"What am I going to do with you, Logan?" I asked my phone like it would've answered me.

I couldn't believe he'd fallen for the 'lock your locker or else' prank, which for sure hadn't been invented at UW. Jake himself had his locker glued shut his redshirt freshman year as a gag since he rode the bench that year.

Stupid boys.

Similar thoughts filtered through my head while I walked into Logan's bedroom, or rather, the space where his bed and dresser were. I still hadn't unpacked my clothes although my laundry hamper had made its way into the closet. My dirty clothes, especially my underwear, wasn't something I wanted for full viewing in the living room.

The room smelled faintly like Logan's fresh scent, which put a relaxed smile on my lips. I grabbed a T-shirt, pants, and shoes from the closet then smiled at how small my hand fit into the sole of one shoe.

"Socks..." I pulled open his top drawer, grabbed a pair of socks, and tucked them into one shoe, then looked over his underwear drawer. Everything was neatly folded and I grabbed a pair in the front and tucked it inside the other shoe. Since that made his rows uneven, I shuffled around a few pairs until my fingers bumped against a hard object in the back of the drawer.

I shouldn't pry, this isn't my business.

Maybe just a peek.

What I saw surprised me more than I'd expected. My fingers had pushed into a box of condoms that I wanted to think about anything else but silently appreciated that they were still unopened.

Extra large... I just can't.

The sight of them gave me mixed reactions, which included an unsettled feeling at the idea Logan needed them for when he was with other girls. The longer I looked, the more discomfort rose in my stomach.

Of course he's been with other girls. Everything about him is sexy.

I pushed the box further back into the draw but it pressed against another object. After I shuffled some of the drawer's contents, my fingers pushed aside a small, rectangular, black object that released a soft gasp from my lips.

It can't be... Can it?

My fingers reached out and brushed against the soft, velvet nap of the box.

The last time I saw a box like this, Logan had given me...

My phone buzzed with a text message that interrupted that derailed train of thoughts.

Harper: You haven't answered me so I'll just assume that you and Adonis are screwing.

"Let's set one thing straight." I smiled down at her forwardness and typed up a response.

me: NO.

Harper: If he's having performance issues then there's a little blue pill for that.

I quickly snapped a photo of what I faced and attached it to her.

me: I think there's another issue.
me: [ image attached ]

Harper: Why are you going through his underwear drawer?
Harper: XL?? Nice.

"Ugh, you're missing the point." I hit the call button. "Harper!"

"Only thing wrong with those condoms is that they're not opened." I heard the smirk in her voice. "What are you waiting for?"

"I don't think that will help our... living situation," I replied. "We're just roommates."

One who left me completely flustered after he kissed me.

I'd gone over and over that kiss in my mind, until I'd convinced myself it was platonic.

And on my forehead, not lips. He could've thanked me for dinner, who knows.

A loud snort in my ear interrupted my thoughts. "Say that enough times until someone believes it, Ellie," Harper said sarcastically.

"Harper -" I started in a voice that sounded as unconvinced as I felt inside.

"Roommates don't look at each other the way I assume Adonis looks at you, Ellie," Harper's dry voice cut through my weak response. "Put on your big girl panties, preferably one of the sexy ones I gave you, and just ask if he has a girlfriend."

"Yeah..." My voice faded under the weight of my thoughts but I quickly realized Logan still waited for his clothes. "I've gotta go but I'll talk to you later, okay?"

"Try not to overthink this one, please?" Her soft groan hit my ear.

"I... yeah. 'Bye." I ended the call, shut Logan's drawer, then headed out of the apartment. Right when my feet hit the stairwell, my phone buzzed again. The first message I saw paused me right in my steps.

Harper: If your heart is big enough to forgive me & dickhead, then consider forgiving Adonis.

Her second message snapped me back to reality.

Harper: Or at least... hit it and quit it.

"And this is why I don't take relationship advice from Harper," I muttered and slipped my phone into my pocket.

