Friends?

Indirectly, I think Ellie put me into the friendzone.

Off the top of my head, initially I guessed that I was okay with that.

No I'm not. Of course I'm not.

Short-term I knew I had to take whatever Ellie offered because from the moment 'my wife' and I were alone, she gave me a lot of mixed signals. Her presence also resurfaced some emotions I hadn't felt ready to deal with, namely how I felt after she broke up with me. Our first real talk included awkward pauses, moments where I held myself back from how much I wanted to kiss her, and painful reminders of the last time we'd spoken.

Ellie broke off our conversation with a reminder that she still needed to buy her books from the University Bookstore. Despite how I'd been here for a month, I actually hadn't explored much of campus and joined her.

After we shared which classes we took this quarter, we were both surprised when we found out that we actually shared one class together.

"Human Anatomy with Dr. Groves on Tuesdays and Thursdays?" Ellie stopped walking and stared up at me and I nodded. "That's crazy! How is that a class of yours?"

"I needed something for the natural science requirement." I shrugged. "My credits transferred but a lot of them have to be approved by the bioengineering department so they're sitting in general education."

My other three classes were all in the Bioengineering department - Biotransport I, Solid and Gel Mechanics, and Intro to Biology III. Since I'd already taken more than enough Calculus and Statistics courses at UCD, my advisor Dr. Chen approved my lighter course load this quarter. He'd wanted me to take some computer science department programming courses but I'd convinced him I better handled that once the season was done.

As a football player in a heavily STEM-field, within every first class, I got a lot of initial confusion from other students. Usually the attention died down once we got to the academics, but I expected some initial lag time here too.

I'll find out tomorrow.

"Do you remember much about UW?" Ellie's voice cut through my thoughts while her eyes scanned around campus with the same wistful, happy look I'd seen in them years ago when we'd toured here.

"I remember," I replied absently, then grinned down at her. "But that's not all I remember from our trip."

Her cheeks flushed a slight shade of pink at my unspoken reminder of when first we'd first had oral sex. The memory flooded all kinds of suggestive urges in my body, none of which were clean but all of them spread a wide grin across my face.

"Funny how it worked out though," I remarked once we started walking again. "Roommates, I meant."

A soft smile played on her full, pink lips. "Is this the part where I swoon that maybe it's fate?"

"I don't believe in fate," I replied in a low voice. "Although we had enough shit coincidence moments, maybe we're due for a positive one."

"Riiiiight," she teased. "Because it was all completely random, you had nothing to do with our current... situation."

I knew I'd pushed my luck in how she hadn't asked about that yet. I also hadn't asked the question that ran through my head, "And how would you describe that situation?"

"Umm..." Her lower lip tucked under and her eyes shifted downward in thought. Finally, she sighed and, when she spoke, her voice was quiet. "Confusing because you knew I was Charlie's roommate before you guys switched without me knowing."

While we walked and Ellie talked about lighter topics, I realized that she had been blindsided. Charlie had suggested we approached Ellie with the idea inside their apartment, on more neutral territory. Unfortunately I'd had to use the bathroom, hadn't wanted to piss where Charlie and Wes heard it, and finished right when Ellie and her parents had shown up.

At this moment, I was very grateful that we were on good speaking terms, unlike when she'd wanted nothing to do with me.

When she crushed my heart.

While Ellie talked about what she liked about campus, her classes and the buildings, I just listened. We hadn't talked about things further than a reintroduction level but I knew a lot of her was the same Ellie, like how the sense of warmth and compassion that flowed quietly out of her. She looked the same, her casual appearance of jeans and a UW T-shirt, her dark hair pulled back into a ponytail with a few strands escaped around the sides of her face.

The more we talked, the more I saw how something was different about Ellie and between us, more intimate than when we'd first gawked at each other. She'd already opened up to me, more than I'd expected, about herself. She'd even admitted she used the help of a therapist and I definitely noticed when she'd snapped something on her wrist.

When she used the bathroom before we left, I'd looked up wrist-snapping on my phone. How I saw that it was something that people that mental issues like overthinking, OCD, depression, or anxiety used when they felt overwhelmed concerned me.

I don't want to scare her or make her uncomfortable.. Just bring her closer to being mine again.

The idea of her and me again pulled a tightness into my chest. Every ball, including both of mine, was in Ellie's court at this point.

I'm slipping up a lot though.

She could've done anything and I responded. If she commanded me to jump then I'd have asked how high. Forget meal planning, she could've thrown food scraps onto the floor and, like her pet dog, I'd have gobbled them up and licked the floor clean. If she threw a flaming hoop in front of me then I'd have Channing Tatum front-rolled through it, even if I broke my neck in the process.

Yes, I'm desperate. Dangerously desperate.

"Oh!" Ellie's voice broke through my thoughts, as did how her hand grabbed mine tightly. "You have to see this, I will pay money to see you try this."

"This is enough payment." I grinned at her and, as if by habit, took her hand in mine and intertwined my fingers with hers. The same softness I remembered brushed up against my palms as her small hand fit perfectly inside mine. My pulse buzzed with excitement as she tightened her hand's grip against mine and a tiny smile played at the corners of her lips.

"Logan..." Her dark eyes looked at me from under her lashes and a slight pink color spread across her cheeks, but she kept her hand in mine.

At one low point after our relationship ended, I wasn't sure if I'd ever have the privilege of holding her hand. Now that I had it, there was no way I was letting go and accepting we were only friends. I couldn't, I was too far gone. There were forty-seven thousand students here, at least half of them girls, and I didn't care about any of them.

