want to squish your produce."

My mind went another direction, especially with how Ellie leaned over the cart and flashed a slight view down the front of her T-shirt. Just the sneak suggestion of the swell of her breasts stirred interest in me.

Two years is beyond painful.

"Oh my God!" A loud, female voice chirped out from nearby. I dragged my eyes off Ellie and saw another girl in the line on our right us stared at me like she'd seen a ghost. Her light blonde hair was pulled off her face so I saw every inch of her shocked, unblinking expression. "It's... you!?"

"Sounds like you have a fan already," Ellie mumbled and turned away in the other direction so I hadn't caught her facial reaction. Once we were the next at the check-out, the blonde girl in the next line came around, parked her cart at the end of our line, then squeezed past Ellie and our cart until she stood extremely close to me.

"LT Hightower, right?" She was tall and thin, with tight clothing that left nothing to the imagination but, whoever this girl was, her... 'melons' did absolutely nothing for me.

"Yeah," I replied and frowned because, at this point, Ellie had stepped out of line. I scanned around and saw she now stood over by the exit doors with annoyance written all over her face.

Hope she doesn't think I'm -

"I'm Angel." Within one step, blondie pressed herself flush against me, including her breasts into my sternum. She was so close, I smelled mint on her breath when she spoke in a voice I'm sure someone somewhere found attractive. "I'm... friends with Emmitt."

Of course she is.

"Sir, checking out?" The cashier called out to me, which put a smirk on Angel's face that definitely wasn't warranted.

Angel ignored her completely and before my mind registered the best way to get rid of this girl, her fingertips ran suggestively up both my arms. From under her thick lashes, she goaded, "I was hoping we could be friends too, LT."

With a hard push, I jerked the cart forwards, handed my Huskies debit card to the cashier, then stepped out of this crazy girl's grasp and loaded my bags into the cart. Once I'd sufficiently ignored Angel, I pulled the cart forwards, then turned and stared straight into her eyes.

"I'm not Emmitt," I said in a flat, uninterested voice. "If that's what you're looking for then go hook up with him."

Despite Angel's surprised look that suggested this girl needed more rejection in her life, I nodded thanks at the cashier, took back my Huskies card with the receipt, then left Angel's ass behind. A sense of 'oh shit' dread rose up by the time I pushed the cart over to Ellie, but surprisingly she looked up at me with a huge smile on her face.

I had to know, so I asked, "What?"

"Just the look on your face, combined with Angel's." Her smile widened. "You couldn't have looked less interested, still look pissed off, and it's about time someone turned their dick away from that girl."

My eyes stretched wide at Ellie's bluntness as well as the fact that she knew this girl. She only shrugged her shoulders and offered, "Girl's slept with half of the team, I guess it was only a matter of time before she noticed you."

Ellie, if you only knew what I'd thought thirty seconds before that...

Right when my mouth opened, Ellie threw me a half-apologetic, half-annoyed smile. "Sorry I stepped away because it was the only way I knew of that avoided my hands pulling her bleached out highlights by the roots."

With that, she turned and left me in silent shock at her forwardness. While we walked outside in the parking lot, I felt Ellie was owed an explanation. "Ellie, I hope you don't -"

"You owe me nothing." Her hand cut me off quickly and she stopped outside my truck. The sight of Ellie on her tip-toes while she lifted the grocery bags over the edge of the bed was adorable, but this was my stuff, so I grabbed the heavier stuff and put it all in before she strained herself.

When she reached for the grocery cart, I said, "Wait."

Within two steps, I moved around the cart between us. In one breath, I grabbed both sides of Ellie's waist then hoisted her up and sat her on the edge of my truck bed. She squealed quietly and her hands steadied herself on my biceps, but now she sat a whole head taller than me. I tipped my head up while she looked down until we were almost eye-to-eye.

My heart thumped stronger in my chest but I looked straight up into her beautiful, dark brown eyes. With a strained voice, I pushed out the truth, "I told you... My tastes haven't changed."

And I mean it.

"You've said that already... Thrice now." Her grip on my arms softened but she moved her hands up to my shoulders. My body lit up in response to her light touch and my breath hitched when she leaned forwards and placed her lips close to my right ear.

The 'I'll say it again and again until you believe me' response lodged in the back of my throat when Ellie's breath warmly washed over the side of my neck as she whispered, "Mine haven't either." The words hadn't even registered inside me when the softest press of her lips brushed against my cheek.

Before I responded, she pulled back with very red cheeks, then spun around, walked across my truck bed, then jumped down on the other side. I wasn't sure how long I stood there with a most likely completely dumbfounded look on my face but my mouth slowly pulled into a grin. When I walked back from the parking lot's cart return, my grin was so wide that my cheeks felt pinched.

Couldn't have planned that better if I'd tried.