A short walk filled with confused thoughts brought me to the sidewalk outside Huskies' Stadium, where Logan himself proved that he really was completely naked when his torso half-hung out of the locker room door.

Logan has no shortage of cockiness to him, although I suppose if I looked like him then I'd flaunt myself a little too.

While the locker room door shut with slow motion resistance, Logan turned and headed back to what I assumed was his locker. I stayed rooted to my spot outside, frozen in shock. While he carried his clothes in one hand, the taught muscles of his back and shoulders flexed and undulated with each long, confident step. The hamstrings on his long legs creased into the back of his knees and even his calf muscles were chiseled like stone.

What I hadn't expected to see were his rounded, bare ass cheeks while he walked away. Even his glute muscles tensed and flexed while he walked. Even worse, like he knew my eyes were on him, he took one wider step and gave a sneak peak of what hung down right between his legs.

Oh my.

My cheeks burned warmly at the sight of both his balls and penis. I squeezed my eyes tightly shut as soon as the door closed but the image stayed imprinted in my mind. While I leaned against the brick wall, the mental view of Logan naked burned over and over until my mind changed it to a frontal view. With one more groan, one thing became obvious.

Ellie Harrison... cause of death, blushing.

The ride over to the grocery store in Logan's truck was definitely awkward. While his red truck had two more years of wear on it, there was no doubt this was the same truck Logan and I had shared some intimate times in. The visual of him completely naked hadn't eased my uneasiness one bit. Neither had some of the gawking stares he'd gotten from a few girls in not only the parking lot but also at least every other aisle inside the store.

"So..." I started while we walked side-by-side down the canned goods aisle together. We'd already gone through half the grocery store, from produce to some more staples like almond flour and eggs since I'd only bought a dozen for myself.

"How's your Mom?" I opted for an easier, generic question with the hopes that it eased me into what I really wanted to ask instead.

"She's okay," he answered with a slightly surprised look. "She moved to Scotts Valley, where Brody goes now."

"Oh wow." I looked up at him with even more surprise. "I... didn't know that."

He just shrugged his shoulders. "She downsized. When I was at UCD I went home every weekend for his games, it'll be a little weird now that I can't do that."

At his words, one of my palms rested on his forearm. "I'm sorry." The idea that he no longer saw his family as regularly as he wanted to threaded sympathy through me.

"Yeah, thanks." He took a deep breath, then exhaled sharply. "I'm sure you heard about Dad's situation."

"I..." I paused for a moment, since I certainly had and knew what happened was anything but pleasant. "I'm sorry."

When I'd gotten the wedding invitation for Logan's Dad and my twenty-four year old cousin Madison, I was relieved that UW operated on a quarter schedule instead of semesters. While my parents and Jake attended their winter-themed December wedding, I happily worked through my freshman year's winter term papers.

At the time, I was more freaked out that I'd have seen Logan again than the actual wedding, but I missed an event that my Uncle Anthony still refused to acknowledge. At the very large Italian wedding that he himself paid for, his daughter got cold feet right before they walked down the aisle. Mom had filled me in on the subsequent gossip but other than how I felt sorry for Logan or his brother Brody, I'd largely ignored the details.

"He rebounded," Logan replied flatly, with a slight look of annoyance that suggested I drop the subject, so I did. Instead, I just rubbed his arm warmly then dropped my hand to my side.

With a cleared throat, I slightly changed the subject with, "It must be hard if you left family and friends at school behind, teammates even."

At that, Logan's phone rang in his pocket. He pulled it out, then his face broke into a huge smile while he looked at the number. He excused himself, so I put a slight privacy gap in between us. It wasn't big enough since I still heard every word.

"Hi Doll," Logan sounded extremely happy at whoever'd called him. I however, felt like I'd swallowed a giant brick of disappointment and it'd sunk in my stomach.

I knew it.