Only Ellie... My Ellie.

Who is apparently trying to kill me.

"We're here, look!" She tugged my hand forwards but my feet stopped short when I saw a clumped collection of oddly-angled, gray structures under the canopy of large evergreen trees.

"Ellie, seriously?" I craned my neck back at the outdoor climbing rock wall.

"Yup." Her dark eyes gleamed up at me. "This should be easy for you."

"Easy..." My forehead tensed as my eyebrows lifted at her. She only squeezed my hand tightly and flashed me a sweet smile.

When we were within a few steps of the rock wall, a thin, tan-skinned, curly brown haired guy walked towards us with his eyes glued on Ellie. When she looked back at him, his face broke into a sloppy grin.

"Hey James!" To my unpleasant surprise, Ellie dropped my hand, her smile widened, and she greeted this guy with a hug.

"Ellie!" James wrapped his arms around her tightly, then shot a curious look over her shoulder at me.

Before my movements registered in my brain, my arms were crossed over my chest. While Ellie and James chatted about their summers, a slight pain inside my right cheek drew my attention to my gritted teeth. Something about how her hands rested on his forearms bothered me. A lot.

"Oh gosh, my manners." Ellie finally broke off contact. My ego flipped James a middle finger when she grabbed one of my biceps. "Logan, James and I both work at the library."

Before I answered, Ellie added, "James, this is Logan. He's my... roommate."

"Hi Logan." James' brown eyes studied me while he shook my hand. At first I thought he sized me up, which was hilarious since so far only UW's linemen were anywhere near my eye-level, and this guy was at least a head shorter than me.

After a few awkward silent handshake seconds, I slightly tightened my grip. When James released my hand and still studied me, I realized he tried to place where he knew me from.

"How do I know you?" His head cocked slightly sideways.

My shoulders lifted slightly. "Just transferred to the Huskies football team."

"Ahh, yeah." After a brief pause, he snapped his fingers on both hands, then pointed two index fingers at me. "You're on the billboard."

"You're on a billboard?" Ellie's lips twitched upwards.

"I am, behind Wes and Emmitt," I assured her. I hadn't actually seen this billboard, only Wes' picture of it off one of the I-5 South exits into downtown Seattle. We had a day of team photos the first week of training camp.

James turned to Ellie and smiled. "You and your football players."

She shot me a knowing look, but smiled and said, "Can't seem to avoid them, I guess."

Thankfully, James changed the subject with, "So, you here for a climb?"

"Yup," Ellie responded with a lot more enthusiasm than I would've expected from her.

Another flash of something bothered me when James winked at her, then swept his arm at the wall and said, "Don't let me stop you."

After James suited me and Ellie up in harnesses, I couldn't have been more surprised than when Ellie, all 5ft2 of her, hopped up on the wall and easily climbed higher and higher. My eyes definitely appreciate the view when her ass passed by my line of vision but I also fought an urge to reach out and steady her.

Ellie obviously needed no help and despite her short legs, easily climbed up to the tallest peak, one hand grasp at a time. My mouth parted and a slight sense of awe filled me since the Ellie I knew was less than coordinated.

She repelled down just as effortlessly but this time my arms moved on their own and grasped her hips gently when she slid down in front of me. She stilled and tensed under my hold, then threw me a devious smile over her shoulder.

In one movement, her feet pushed her off completely and warm laughs filled my ears when I caught her easily. My hands steadied her hips and her hands grabbed onto my shoulders. Her elevated breaths washed warmly over my face but her bright, shining eyes stole all my attention.

"Trust fall?" I lifted one eyebrow at her and suppressed my internal reactions to Ellie's close proximity. How my fingers wrapped around her narrow hips almost to her backside now had my breath elevated and all I'd done was stood here and gawked at her.

"Wanted to see if you still had your reflexes." She laughed while I set her down.

"Very impressive," I told her honestly, since Ellie had made that climb look easy.

"I have to thank James for that." She turned her smile towards the guy I'd honestly forgotten was still here, then practically cooed, "James is amazing at this. He spoke so highly of climbing, eventually convinced me to try."

"Took a lot of convincing." James grinned widely. "But I finally wore her down. I had to assure her I'd never let her fall, at least not on my watch. Ellie did the rest."

While James referred to something entirely different, his choice of words resurfaced a lump of guilt that knotted in my chest. Ellie's bright smile faded the longer she looked at me, like she thought along the same wavelength.

James cleared his throat. "So Logan, ready to give it a go?"

"Yes," Ellie answered for me. "You're so tall, I bet you'll get up in half the time I did it in."

Despite her appreciated confidence in me, I climbed up in a path similar to Ellie's with slower, awkward movements. My upper body muscles tensed under my weight but step by step, I pushed up until a soft breeze blew over my cheeks. Once my muscles warmed from exertion but I ran out of climbing wall left, I turned and caught an impressive view of campus.

The old-English styled buildings dotted with cherry trees and evergreens spanned across my line of vision. I slowly descended, not as gracefully as Ellie, but I saved face and avoided falling on my ass. When I got closer, a warm hand met my lower back and guided me down.

Once my feet touched down, I turned and found one of Ellie's arms now wrapped around my waist. Right when the pink in her cheeks spread outwards, I slid my closest arm around her shoulders and gently hugged her sideways. She tucked perfectly against my side and my heart pounded louder than it had while I climbed.

The scent of her shampoo filled my nose when I leaned down and murmured in her ear, "Thanks. This was fun."

When I pulled upright, a slow grin spread across my face at the slight goosebumps raised where her neck met her ear. It widened at how her whole face was red after we separated.