With lagged steps behind him, I increased our space and just swallowed against the dry lump that formed in my throat. Logan himself added insult to injury when he waved one large 'keep up' hand at me until I stood within listening distance again.

"I miss you too, Doll." Logan's expression softened and a grey sadness cast over his eyes. "I'll call you later, okay?"

He's... taken.

Of course he has a girlfriend.

A flush of irritation rolled through me and I mentally facepalmed for not knowing that.

"Sorry," he mumbled with his gaze still down at his phone. "That was -"

"It's okay," I rushed out quickly since no part of me wanted to hear how fabulous this girl was or how much he missed her.

His blonde head shook back and forth. "No, it's not -"

"I'm sorry," I muttered quietly. "It's not my business. You don't need to explain."

I should've figured.

A soft chuckle escaped his mouth and I gulped when I realized I'd said that thought out loud.

"But I want to, Ellie." His words sounded reassuring but the glint in his eye suggested he knew where my thoughts had gone.

I couldn't have been more surprised when he clarified, "Dal Prakash is the eight year old kid I lived across the hall from at UCD's married student housing."

"I... oh - what?" My lips parted slightly. "Wait, you... lived in married student housing anyways? Alone?"

I'm not sure why but that's really sad. Poor Logan.

"Yup. His parents were in grad school," he continued with a soft smile. "Dal and I hung out while his parents went out on a date. His mother repaid me with her... cooking."

A huge surge of relief flinched a smile across my lips. "And that's bad?"

"No." A grin split his face and his eyes glossed over like he recalled fond memories. "They were from Andhra Pradesh, Southern India. Even if the entire floor smelled like whatever Nallini made, sometimes I couldn't feel my tongue afterwards, and it went through me just like those awful smoothies you use to make me drink, still tasted amazing."

Despite his slam on my smoothies, I smiled at the gentleness in his voice. "She sounds sweet."

"You would've liked them, they..." He paused for a moment, then coughed slightly and just finished with, "Were nice."

"I'm sorry though..." I started when his smile became contagious.

"For the smoothies?" His broad shoulders shook while he laughed. "So was my ass."

"Eww, no." My nose cringed but I reached out and placed one of my hands on his upper arm, which felt rock hard under my fingertips. "I meant... I'm sorry that you left your friends behind."

His eyes dropped down to my hand still on his arm then moved back up to mine in slow motion. Tiny goosebumps raised up my forearms under his heavy gaze, until his eyes lifted and met mine. At the warm tingles in my fingertips that lingered on his arm, I withdrew them.

"What did you think I meant?" My smile faded once his curled upwards into a smirk and his eyes sparkled suggestively. "Like dollface, babydoll?"

My cheeks flooded with warmth and I pulled my eyes away from him. I rolled my lower lip under for a moment and despite how ridiculous my words sounded, they echoed my thoughts,

"That you have another 'baby' out there, that's all."

"Nope," was his casual response that drew my eyes back to his. My heart possibly skittered across the grocery store floor when he added, "There's only one girl I've ever called that."

I had no response because his words had flustered any that I could've thought of, let alone said. Instead, I turned my magma-temperature face away and pressed a palm into my cheek. He didn't answer either but the weight of his gaze I still felt was enough that the hairs on the back of my neck raised.

A quick glance back at him was an absolute mistake. His smirk was so smug -

"Are you asking me about friends?" His eyebrows raised and the sparkle in his eyes showed he knew exactly what I meant. To make things worse, his mouth curled deeper into his smirk and he prompted, "Or a girlfriend?"

Warmth flooded into my neck and I rolled my lower lip under. "Umm..."

"Ask me," he challenged and crossed his arms over his chest. At that moment I wasn't sure if I wanted to punch or kiss the arrogant look on his face at how much he enjoyed this.

"Do... you have a girlfriend?" My weak voice sounded as pathetic as the words felt and the apparently permanent smirk that still curled up the corners of his lips showed he knew exactly how I felt.

"No." His blonde-haired head shook slightly but his smirk faded. A somber grey cast over his eyes and he admitted, "I could say I was too busy but I... had other reasons."

Now I was the one who pushed, "Too many to pick from?"

"No shortage of offers." His cocky smirk reappeared for a second before a more distant, almost wistful look overtook his expression. His voice softened with his admission, "But no, I was busy. Fridays I went home for Brody's home games, football and baseball. Saturdays he and Mom came to mine then we ate out dinner after. Sundays was homework and dinner with the Prakashes so..."

That sounds... half heart-warming and half really lonely.

"You didn't answer my question," I teased. "What's the real reason?"

Logan just paused and sighed. After a few moments of silence, my heartbeat quickened in my chest because his teasing mode had vanished. He stepped closer to me, then reached one arm over my shoulder and rested it on the shelf behind my head.

"When we were together, I had moments where I felt like you deserved better," his confession washed over me with his warm breath. His eyes looked straight into mine when he said, "I already had my moments in high school where I'd treated girls like shit and decided I needed to be better than that in case I ever needed a redemption moment."

"Oh." I swallowed against the dryness in my mouth at his close proximity. The hairs on the back of my neck raised and my skin tingled from the warmth of his bicep right near the side of my neck.

Oh? Say more than that, Ellie.

"You know I never felt that way when we dated, despite..." I paused and an amused smile twitched on my lips.

"Despite what?" He leaned his face closer and by the intensity that burned in his eyes, he felt the same effect that his closeness had on me.

"Despite how I was insecure," I admitted softly. "I know that now. I needed a lot of hand holding and patience in our relationship."

"That never bothered me." The teasing in his smile faded. "Made me... appreciate a few things more."

"Well, it wasn't easy," I reminded him while we turned and walked down the rest of the aisle. "Seemed like everyone was against us. Remember your psycho ex Kendall?"

"Unfortunately." His mood soured on that shittastic reminder. "She came by once at Paradigm and apologized for what she did. She asked where she could find you but I told her to leave you alone."

"Probably for the best," I scoffed at the girl who repeatedly tried to break us up, but in the end proved I was the only one capable of doing that.

"What's best is how I haven't heard from her since," he replied with a sigh and pushed the cart slightly ahead of me. Something about his giant frame behind a grocery cart, his large hands adorably curled around the handle released a few giggles from me.

"So you never... dated... anyone?" I trailed behind him almost in awe.

He stopped right there, snatched a box of some kind of cereal, what I couldn't have guessed if my life depended on it since my eyes were mesmerized by Logan's face for his reaction, and tossed the box into the cart.

"Nope." His response was so casual, I would've guessed that I'd just asked if he wanted two boxes of cereal instead of just one.

"So you just... How did that phrase go?" Now I smirked. "Choked your chicken?"

He rolled his eyes then gave me a look that he was anything but amused by my reminder. "Never going to let me live that down, are you?"

"Nope," I parroted his response. "Unless you answer the question."

"Ellie..." His eyes narrowed at me over his shoulder but the slight curl upwards in his mouth told me he hid something.

"Logan..." I dragged my eyes shamelessly over his appearance. "How can you not have met someone that wasn't willing to throw herself into traffic over a guy like you?"

Within three steps, he stood inches from me. His tall frame loomed over so much that he cast a slight shadow across my face from the overhead lights. My heart thrummed while I craned my head back and our eyes met. The serious look on his face, combined with the weighted sadness in his eyes pulled a tightness in my chest.

In one movement, he reached one hand out and smoothed a piece of hair behind my left ear. With a feather-like touch, he gently traced down my cheek with the back of his knuckles.

My lips parted in a silent gasp, not at his tender contact but at how softly, almost wistfully again, he spoke, "I told you... My tastes haven't changed."

As a backdrop to the tap dance number my heart did in my chest, a solemn feeling rose inside me. While I watched his large frame walk down the freezer aisle, an internal chill gripped me with one thought.

Logan's tastes might not have changed but... I have.